Suicide is NEVER the Solution!

Good afternoon everyone, as you already know, the suicides of Destiny Gleason, Danny Fitzpatrick and Brandy Vela have drawn media attention over the last several months, driving home the sad truth of an epidemic that has gone out of control- the epidemic of suicide among young people due to bullying.I believe we must do what we can to reach out to these unfortunate young souls who are at risk of leaving this world much too soon. And this is how I reach out to these kids.

Here is another excerpt from my book “From Victim to Victor”. It is from Chapter 13 and what you are about to read is something that every person who is or who has ever been a target of bullying must read. Even if you have never been a victim but know someone who is, this is also for you.

“…I cannot stress enough that suicide is totally fruitless and not to mention selfish. All too often, people do not think of the ramifications. When you commit suicide at such a young age, regardless of your reasons, you are cheating yourself out of what could possibly be a wonderful future. You destroy any chance for happiness and fulfillment.

You also cheat the people who love you, setting them up for a lifetime of heartache and the question of “why did he/she do it?” and this will be a question which can never be answered.

You must realize that even though things may seem hopeless now, there is still a high probability that life will eventually change for the better if you just be patient and wait. As long as you are still alive, there is a good chance that things will improve…and improve drastically. However, once you are dead, there is no chance for improvement and there is no coming back. Therefore, anytime you take your own life, you cheat yourself.

Suicide is not an escape, not glamorous and it is not a means of obtaining pity. The bullies or whoever else mistreated you will not feel the least bit sorry about it. They will not care and some might even be happy that you are no longer around, getting complete satisfaction and gratification from your death. They will live on to select another person to torment and denigrate while you’re lying six feet under and being forgotten about.

People will only mourn your loss for a little while, then they will pick up and move on with their lives. Life does go on after you are gone. Although this seems brutal and unfeeling, it is the cold, hard truth and I want to shock a little sense into those of you who may be contemplating on doing something really stupid. That’s what suicide is…stupid.

Before you make the decision to end your life, there are questions that you must ask yourself:

Is suicide something that you want to be remembered for? Is it a legacy that you want to leave behind?
Do you really want to give your bullies the satisfaction of knowing that they had the power to drive you to doing something so rash? Do you want to give them the gratification of knowing that they had the power of life and death over you?
Do you still want to give them that power?

I would hope and pray that you do not!

As it is, they already have enough power over you if you are a target! Why then would you want to give them more of it?

The next time a bully tells you to “go kill yourself”, not only should you ask the bully, but ask yourself who that person is to decide whether or not you deserve to live? In, fact there are several questions to ponder here.

Who is anyone to decide what your worth as a human being is?
Who are they to decide what your value is?
Who are they to decide whether or not you are good enough?
Who are they to decide who or what you are or should be?
And who the hell are they to decide whether you should live or die?

It’s not what they call you or say to you, it truly is what you answer to. Your life does not depend on who does or who does not like you and neither does it depend on who hates you.

I recently went to my twenty-fifth class reunion just a year ago and got to see about thirty classmates, most of whom either bullied me or sold me out at some point or another during school. Although the vast majority of them have grown up by now and were very kind people, there were still maybe two or three out of the whole bunch who still, after all these years, hold resentment and contempt. Although, they never came out and said anything for fear of looking bad in front of the other classmates, I could see it in their eyes when they looked at me and in their facial expressions and body language. And one woman even threw a very subtle dig while sitting right beside me, to my right, during a class meeting just a month prior to the reunion. A dig to which I only responded with a smile and actually got a genuine hug from another classmate.

I did not fire back at her because I decided that this woman was not even worth the energy. I just very gracefully blew her off because it was only further proof that in this world, there are quite a few 40+ year-old prepubescents walking around. Age does not equal maturity.

I now take great pride in myself for responding to such immaturity with class and I had an awesome time at the reunion. I never let the immature actions of a few bad apples spoil it. I continued to be my authentic and awesome self. I socialized and danced! I let my hair down, let myself shine, and ended up having a wonderful time and being very glad I went!

