The Benefits of Not Belonging to Any Clique

Good evening, everyone. I hope you’ve had an awesome day. Too many young people put entirely too much importance on belonging to a certain clique. However, I want to assure these kids that they’re not defined by whether or not they are a member of one, and why they’re actually better off.

There is something to be said for not belonging to any particular group because it allows you to have a great degree of freedom. Anytime you are a member of a clique, club, or group, there are restrictions that come with it, one of which is the unwritten rule against associating with anyone outside of that circle.

More often than not, if a member is caught talking to an “outsider”, that person runs the risk of being ostracized and ousted by the other members. In my experience, it just wasn’t and still isn’t worth being prevented from meeting new and possibly interesting and awesome people.

Also, by not belonging to a clique, you are afforded the freedom to think freely. When you are a member of a circle, your beliefs, attitudes, and opinions will most likely have to be the same as those in your group. If they aren’t, you risk being kicked out and/or worse, bullied.

I think this is complete and utter hogwash! There is no reason why you should not be able to associate with anyone you choose. Also, no two people are the same and you should be free to have your own opinions, beliefs and attitudes. Do what makes YOU happy. Stop trying to please or impress your “friends”. Because if you have to suppress yourself in order to have or keep friends, then these people are not real friends.

Therefore, never allow a clique, or your desire to be a part of one cause you to pass up opportunities to get to know great people, who might someday prove to be wonderful assets to your life! And never allow others to restrict you from being your authentic self! If the clique cannot respect and accept your individuality, then you must ask yourself, “Are these people really worth my time?”

With that being said, I’ll leave you to figure this out for yourselves. I believe that deep down, you already know the answer. Have a wonderful night!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why The Target Often Gets the Blame While the Bully Escapes Accountability

Greetings, everyone. Today, I feel that it is important to answer a question that I’m positive that every person, who has ever been a victim of bullying, has asked either themselves or another person at some point or another: “Why am I always to blame?” and “Why do my tormentors often get away with tormenting me?”

Here is the answer and there are many factors:

Bullies are very convincing liars. Bullies have been lying and covering up bad behavior all of their lives. They have been doing this for long enough that they have learned what works and what does not work. They are master manipulators, skilled in the art of deception. Bullies are also very good at rationalizing and justifying their unacceptable behavior. They are con artists, who often use charm to deceive those in authority.

Bullies often use projection, which is projecting their own faults and shortcomings onto their targets, making the target look like the bully and themselves look like the victim. When faced with possible accountability for their evil actions, they often cry and feign victimhood. This tactic is usually employed by female bullies.

Bullies are very charming to the right people, which can be used as another weapon against a victim. Bullies seem to emit an oozing charm. Because of this, they had a way of winning people over and making them their allies. A good reputation can be used as a weapon against any target because with this good name, the bully has everyone (except the target) fooled and others cannot believe that “this sweet, innocent, pretty little girl” would harm anyone. Take the outgoing guy that everyone loves, no one is going to believe that this “fine young man” would ever beat up a smaller boy unless he was provoked.

Because this person has so many friends who cherish them. Even if these friends did witness them undertake any wrong doing, they will still more than likely cover up for the bully out of loyalty and place the blame on the target.

There is strength in numbers and people in large numbers can have a cumulative power which can be overwhelming even for the greatest, toughest, strongest, most intelligent of individuals. To put it plainly, if enough people are against a person, that person is powerless, no matter how strong, smart, beautiful or easy going they may be

Bullies use gaslighting- adding their own spin to make you look and feel like the villain or by laying guilt trips- trying to convince you that you are at fault or that the abuse is just your imagination. Bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

Bullies malign you to others to destroy your good name and credibility: They recruit followers and start a campaign of hate and viciousness against you, by way of rumors, lies, and trying to turn your friends against you. This occurred to me on a regular basis in school and it would happen as retaliation for my having the gall to stand up to them and assert my God-given, divine right not to be abused or taken advantage of.

