Archive | March 2016

The Importance of Forgiveness

Forgiving others for past transgressions is the most important stepping stone toward happiness.

No matter how severely a person may have transgressed against you, do not, under any circumstances, allow yourself to hate them because hate is poisonous! Not to the person who wronged you, but to YOU!

Hate burns you up inside. It eats down into your very soul and prolongs feelings of hurt, depression and downright misery. Hate does no harm to the person being hated, it only hurts you because nine times out of ten, the person you hate either doesn’t know about it, or they don’t care. Anytime you hold hate in your heart against anyone, you unwittingly give up any blessings and forego any opportunities, which would otherwise come your way. You instead invite negativity and evil into your world. You end up forfeiting your own happiness and life is too short to be anything but happy.

While you are sitting around stewing over some idiot who wronged you in the past, that same idiot is going about their merry way and not giving you so much as a thought. While you are holding grudges and plotting ways to get back at him/her, that person is just getting on with life. They are not worried about you, nor are they even thinking about you. So why are you thinking about them? They are a complete waste of brain activity!

Hate, insecurity, grudges, anger…they are all garbage in your life that needs to be disposed of.  It’s time to take out the trash and take back the peace and happiness that you not only deserve but have a divine right to.

Forgiveness is a must! It is a prerequisite for re-empowerment and happiness. It is not about letting anyone off the hook, it’s about setting yourself free from the toxic feelings of anger and hate that will otherwise hold you back!

I’m talking not just to children and teens who are being bullied at school today but also to the adult survivors who were victims of bullying when they were in school. Forgive your bullies and do it now. Anytime you hold on to grudges and hate for a person, that individual CONTROLS YOU whether you realize it or not. They may have exerted control over your teen years, but you don’t have to let them control the rest of your life. Forgiveness is the only solution to this problem. It is the only way that you will be able to take back control of your life and find more peace and happiness than you ever thought possible.

 

 

 

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The Importance of Self Acceptance

Good evening everyone. I hope you all all enjoying this beautiful day as much as I am. Today, I want to talk about self acceptance and it’s role in the achievement of peace and happiness.

Anyone who has ever been bullied will tell you that it sometimes takes years to overcome the after affects, get completely comfortable with yourself and find happiness.

Because of the torment I suffered at school, I was a shy person for years and my shyness peaked during my childbearing years. I would not speak to anyone unless they spoke to me first, out of fear that I would say something wrong. I didn’t like myself because I felt that I was somehow different…that God had put a mark on me like Cain. I felt that I didn’t quite measure up. And this was during my early 20s when I was just beginning to discover who I was and what I really wanted out of life.

Throughout junior high and high school, I was bullied so much that I was blinded to my own feminine beauty during those years (I was a very beautiful young girl). I also did not feel free to express myself and most importantly, get to know myself.

Being in a toxic environment or around toxic people can block you from opportunities, blind you to your own inner and outer beauty, diminish the ability to use talents and natural abilities, prevent you from having your own opinions and feelings and from accepting and being yourself when you are young and haven’t been in the world long enough to know the difference.

When I finally left that toxic, poisonous, downright dangerous environment that was my old school and transferred to a new high school, I felt like a bird out of a cage…like I had just been given a full pardon and released from prison.

From that day forward, I could finally begin working on getting to know ME and I was put on the road to self discovery. However, that road proved to be a long one.

During my mid to late 20’s I became hungry for self betterment. I slowly began trying new things and confronting my fears and shyness HEAD ON by actually doing the things I feared most! I discovered talents and abilities I never thought I had and could express myself and my wants and needs without ridicule.

Like magic, new opportunities and better situations began opening up to me. It was like the floodgates of heaven had suddenly opened and I was washed away in a river of blessing.

But it took years to get through the anger, the sadness, the shyness, the defensiveness and being closed up and guarded before I was finally able to totally and completely accept who I was as a woman. And when I finally accepted myself, which meant accepting the good, the bad, and the ugly qualities, I found a peace and happiness I never thought possible.

Am I perfect? No. Do I try to be? Nope. I accept all characteristics of me. I know my good traits: that I have a good heart, that I have compassion and empathy for others, that I am outgoing and confident, that I like to have fun, that I love to sing, dance and write novels. Am I proud of that? YES! YES! YESSSS!!!

I also know my bad traits and I embrace them.

I accept that I am sometimes forgetful.

I also accept that I no longer have the perfect body after having had children. I am comfortable in my own skin.

I also prefer Tee shirts, jeans, and sneakers over fancy dresses and high heels (which I only wear when an occasion calls for it). Do I like this about myself? ABSOLUTELY!

