Archive | June 2016

Male and Female Bullies: The Differences Between Them and The Tactics They Use Against Their Targets

Good morning, everyone. Today, I want to differentiate between females and males who bully and the techniques they use to degrade their targets. It is my opinion that female bullies can be the most vicious because they seem to be better at going undetected than male bullies.

Female Bullies:

 Although exceptions can be made, most are passive-aggressive and commit much of their bullying on a psychological level. However, thanks to radical feminism and the moral decline in today’s young girls and women, physical assaults perpetrated by females are increasing at an alarming rate.

Females bully by Dividing and Conquering – attacking the targets’ relationships, using smear campaigns and witch hunts designed to turn everyone against the target- ’Isolation of the target’.

They also use projection- projecting all of their own shortcomings onto the target. Bullies do have flaws and their greatest fear is having them exposed. What better way can they use to keep their own imperfections hidden, than to either project them onto the victim, or use distraction- distracting others attention away from their own shortcomings and evil deeds by pointing out the negative qualities of their victims?

Girls and some boys, use psychological warfare which includes but is not limited to exclusion, dirty looks, taunts, insults, rumors and lies, thievery, invasion of the target’s privacy and destruction of the target’s property and relationships.

If this does not work, they then may resort to violence although not as often as male bullies. If females want to cause bodily harm to their victim, they are more likely to persuade someone else, either a male friend or a bigger and tougher female friend, to catch the target somewhere alone and do their physical attacks for them. These girls offer either illicit sex (male friend), or inclusion into their particular clique and the chance to climb up the social ladder (female friend) as incentives. Passive-aggressive bullies may also offer money.

Females are hardwired toward maintaining relationships whether they be familial, friendships, or romantic because they are nurturers by nature. Most young girls plan to eventually get married and have families of their own. Thus, female bullies aim to sabotage the target’s relationships. Most girls and women, from the time they are small, dream of one day finding a husband and having children because they have an instinct to nurture. They are usually the caretakers of the home.

Therefore, it should not be any surprise that female bullies are notorious for calling their targets names like ‘whore’, ‘slut’, ‘tramp’, ‘floosy’ and other names which attack the femininity and virtues.

Moreover, anytime you as a young lady are called either one of these names, there is an even deeper meaning behind it, which is that you are not marriageable, you are not worthy of a husband or children, and you are not considered to be a woman.

A female bully wants to brainwash you. This is the reason why her attacks are so vicious and repetitive because she actually wants to convince you that you are worthless and will stop at nothing to make you believe it!

She knows that if she can make you believe the lies, there is a strong chance that you will live up to them. We are what we believe. She knows that if she could drum it into your head that she will succeed in breaking your spirit and making you prove her right.

 Get this straight. Female bullies WANT you to live up to the names that they call you. If they call you a whore, they actually want you to BE one.

So don’t live up to it! Show her up! However, she will not give up so easily. Girls tend to hang on to their hatred of another girl to the point of obsession. The bullying becomes a ritual. And when you stand up to a bully, don’t expect things to get better anytime soon.

Male bullies:

Although there are exceptions, most males use physical aggression. Young men are expected to be strong and tough…to display manhood. Therefore, if the target is another male, the boy bully will not only use his fists, but will also try to feminize their target by repetitively emasculating him.

Male bullies often call their targets names like, “sissy”, “pussy”, “bitch” and other names which attack the male pride and cause them to feel less like men. They try to strip their target of his manhood.

And if the male target speaks out against the treatment, the male bully will trivialize it by referring to the target as a “whiner” and tell him to “toughen up”, or “man up”. The male bully may also accuse his male victim of going against what is seen as “man-code” if he dares to report the bullying.

The more you know, the better you will be able to bully-proof yourselves. Wishing you all an awesome Thursday.

 

 

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Why The Target Often Gets the Blame While the Bully Escapes Accountability

Good morning, everyone. Today, I feel that it is important to answer a question that I’m positive that every person, who has ever been a victim of bullying, has asked either themselves or another person at some point or another: “Why am I always to blame?” and “Why do my tormentors often get away with tormenting me?”

Here is the answer and there are many factors:

Bullies are very convincing liars. Bullies have been lying and covering up bad behavior all of their lives. They have been doing this for long enough that they have learned what works and what does not work. They are master manipulators, skilled in the art of deception. Bullies are also very good at rationalizing and justifying their unacceptable behavior. They are con artists, who often use charm to deceive those in authority.

Bullies often use projection, which is projecting their own faults and shortcomings onto their targets, making the target look like the bully and themselves look like the victim. When faced with possible accountability for their evil actions, they often cry and feign victimhood. This tactic is usually employed by female bullies.

Bullies are very charming to the right people, which can be used as another weapon against a victim. Bullies seem to emit an oozing charm. Because of this, they had a way of winning people over and making them their allies. A good reputation can be used as a weapon against any target because with this good name, the bully has everyone (except the target) fooled and others cannot believe that “this sweet, innocent, pretty little girl” would harm anyone. Take the outgoing guy that everyone loves, no one is going to believe that this “fine young man” would ever beat up a smaller boy unless he was provoked.