There were several different benefits from the execution of this strategy. Number one: It could be used to protect one another from being labeled by a teacher and getting a bad reputation. Most, who have been in school has a least gotten into two fights, which sounds perfectly normal. Number two: Destroying the victim’s name with the staff would lessen any chances of being listened to, should the target run and “tattle” to members of authority. Again, protecting them from discipline at school and allowing them the freedom to do whatever they want whenever they feel like it.

Targets get the blame because sadly, the attitude of most bystanders and members of authority is this: “Why would so many kids have it in for her if she’s not provoking them somehow?” or “Nobody likes him, so there has to be a reason that justifies it.”

After all, who is going to look any further then the child with the worst name anytime a confrontation arises? It is all designed to manipulate school staff and save the bullies’ behinds from having to face repercussions and therefore, leaves an opening for further bullying later on.

I believe that victims not only need confidence to fight bullying, but also knowledge of the techniques bullies use. Therefore, the more knowledge we can gain of how bullies operate, the better we will be able to protect ourselves.

Have a wonderful day, everyone!

Suicide Is NEVER The Solution!

Good afternoon everyone, as you already know, the recent suicides of Destiny Gleason and Daniel Fitzpatrick have drawn media coverage around the globe, driving home the sad truth of an epidemic that has gone out of control- the epidemic of suicide among young people due to bullying.I believe we must do what we can to reach out to these unfortunate young souls who are at risk of leaving this world much too soon. And this is how I reach out to these kids.

Here is another excerpt from my book “From Victim to Victor”. It is from Chapter 13 and what you are about to read is something that every person who is or who has ever been a target of bullying must read. Even if you have never been a victim but know someone who is, this is also for you.

“…I cannot stress enough that suicide is totally fruitless and not to mention selfish. All too often, people do not think of the ramifications. When you commit suicide at such a young age, regardless of your reasons, you are cheating yourself out of what could possibly be a wonderful future. You destroy any chance for happiness and fulfillment.

You also cheat the people who love you, setting them up for a lifetime of heartache and the question of “why did he/she do it?” and this will be a question which can never be answered.

You must realize that even though things may seem hopeless now, there is still a high probability that life will eventually change for the better if you just be patient and wait. As long as you are still alive, there is a good chance that things will improve…and improve drastically. However, once you are dead, there is no chance for improvement and there is no coming back. Therefore, anytime you take your own life, you cheat yourself.

Suicide is not an escape, not glamorous and it is not a means of obtaining pity. The bullies or whoever else mistreated you will not feel the least bit sorry about it. They will not care and some might even be happy that you are no longer around, getting complete satisfaction and gratification from your death. They will live on to select another person to torment and denigrate while you’re lying six feet under and being forgotten about.

People will only mourn your loss for a little while, then they will pick up and move on with their lives. Life does go on after you are gone. Although this seems brutal and unfeeling, it is the cold, hard truth and I want to shock a little sense into those of you who may be contemplating on doing something really stupid. That’s what suicide is…stupid.

Before you make the decision to end your life, there are questions that you must ask yourself:

  1. Is suicide something that you want to be remembered for? Is it a legacy that you want to leave behind?
  2. Do you really want to give your bullies the satisfaction of knowing that they had the power to drive you to doing something so rash? Do you want to give them the gratification of knowing that they had the power of life and death over you?
  3. Do you still want to give them that power?

I would hope and pray that you do not!

As it is, they already have enough power over you if you are a target! Why then would you want to give them more of it?

The next time a bully tells you to “go kill yourself”, not only should you ask the bully, but ask yourself who that person is to decide whether or not you deserve to live? In, fact there are several questions to ponder here.

  1. Who is anyone to decide what your worth as a human being is?
  2. Who are they to decide what your value is?
  3. Who are they to decide whether or not you are good enough?
  4. Who are they to decide who or what you are or should be?
  5. And who the hell are they to decide whether you should live or die?
  6. WHO…ARE…THEY?

It’s not what they call you or say to you, it truly is what you answer to. Your life does not depend on who does or who does not like you and neither does it depend on who hates you.