What I want is for you to completely accept yourself because it is a stepping stone to happiness. When you accept yourself as you are, quirks and all, and stop being so concerned about how you are seen by others, you actually FREE yourself from that ball and chain called self consciousness. It is like a huge weight being lifted off of you.

Also, you become much more attractive to people and they are drawn to you like a magnet. And the individuals who are waiting for you to mess up actually get bored, give up and stop watching you. I know this from experience. Acceptance of self (all aspects) is such sweet freedom!

No one likes to be around a self conscious and insecure victim. I’ll say it again:
No. One. Likes. A. Victim!

So I want you to make a brand new start today and begin your new life by accepting who you are. Count your blessings, your friends, your family, and your chance opportunities. Anything positive that is happening OR has happened in your life is a blessing. This is where you start. Start by counting blessings. Take a pen and piece of paper and write down each blessing and I guarantee you will be on your way!

I wonder how many people can actually list all of their blessings without running out of paper and/or ink. I know I couldn’t.

Have a great evening and get out and enjoy this beautiful weather.
Wishing you peace, love, and happiness
Cherie

Why Are We Afraid to Speak Out Against Radical Extremist Groups?

First off, I want to send prayers for the people of Brussels and all of Europe in the wake of the Brussels Terror Attacks.

I believe that as a nation, the American people have slowly and over time, lost confidence, as has the entire world since the war on terrorism began with 9/11. Sadly, we have became a nation of wusses. Even several government officials have grown afraid to speak out against terrorism and also discourage others from speaking out, all in the name of Political Correctness. I feel that this country is no longer the country that my dad once served.

Twenty years ago, people did not care about being politically correct. If there was a wrong, we spoke out against it and no one blamed us. However, nowadays, it is considered politically incorrect to speak out against ISIS and other extremist groups and call them what they are…terrorists.

Where has our courage gone? Since when did we became too chicken to call a spade a spade? I ask because I have been on this earth close to forty-five years and never in my life have I seen so many scared and confused people.

The entire world is being bullied by these extremist groups, yet leaders of not only our country but of nations around the world choose to try and tip toe around these killers for fear of offending them. These animals kill our countrymen- our sons, daughters, parents, brothers, and sisters; yet it is getting more and more taboo to speak against them or their evil acts.

Therefore, my position is this: A bully can never be appeased no matter how much people may tell the person what they want to hear and creep around him/her. I’ll say it again! One cannot appease a bully! And any attempts to try will only embolden the bully to come back for more because people who are evil are never satiated!

The only way to subdue a bully is to confront them head on. Only then, will the bully go away. That’s what America and the entire world must do- confront terrorists, speak out against these people and do something about them. Bullies thrive on FEAR and terrorist groups are no different. ISIS, as well as any other extremist groups, are bullies and it’s time to take them by the horns!  While doing so, we must also realize that it may get worse before it gets better and get prepared for it. However, we must also press on and never give into fear.

We may never fully cleanse the world of these monsters, but perhaps if we take back our “testicles” and stand up, maybe we can lower the frequency of these terror attacks, mass shootings, and other incidences which have cost millions of innocent lives.

I want to thank everyone for taking the time to read my posts. Wishing you a very happy and prosperous week.

 

 

Confidence Is Key

You can have all the determination in the world and work like a dog but without confidence, you are just spinning your wheels. Because determination without it equals desperation and desperation comes from a spirit of lack.

When one is unsure and insecure, it is a proven fact that this person will not perform as well at school or work. Confidence equals great performance, equals success, equals even MORE CONFIDENCE than before!

A winning attitude is key to having success in any area of life. Having faith in yourself can also get you through tough times. One of my favorite speakers is Zig Ziglar and he talks about “Stinkin Thinkin” and the damage it can do to self esteem. So turn this “stinkin thinkin” into thoughts of success, gratitude, and happiness and watch every area in your life take a turn for the better…like magic!

However, once confidence is achieved, it must be maintained. There will be failures but remember. Failure is the predecessor of success. You will always make mistakes. No one is perfect nor all knowing. Instead of beating yourself up over some error you made, look for the lesson that this error was meant to teach you. Also, search for the positive in the mistake.

When someone tells you that you can’t, pay them no mind. Others can steal your morale if you let them. It is not easy to be yourself and stay sure when surrounded by others, who either constantly hurl jabs and insults your way, or who just do not believe you can be successful. However, you must hold on to your confidence even if you have to give yourself pep talks several times daily. Adverse things will happen, people will hurt you, it is just a part of life. To feel hurt, anger, or sadness is normal and expected when something negative happens. As I said in my last post, there will be times in life when you will not feel confident. Adversity will happen and throw you off kilter. The difference is that when you have confidence, you will bounce back more quickly and are less likely to dwell in an awful place.