The point to my reunion story is this: Bullying does not stop after high school graduation. All through life, you will encounter scores of ignorant people and I feel it incumbent upon me to prepare you for this. While you are still young, you must learn now how to let the ignorance of a few narrow-minded people roll off your back or you will be in for a very difficult life ahead.

In life, there will always be a handful of people who will never approve of you. But always know this: it is THEIR issue, not yours. I will say it again:

THEY are the ones who have the issue, not you! So never allow yourself to be sucked into thinking that there is something wrong with you just because people refuse to see your worth. There is nothing wrong with you.

Never give anyone the power to determine how you feel about yourself, whether or not you have fun, or what mood you should be in. And for sure, never give them the power to cause you to die by your own hand.

You may be called the foulest, most horrible names in the English language but it does not mean that you are those names. Remember that bullies are LIARS! As long as you have the determination to stay alive and stay true to yourself and to your own heart regardless of what others may think of you, you are anything but those names! You are strong, resilient, determined, intelligent…you are AWESOME! Because you refuse to be brought down!

But if you commit suicide, then you only cause the people who called you the above names to think that they were right about you all along!

Suicide is for quitters! And you are not a quitter! You are a fighter and if you remain tough long enough, you will emerge a winner! I can almost guarantee it!

I fought like hell to hold on to my pride, dignity, and self-respect! And most importantly, I LIVED through it and eventually things changed for the better!

I lived to write a book, which is designed to help you and give you strength. This book is my way of turning what was once a very negative experience into a positive outcome!

So don’t give up! Don’t quit! As long as you keep on living, you keep on fighting and as long as you keep on fighting, you have already won. You just do not know it yet.

In hindsight, I never should have resorted to an attempt to take my own life. Instead, I should have wanted to live…to stick around, even if for no other reason than to piss them off.

If I had it to do over, I would have worked on me. I would have gotten busy practicing and honing my talents and would not have been afraid to display those talents. I would have been entering talent shows and writing contests…and winning all sorts of prizes! I would have begun striving toward self-betterment and a deeper understanding of not only what was happening to me but also of the world and people around me.

Suicide is never the answer…never! I did not realize then, that I was playing right into my bullies’ hands and giving them exactly what they wanted. My bullies were already out to destroy me and I was making it that much easier for them to do so.

Now that I know better, there will be a cold day in Hades before I will ever let another person drive me that far down! Instead, I will only be that much more determined to keep living and enjoying the good things in life! There is beauty in life if you look for it.

Being bullied should be a motivator. It should make you that much more determined to live, and to live a happier, more peaceful and successful life. Spend as much time as possible doing the things you enjoy and being around the people who love you the most…positive people who lift you up and make you feel awesome…caring people…loving people! The happier you are, the less you will be affected by the ignorant actions and words of any bully.

Always look your best and do your best at any task. Excel in your studies, talents and anything else that you do. Do what you have to do to feel good about yourself just as long as it does not cause harm to another person.

Do not wallow in self-pity no matter how bad things get. Sure, it’s okay to feel emotion anytime someone hurts you. So get angry, feel sad, cry, beat a pillow, do whatever you can to let those emotions out when you feel them because you certainly do not want to hold it in. But do not dwell on those emotions…never stay in that hurtful place for long because it can be a real confidence killer if you do.

Be a positive person and interest yourself in other people and what is going on in their lives. People will love you if you are genuinely interested in them. Be kind (without being a pushover of course) and meet new people, being interested in them. Let them talk about themselves, their hobbies and interests.

While they are talking, listen with your eyes focused on them. Be genuinely interested in anything they talk about and get excited about their dreams, being happy for them when they achieve those dreams and wishing them well. People love someone who is excited about them. Smile at and greet people, calling them by name. By doing this, you will eventually make lots of friends and live down a bad reputation caused by bullies, past or present.

