Archive | August 2016

Please Hold On! It Won’t Last Forever! Your Well-Deserved Happiness is Coming!

Good afternoon, everyone. I want to give encouragement to everyone who is being bullied. Your pain, although intense…even unbearable, will only be temporary and I do not say this lightly. I know what you must be thinking… “But she doesn’t understand! Nobody understands! She’s an adult and she doesn’t understand the hell I go through every day at school!”

I do understand because once upon a time, I was stuck in the same spot that you are in now. I know what it is like to want to smile, laugh, sing and dance and have it beat out of you. I understand the pain of wanting to believe in yourself and see your own value, only to have others repeatedly and seemingly deliberately, drum into your head that you are nothing. To want to speak and have your voice heard, only to be silenced with the threat of either physical harm, further degradation or humiliation! I know all too well the feeling of wanting to move forward and go places, only to have bullies hold you back. To want to escape the torment, only to be stuck in a toxic environment with toxic people, against your will! I know the horror of having your very existence cursed by others and to be bombarded with death threats. To be forced to sacrifice your own needs and wants for the satisfaction of others! To see others getting gratification and entertainment…all at your expense. I know what it’s like to be slapped, kicked, beaten, scorned, disregarded, walked on!

It is a feeling of being run over by a truck, whose driver then stops, throws it into reverse and backs over you again. Then the driver shifts back into drive and mows over you…yet again. Then stops the truck, opens the door, sticks his head out and asks, “Are you dead yet?”. And any signs of life…any whimper…any movement only encourages the driver to close the door, shift into reverse again, and back over you again…just keep running and backing over you until you finally succumb to the trauma and die. Yes. This is what being a victim of bullying is like. Bullies want to destroy you and it seems that they won’t relent until they are sure that they have done just that.

But know this. You will not have to deal with these people forever and Karma does repay…in spades! If you keep believing in yourself, you will go on to become successful and happy and your bullies won’t even matter to you when you do reach success. You are beautiful! You are smart! You are awesome! And one day, you will cross paths with people, who will see your worth and love you…unconditionally…just for being YOU!

Don’t give up. You are worth fighting for!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

The “Crazy” Label: The Easiest and Most Used Weapon in the Bully’s Arsenal

Good morning, everyone. Do you ever wonder why most targets who stand up against abuse are often labeled crazy by their bullies? Here are the reasons:

1. The crazy label is used by bullies as a last option when there is nothing else they can pin on their victims.

2. It is the most difficult to prove. If you are a target of bullying and you have the guts to stand up against the abuse, the bully may tell everyone that you are crazy and everyone else may believe it too. However, although there is no way for the bully to prove that you are, in fact, crazy, there is also no way that you can prove that you aren’t.

This is why the “crazy” label is just too easy to stick on anyone because people have a strong tendency to see the worst in others and the burden of proof lies with the target. It is damn hard to prove that you aren’t crazy, especially when bullies are attacking you from every direction and wearing you down. The natural human response is to react and defend yourself when you are being attacked and it can very easily be mistaken for mental illness.

I want to assure you that just because the majority says that you are doesn’t mean that it’s true. You are awesome in your own right! You are sane! You are a good person! And you DO matter and have value! Have a great day, everyone!

 

Three ‘B’s of Bullying: Baiting, Bashing and Blaming

Good evening, everyone. Today I want to discuss the process of bullying and how bullies make the victim look like the villain by using the three ‘B’s. I will break this down as simply as I possibly can.

First a bully very meticulously and slyly BAITS the victim by provoking him/her for a reaction. If the victim either gives their tormentors an unwanted reaction, or no reaction at all, the bully, over time, becomes more repetitive with the taunts and intensifies the torment until he/she finally wears the victim down and gets the desired reaction. A person can only take so much and naturally, everyone…everyone has their breaking point. Bullies instinctively know this.