Having been bullied during my tweens and teens, I once was very insecure and had a horribly negative outlook. It took a lot of reprogramming in order to take back my confidence. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. It is easy to change certain things about yourself but changing your thought patterns, especially after you have been conditioned to think a certain way, is one of the hardest feats to accomplish and most certainly does not happen overnight. Negative thought patterns can take years to change completely.

However, once you start, little by little, you will see a positive difference in not only your outlook, but also the circumstances that come into your life. You will begin to feel confident and the more confidence you have, the more momentum you will have behind it.

Always keep that momentum going and you will be on the right path for the rest of your life. With confidence and a winning smile and attitude, you can achieve beyond your wildest dreams!

God commands the Universe to always give you what you ask for. Through our thought patterns, we unconsciously ask for what we get, good or bad. By sending a certain vibe out you always get the same in return. If you are negative, you are unwittingly asking for more negativity to come into your life. But if you are positive, confident, happy and at peace then you are asking for more of the same and it shall be given. So keep showing your pearly whites and smile from the heart! I once heard Zig Ziglar talk about a spirit of gratitude.  Counting your blessings and being thankful are the fastest ways to turn any negative into a positive and with it comes confidence. He was right!

Even the Most Confident People have their Days

Good afternoon, everyone. Hope everyone is doing great and enjoying this little bit of sunshine after 4 days of nasty, rainy weather.

Last night, a thought occurred to me that even the most confident people have days when they don’t feel too confident. I most certainly have them. I am a confident woman. I know where my talents are, I know all of my good qualities and bad, and I know who I am and what I want. If I don’t like something, I take steps to change it and if it cannot be changed, I find ways to embrace it.

For the past five years, I have felt a peace I never before knew. Yet there are days when I don’t feel as confident as I should be.

There are still times when I feel insecure and nervous. There are times when I feel my old shyness trying to creep back in. However, I refuse to give in to it and sometimes have to give myself pep talks to make the insecurity go away, then face the fear head-on.

I believe everyone has those days and I do not toil over it like I used to. I have accepted it as a part of being human and when insecurity does rear it’s ugly head, I either use my mind to make it go away, or I just let it pass.

So, I hope you remember that just because you are having a day when you don’t feel so good, it does not mean that you are not a strong, resilient and confident person. It just means that you are human and just like everyone else, you will have times when you do not feel as sure of yourself.

Good Reads

I would like to recommend a few good books to read as I believe that you have to love to read in order to love to write. And I love to curl up to a good book! I am still finding my way around WordPress and will post links as soon as I learn how. Have a blessed day!

“How to Win Friends and Influence People” By Dale Carnegie

“Into the West” by S.J. Sass.

“2015 Guide to Literary Agents” by the Writers’ Digest

A Sneak Peak

Good morning, everyone. From time to time, I will be posting excerpts of my newly completed book, “From Victim to Victor” to give you all an occasional peak every now and again. Enjoy and feel free to comment if you know someone who is being bullied.

“From Victim to Victor (A Survivor’s True Story of Her Own Experiences with School Bullying. How She Overcame, Won Back her Confidence and Found Peace and Happiness)

Part 1 (1984-1985) Seventh Grade

Chapter 3: A Typical Day Away From Home

” …It seemed that the most of the student body would literally search for reasons to lay hands on my person and these girls were no exception. If they could not find a reason, they would very conveniently just make up one. I never had to provoke them in any way…never had to say a word. All it took was for me to be in plain sight, walking down the hall or in the bathroom, just minding my own business, and they would come after me.
And why would they do this? Because they wanted to feel big and powerful by exerting power and control over someone who was an easy target. And because I was a shy person, I was perceived as being vulnerable. Being the quiet type, the only time I was outspoken was when I was pushed to the breaking point. I did not realize that I was letting them take my power away.
After being blindsided by Genevieve, I got up and shoved her backwards, then picked up the ball and threw it at her, hitting her in the face. Then I walked off the court and headed for the exit. Just before I got to the door, she followed me and caught me from behind, knocking me to the floor. She then kicked me in the stomach while I was down which knocked the wind out of me. All of the other girls, black and white, were crowded behind her and clapping, shouting and laughing. I saw the expressions of glee on their faces and instantly knew that they were loving every minute of seeing me get kicked and stomped.
When she finished, P.E. was over and everyone left, leaving me lying on the gym floor. As I lay there, stabbing pains coursed through my torso. After I gathered my strength, I slowly sat up to see if any ribs were broken. When I was sure that I was okay and the pain subsided, I jumped up and searched for Genevieve. When I found her in the girls’ bathroom, I immediately ran up behind her and shoved her to the floor, then kicked her in her left side as hard as I could.
I don’t know how she found the resolve to get up because I had kicked her pretty hard. Nevertheless, Genevieve got up and lunged at me like a tiger, forcing me to the floor. Then, she sat straddle of me, took me by the hair on each side of my head and started pounding the back of my head into the hard marble bathroom floor.
At one point, my vision became blurred and I could feel myself losing consciousness. I decided to fight off the unconsciousness so I could stay alert. I knew that if I gave in to the dizziness, I would be totally defenseless against her and she would keep up the pounding until she either killed me, or caused severe brain damage.
In a huge burst of strength and determination, I managed to roll her over on the floor and get on top of her. After I began doing the same to her, Mrs. Cramer and Mrs. Dix, who had heard the commotion coming from the girls’ bathroom while walking down the hall, rushed in to pull us apart.