I recently went to my twenty-fifth class reunion just a year ago and got to see about thirty classmates, most of whom either bullied me or sold me out at some point or another during school. Although the vast majority of them have grown up by now and were very kind people, there were still maybe two or three out of the whole bunch who still, after all these years, hold resentment and contempt. Although, they never came out and said anything for fear of looking bad in front of the other classmates, I could see it in their eyes when they looked at me and in their facial expressions and body language. And one woman even threw a very subtle dig while sitting right beside me, to my right, during a class meeting just a month prior to the reunion. A dig to which I only responded with a smile and actually got a genuine hug from another classmate.

I did not fire back at her because I decided that this woman was not even worth the energy. I just very gracefully blew her off because it was only further proof that in this world, there are quite a few 40+ year-old prepubescents walking around. Age does not equal maturity.

I now take great pride in myself for responding to such immaturity with class and I had an awesome time at the reunion. I never let the immature actions of a few bad apples spoil it. I continued to be my authentic and awesome self. I socialized and danced! I let my hair down, let myself shine, and ended up having a wonderful time and being very glad I went!

The point to my reunion story is this: Bullying does not stop after high school graduation. All through life, you will encounter scores of ignorant people and I feel it incumbent upon me to prepare you for this. While you are still young, you must learn now how to let the ignorance of a few narrow-minded people roll off your back or you will be in for a very difficult life ahead.

In life, there will always be a handful of people who will never approve of you. But always know this: it is THEIR issue, not yours. I will say it again:

THEY are the ones who have the issue, not you!  So never allow yourself to be sucked into thinking that there is something wrong with you just because people refuse to see your worth. There is nothing wrong with you.

Never give anyone the power to determine how you feel about yourself, whether or not you have fun, or what mood you should be in. And for sure, never give them the power to cause you to die by your own hand.

You may be called the foulest, most horrible names in the English language but it does not mean that you are those names. Remember that bullies are LIARS! As long as you have the determination to stay alive and stay true to yourself and to your own heart regardless of what others may think of you, you are anything but those names! You are strong, resilient, determined, intelligent…you are AWESOME! Because you refuse to be brought down!

But if you commit suicide, then you only cause the people who called you the above names to think that they were right about you all along!

Suicide is for quitters! And you are not a quitter! You are a fighter and if you remain tough long enough, you will emerge a winner! I can almost guarantee it!

I fought like hell to hold on to my pride, dignity, and self-respect! And most importantly, I LIVED through it and eventually things changed for the better!

I lived to write a book, which is designed to help you and give you strength. This book is my way of turning what was once a very negative experience into a positive outcome!

So don’t give up! Don’t quit! As long as you keep on living, you keep on fighting and as long as you keep on fighting, you have already won. You just do not know it yet.

In hindsight, I never should have resorted to an attempt to take my own life. Instead, I should have wanted to live…to stick around, even if for no other reason than to piss them off.

If I had it to do over, I would have worked on me. I would have gotten busy practicing and honing my talents and would not have been afraid to display those talents. I would have been entering talent shows and writing contests…and winning all sorts of prizes! I would have begun striving toward self-betterment and a deeper understanding of not only what was happening to me but also of the world and people around me.

Suicide is never the answer…never! I did not realize then, that I was playing right into my bullies’ hands and giving them exactly what they wanted. My bullies were already out to destroy me and I was making it that much easier for them to do so.

Now that I know better, there will be a cold day in Hades before I will ever let another person drive me that far down! Instead, I will only be that much more determined to keep living and enjoying the good things in life! There is beauty in life if you look for it.

Being bullied should be a motivator. It should make you that much more determined to live, and to live a happier, more peaceful and successful life. Spend as much time as possible doing the things you enjoy and being around the people who love you the most…positive people who lift you up and make you feel awesome…caring people…loving people! The happier you are, the less you will be affected by the ignorant actions and words of any bully.

Always look your best and do your best at any task. Excel in your studies, talents and anything else that you do. Do what you have to do to feel good about yourself just as long as it does not cause harm to another person.

Do not wallow in self-pity no matter how bad things get. Sure, it’s okay to feel emotion anytime someone hurts you. So get angry, feel sad, cry, beat a pillow, do whatever you can to let those emotions out when you feel them because you certainly do not want to hold it in. But do not dwell on those emotions…never stay in that hurtful place for long because it can be a real confidence killer if you do.