Once the target reaches that breaking point and reacts (yelling, telling the bully off, cursing the bully out, punching the bully in the face, etc.), the bully then BASHES her victim by using the reaction as confirmation of mental illness or mean-spiritedness, implying that the victim is the person at fault. This is done all for the purpose of distracting others from the bully’s own evil actions and projecting guilt onto the victim. The bully also very smoothly weasels her way into the hearts and minds of others to turn them against the victim.

Next, the victim is then labeled as “crazy”, “trouble”, etcetera, etcetera. Bystanders and authority may witness the target’s outburst and automatically assume that the target really is “crazy”, “trouble” or over-reacting when, in fact, the harassment has been going on for several months to several years and the victim has tried her best to handle the abuse calmly and objectively, only to succumb to exhaustion and finally be pushed to her absolute limit.

Finally, if and when the victim either reports the abuse or tells his side of the story, the bully and others automatically BLAME him. The bully uses the reaction and put his own spin on it as he tells his side, using a tiny grain of truth (truth of the victim’s reaction) to make the spin believable. Also, others often shame the victim by referring to him as weak. They may say, “Aww! You just need to toughen up!” or “Can’t you take a joke?”, even when the victim knows good and well that he is not the one with the issue and that the slight was not intended to be a joke, or “all in good fun”.

As a result, the guilt is transferred from bully to victim and the bully goes unpunished and is only more encouraged, taking the impunity as a green light for future torment. All the while, the victim will be seen in a very negative light, with no other choice but to endure the torment in silence, just to keep from further tarnishing her already damaged reputation.

Each time a report is made and others, who are often in a position to help, blow the victim off with these types of statements, the bully becomes more emboldened and the victim becomes more devastated and damaged. The more brazen the bully becomes, the higher the degree to which the harassment escalates and the more frequent and intense the attacks become until the victim either transfers to get away from the torment, is removed, or commits suicide!

As a result, the bully benefits from the feeling of power and control he gets from mistreating his victim and getting away with it. It gives the bully a sense that he is invincible and untouchable. The bully also enjoys the sympathy and petting he receives from others for having feigned victimhood for so long. The above strategy is also used as a means of striking fear into and silencing the victim, discouraging any future attempts at speaking out and exposing the bully for what he truly is…a cowardly, sniveling piece of human filth.

If you are a victim of bullying, you already know too well how it feels to be mistreated and then blamed for your own torment. It’s horrible enough to be constantly harassed, but to be blamed for that harassment is downright devastating and leaves you feeling completely crushed!

Although bullying is now at the forefront of media coverage, it is still considered a taboo subject, especially in rural areas, such as those in West Tennessee, where I currently reside. Sadly, this evil epidemic continues to be widely ignored and needs to be addressed further if we expect to bring change and drive down the statistics.

Understand that this is just another weapon the bully uses and how he/she is allowed to continue their bad behavior with impunity. And it is nothing new! Bullies have been using this method since the dawn of time.

So, remember the 3 ‘B’s- Bait, Bash and Blame and I believe that you will have a better understanding as to how bullies fly under the radar and be better able to explain your situation when you report the harassment.

I had no knowledge of this when I was in school. Therefore, I was kept silent because I did not know how to put into words, the situation from which I was suffering. You, on the other hand, do not have to go through this horrible, humiliating, heartbreaking and gut-wrenching ordeal blindly like I did. Information on how to protect yourself is more readily available today than ever before! Remember that knowledge is power! Use it and reclaim your power!

Have a wonderful evening.

 

 

 

 

Exposing Bullies And Protecting Yourself From Future Attacks

Hello, everyone! I hope you are having an awesome day so far. As promised, I must talk about how to unveil a bully’s deplorable behavior and defend yourself. I have created a list of several things you can do to rip the mask off and keep yourself safe.

