Victims of bullying often have to sneak around and do things “undercover” to keep themselves safe and get their wants and needs met. I was no exception. However, be careful! Engaging in this practice over a certain amount of time becomes habit and can very easily become a way of life! Why? Because a form of Learned Helplessness may set in and you may come under the assumption that tricking people is the only way you’ll be able to get things done, or weasel your way out of a trouble. It isn’t!
Yes, trickery (covert conniving and manipulating behavior) does get results. I won’t lie…it does! I’ve done it! I would lie, cheat,finagle, sweet talk people, put on the innocent and sweet act, cut corners, bend rules…during my teens, I even used my womanly wiles and sex to either protect myself or get what I wanted. It is not something I’m proud of now that I’m much older and wiser.
I used trickery because I felt that if I asked for anything, others would be only too eager to tell me “no” and then laugh about how I got the “no” I deserved later and how tickled they were to witness me getting knocked out of what would have been a wonderful opportunity. Unless you’ve been a target of bullying, you have no idea the many doors of opportunity that are slammed shut and locked to you. Opportunities for love, friendship, advancement and success are automatically off the table and you are forced to live by your wits in order to survive.
Many times, my trickery and deceit got me good results. However,it also exhausted me! And once I was suspect, my bullies were all too happy to spread the word that I was a shady person who was undeserving of trust.
It takes a lot of effort to go about life this way. You’re constantly covering up lie after lie, scheme after scheme and trick after trick. You’re on a constant brainstorm for new ideas on how to get over on your bullies, teachers, or anyone who poses a threat to you, right or wrong. And it can grow very tiresome!
Also, even if you aren’t caught, you will unwittingly put off a vibe of manipulation and you will be suspect to others. After all, we can’t hide ALL of our true selves. Our bodies will never let us! And although others may not be able to prove that you are a sneaky person, they will feel it and the bullying will most certainly escalate. Even worse, once you are caught, you are at the mercy of everyone!
It’s much better to be honest about what you want, need, your goals, and everything else you set out to do. Sure, people may ridicule you and tell you that you’ll fail at whatever you set out to do. But you won’t have the exhaustion added to it and you will feel better for being honest.
The only time you should be sneaky is if you are in danger. If you are, then, by all means, pull out all stops to protect your well-being! You are worth fighting for…even by way of manipulation, if necessary!