Be a positive person and interest yourself in other people and what is going on in their lives. People will love you if you are genuinely interested in them. Be kind (without being a pushover of course) and meet new people, being interested in them. Let them talk about themselves, their hobbies and interests.

While they are talking, listen with your eyes focused on them. Be genuinely interested in anything they talk about and get excited about their dreams, being happy for them when they achieve those dreams and wishing them well. People love someone who is excited about them. Smile at and greet people, calling them by name. By doing this, you will eventually make lots of friends and live down a bad reputation caused by bullies, past or present.

I say this because it happened for me. I no longer have the reputation I once had, or at least it does not stick like it used to. I have so many friends today that it’s hard for me to keep up with all of them. I have also won over many of my former bullies from school. That’s right. Several of the people who once bullied me in school are now some of my closest friends!

And how did I manage to turn everything around and live down the horrible reputation I once had?

I did it by taking my focus off of me and acquiring a genuine interest in others and how their lives were going. I did it by replacing hate, contempt and bitterness with love, acceptance and forgiveness. I began to love myself and see my own worth as a person. I started to value myself and quit worrying about what others thought of me. I made doing the right thing my goal.

Did it make everyone like me? Of course not. However, I did not and still do not concern myself with what others think or how they act. Instead, I concern myself with how well I made someone else feel about themselves. Did I put a smile on the face of someone who would otherwise still be sad? Did I make a difference in the life of at least one person today?  Did I help restore hope in someone whom would otherwise not have any hope at all? Was I the difference between someone deciding whether or not to take their own life? I always hope so.

Do everything that you can possibly do to build your confidence and do it constructively. Take risks by meeting new and interesting people….”

Another Heartbreaking Statistic

This breaks my heart! Such a tragic waste of young life! This is what bullies will do to you…If you let them.
A 13-year-old Staten Island boy took his own life on Thursday after students at the private school he was attending bullied him mercilessly, his family said on Friday.…
nypost.com

Bullies Consciously Select Their Targets

Good morning, everyone. I hope you are enjoying your weekend. Anyone, who has ever been selected as a target for bullies knows all too well, the feeling of bewilderment, the confusion…. the questions- The “What did I do wrong?”, “What is it about me?” or “What do they treat me so horrible?” If you are a target, allow me to answer these questions for you.

First, you did NOTHING wrong!

Second, there is NOTHING wrong with you!

And third, they treat you bad because of something that is within THEM! Not YOU!

I want you to understand that bullies purposely select their victims. They know exactly what they’re doing and why they’re doing it. Yes! Remember that bullies are nothing but sniveling little cowards. And they select anyone, whom they don’t believe will fight back. School bullies always select those they think are slow, kids with hearts of gold, who would never hurt a fly, children who are disabled, mentally handicapped or mentally ill, youngsters who are quiet and reserved and children who have what is perceived to be a physical flaw (overweight, underweight, eyeglasses, braces, or disfigured from accidents).

The only way a bully can feel powerful and that they measure up is to have their own little victim to use as their punching bag. If they don’t have that target, they feel less than and will go to the ends of the earth to find one. Bullies will often select other classmates at random to see how they react. If a potential victim stands up to the bully and tells them off, the bully will then slink away with their tail between their legs. They will then search for someone else until they find the victim who responds how they want them to respond (cries, ignores them, walks away, runs, tattles, etc.) Once the bully finds his/her chosen victim, then they target that person, sometimes for years until that person either changes schools, moves, or dies. Then, once again, the bully will be on the hunt for a replacement victim.

I want you to understand that the bully is actually a pitiful person. Only a lowdown, uneducated, sad and pathetic person has to have another person to harm. Think about it! They pick on kids whom they perceive as weak! They stoop so low as to pick on disabled and handicapped kids! Only a losery scumbag creep does that! A zero! A sick moron! So have the courage to call the bully OUT on these things! I realize that there are risks to calling a bully out, but do it anyway. Your self-esteem is counting on you.

Get it in your head right now! Bullies are gutless, pathetic pieces of crap…maggots…human filth! Toilet scum!

Here’s another fact, bullies are also narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths. Therefore, there is something dark within them that motivates them to bully others.