1. Know your enemy. How you do this is to stand back and always OBSERVE the people around you, but without looking like you are watching them. Pay close attention to body language, facial expressions and tone of voice. I can’t stress enough the importance of this. This is how you find out who the trouble makers are. If you see another student gossip and make trouble for others, you can be sure that in time, they will do the same to you. This is how I now know who to avoid at all costs. However, be advised that avoidance will not work if you have a determined bully after you. If a person wants to get to you badly enough, they will seek you out until they find you.

2. Document everything! As it has been said, “if it isn’t documented, it never happened”. Keep a journal and write down everything. I did this in junior high and high school just in case one of my bullies either hurt me bad enough to hospitalize me, or worse…killed me. You must write down the names of your bullies, the names of any bystanders or authority (teachers, principal, or any member of authority) present at the time the altercation took place, the date, time, place it happened, what happened and if possible, why it happened. Also, record what is said and by whom. Document every… single… detail!!

3. Do not reveal any information about yourself that you would not want to be told to anyone. Including your friends! If you do, you’re asking for trouble because if you are the target of a bully, you can be sure that your bullies will, at some point, either try to pry information about you out of your friends or they will turn your friends against you altogether.

4. Keep a low profile. Don’t do anything that may draw attention to yourself. And stay away from places the bullies may gather. Think, “Out of sight, out of mind.” Just don’t make it obvious to your bullies that you are ducking and dodging them. I avoided several confrontations by simply laying low.

5. Save any threatening texts, emails, and/or voice mails for evidence. And if possible, set your cellphone to record during any altercation brought on by a bully, provided it is hidden in your pocket. You certainly do not want the bully to know what you are doing. keep your composure and be sure not to tarnish the recording by yelling or using foul language. Schools are now becoming more aware of the issue of bullying. If you happen not to have a cellphone, keep a digital recorder handy (if possible) and be ready to record as soon as the torment starts.

6. NEVER brag about any evidence you have against a bully. Not even to your best friend…PERIOD! Again, bullies have a knack for prying information out of people, even your friends. They can also turn your friends against you, making them more than happy to volunteer the information. Don’t do it! Anytime you are a target of bullies, you are in no position to trust anyone!

7. Call the bully out in front of an audience. This is risky and could bring retaliation. However, the bully will also know that you are on to him/her and you just might intimidate them enough that they will leave you alone. It happened for me on a few occasions. But keep in mind that this doesn’t happen for everyone. Calling the bully out in front of people can also humiliate the bully and make that person more determined to get you. So access the bully’s personality and the situation carefully before you decide to do this.

Ripping the mask off the bully…layer by layer. Have a wonderful day, guys!

 

Excuses Bystanders and Even Authority Often Make for a Bully

Good morning, everyone. As we all know, bullies are very practiced and convincing liars and have a flare for using charm to deceive bystanders and authority. Understand that this “charm” bullies often display is fake it is all a part of the smoke screen they put up to cover up bad behavior and avoid accountability. In short, bullies are only actors and actresses.

With that being said, I want to list excuses that bystanders and authority often make for the bully anytime a victim reports them for their appalling behavior.

“That’s just his personality.”

“She’s only expressing herself.”

“He just has a very strong personality.”

“She’s going through a hard time right now.”

“But he’s really a good person, he’s just having issues right now.”

“She’s just having problems at home.”

“He’s just being himself.”

“But he’s so well liked and well mannered. Why would he bully someone like you?”

“But she’s so sweet and everyone loves her. She wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

These are a few examples of how others justify and condone the bully’s behavior. Don’t fall for it! Call them what they are…BULLIES! Never accept any excuse. It’s true that retaliation may follow. However, stay strong and know that you don’t have to tolerate atrocious behavior from anyone! Tomorrow, I will talk about how you can expose the bully and protect yourself.

Have a great day!

Victims of Bullying May Make Very Poor Choices Just to be Accepted

Good morning, everyone. Today I want to discuss the poor decisions that victims of bullying sometimes make as a result of wanting so badly to be accepted. I know about this because years ago, I was a victim and yes, I made some really bad decisions, some of which continue to affect my life today. At the time, I didn’t really know why I made those decisions. However, today, there is no doubt in my mind that the reason I allowed myself to get into smoking marijuana and having lots of sex during high school was because I was lonely from being bullied.