Like always, it was off to the principal’s office, three quick licks with a paddle, and we were sent on our way.
Later that afternoon, in English class, the others were asking me about the fight like they didn’t already know. How stupid did they think I was? It was obvious that they were doing it just to get me to say something smart about the girl so they could run back and tell her and get even more nonsense stirred up. Instigators was what they all were. I just sat there and ignored them.
“Oh, she’s not finished with you yet! She’ll get you again when you least expect it!” Dolly Coleman warned me, “And we’ll be on the side lines cheering her on when she does! “
“Whatever.” I scoffed. “I don’t care. “
“You don’t care??? Well, we don’t believe you!”
“No, Dolly! I really don’t believe she DOES care!” Angie Hayward chimed in.
“I don’t think she does either! She doesn’t care about anyone but herself!” Jennifer Butters shouted.
I just scoffed. “Pfffft!”
“God! Why are you so stuck up? You never say ‘hi’ to anyone anymore! You never wave at anybody anymore! What makes you so good that you can’t have one word to say to anyone? What makes you so much damn better than the rest of us?! Do you think you are royalty or something?”
“What’s the point?” I asked
“Point is that lately, you think your shit smells like flowers! That’s the point!”
“Whatever!”
I thought, “Are you kidding me? You all treat me like a damned pariah and then you turn around and expect me to just kiss your asses? I’m just supposed to bow down and continue to be your doormat… Just wave and say ‘hi’ like nothing has ever happened? I owe you zip! Go take a flying fuck off of a rolling doughnut, all of you!”
I was lying through my teeth. I did care because I wanted to be left alone. Anyone would care if they were being abused, unless they had a crossed dendrite or two. I only wished I did not. Because when you cared even the slightest, you got hurt. However, I was determined that they would never get the satisfaction of knowing the truth. So, I put up this front to cover up my real feelings. I acted as if I did not give a crap about the bad treatment.

I could think whatever I wanted but oh, how I wished I actually had the nerve to say it to them aloud! I knew that I was outnumbered by about thirty to one and that honesty would not be the best policy in a situation such as this. Although my quiet demeanor was often mistaken for being slow, I knew better than to underestimate the power of ignorant people in large groups. I was a lot smarter than what people gave me credit for. As usual, I began to ask myself:
“Why? What have I ever done to them? What is their freaking problem? Have they no feelings? When is it going to be enough?”
They did not have to like me. At this point, I was long done with any attempts to make friends of them. I was not worried about winning some stupid popularity contest. Who were they that I should have to seek approval? Screw them! I did not have to prove anything to those human diseases. Being liked or not being liked was the very least of my worries. I just wanted those morons to leave me alone. They did not have to hang around with me nor speak to me. If they decided to ignore me and avoid me, fine. Whatever. I could live with it as long as they left me alone. But the torment seemed to be never ending. Everywhere I turned, I was constantly being criticized and brow beaten or worse…physically assaulted. There was no escape….”

Although what I went through was horrible at the time, I believe that being bullied instilled in me a strength and compassion for others that only few people have today. The situation may have seemed hopeless but I am living proof that targets of bullying can emerge even stronger and better on the other side. I do not believe that I would have the love I have for myself or others today, had I not been a target of bullying back then. This is not to say that bullying is ever a good thing. However, good lessons can can taken from it. It is about finding the good in the adverse.

If you are a target of bullying, I want you to know that your value does not decrease because of others’ inability to see your worth. You are still loved and are worthy of being loved. You are awesome in your own right! Know that brighter days are coming…if you do not give up!