I’ll say again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! It is not your fault! And there is nothing about you that would make anyone mistreat you. So believe that you are an awesome, smart, beautiful person! Believe that you are a better person than your tormentors because you ARE! Never allow any bully to convince you that you are less than. Hold on to your faith and to your confidence and counter every negative statements a bully makes.

Have a wonderful weekend!

 

 

 

 

A Message to Every Person Who Either Has, or Presently Struggles With Being the Target of Relentless Bullying

Greetings, everyone! I hope your day is an awesome one. I would like to be a living testimony to every victim and survivor of bullying. The reward I get from this is to be an example of victory and bring down the suicide rate of bullied kids and adults. My wish is to see more bully targets re-empower themselves, snatch back their confidence and go on to live happy and successful lives.

I too was a target of bullying when I moved to a small Tennessee town after having been an Army brat for most of my childhood and having lived in several different areas. From the sixth grade (arrival in this Tennessee town) until I changed schools during my senior year in high school, I was a victim of merciless and relentless bullying and even attempted suicide at age 14 because it had gotten so out of control.

I am so blessed to have survived the attempt and lived on to tell my story. I also went through a second round of bullying…bullying of the more sinister type when my husband passed away four years ago. I was cyber-bullied by not only a few of my former classmates but several others joined in and this was during a time when I was already in mourning. Bullies love to kick you when you are already down.

BUT….I want you to know that the torment will not last forever. There will come a day when you will no longer have to deal with your classmates and you can feel free to be yourself without fear of ridicule. I want you to know that your situation WILL NOT LAST FOREVER! I am living proof of this! I not only survived, but I won. I am now a very confident, happy and successful person! I am the mother of two wonderful sons and the grandmother of one precious grandson! I have a great career and so many friends that I couldn’t possibly keep up with all of them. I have written and am currently working on getting published, a book about my experiences with school bullying. My mission is to reach as many bully targets as possible around the globe and to assure them that they are awesome people in spite of what others say to or about them.

I know your situation seems hopeless and I know all too well the feeling of exhaustion that overwhelms you after having been bullied for so long. The desperately hanging on to your own dignity…the refusing to bow down to your bullies only to be bullied even more for that refusal…the being in a situation that you did not ask to be in and seeing no end to it…the wanting everything to stop! I was there once! But never give up! I know it can be unbearable at times, but hold on to yourself, hold on to hope, hold on to your future! You are worth it! You ARE worthy to be loved by others! You DO matter! You ARE an awesome person! Never forget that!

Wishing you all love, success, peace and happiness!

 

Targets of Bullying: Why You Have Every Right to be Pissed Off and Why You Should Handle That Anger Constructively

Good morning everyone! I want to let you know that if you’re a target of bullying, you have every right to be angry. Here’s why:

Your bullies have slowly, over time, stolen your life from you. They have brainwashed you into believing yourself that you aren’t worthy of being loved, of having friends, of having a date, of having success and happiness. They have psychologically and maybe even physically bludgeoned you. Your bullies may have even taken away your opportunities by the lies and rumors they spread about you to keep you down. Because bullies not only sabotage the victims’ relationships, they also wreak havoc on their job opportunities, opportunities to get picked for a team or to try out in contests and other competitions. They have turned everyone against you, who would otherwise be your best friends and associates. Your bullies have in essence, sucked the life out of you and caused you to become a shell of your former self. You have been held emotionally hostage for so many years by bullies.

Isn’t it time that you got pissed and took your life back? Of course it is! However, you must process the anger constructively. You see? Bullies are waiting for you to screw up and sometimes, it’s really easy to do or say something out of emotion. And it can get you into a ton of trouble. That’s what your bullies are looking for. They push your buttons in hopes that you will react by doing/saying something stupid. Don’t give them that satisfaction.

Life is but a vapor and we only get one chance in this world. Make that chance count. Start today by countering every negative statement your bullies may make about you. Tell yourself that you are awesome…that you are a trooper and that you deserve much better than what you have been getting. Become a force to be reckoned with. Stand up and let these confidence thieves know that they are out of your life and they will no longer have an effect on you. Reclaim your power and do it NOW!

