A Few Bad Apples In the Teaching Profession: Teachers Who Bully Students

Good morning, everyone. Today, I want to address something that few people would like to admit. Although the vast majority of teachers are very good, hard-working, caring people who love all children and deserve the utmost respect, there are always a few bad apples, who clearly do not belong in the teaching profession.

Out of about 30 teachers that I had during my years in school, about 3 were bullies themselves. And because of the power dynamic, there is sadly not much that can be done to protect yourself against a bully teacher.

Here is an excerpt from my book, “From Victim to Victor” about my own experience with a bully teacher:

“…For the next few weeks, anytime I was in Mrs. Wallace’s class, I made sure not to do anything to draw attention to myself. I wanted to be invisible to her…out of sight and out of mind. But no matter how quiet I stayed and how much I tried to blend in with the rest of the class, I knew that there was no way to escape from her for long. I would glance up and see Mrs. Wallace keeping a very watchful eye on me. As she would stand and instruct the class, either lecturing or announcing assignments, her eyes would quickly skim over the entire class, then stop and seem to settle on me.

Mrs. Wallace would pace slowly up and down each row of students as she gave lecture, then stop maybe six to ten feet in front of me and watch me very closely, glaring and looking me up and down. She seemed to study me, searching for something…anything. Her eyes bore into mine as if she were trying to read my thoughts and drill down into my very soul. And it was unsettling, to say the least.

And the really sick part? I had the feeling that she was doing it deliberately…for the sole purpose of disarming me…rattling me…throwing me off, in hopes that I would, out of nervousness, accidentally say or do something…anything…that she could use as an excuse to unleash her viciousness again. The thought that I would have to endure her class for an hour every day for the next eight and a half months gave me the creeps. Beatrice Carroll Wallace was indeed a force to be reckoned with.

This was the year of the mini-skirts for me. I had purchased two of them to wear to school, a dark denim skirt which was two inches above the knee and acid washed denim skirt, which was four. School policy had stated that mini-skirts were not to be worn any shorter than four inches above the knee. Four inches was the limit.

Every time I wore the shorter acid washed skirt to school, Mrs. Wallace would have a fit and swear up and down that it was too short. However, the day she took me to the office and had the principal stick a ruler to the side of my leg and measure from knee to hemline, my skirt measured exactly four inches above the knee and I was safe from being sent home. This only further infuriated Mrs. Wallace and made her even more determined to make things tough.

There came a day in late September, when it all came to a climax. Mrs. Wallace had notes already written on the board and I was copying them down in my notebook. I suddenly felt her eyes piercing the back of my head as I wrote. I paused, turning and looking to see her standing behind me, looking over my shoulder at what I was writing.

“Well, I can see that you are actually copying your notes down instead of writing some story that you’ve conjured up in that pea brain of yours.” She remarked.

I just scoffed, turned around, shook my head and continued writing.

“What was that?!” She demanded, raising her voice. “Girl, you can scoff and shake your head all you want! It only goes to show that you don’t have the guts to say what you really want to say to me.” She growled with venom oozing from her voice.

The class burst into laughs, hooting and hollering. Mrs. Wallace looked at the rest of the class.

“She doesn’t know who she’s dealing with, does she class?” She asked them, standing over me and folding her arms.

“Nope. ‘Sure don’t.” One classmate mumbled.

She looked back down at me.

“You know, for a girl who dates full grown men…I don’t know…either because the older adult males don’t really know her like the ones her age do, or because she wants to get in their pockets, you seem real sure of yourself, Cherie! Or is it just for show? Maybe you’re really just a scared, pathetic little girl on the inside but try to display false bravado and fake coolness to cover it up!” She said, leaning in closer.

“Ha-ha! BINGO!” Another classmate shouted.

At that point, I could take no more. I slammed my textbook shut, slammed my notebook on top of it, and grabbed both my books and purse.

“That’s it! I’ve had enough!” I said matter-of-factly. And I headed straight for the door.

“If you walk out of this class, your next stop is either the principal’s office or the streets, one or the other!” The teacher called after me.

“Suits me just fine.” I said bluntly before walking out and slamming the door behind me.