Because this person has so many friends who cherish them. Even if these friends did witness them undertake any wrong doing, they will still more than likely cover up for the bully out of loyalty and place the blame on the target.

There is strength in numbers and people in large numbers can have a cumulative power which can be overwhelming even for the greatest, toughest, strongest, most intelligent of individuals. To put it plainly, if enough people are against a person, that person is powerless, no matter how strong, smart, beautiful or easy going they may be

Bullies use gaslighting- adding their own spin to make you look and feel like the villain or by laying guilt trips- trying to convince you that you are at fault or that the abuse is just your imagination. Bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

Bullies malign you to others to destroy your good name and credibility: They recruit followers and start a campaign of hate and viciousness against you, by way of rumors, lies, and trying to turn your friends against you. This occurred to me on a regular basis in school and it would happen as retaliation for my having the gall to stand up to them and assert my God-given, divine right not to be abused or taken advantage of.

There were several different benefits from the execution of this strategy. Number one: It could be used to protect one another from being labeled by a teacher and getting a bad reputation. Most, who have been in school has a least gotten into two fights, which sounds perfectly normal. Number two: Destroying the victim’s name with the staff would lessen any chances of being listened to, should the target run and “tattle” to members of authority. Again, protecting them from discipline at school and allowing them the freedom to do whatever they want whenever they feel like it.

Targets get the blame because sadly, the attitude of most bystanders and members of authority is this: “Why would so many kids have it in for her if she’s not provoking them somehow?” or “Nobody likes him, so there has to be a reason that justifies it.”

After all, who is going to look any further then the child with the worst name anytime a confrontation arises? It is all designed to manipulate school staff and save the bullies’ behinds from having to face repercussions and therefore, leaves an opening for further bullying later on.

I believe that victims not only need confidence to fight bullying, but also knowledge of the techniques bullies use. Therefore, the more knowledge we can gain of how bullies operate, the better we will be able to protect ourselves.

Have a wonderful day, everyone!

 

Message to Parents

 

Good morning everyone. Today, I have an important message to parents of victims:

Parents, I can’t stress this enough. If you have any love for your child and he/she is being repeatedly and ceaselessly bullied after you have exhausted all other efforts, enroll them in a different school and do it fast! Get them out of that poisonous environment and away from those toxic people! Though I realize that this isn’t always feasible, your child’s life and emotional well-being are at extreme risk and should take priority over anything else! Do what you have to do to protect your son or daughter! Whatever it takes, get him/her OUT OF THERE!!!

In todays’ world, however, changing schools may not be enough to keep bullies at bay. With the advancement of technology, bullies can now have access to their victims twenty-four hours a day and have a reach that can extend clear around the globe. The internet, text messaging and cellphones are a great convenience to have, don’t get me wrong. But they can also be tools for the bullies to reach your child, even after you have transferred them to another school.

Bullies have a sick obsession with their target. They are stalkers and will not let your child go. Bullies are fixated on their victims and nowadays, anytime a child changes schools, the bullies from their old school will find a way to contact them and continue the harassment. A bully is like a dog with a bone. They…will…not…let…GO! Not any time soon.

This is why parents should delete the child’s accounts, change any passwords and usernames their child may have used and have unlimited access to such information. Cellphone numbers must be changed. Also, all online and cellphone activity must be monitored. Your child may not agree and may even be angry because he will feel as if his privacy is being invaded. This will seem unfair and he will also feel as if he’s being punished. However, you’re not doing this to punish him/her, you are doing it to protect your child. Always keep this in mind and explain it to your son or daughter.

Have a wonderful Tuesday!

Low Self-Esteem Is Not Something We Are Born With

Good morning, everyone. I hope you’re having a happy Monday. Today, I want to discuss the downward spiral that victims of bullying often experience over time if they aren’t removed from a negative environment.

Insecurity and a lack of confidence are not characteristics that we’re born with. They are taught! Not only by bullies or abusive family members, but can also unwittingly programmed into us by caring family members who call themselves trying to teach us humbleness and humility. These characteristics are both good virtues to have, but only in moderation. Too much of it, however, can cause us to suppress a little too much of ourselves and hide our own awesome personalities, talents and gifts, which can grow into insecurity and in worse cases, self-loathing.

I believe that each and every one of us is born with confidence and a heart of gold. Yet over time, our environments, circumstances and sadly, the people in our lives can slowly erode that natural confidence and goodness we were born with.

After being hurt for so long, we withdraw from others and put up a barrier to protect ourselves. We turn cold and began to harden ourselves to numb feelings of rejection and the pain that comes with it. Before long, we regard the feelings and suffering of others with indifference- we just don’t give a damn about anyone, how they feel or what they think. Sometimes we even grow cold toward the people who love us because we have lost the ability to trust. We no longer have any respect for others, much less ourselves. Lastly, we come to that evil place where schadenfreude takes hold on our personalities and we secretly or openly, take pleasure in seeing others, especially those we despise, suffer.