Wishing you a wonderful day!

 

A Detailed Description of the Pain and Torment Endured By Targets of Bullying

Hello, everyone. I would like to give you a very detailed scenario of what it is like to be a target of bullying. My aim is to put you in the shoes of a target so that you can better understand what they are forced to endure on a daily basis. With that said, I want you to know that when it comes to living with bullying, nothing…and I mean NOTHING is far-fetched. No story is unlikely.

This is a long post so please bear with me.

Imagine that you are in Middle School or High School. Imagine waking up in the morning and eating breakfast. Your mother is busy preparing to go to work while you eat. You stare at your mother, wanting so badly to tell her was is happening at school and how much you hurt inside. If you do tell her, will she put her arms around you and reassure you that it isn’t your fault and that you still matter? Or will she tell you that it’s all just a part of the school experience and that you should just stick it out? Will she give you loving motherly advice or blame you, saying that you must be doing something to piss those kids off or they would not bother you? Will she listen to you, or will she just dismiss you, telling you to ignore the bullies? You ponder these questions and what your mother might say and then decide that maybe opening up is a bad idea. You are also ashamed…of being bullied. How can you tell your family that you are the pariah of your school…that you are number one must wanted among your peers…and not in a good way? What will they say? How will they react?

Soon, it’s time to go to the bus stop. You go, however reluctantly. You stand there, waiting for the school bus, hoping that maybe it broke down on the side of the road, had a flat, that something happened to delay it. You absolutely dread seeing the bus approach. You have a lump in your throat and it is extremely hard to swallow. You are terrified because you know what’s coming the moment you step onto that bus and later, when you walk through the school entrance. Just like every day before, for the past several years, you will be ambushed, you will be caught in an onslaught of ugly names, taunts, digs, cruel pranks and probably even punches, kicks and shoves!

Just knowing this is enough to paralyze you and make your stomach turn. As you see the school bus approaching, your heart sinks and your stomach turns somersaults. You wonder if the torment will ever end. You wonder when the day will finally arrive when you can be like everyone else…strolling easily along in school, enjoying friends, laughing it up, and having the time of their lives. You wonder, “Why not me?”

When the bus stops in front of you, the doors swing open and you step on. An instant hush falls over the other passengers, then all of a sudden, you hear several different voices, “Oh God! Not him/her again!” “Hey, bitch! How does it feel that nobody likes you?” “Nobody will EVER like you! You should have been aborted at birth!” “You’re such a waste! Why don’t you kill yourself?” This has been happening for so long that you have tried to numb your pain and stuff it deep down inside. However, you can only do this for so long.

As you walk down the aisle to take a seat, a boy gets up and spits in your face. Another boy gets behind you and shoves you forward so hard you almost fall down. Then you find an empty seat and sit down. The girl behind burrows glue from a little first grader and pours it in your long, shiny-clean hair. Another girl pours red food coloring down the back of your nice white blouse and brand new jeans!

Now you must go to school with glue in your hair and a soiled outfit, only to be further ridiculed. You mother has to work so there’s no way she can come take you home for a hair wash and clothes change. You’re stuck at school all day, disheveled.

When you arrive at school, everyone notices the glue in your hair and stained clothes. They point at you and laugh, call you horrible names, even lay hands on you. You are so distraught that when lunch arrives, you can’t even eat. Your stomach is in knots and your head pounds from the stress of being the outcast of your school. The nausea is intense!

You look around and watch everyone else having fun and enjoying school. You watch as girls flirt with their boyfriends and the boys snake an arm around their chosen young ladies. You watch the rest of your peers as they get to enjoy real friendships, getting invites to birthday parties, slumber parties, camping trips and dates. You watch them laugh playfully with each other, you can see the happiness in their eyes…eyes that look on you with disgust… and the look of joy all over their faces…the joy slowly turns to scorn when they look in your general direction.

You want to be happy for them but no longer have it in you. Instead, you can’t help but to resent the hell out of their happiness and blessings…blessings that you yearn to have…that you would give your right arm for if that’s what it took! Blessings that they seem to take for granted!