Just then, the door flew back open again and she stormed out into the hall.

“You have some nerve walking out of my class! We’ll just take this up with Mr. Tavington!” Mrs. Wallace thundered.

“Fine!” I shot back.

She was just as catty as most of the girls my age. The claws came out and the fur flew. Thus the bitter exchange between Mrs. Wallace and I began and continued back and forth. It was tit for tat, as we made our way to the principal’s office.

“You want attention? Well, you’re about to get it, girl!” She spat.

“Ugh! You’re the last person I want attention from! I’d rather catch a flesh-eating virus!” I shot back.

“When we get to that office, a flesh-eating virus will be the least of your worries!” She continued.

“Really??? Oh, I am petrified!” I kept on, refusing to back down as she continued to beat her chest.

“Who do you think you are?”

“I’m a human being with feelings!”

“Is that right? Well, you don’t act like you have any feelings…for anyone other than yourself and you for sure have no morals either!”

“Wow! You’re one to preach about morals!”

“Girl, your mouth’s writing checks your body can’t cash!”

“Go to hell!”

“You’re going to think you’re in hell when I’m through with you!”

I stopped and turned to face her, looking her in the eyes.

“You think you know me so well, don’t you? You don’t know a damn thing about me! All you know is what other people tell you and they don’t know SQUAT!”

“I know more than you think, missy!”

“Whatever!”

I turned back around and kept walking. This was the first and only time I had ever cursed a teacher. However, I was in a state of very high piss and at a point to where I no longer cared about the possible ramifications of my words. I no longer feared any consequences because I had been pushed too far and did not have it in me to be intimidated by her any longer.

“Keep mouthing off! Just keep it up! Just because you’re old enough to drive a car doesn’t mean you’re grown, honey! But I can sure treat you like you’re grown…make you grow up sooner than you want to! Believe that!”

 

When we got to the office, I was angry to the point of crying. How could she think that she could use her position as a teacher to single me out, provoke me by humiliating me in front of everyone…make a spectacle of me and expect me to just sit there and not leave? I could have gone completely postal on her if I did not have the self-control and restraint that I had. Instead, I took the better and wiser option. I got my butt up and left.

I sat there, sobbing as I told Mr. Tavington everything, with Mrs. Wallace standing over me with her arms folded and a look of scorn mixed with gratification on her face. She just knew that he was going to expel me. However, the look of compassion on Mr. Tavington’s face was apparent. Although he never admitted it with the spoken word, he knew what I was going through. Mr. Tavington knew! I could see it in his eyes and the way he looked at me. He sat there and listened as I talked. He never interrupted, nor did he trivialize anything I had to say. He just listened with empathy. When he did speak, he spoke softly, almost compassionately.

Mr. Tavington was one of the few people at Oakley High School that I had the utmost respect for. He was an excellent judge of character who always saw the bigger picture. He was never quick to pass judgement, nor did he make spur of the moment decisions based on hearsay. Joe Tavington was a man who went strictly by the criteria of right and wrong, considering the individual circumstances of every student sent before him. He was a fair and just man, showing no partiality nor favoritism. For that, I admired him…”

The only thing to do is to be the best student you can possibly be and do it for yourself. Do not try to impress the bullying teacher because if your efforts seem contrived, you will only become an even bigger target for being a try-hard. Just be your sweet, smart, awesome self and hold on to your self-esteem. Never allow yourself to be convinced that you are less than.

Have a wonderful Friday and weekend!

 

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The Importance of Self-Acceptance

Good evening everyone. I hope you all are enjoying the cooler temperatures as much as I am. Today, I want to talk about self acceptance and it’s role in the achievement of peace and happiness.

Anyone who has ever been bullied will tell you that it sometimes takes years to overcome the after affects, get completely comfortable with yourself and find happiness.

Because of the torment I suffered at school, I was a shy person for years and my shyness peaked during my childbearing years. I would not speak to anyone unless they spoke to me first, out of fear that I would say something wrong. I didn’t like myself because I felt that I was somehow different…that God had put a mark on me like Cain. I felt that I didn’t quite measure up. And this was during my early 20s when I was just beginning to discover who I was and what I really wanted out of life.