You see? Most victims of bullying have been bullied for so many years that they will do anything…and I mean ANYTHING, to make friends. After so long, the loneliness, the despair and the sadness becomes too much to bear and desperation starts to creep in.

Young Targets may try drugs, sex, joining gangs, crime and other things just to feel like they belong. Girls may settle for either a partner they don’t really love, or an abusive partner just for validation that they too can attain romance and that they are worthy of love just like everyone else. Girls may also deliberately become pregnant because they want so bad to have someone (the baby) to love them.

If you are a victim of bullying, I can’t emphasize enough that you don’t have to do these things to be accepted or to feel loved. There are better options.

Instead of making dumb choices, practice your talents and do the things you enjoy. Spend time with the people who DO love you. Give a little of yourself to positive others every day and I promise you, it will pay off sooner or later. You will attract genuine friends into your life and best of all, your self-esteem will go up as well.

Have a great day, everyone!

 

Your Gut Instinct: Why You Should Listen to It

Good afternoon, everyone. Today, I want to tell you the importance of that gut feeling we sometimes get and why we should take it seriously. First, I would like to apologize for failing to blog for the past week. I have been feeling a bit under the weather and have been resting. I want to thank everyone for the prayers.

At different times in my life, I have either met, or been around certain people whom my inner alarm tried to warn me about. I cannot explain the feeling I got. The only way I can describe this gut feeling is to say that something seemed to be “off” about these people and I would get a sinking, creepy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I could literally feel the bad vibes that seemed to pour fourth from these people.

When I was young, I would often mistake this feeling for “just being paranoid” and ignore the feeling, which is something that a whopping majority of bully victims do. And it proved to be to my disappointment…every time! I have since learned that had I listened to my gut and avoided these people, I could have saved myself a truckload of heartache.

So I want you to know this. God gave you that “sixth sense” or as it is more commonly called, the “gut feeling” or “instinct”, for a reason. Anytime you get a bad feeling in your gut about someone, you are not being paranoid, you are not over-reacting. It is only your inner alarm trying to warn you about a person or situation and keep you safe.

Here are a couple of excerpts from my book, “From Victim to Victor” that explains this even further:

“…My gut feeling warned me many times about my classmate’s personalities or that someone was about to harm me in some way, shape or form. I did not listen to my innate alarm because the faith in my own intuitive abilities had been shattered. As a result, I often mistook it for being overly suspicious.

Another example of poor decision making was that I became a very MEAN and VICIOUS person. As a result, I often repelled the people who had my best interests at heart, who were genuine and would have otherwise been true friends. I missed out on a lot of opportunities for friendship because I had very quickly come to a place where I did not trust anyone.

It was much safer to put up a barrier and keep everyone, including my own family out than it was to take risks and learn how to trust the right people.

Being bullied and being stuck with unnecessary labels can very easily do this to a person. It cannot only cause you not to believe in yourself and your own abilities, but it can also enable you to trust your own innate intuition if you let it. It blinds you to people who are true as it completely zaps your senses of who is for real and who is fake, thus causing the loss of your ability to avoid dangerous people.”

“…You are not stupid. It is not only in your imagination. You are not being overly sensitive. You are not being a wimp, wuss, crybaby, crazy or whatever else unsavory people call you. You always know when something does not feel good. You can see it in the way certain people cut their eyes at you and talk through their teeth. You can hear the short and cold tone in their voices. You can feel, deep down in your gut, the nasty vibes they exude. This is why you should always listen to your gut feeling because it is never wrong. Eighty-six those people pronto!”

Please don’t ignore this instinct. Never overlook that sinking feeling in your stomach because it could save you from so much trouble. It could even save your life!