I say this because it happened for me. I no longer have the reputation I once had, or at least it does not stick like it used to. I have so many friends today that it’s hard for me to keep up with all of them. I have also won over many of my former bullies from school. That’s right. Several of the people who once bullied me in school are now some of my closest friends!

And how did I manage to turn everything around and live down the horrible reputation I once had?

I did it by taking my focus off of me and acquiring a genuine interest in others and how their lives were going. I did it by replacing hate, contempt and bitterness with love, acceptance and forgiveness. I began to love myself and see my own worth as a person. I started to value myself and quit worrying about what others thought of me. I made doing the right thing my goal.

Did it make everyone like me? Of course not. However, I did not and still do not concern myself with what others think or how they act. Instead, I concern myself with how well I made someone else feel about themselves. Did I put a smile on the face of someone who would otherwise still be sad? Did I make a difference in the life of at least one person today? Did I help restore hope in someone whom would otherwise not have any hope at all? Was I the difference between someone deciding whether or not to take their own life? I always hope so.

Do everything that you can possibly do to build your confidence and do it constructively. Take risks by meeting new and interesting people….”

6 thoughts on “Suicide is NEVER the Solution!

  1. I have been cyberbullied REPEATEDLY on youtube, mainly made fun of over my disability (autism, along with OCD, ADD, and possible mild bipolar disorder, but that last one has not been confirmed). I’ve been REPEATEDLY accused of faking my disability solely to get free money from the government, called derogatory names such as ‘retard’, ‘autist’, ‘sperg’, ‘special ed’, ‘autistic virgin’, ‘butt ugly fat loser’, (even though I am actually NOT a virgin), ‘autistic faggot’ (even though I’m actually straight, but you don’t have to BE gay in order to be a victim of gay bashing and intolerance), told I should kill myself, and FAR worse. You wouldn’t believe how many nasty, disrespectful comments I have had posted on my videos on youtube. It got to the point where I decided to disable the comments sections on some of my videos on youtube, since the amount of rude, insensitive, repulsive, vulgar comments on them were getting so out of control, and my video comments sections might as well have been becoming like a war zone. Even when I blocked some of these trolls, some of them kept creating new accounts and then coming back for more.

    • That’s what cyber trolls do, Michael. Once they sink their teeth in, they don’t let go. The same thing happened to me five years ago when I lost a husband to suicide. I was assaulted online and accused of the most atrocious things. However, I was too busy grieving and didn’t respond. Eventually, people from all over the country came to my defense and the thread and posts were removed. I want you to know that y0u aren’t the one with the issue, your bullies are the ones who have the issue. Whatever you do, if blogging is what you love to do, let no one stop you. Have a very Merry Christmas.

  2. Furthermore, cherie, n online cyberbully on youtube by the username ‘Bee T. Gee’ (here is his account below): is STILL harassing me LONG after I blocked him. A while back, this user, Bee T. Gee said obsessive comments on a commenting thread to try to provoke me and lure me into a trap and bate me into an argument. Unfortunately, I gave in and started arguing back with him and engaging with him back and forth instead of blocking him immediately, and then he went on public records and accessed some of my relatives’ personal information by finding one of my relatives’ personal home phone numbers on public records, and he called THEIR home number landline when he thought he was calling me, and when they didn’t answer, he left several voicemails on THEIR voicemail making all kinds of threats and threatening to burn my house down because he thought their number was mine. He was calling nonstop their home number landline all night long, and it got to the point where they had to unplug their phone and turn off their voicemail. I figured it would be best to block him, before the situation escalated any further.
    Then, MONTHS after I blocked this jerk since things escalated too far to the point where my life and my relatives’ lives were being threatened, he then posted a video about me slandering me in the video and getting several pieces of information wrong about me (of course, he probably doesn’t give a damn about that, and it’s probably safest that he gets it wrong, he thinks I’m from Florida and reside in New Jersey currently, when it’s the other way around, since I’m from New Jersey, and now reside in Florida).The only reason I’m aware this video he made about me on youtube slandering me exists in the first place is, either he or one of his troll goon buddies followed me to Facebook and sent me a private message on there with a link to his video slandering me, and told me I got ‘owned’.