Throughout junior high and high school, I was bullied so much that I was blinded to my own feminine beauty (I was a very beautiful young girl). I also did not feel free to express myself and most importantly, get to know myself.

Being in a toxic environment or around toxic people can block you from opportunities, blind you to your own inner and outer beauty, diminish the ability to use talents and natural abilities, prevent you from having your own opinions and feelings and from accepting and being yourself when you are young and haven’t been in the world long enough to know the difference.

When I finally left that toxic, poisonous, downright dangerous environment that was my old school and transferred to a new high school, I felt like a bird out of a cage…like I had just been given a full pardon and released from prison.

From that day forward, I could finally begin working on getting to know ME and I was put on the road to self discovery. However, that road proved to be a long one.

During my mid to late 20’s I became hungry for self betterment. I slowly began trying new things and confronting my fears and shyness HEAD ON by actually doing the things I feared most! I discovered talents and abilities I never thought I had and could express myself and my wants and needs without ridicule.

Like magic, new opportunities and better situations began opening up to me. It was like the floodgates of heaven had suddenly opened and I was washed away in a river of blessing.

But it took years to get through the anger, the sadness, the shyness, the defensiveness and being closed up and guarded before I was finally able to totally and completely accept who I was as a woman. And when I finally accepted myself, which meant accepting the good, the bad, and the ugly qualities, I found a peace and happiness I never thought possible.

Am I perfect? No. Do I try to be? Nope. I accept all characteristics of me. I know my good traits: that I have a good heart, that I have compassion and empathy for others, that I am outgoing and confident, that I like to have fun, that I love to sing, dance and write novels. Am I proud of that? YES! YES! YESSSS!!!

I also know my bad traits and I embrace them.

I accept that I am sometimes forgetful.

I also accept that I no longer have the perfect body after having had children. I am comfortable in my own skin.

I also prefer Tee shirts, jeans, and sneakers over fancy dresses and high heels (which I only wear when an occasion calls for it). Do I like this about myself? ABSOLUTELY!

What I want is for you to completely accept yourself because it is a stepping stone to happiness. When you accept yourself as you are, quirks and all, and stop being so concerned about how you are seen by others, you actually FREE yourself from that ball and chain called self consciousness. It is like a huge weight being lifted off of you.

Also, you become much more attractive to people and they are drawn to you like a magnet. And the individuals who are waiting for you to mess up actually get bored, give up and stop watching you. I know this from experience. Acceptance of self (all aspects) is such sweet freedom!

No one likes to be around a self conscious and insecure victim. I’ll say it again:
No. One. Likes. A. Victim!

So I want you to make a brand new start today and begin your new life by accepting who you are. Count your blessings, your friends, your family, and your chance opportunities. Anything positive that is happening OR has happened in your life is a blessing. This is where you start. Start by counting blessings. Take a pen and piece of paper and write down each blessing and I guarantee you will be on your way!

I wonder how many people can actually list all of their blessings without running out of paper and/or ink. I know I couldn’t.

Have a great evening and get out and enjoy this beautiful weather.
Wishing you peace, love, and happiness
Cherie

Cyber Bullying: The Most Devastating Kind of Bullying

Good morning, everyone. I hope you all are having a terrific week so far. Today, I want to discuss bullying in the 21st century- cyber bullying.

I’m fortunate enough to have grown up in a time when cyber bullying was unheard of. When I was in school, “Street Bullying” or “Playground Bullying” was the type of bullying targets of my generation endured.

“Street Bullying” happens face to face. It happens on the playground, in the hallways, the bathrooms and locker rooms at school. Years ago, a student could escape it and have some form of refuge once the dismissal bell rang and school was over for the day. And when it got too much to endure, the victim simply changed schools and the problem was solved.

Sadly, those days are long gone. With today’s technology, bullies have unlimited access to their targets by way of “Cyber-bullying”. During the last twenty years, the advancement of technology has introduced email, text and social media. These new vehicles of communication have their benefits. However, they also have their pitfalls.

A bully can nowadays get online and torment their targets for as long as they want without ceasing nor accountability. They can, in essence, reach into the target’s own home and torment them from afar.