You wonder, “Why can’t I have that? Why? I’m important too. Don’t I deserve to have friends?” But God seems to be too busy to answer. You want to cry…to scream but cannot. You don’t want to let them see you sweat…you can’t bear for them to see you cry! Your pride- what little you have left, won’t let you give them the satisfaction of knowing they have succeeded in destroying you…they have killed every opportunity for you to make friends of your own…they have squashed your dating opportunities…they have taken all of your accomplishments and good qualities and trampled them under foot. You then become angry and bitter and wish nothing but destruction for their friendships because they deserve to be taught how it feels. You want so bad to trade places with them and it seems that your lot in life is to wander this earth alone.

You watch as some of them even say horrible things behind their friends’ backs. But you notice that, strangely, the slighted friend is quick to forgive them and they get to go on being buddies, as if nothing ever happened. But you? If you so much as look wrong, they want to tear into you. But they already do it…they tear you apart every day and have been for years. All for nothing but existing…for being YOU!

Then after lunch, the torment escalates to a full blown brawl and you are physically attacked in the bathroom. Naturally, you defend yourself, trying to protect your well-being and keep from being hurt. This is the umpteenth physical attack that you’ve had to defend yourself and you’re just dog-assed tired!

Tired of having to fight just to get through what should be a normal school day! Tired of constantly ducking and dodging everyone! Tired of laying low! Tired of having to grow eyes in the back of your head! Tired of being held hostage for eight long hours every day! Tired of being forced to adhere to the many double-standards that your classmates have held you to for so long…too long! You aren’t just tired, you’re exhausted!

Your classmates have worn you down…trampled your dreams, your personhood, confidence, self-esteem,  and your rights to be yourself and to be safe.

A teacher breaks up the melee and you and your attacker are escorted to the principal’s office. If you’re lucky, you and your attacker both are suspended from school. If you aren’t, your classmates will rush to the defense of your attacker and only you will be suspended…for nothing more than trying to defend yourself from being hurt and possibly killed. Because your peers have been standing in line for years, one by one, taking turns attacking you, you are always one of the two…or more…involved. Therefore, you have been labeled a troublemaker and now even some of the school staff are highly suspicious of you. Only the few staff, who are more open-minded understand what you are going through. However, even their hands seem to be tied when it comes to effectively helping you.

You go home that afternoon. In the privacy of your own bedroom, you cry, you scream, you beat your fists against your pillow, your bed, the wall, the door, anything to release all the years-long pinned-up rage, which has festered like a cancerous boil. You fly into a rage and destroy your own bedroom, turning the damn place upside down! What you really want to do is beat the living hell out of all of them. You’re not really beating the pillow, bed, or whatever else, in your mind, you are beating the shit out of them! You want to do to them what they have done to you.

Before long, it’s six o’clock and you are having dinner with your family. You struggle as you tell your mother for the hundredth time that you were in a fight at school and that you are suspended for three days. Your mother gives you the tongue lashing from hell, she tells you that you are trouble and that you need to change your attitude…that if you weren’t so (insert bad quality here), then maybe you would have friends and nobody would mess with you. Even worse, you start to believe it too. But sadly, you haven’t the slightest clue of what it is that you need to change. You can’t fix it because you don’t even know what’s broken.

Your mother has just implicated that what has been happening to you is your fault…that you bring it on yourself. She then grounds you…only you have nothing to be grounded from. It’s not like you ever get invited to any slumber parties. So she grounds you from what little you do get to enjoy.

You remember that in the past few years, you’ve tried to open up and tell the adults in your life what you are dealing with. You plead for help but you are the perceived culprit so no one is interested in what you have to say. They accuse you of lying or manipulating others just to cover your own ass. They tell you to “shut up” and that they don’t want to hear it. You aren’t allowed to speak in your own behalf…at school or at home. Deep down, you try to hold on, with everything you have in you, to the belief that you are a good person but no one else acknowledges it. As a result, your own acknowledgment of your own goodness begins to wane.

You are desperate for a change…for relief but there is no sign of refuge. You want justice but it seems that justice will never come. This is a situation that you can no longer see an end to.