    Now, a few months later, Bee T. Gee has CONTINUED this harassment and he actually bothered to make an Encyclopedia Dramatica article out of me, with tons of blatant false information and lies about me. He also claimed in this article he made out of me on Encyclopedia Dramatica, that my dad was a deadbeat and is dead, even though my father is very much alive and is NOT a deadbeat, and then he cracked one of many fat jokes about me by claiming I’m bound to be dead as well soon from a heart attack since I’m admittedly a little overweight (yes, I’m a little overweight, but I’ve already lost about 5 pounds even with the holidays when most people tend to GAIN weight on the holidays, and I’m not NEARLY as overweight as this user and other users like him make me out to be, he also called me ‘pepperoni nipples’ that article, which is extremely juvenile and childish and immature), and this user also claimed that I’m 5’7, when I’m actually 5’8, among SEVERAL other lies and false information and misleading content about me in that sorry excuse for an article. This user claimed a while back when he and I were arguing back and forth on a commenting thread on youtube (which escalated to the phone calls and threats) that John Cena the famous muscle bound wrestler is his dad, and that he would have his dad, John Cena, knock my ‘fat a**’ out over a huge stack of tables. First of all, John Cena doesn’t have any kids. If he did, that would have been mentioned publicly, given that John Cena is a celebrity, whose personal lives are pretty much NEVER private. Second of all, Bee T. Gee acts like he’s a big tough guy, yet he apparently needs his daddy to fight his battles for him?

    Another thing. This user also claimed on that misleading article on Encyclopedia Dramatica he made about me that I have virtually no friends in real life (which is not true either), and that my only friends are online (also not true, I have friends both online AND in real life), and he even posted links to my online friends’ accounts on youtube slandering them as well. One of my online friends, Andres Luna, has a photo of his pet chiwawa as his youtube profile photo, and this user is spreading false rumors about Andres Luna in that article claiming that Andres Luna sodomizes and abuses his dog on a daily basis, which is not true, and is slandering Andres Luna. This user also called Andres Luna a ‘beaner’, which is a racist term for Mexican, and made several stereotype jokes about Taco Bell, even though Andres Luna isn’t even Mexican, but is actually Puerto Rican, which is NOT the same thing. In fact, Andres Luna is actually from the US, and his HERITAGE is Puerto Rican, even though Puerto Rico is actually part of US territory anyway. He also called another one of my Hispanic online friends a ‘spic’ in that article. If you ask me, he should be sued for spreading several lies and false rumors about me and slandering me and my various online friends. I sincerely hope this user goes out in public and calls the wrong group of Hispanic people spics, and that his racism backfires and he gets himself badly beat up to the point where he ends up a vegetable in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. If that happens, maybe someone should make an article on Encyclopedia Dramatica about HIM and make fun of HIM and call him ‘cripple boy’ and see how much HE likes it.

    • It sounds like this guy has serious issues, Michael. Anyone who stalks another person has to have attention issues or…look at it this way. He is the one making the effort to come after you. Therefore, he is the one with the problem, not you. It’s horrible when someone results to cyberbullying someone because they have no life of their own. Stay strong, Michael

  3. This is very personal for me to reveal, but I am a 32-year-old male sexual abuse survivor from when I was 10 back in 1994, by an older boy who was then 13. I also have autism, along with ADD, OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), and possible mild bipolar disorder (though that last one has not been confirmed). Already growing up with a disability is tough enough as it is, but enduring about a month of sexual abuse at such a young age on top of already dealing with having a disability is basically a double whammy. If anybody wants to know, yes, my family members are already well aware of what I went through at a young age, and yes, the individual who did this to me has already been held accountable and punished.

    When I’ve posted videos on youtube in the past, I’ve often had to deal with cyberbullies in the comments sections of my videos on youtube (also known as trolls), as in people who like to post the most offensive comments they can possibly think of on the Internet trying to find a reaction from other people knowing that most likely, nothing will happen to them over the Internet.