Cyber-bullying, or online bullying, is harassment of another person with the use of social media, text messages, voice mail, email and instant messages. It is, in my opinion, the worst kind of bullying there has ever been. Here are the reasons:

  1. Bullies are COWARDS!
    Your attackers have the ability to hide behind a fake screen name or they may create fake social media accounts to conceal their identities. They do this to avoid detection and the risk of accountability for their evil actions. With a cyberbully, you do not know who is attacking you. Also, they can use several different screen names to make it look like a multitude of people agree with them and are attacking you, when it may be, in fact, only one poster committing the harassment. This is done to further intimidate the target.
  2. Gone are the days when bullying only occurred on the playground or in the locker room. In the days of old, before technology took off, a target could finally escape their tormentors with the ringing of the dismissal bell at school.

Back then, you could go home to your family and not have to worry about being bullied again until the next school day. You could at least get a break from the torment. However, not so anymore. Technology has a lot of good qualities, one of which is convenience. Unfortunately, nothing is 100% foolproof. With the rise of social media, text, voice mail, and email, bullies can now pursue their targets 24-7. There is no longer an escape!

  1. The third reason why cyber-bullying is much worse than traditional or street bullying is because the taunts, insults, threats, rumors and lies can be read by a much wider audience, causing loss of relationships, family, friends, businesses, finances, and opportunities.
    On the emotional side, the target may experience feelings of shock, bewilderment, anger, sadness, despair, depression, hopelessness, and thoughts of suicide.

Traditional bullying is terrible and causes those feelings as well. However, it is something that you can get away from. On the other hand, you can never escape cyber-bullying. This alone is what makes this type of bullying so sinister and so devastating!

If you are a victim of cyber-bullying, it is imperative that you do not respond to the incendiary posts of cyber-bullies, no matter how tempting it may be. However, I realize that some attacks, especially those, which hit you in the jugular, can cause you to respond out of emotion. This does not mean that you are a bad person for responding to attacks. It does not mean that you are stupid. It only means that you are a human being with feelings and our first instinct is always to defend ourselves and our loved ones when threatened. It is completely understandable.

But no matter what our circumstances may be, we must try to never respond to the ignorance and stupidity of bullies or cyber-bullies. As difficult as this may be, it is better to never give internet trolls what they want. And what they want is a response, any response. They want to kick you while you are already down and inflict even more pain. If you respond in any way, shape or form, they will know that they have reached their goal. But if they never hear from you, it’s going to disappoint them and they just might give up and move on to someone else.

Cyber-bullying can happen to people of any age. Not just children and teens, but adults can also be cyber-bullied. Although as an adult, I have gotten along with mostly everyone, there have been a few times that I have been cyber-bullied, one instance being right after the death of my husband. I can tell you that after refusing to respond to any of it, the harassment died and the thread was eventually removed. No one has bothered me since.

Also, in their weak attempts to put me down, my cyber-bullies unwittingly made me so many new friends and I received so much support from all over the country. It is amazing how the actions of a bully can sometimes turn into something wonderful. I will be forever grateful to the people (even strangers) who stood beside me during this tragic time. I hope this helps you in the event that you are cyber-attacked. And I want to assure you that there is always hope, no matter how hopeless a situation may be.

Cyber-bullying can be stressful on adults, but devastating for minors. Adults are emotionally better equipped and therefore, more adept at handling themselves in bullying situations, whereas children and teens have yet to fully develop good coping mechanisms.

Children do not have the cognitive thinking skills, nor the processing ability that adults possess. Adults can be hurt by online bullying because they are human and have feelings also. However, any well-rounded adult is better able to look at the situation and see the lies posted online for exactly what they are…LIES. And they have the ability to analyze the bully and see the person as he/she is- useless trash who is in desperate need of a life. And that in itself can actually be a boost to the bullied adult’s self-esteem…just knowing what a bottom-of-the-barrel, miserable piece of garbage the bully really is. In most cases, an adult can usually laugh it off and go on about their business provided it doesn’t affect his/her family, marriage, business, opportunities, or way of life. An adult can refuse to accept the lies of another bullying adult and tell them to go blow it out their ear.