After brokenheartedly realizing that your own blood can’t or won’t even help you, you begin a downward spiral into hopelessness and despair. You have absolutely nowhere to turn and no one to turn to. Now, your bullies have managed to alienate you from not only the people at school, but your own family as well. Your suffering at school has now bled into your own home. And even then, your classmates still aren’t satisfied that you have suffered enough. In essence, your classmates want you dead, only they don’t have the guts to kill you themselves because they don’t want to go to prison. So they continue and even intensify the torment, in hopes that you will do it for them.

You feel that the one and ONLY thing you have going for you is that you aren’t dead. Then you begin to think that maybe death wouldn’t be such a bad thing. At least no one could hurt you again. You start to think of ways to die. Before long, death becomes an obsession. You believe that your life is one big curse and want so badly to end that curse. You are under the misguided belief that death is the only escape from an earthly hell that you have been forced to live.

Now you must choose. Should you keep living in hell, or should you just resign yourself and put an end to it all?

I want everyone to know that regardless of how hopeless a situation may seem, there’s always hope. Better times will find you and there will come a day when Karma will find your bullies and deal with them. And you? You will emerge victorious. You see? I believe that God rewards those who suffer the most…even in this lifetime. So please, don’t take your own life. You are worth fighting for even if no one else thinks so. Keep going! Keep pushing! Keep fighting! Keep living! Your reward and your victory are coming!

Wishing everyone a wonderful evening!

 

 

Sometimes, Taking Care of Yourself Means Making Some Very Difficult (even Heartbreaking) Decisions.

Change never comes easily, especially positive change. Once you choose not to be a target anymore, you must realize that you may have to make very tough, even heartbreaking decisions. You will more than likely have to weed certain people out of your life for good and sadly, some of those people may even be people that you love very much. You can still love them, ‘nothing wrong with that. However, as much as you may love them, they are not always healthy for you to be around.

It was a decision that I had to make with a family member twenty years ago and again seven years ago. And let me tell you, it was a very painful decision. And when we stopped talking, I missed my family member. No, worse. I mourned the person deeply. Even after all the cutting remarks they had made toward myself and a few others I loved, I still mourned them. It was akin to having a death in the family.

For two years, we did not speak to one another and we were not welcome in each others’  homes. During those two years, from time to time, I would pass this person by in the supermarket, the gas station, or on the road somewhere while driving. No “Hi. How are you?”. No honk and wave. Nothing. We would both just turn our heads and go on about our business. And I would feel my heart sink into my stomach and fight back tears, knowing that there was a possibility that we would never speak again.

There was always that dreadful “Could I have done something different” feeling which always seemed to rear it’s ugly head. Feelings of guilt would emerge even in the midst of knowing I had done the best that I possibly could.

Many of you may be going through something similar but do not lose heart. Your relationship with your estranged loved one is still repairable. I am blessed to be able to say that this story has a very happy ending to it.

After another family member had gotten sick, I received a call from my loved one and we reconciled, apologized and forgave one another. After the reconciliation, I made sure that I was there to lend a helping hand in taking care of our sick family member and we became close again.

Now, we are closer than EVER! We visit each other, we talk on the phone and we never hesitate to tell each other how much we love one another. From this, I learned a very powerful lesson. That lesson is this: Sometimes, it takes a separation to bring people even closer. Walking away, although painful when it happens, may actually be a great thing and produce awesome results later on. Anytime you walk away, your value and the other person’s value often goes up and in time, you both learn to respect one another. Then you love each other even more than you did before.

Why I Have So Many Reasons To Be Grateful

Good morning, everyone. I feel the spirit of gratitude and  today, I want to share with you why I have so many reasons to be grateful. I have survived so many things and I am still here to talk about it. I am a survivor of not one but FOUR automobile accidents (two of these were major). I am also a survivor of an attempted rape and possible murder. I was horribly bullied in school and not only survived, but won by using it to help other bullied teens. I have an awesome family and wonderful friends. I have a nice home and all of my needs are met. I have a great life.

We are not promised anything in this life and we will have roadblocks and storms along life’s journey. It is only when you overcome adversity that you grow from it and reap spiritual benefits that you never thought possible. Always count your blessings because it can be the difference between having a horrible day and having an awesome day.