    Even when I’ve been brave enough to be open publicly and talk publicly about my past abuse by an older male in some of my youtube videos, I’ve STILL had to deal with trolls/Internet cyberbullies posting offensive comments in the comments sections of my videos even when talking about very sensitive topics, but they have the mentality that just because it’s the Internet, therefore, they are automatically untraceable and nothing can/will happen to them.

    Yes, I do understand that revealing this kind of personal information about myself publicly in a youtube video runs the risk of occasionally dealing with jerks like this, but that’s a risk I was willing to take. Also, since Oprah Winfrey publicly admitted on live TV in front of an entire audience that she was sexually abused at age 9 by her 19-year-old cousin, and since actress Kelly McGillis made it publicly known that SHE is a rape survivor as well, and since Maya Angelou mentioned that she was sexually abused in her ‘I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings’ book, I figured because THEY revealed personal information about themselves publicly, because THEY did it, that’s basically my justification for ME revealing this kind of personal information about myself publicly as well.

    Some of them posted in the comments sections of my videos where I talked about my abuse, “Lol (so,in other words, they apparently think sexual abuse is funny). Does your ass still hurt after all this time?” First of all, my then 13-year-old abuser’s you know what never went in my rear end, thank God, only forced against my will in my MOUTH, but thankfully, was never forced in my rear end, which I imagine would have hurt MUCH worse than in the mouth.

    Second of all, even if my abuser’s you know what DID go in my rear end, which it did not, it’s been over 20+ years at this point, and that would have already healed by now (physically, but not psychologically).

    Others have posted comments such as, “That’s the closest thing you will EVER get to having sex, you dumb autistic virgin”. Actually, I’m NOT a virgin. Yes, I have autism, but no, I am not a virgin. I actually LOST my virginity to a woman in February 2012, almost 5 years ago, when I was 27, and 3 months away from turning 28.

    Since then, my current girlfriend I’ve been with for 2.5+ years and closing in on 3 years at this point, we do it almost regularly. Those who constantly call others a virgin on the Internet and use that as an insult are most likely insecure because THEY are probably virgins themselves.

    Others in the comments section of my youtube videos discussing my past abuse have accused me of living in my parents’ basement at my age (I’m currently 32 years old). Umm, first of all, I live in Florida, a state where we don’t see basements very often. Basements and snow are both extremely rare in Florida, and more of an up north thing. I guess geography isn’t these anonymous commenters’ strong suit. Second of all, I don’t live with my parents at my age of 32. I live independently and on my own, and have been since August 2004, for the last 12 years and counting, and neither my parents’ home in Florida nor mine have a basement. These kinds of comments became so out of control, it might as well have been a war zone, and I decided to disable the comments on some of my videos altogether. I even challenged some of them to do a live video chat on Google hangout if they are so tough, and ALL of them declined my offer because (big shock), they don’t want to show their faces and have the world knowing what they look like in real life. Maybe they are afraid a potential employer will recognize them and won’t hire them, or their family and friends might recognize them and not look at them too favorably anymore. Whatever the reason, they are cowards.

    Now, I wouldn’t wish rape and/or any kind of sexual assault on anybody, not even on my worst enemy, but I have to admit, sometimes I’ve been guilty of thinking to myself that IF these obnoxious, rude, insensitive individuals who like to troll people on the Internet and bring others down and engage in Internet cyberbullying (even with sensitive topics like this one) were to ACTUALLY experience horrible, traumatic stuff like that themselves, then that might be the only way they might view things differently, and wipe that smile/smirk off their faces. IF by chance, they already HAVE experienced any of this kind of abuse themselves, then unless they decide to talk about it, grow from it, heal from it, and move on, and still live productive lives and set goals and life ambitions and actually MAKE something of themselves despite what they went through the way I have, they will NEVER heal and will NEVER become men/women. They will ALWAYS (at least mentally) be little boys/girls.

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