Archive | April 2016

Sometimes, Taking Care of Yourself Means Making Some Very Hard (even Heartbreaking) Decisions

Once you choose not to be a target anymore, you must realize that you may have to make very tough, even heartbreaking decisions. You will more than likely have to weed certain people out of your life for good and sadly, some of those people may even be people that you love very much. You can still love them, ‘nothing wrong with that. However, as much as you may love them, they are not always healthy for you to be around.

It was a decision that I had to make with a family member twenty years ago and again seven years ago. And let me tell you, it was a very painful decision. And when we stopped talking, I missed my family member. No, worse. I mourned the person deeply. Even after all the cutting remarks they had made toward myself and a few others I loved, I still mourned them. It was akin to having a death in the family.

For two years, we did not speak to one another and we were not welcome in each others’  homes. During those two years, from time to time, I would pass this person by in the supermarket, the gas station, or on the road somewhere while driving. No “Hi. How are you?”. No honk and wave. Nothing. We would both just turn our heads and go on about our business. And I would feel my heart sink into my stomach and fight back tears, knowing that there was a possibility that we would never speak again.

There was always that dreadful “Could I have done something different” feeling which always seemed to rear it’s ugly head. Feelings of guilt would emerge even in the midst of knowing I had done the best that I possibly could.

Many of you may be going through something similar but do not lose heart. Your relationship with your estranged loved one is still repairable. I am blessed to be able to say that this story has a very happy ending to it.

After another family member had gotten sick, I received a call from my loved one and we reconciled, apologized and forgave one another. After the reconciliation, I made sure that I was there to lend a helping hand in taking care of our sick family member and we became close again.

Now, we are closer than EVER! We visit each other, we talk on the phone and we never hesitate to tell each other how much we love one another. From this, I learned a very powerful lesson. That lesson is this: Sometimes, it takes a separation to bring people even closer. Walking away, although painful when it happens, may actually be a great thing and produce awesome results later on. Anytime you walk away, your value and the other person’s value often goes up and in time, you both learn to respect one another. Then you love each other even more than you did before.

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Never Chase Anyone Who is Blind to Your Worth

Never chase anyone who does not see your worth…EVER! It is beneath you and those who do not value you, no matter how ‘cool’ they act or look, do not deserve the privilege of being in your presence. You need to cleanse your life of these toxic people. You are better off without them. It is only when you have the courage to leave these people behind that your value truly goes up. Hold on to your value.

Always surround yourself with people who love and appreciate the awesomeness that you bring to their lives. Keep company with those who lift you up. You will be a much happier person for it.

Know that when you do this, it is not about being mean and vindictive, it is about providing TLC for yourself.

Wishing you all health, happiness and love.

Why I Have So Many Reasons to be Grateful!

Good evening, everyone. Tonight, I want to share with you why I have so many reasons to be grateful. I have survived so many things and I am still here to talk about it. I am a survivor of not one but FOUR automobile accidents (two of these were major). I am also a survivor of an attempted rape and possible murder. I was horribly bullied in school and not only survived, but won by using it to help other bullied teens. I have an awesome family and wonderful friends. I have a nice home and all of my needs are met. I have a great life.

We are not promised anything in this life and we will have roadblocks and storms along life’s journey. It is only when you overcome adversity that you grow from it and reap spiritual benefits that you never thought possible. Always count your blessings because it can be the difference between having a horrible day and having an awesome day.

The Difference Between Bullying and What I Call “Simple Dirtbaggery”

Telltale Signs of a Target of Bullying

Greetings, everyone. Hope you all are having a very happy Sunday. As we know, bullied teens are often silent about the torment they face in school and in most cases. This is due to shame and embarrassment. Also, Most parents are not even aware that there is a problem and those who are aware are often at a loss as to how to deal with it. If you are a parent and are wondering whether or not your son or daughter is a target of bullying, here are the signs of a bullied teen:

1. Withdrawal from family and friends- as we know, being the target of a bully can slowly chip away at the victim’s self esteem. And people with low self esteem have a tendency to withdraw. It is a defense mechanism to protect oneself against further attacks because bully targets, after being victimized for so long, begin to think that ALL people are vicious and cannot be trusted. So therefore, they put up their guard and close themselves off, which can result in missed opportunities for closeness with family members, friendships, or romantic relationships.

2. Underachievement- Most bully targets are underachievers. Their self esteem has been so badly beaten that they no longer believe in themselves, which can cause a condition known as “Learned Helplessness”. A bully target, after being told that they are a “loser”, “no good” and/or that they “can’t do anything right” so often for so long, they tend to believe it themselves. This can have a negative impact on grades, class participation, and performance.

3. Over achievement- I mentioned in number 2 about underachievement and with most targets of bullying, this is usually the case. However, this can go either way. Some targets of bullying dive into schoolwork and achieve exceptional grades and class performance to compensate for their low social status among their peers. They feel that they are socially inept somehow, so these kids try to make up for this by excelling in their studies, talents, or any other area.

4. Bruises, scrapes, and or cuts on their physical body- most victims of bullying are victims of physical bullying (being punched, kicked, knocked down, dragged, etc), which occurs mostly in boys, but thanks partially to feminism and the moral decline in today’s young girls and women, physical assaults perpetrated by females are increasing at an alarming rate.

5. Sadness and Depression- symptoms are crying, withdrawal, loss of interest in activities one normally enjoys, and fatigue.

6. Excessive absences from school- Most bully-targets are afraid of going to school because they know that as soon as they step onto that school bus or get to school, bullies will be waiting for them. So they avoid going to school by either skipping, or feigning an illness as an excuse to stay home.

7. They may become bullies themselves- Often, bullied children and teens feel helpless. They feel that they have absolutely no control over anything. So they too become bullies in an attempt to feel some sense of power and control over something…ANYTHING. They often bully others who are even more powerless than they are to make themselves feel better about themselves and to feel that they are a rung or two up from the bottom of the social hierarchy. Crap always rolls downhill. An example of this would be: A child gets yelled at by parents, then goes outside and kicks the dog. It’s the same with most bully targets. And as much as I hate to admit it, I was guilty of the same thing in school. I simply call this “Kicking the Dog”.

8.Suicidal thoughts and attempts- sadly, suicides resulting from bullying are at an all-time high! Most children and teens who are bullied do not know what to do about it. Most have tried reporting it to an adult or handling it themselves to no avail. Bully targets often feel alone and have no one in their corner. They feel that there is something wrong with them. They feel like they have some major defect either physical or social, that causes them to be mistreated by others. They often feel as is it is their fault and that somehow, they deserve the shabby treatment they get. Sadly, some targets break under the pressure and suicide may seem to them to be the only way out….the only way to make the bullying and the pain stop. If you even THINK that your child or grandchild might be suicidal, GET HELP NOW! And be there for them. Bully-targets need a support system! Be that support system!
If you see any of these signs in your child or grandchild, DO NOT IGNORE IT OR MINIMIZE IT! Ask questions!!!

Try to get them to open up. It won’t be easy, as children, especially teens do not like to admit being bullied, even to their own families. However, if you want to help them, you have to address it and you have to do it gently and lovingly.