Just as we take steps to protect our health, finances, property, etc.; we must also take steps to protect our self-esteems.

Have a blessed day!

The Importance Of Loving Yourself

Good morning, everyone! Today, I want to discuss what is the most important lesson in life that you can ever learn: Loving yourself first.

When you are a target of bullying, loving yourself can be very difficult when it seems that the only thing you hear from others is negativity. Constantly being bombarded with ugly names, cruel taunts and attacks over a long period of time can very easily have a cumulative and devastating effect on your self-esteem and if you aren’t careful, you too will begin to believe the cruel falsehoods that mean-spirited others tell you. I know about this all too well.

However, no matter how viciously others may treat you, it’s imperative that you do everything possible to hold on to self-love! Even if you have to look at yourself in the mirror every day and make positive affirmations (“I AM an awesome person”, “I AM beautiful”, “I AM worthy of being loved”, etc.), you must maintain your self-esteem and never let anyone brainwash you into thinking that you are less than.

Here is another excerpt from my book, which gives a more in-depth explanation of why this is so important:

“…You must love and respect yourself before anyone else can love and respect you. You must take care of YOU. You must command, not demand, but ‘command’ respect and love from others, including a few family members that you love dearly and be willing to make some very difficult decisions in order to receive that love and respect. Sometimes, you have to walk away, knowing full well that there is always a chance that the person may never see your worth. And this means coming to a place where you no longer care even the slightest about the outcome.

However, there is a strong chance that your value will go up in that person’s eyes and they will eventually see your worth and treat you better than you ever thought possible. It may not happen overnight. In fact, it may take up to several years, but it happened for me and it can happen for you too.

If, by chance, it does not happen, realize that you did not turn your back on the person because you did not love them, but only because they did not love you enough to treat you with the love and respect that you know in your heart of hearts that you deserve…”

You must love yourself or nobody will love you. Never look outside of yourself for love and validation. Never depend on others for assurance of your value. Let love come from within your heart!

 

Wishing everyone a wonderful day.

 

 

 

 

Bullies Will Not Be Deterred Easily

Good afternoon, everyone. I hope you are having a great day. Many victims are well aware that the way they are being treated is wrong and I feel compelled to warn you that if you are a target of bullying and decide to take a stand against the abuse, your bullies will not be deterred easily.

I know that in movies and television, we see scenarios where targets stand up to bullies and automatically either get left alone, or become friends with them. However, in most cases, this is not reality. Remember that bullies are relentless.

Here, I discuss the retaliation tactics that bullies often use when a target finally stands up for themselves and the attitudes bullies hold in regards to their targets:

If you are a target, you must realize that bullies will not relinquish their power so easily. They will not be a good sport and hand your human rights back over to you. They will not bow out of your life gracefully. They will not release you and let you walk away. Bullies have an insatiable need to wield power over another and without that power, they feel lost.

Make no mistake about it. When you kick unsavory people out of your life, they will first resort to either gaslighting- adding their own spin to make you look and feel like the villain and maligning you to others to destroy your good name and credibility. They may also lay guilt trips- trying to convince you that you are at fault or that the abuse is just your imagination. Bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

They may recruit followers and start a campaign of hate and viciousness against you, by way of rumors, lies, and trying to turn your friends against you. This occurred to me on a regular basis in school and it would happen as retaliation for my having the gall to stand up to them and assert my God-given, divine right not to be abused or taken advantage of.

Females, although becoming more and more physically violent with the passage of time, commit much of their bullying by Dividing and Conquering – attacking the targets’ relationships, using smear campaigns and witch hunts designed to turn everyone against the target- ’Isolation of the target’. They also use projection- projecting all of their own shortcomings onto the target. Bullies do have flaws and their greatest fear is having them exposed. What better way to keep their imperfections hidden than to either project them onto the victim, or use distraction- distracting others attention away from their own shortcomings and evil deeds by pointing out the negative qualities of their victims.

Bullies use the above strategies not only to cover their own backsides, but also for the purpose of closing their victims off from any possible help or protection. Once the target is isolated, the bullies move in for the kill. Now, they are able to do with their victim whatever they choose to do freely and with impunity because if everyone is against the victim, the least likely they are to report or stop the abuse. In the minds of others, the target deserves what is happening to them.

Bullies want to, in essence, hold the victim hostage and they will resort to any means necessary to keep him/her on lockdown- to keep the victim in their place. They will do it with physical violence when exclusion, subtle digs, verbal assaults, gaslighting and other forms of psychological abuse no longer have an impact, either by committing the bodily harm themselves, or sending someone else to do their savagery for them.

This does not mean that you should not stand up for yourself because you should. However, when you do, be prepared. The torment will get worse before it gets better.

Have a wonderful day.

This entry was posted on June 24, 2016. 1 Comment