A child has not learned to do that yet. Children and teenagers have totally different values than adults. While most “mature” adults place the most value on family, career, and home and less value on popularity; children and teens place the most value on popularity…their friends and being accepted. Most children and teens place emphasis on how others (mainly their peers) see them. They want to fit in, be liked, and be “cool”. And when those things are threatened, as they always are when he/she is cyber-attacked, it can have devastating effects on self-esteem.

As parents and grandparents, we need to teach our children confidence as confidence is the best weapon against a bully. In my opinion, teaching confidence is the most effective way to protect them because bullies are cowards and they always seek out kids who are insecure, self-conscious, and have low self-esteem. And they do this because they know that a child with low self-esteem is less likely to stand up to them.

Have a wonderful Thursday!

 

 

Are Schools Really Concerned About Bullying?

Good morning, everyone. Just the other day, I talked with a friend of mine, Bud Collier about bullying and the attitude of schools toward the problem. We all would like to think that schools are there for the children, that they always want to help when a child or teen is relentlessly bullied, that their main interests are in the welfare of children. However, as much as I hate to tell you, this is not reality.

Schools are an empire just like huge corporations and the majority of them are only concerned with the almighty dollar. Therefore, if there is a problem with bullying, the school will more than likely only sweep it under the rug instead of addressing the problem properly.

Sure. School officials and staff would like for the public to think that they are investigating incidences of bullying and may even tell parents of the victim that there is an investigation underway. But the reality is that they only say this to pacify parents and make them go away. And if the parent is relentless in protecting their child and keeps coming back, schools will often label this parent as “the crazy mom/dad” just to avoid looking like crap themselves.

The cold, hard truth is that most schools simply do not do investigations into bullying because an investigation would take extra work on their part and the last thing they want is extra work. I say this because I saw it firsthand when I was in school and I still hear about the same today from frustrated parents and anti-bullying groups.

The majority of educational institutions simply do not want to admit that they have an issue of bullying on their campuses. I believe that their reasons for this are that they are afraid that the reputations of their beloved school would be tarnished and may affect eligibility for government grant money.

Most schools prefer to take the easy way out by either doing nothing at all, or worse, blame the target. They will even retaliate against the target for reporting the abuse to parents or writing about it. Make no mistake. If your child is a victim of bullying, chances are that the school will only cop out by making your child look like the bully and labeling him/her as the cause of the problem.

Understand that I am not labeling ALL schools. There are some truly awesome schools that do confront bullying head-on. However, these schools are sadly, in the minority.

Continue to address the school if your child is a victim, but don’t expect anything to be done and don’t take whatever they feed you as gospel. Quietly do your own investigation because schools will lie to cover their own backsides.

It’s going to take more than reports of bullying and parent/teacher/principal meetings to address the problem. I believe that the weak laws we have now to address school bullying will have to be revamped.

I also believe that it’s going to take not only knowledge of the signs of bullying in the target, but also knowledge of how bullies operate and the tactics they use. More importantly, it’s going to take bully-proofing our children by teaching them confidence and building their self-esteems.

Have a wonderful day, everyone.

 

 

 

 

 

A Sneak Peak

Good afternoon, everyone. From time to time, I will be posting excerpts of my newly completed book, “From Victim to Victor” to give you all an occasional peak every now and again. Enjoy and feel free to comment if you know someone who is being bullied.

“From Victim to Victor (A Survivor’s True Story of Her Own Experiences with School Bullying. How She Overcame, Won Back her Confidence and Found Peace and Happiness)

Part 1 (1984-1985) Seventh Grade

Chapter 3: A Typical Day Away From Home

” …It seemed that the most of the student body would literally search for reasons to lay hands on my person and these girls were no exception. If they could not find a reason, they would very conveniently just make up one. I never had to provoke them in any way…never had to say a word. All it took was for me to be in plain sight, walking down the hall or in the bathroom, just minding my own business, and they would bring drama.

And why would they do this? Because they wanted to feel big and powerful by exerting power and control over someone who was an easy target. And because I was a shy person, I was perceived as being vulnerable. Being the quiet type, the only time I was outspoken was when I was pushed to the breaking point. I did not realize that I was letting them take my power away.

