I Am Not Only a Survivor of School Bullying, I Am Also a Widow of a Suicide

Good evening, everyone. I hope everyone enjoyed their holiday yesterday. I certainly enjoyed mine while spending it with my precious family. Today, I want to give another reason why I’m so passionate about the epidemic of bullying and suicide among children and teenagers. That reason is that I’m also a widow of a suicide.

My husband, Michael, died in October of 2011 of a self-inflicted gunshot to the head. Anytime I listen to the news and hear of the suicide of another person, especially someone who is young and whose life has yet to begin, it breaks my heart in two.

I think about the lost future of that person and ask myself, “Could they have overcome whatever was dragging them down? Could the lost have gone to college? Could they have become a doctor, writer or teacher? Could they have been the one person, who could have changed the world for the better?” Yes, I believe that they could have.

I also think of the person’s family and how hurt they are over the untimely death of their loved-one. I know firsthand how that feels and it is the worst kind of heartache. The pain is gut-level and is a feeling of being kicked in the stomach. There are questions, which will never be answered and attempts to figure out why only leave you more confused and eventually drive you crazy.

I also know what suicide looks like and it is not a pretty sight. It is a horrible grotesqueness that cannot be imagined until you are unfortunate enough to see it. It is terrible enough when it is a total stranger, but when it is someone that you love, it is a hell that no one who has never experienced it can comprehend.

I was the unfortunate soul who found my husband’s lifeless body, sitting in his vehicle after he put a 357 magnum to the roof of his mouth and pulled the trigger and it is an image that will forever be seared in my memory and one I will surely carry to my grave.

I want you to know that if you commit suicide, someone who loves you will come looking for you after so long having not heard from you. And when they find you, their whole world will be turned upside down and they will be forever changed. It is always the surviving loved ones, who are left to pick up the pieces. Also, you cheat yourself out of what will more than likely be an awesome future. So I beg you, please don’t do it!

No matter what you may be going through, know that the suffering will not last forever. Know that better days lie ahead and that if you stick it out, you will emerge stronger, happier, and more victorious than ever before. It is said that the skies are always the darkest just before dawn. Therefore, take comfort in knowing that when things seem to be at their worst, your breakthrough is just around the corner. You will see the sun again.

Don’t give up! Don’t quit! You have so much to look forward to, you just don’t know it yet. Your best days are ahead of you.

Have a wonderful night, everyone.



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