Good evening, everyone. Today I want to discuss the process of bullying and how bullies make the victim look like the villain by using the three ‘B’s. I will break this down as simply as I possibly can.
First a bully very meticulously and slyly BAITS the victim by provoking him/her for a reaction. If the victim either gives their tormentors an unwanted reaction, or no reaction at all, the bully, over time, becomes more repetitive with the taunts and intensifies the torment until he/she finally wears the victim down and gets the desired reaction. A person can only take so much and naturally, everyone…everyone has their breaking point. Bullies instinctively know this.
Once the target reaches that breaking point and reacts (yelling, telling the bully off, cursing the bully out, punching the bully in the face, etc.), the bully then BASHES her victim by using the reaction as confirmation of mental illness or mean-spiritedness, implying that the victim is the person at fault. This is done all for the purpose of distracting others from the bully’s own evil actions and projecting guilt onto the victim. The bully also very smoothly weasels her way into the hearts and minds of others to turn them against the victim.
Next, the victim is then labeled as “crazy”, “trouble”, etcetera, etcetera. Bystanders and authority may witness the target’s outburst and automatically assume that the target really is “crazy”, “trouble” or over-reacting when, in fact, the harassment has been going on for several months to several years and the victim has tried her best to handle the abuse calmly and objectively, only to succumb to exhaustion and finally be pushed to her absolute limit.
Finally, if and when the victim either reports the abuse or tells his side of the story, the bully and others automatically BLAME him. The bully uses the reaction and put his own spin on it as he tells his side, using a tiny grain of truth (truth of the victim’s reaction) to make the spin believable. Also, others often shame the victim by referring to him as weak. They may say, “Aww! You just need to toughen up!” or “Can’t you take a joke?”, even when the victim knows good and well that he is not the one with the issue and that the slight was not intended to be a joke, or “all in good fun”.
As a result, the guilt is transferred from bully to victim and the bully goes unpunished and is only more encouraged, taking the impunity as a green light for future torment. All the while, the victim will be seen in a very negative light, with no other choice but to endure the torment in silence, just to keep from further tarnishing her already damaged reputation.
Each time a report is made and others, who are often in a position to help, blow the victim off with these types of statements, the bully becomes more emboldened and the victim becomes more devastated and damaged. The more brazen the bully becomes, the higher the degree to which the harassment escalates and the more frequent and intense the attacks become until the victim either transfers to get away from the torment, is removed, or commits suicide!
As a result, the bully benefits from the feeling of power and control he gets from mistreating his victim and getting away with it. It gives the bully a sense that he is invincible and untouchable. The bully also enjoys the sympathy and petting he receives from others for having feigned victimhood for so long. The above strategy is also used as a means of striking fear into and silencing the victim, discouraging any future attempts at speaking out and exposing the bully for what he truly is…a cowardly, sniveling piece of human filth.
If you are a victim of bullying, you already know too well how it feels to be mistreated and then blamed for your own torment. It’s horrible enough to be constantly harassed, but to be blamed for that harassment is downright devastating and leaves you feeling completely crushed!
Although bullying is now at the forefront of media coverage, it is still considered a taboo subject, especially in rural areas, such as those in West Tennessee, where I currently reside. Sadly, this evil epidemic continues to be widely ignored and needs to be addressed further if we expect to bring change and drive down the statistics.
Understand that this is just another weapon the bully uses and how he/she is allowed to continue their bad behavior with impunity. And it is nothing new! Bullies have been using this method since the dawn of time.
So, remember the 3 ‘B’s- Bait, Bash and Blame and I believe that you will have a better understanding as to how bullies fly under the radar and be better able to explain your situation when you report the harassment.
I had no knowledge of this when I was in school. Therefore, I was kept silent because I did not know how to put into words, the situation from which I was suffering. You, on the other hand, do not have to go through this horrible, humiliating, heartbreaking and gut-wrenching ordeal blindly like I did. Information on how to protect yourself is more readily available today than ever before! Remember that knowledge is power! Use it and reclaim your power!
Have a wonderful evening.