After being blindsided by Genevieve, I got up and shoved her backwards, then picked up the ball and threw it at her, hitting her in the face. Then I walked off the court and headed for the exit. Just before I got to the door, she followed me and caught me from behind, knocking me to the floor. She then kicked me in the stomach while I was down, which knocked the wind out of me. All of the other girls, of different races, were crowded behind her and clapping, shouting and laughing. I saw the expressions of glee on their faces and instantly knew that they were loving every minute of seeing me get kicked and stomped.
When she finished, P.E. was over and everyone left, leaving me lying on the gym floor. As I lay there, stabbing pains coursed through my torso. After I gathered my strength, I slowly sat up to see if any ribs were broken. When I was sure that I was okay and the pain subsided, I jumped up and searched for Genevieve. When I found her in the girls’ bathroom, I immediately ran up behind her and shoved her to the floor, then kicked her in her left side as hard as I could.

I don’t know how she found the resolve to get up because I had kicked her pretty hard. Nevertheless, Genevieve got up and lunged at me like a tiger, forcing me to the floor. Then, she sat straddle of me, took me by the hair on each side of my head and started pounding the back of my head into the hard marble bathroom floor.

At one point, my vision became blurred and I could feel myself losing consciousness. I decided to fight off the unconsciousness so I could stay alert. I knew that if I gave in to the dizziness, I would be totally defenseless against her and she would keep up the pounding until she either killed me, or caused severe brain damage.

In a huge burst of strength and determination, I managed to roll her over on the floor and get on top of her. After I began doing the same to her, Mrs. Cramer and Mrs. Dix, who had heard the commotion coming from the girls’ bathroom while walking down the hall, rushed in to pull us apart. Like always, it was off to the principal’s office, three quick licks with a paddle, and we were sent on our way.

Later that afternoon, in English class, the others were asking me about the fight, as if they didn’t already know. How stupid did they think I was? It was obvious that they were doing it just to get me to say something smart about the girl so they could run back and tell her and get even more nonsense stirred up. Instigators was what they all were. I just sat there and ignored them.

“Oh, she’s not finished with you yet! She’ll get you again when you least expect it!” Dolly Coleman warned me, “And we’ll be on the side lines cheering her on when she does! “
“Whatever.” I scoffed. “I don’t care. “
“You don’t care??? Well, we don’t believe you!”
“No, Dolly! I really don’t believe she DOES care!” Angie Hayward chimed in.
“I don’t think she does either! She doesn’t care about anyone but herself!” Jennifer Butters shouted.
I just scoffed. “Pfffft!”
“God! Why are you so stuck up? You never say ‘hi’ to anyone anymore! You never wave at anybody anymore! What makes you so good that you can’t have one word to say to anyone? What makes you so much damn better than the rest of us?! Do you think you are royalty or something?”
“What’s the point?” I asked
“Point is that lately, you think your shit smells like flowers! That’s the point!”
“Whatever!”

I thought, “Are you kidding me? You all treat me like a damned pariah and then you turn around and expect me to just kiss your asses? I’m just supposed to bow down and continue to be your doormat… Just wave and say ‘hi’ like nothing has ever happened? I owe you zip! Go take a flying fuck off of a rolling doughnut, all of you!”

I was lying through my teeth. I did care because I wanted to be left alone. Anyone would care if they were being abused, unless they had a crossed dendrite or two. I only wished I did not. Because when you cared even the slightest, you got hurt. However, I was determined that they would never get the satisfaction of knowing the truth. So, I put up this front to cover up my real feelings. I acted as if I did not give a crap about the bad treatment.

I could think whatever I wanted but oh, how I wished I actually had the nerve to say it to them aloud! I knew that I was outnumbered by about thirty to one and that honesty would not be the best policy in a situation such as this. Although my quiet demeanor was often mistaken for being slow, I knew better than to underestimate the power of ignorant people in large groups. I was a lot smarter than what people gave me credit for. As usual, I began to ask myself:
“Why? What have I ever done to them? What is their freaking problem? Have they no feelings? When is it going to be enough?”

They did not have to like me. At this point, I was long done with any attempts to make friends of them. I was not worried about winning some stupid popularity contest. Who were they that I should have to seek approval? Screw them! I did not have to prove anything to those human diseases. Being liked or not being liked was the very least of my worries. I just wanted those morons to leave me alone. They did not have to hang around with me nor speak to me. If they decided to ignore me and avoid me, fine. Whatever. I could live with it as long as they left me alone. But the torment seemed to be never ending. Everywhere I turned, I was constantly being criticized and brow beaten or worse…physically assaulted. There was no escape….”

Although what I went through was horrible at the time, I believe that being bullied instilled in me a strength and compassion for others that only few people have today. The situation may have seemed hopeless but I am living proof that targets of bullying can emerge even stronger and better on the other side. I do not believe that I would have the love I have for myself or others today, had I not been a target of bullying back then. This is not to say that bullying is ever a good thing. However, good lessons can can taken from it. It is about finding the good in the adverse.

If you are a target of bullying, I want you to know that your value does not decrease because of others’ inability to see your worth. You are still loved and are worthy of being loved. You are awesome in your own right! Know that brighter days are coming…if you do not give up!

The Bully Has The Issue, Not You!

Good evening, everyone. As you already know, bullies are liars. They will do everything that they possibly can to make you feel bad. And if you let them, they will. They will make you feel like you did something wrong, they will make you feel like the bad guy, they will make you feel worthless, stupid, and/or crazy. Bullies will pull out all stops to convince you that you are the one with the issue.

But be assured, you are not the person with the issue, the bully is. Here’s the thing, when you know that you did nothing to provoke someone and a bully continues to give you a hard time, it is only an indicator that the problem rests with them.

Always keep this in mind if you are a victim of bullying.

Have a great night!

Only You Can Decide Your Worth

Good morning, everyone. Today, I want to remind you that it is not about what others say or think of you. It’s about the regard that you hold for yourself.

So, the next time a bully tries to convince you that you are nothing, not only should you ask that person, but ask yourself these questions:

  1. Who is anyone to decide what my worth as a human being is?
  2. Who are they to decide what my value is?
  3. Who are they to decide whether or not I am good enough?
  4. Who are they to decide who I am or what I should be?
  5. And who the hell are they to decide whether I should live or die?
  6. WHO…ARE…THEY?

It’s not what they call you or say to you, it truly is what you answer to. Your life does not depend on who does or does not like you and neither does it depend on who hates you.

Remember that only YOU decide what your worth is! And you decide by whether or not you keep toxic people in your life. Make the choice today. Life is too short to be anything but happy.

Subconsciously, We Teach People How to Treat Us

Good morning everyone. Here is something which most targets of bullying do not realize. I, myself, didn’t realize this at the time I was being bullied.

Always remember that you teach people how to treat you. And how do you teach them this? By how well you treat yourself- by what you will and will not put up with and by the boundaries that you set. To put it plainly, you can either allow unsavory people into your life, letting them abuse and degrade you or you can put your foot down, call them on their unacceptable behavior, and give them the old heave ho. You decide. And the proof is in the doing, not the saying.

Love yourself first and foremost. Love should come from within and you should never look to any outside source for it. Love yourself and all of your imperfections, for we are all “perfectly flawed”. Accept and respect yourself. You do not have to do anything that you do not want to do in order to be accepted and make someone love you. If a person does not want to see you for the beautiful person that you are, you cannot make them. However, you do have the choice of whether or not to keep them in your life.

With bullies however, this may or may not change their behavior toward you and worst case scenario, might even make it worse. However, you are not looking to change anyone’s attitude, you are looking to take care of yourself and to achieve your own peace and happiness. It is not about changing them, it’s about looking out for yourself and keeping your dignity and self-respect. It’s about taking appropriate measures to make you feel good.

 

The Modus Operandi of a Bully: Why You Should Not Change for Anyone

 

Good morning everyone. I hope you’re having a very happy Tuesday. Today, I will discuss more of how bullies operate and why you should never attempt to change in order to appease them.

If you’re a target of bullying, I must warn you that no matter what you do, good or bad, it will never be right by a bully. Even if you were to save someone’s life, it still would not be good enough for your classmates and they will find some way…any way to poop on it.

Any good that you do, any accomplishments you make and any successes that you have will be minimized; while any mistakes and bad qualities will be maximized. I want you, as a tween or teen to realize that this is how bullies operate. They trivialize your positive qualities and magnify your negative qualities. This is the modus operandi of a bully.

Here is an excerpt of my book, From Victim to Victor, which explains it more plainly:

“…if I had hung around people of my own race, I would be hanging with ‘skanks’, for lack of a better term, and would have been considered one myself. If I befriended those of the African American race, I was considered an n-lover. If I dated a grown man (which I did), I was considered an opportunist or gold-digger. If I had dated a guy of my own age group, they would have conjured up something else negative to say. If I wore a dress and went to school all dolled up (which I did often in high school), I was trying to either impress the opposite sex or get a date and/or laid. If I wore my jeans the slightest bit tight, I looked like a whore. If I cried, I was being too sensitive. If I laughed, I was trying to get attention. If I got angry, I was crazy. If I was being friendly, I was either flirting or trying to kiss ass. I was not allowed to be myself and it was exhausting….”

The last thing that bullies want is to see you happy. If there is anything a bully hates, it is to watch you being happy, successful, etc. and they will pull out all the stops necessary to either minimize or destroy the accomplishments and happiness that you enjoy. You owe it to yourself to give these leaches to your happiness and success the old heave-ho if possible, and to stay your true, awesome self.

Have an awesome week, everyone!

Confidence is Key

You can have all the determination in the world and work like a dog but without confidence, you are just spinning your wheels. Because determination without it equals desperation and desperation comes from a spirit of lack.

When one is unsure and insecure, it is a proven fact that this person will not perform as well at school or work. Confidence equals great performance, equals success, equals even MORE CONFIDENCE than before!

A winning attitude is key to having success in any area of life. Having faith in yourself can also get you through tough times. One of my favorite speakers is Zig Ziglar and he talks about “Stinkin Thinkin” and the damage it can do to self esteem. So turn this “stinkin thinkin” into thoughts of success, gratitude, and happiness and watch every area in your life take a turn for the better…like magic!

However, once confidence is achieved, it must be maintained. There will be failures but remember. Failure is the predecessor of success. You will always make mistakes. No one is perfect nor all knowing. Instead of beating yourself up over some error you made, look for the lesson that this error was meant to teach you. Also, search for the positive in the mistake.

When someone tells you that you can’t, pay them no mind. Others can steal your morale if you let them. It is not easy to be yourself and stay sure when surrounded by others, who either constantly hurl jabs and insults your way, or who just do not believe you can be successful. However, you must hold on to your confidence even if you have to give yourself pep talks several times daily. Adverse things will happen, people will hurt you, it is just a part of life. To feel hurt, anger, or sadness is normal and expected when something negative happens. As I said in my last post, there will be times in life when you will not feel confident. Adversity will happen and throw you off kilter. The difference is that when you have confidence, you will bounce back more quickly and are less likely to dwell in an awful place.

Having been bullied during my tweens and teens, I once was very insecure and had a horribly negative outlook. It took a lot of reprogramming in order to take back my confidence. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. It is easy to change certain things about yourself but changing your thought patterns, especially after you have been conditioned to think a certain way, is one of the hardest feats to accomplish and most certainly does not happen overnight. Negative thought patterns can take years to change completely.

However, once you start, little by little, you will see a positive difference in not only your outlook, but also the circumstances that come into your life. You will begin to feel confident and the more confidence you have, the more momentum you will have behind it.

Always keep that momentum going and you will be on the right path for the rest of your life. With confidence and a winning smile and attitude, you can achieve beyond your wildest dreams!

God commands the Universe to always give you what you ask for. Through our thought patterns, we unconsciously ask for what we get, good or bad. By sending a certain vibe out you always get the same in return. If you are negative, you are unwittingly asking for more negativity to come into your life. But if you are positive, confident, happy and at peace then you are asking for more of the same and it shall be given. So keep showing your pearly whites and smile from the heart! I once heard Zig Ziglar talk about a spirit of gratitude.  Counting your blessings and being thankful are the fastest ways to turn any negative into a positive and with it comes confidence. He was right!