Your Gut Instinct: Why You Should Listen to It

gut feeling

At different times in my life, I have either met, or been around certain people whom my inner alarm tried to warn me about. I cannot explain the feeling I got. The only way I can describe this gut feeling is to say that something seemed to be “off” about these people and I would get a sinking, creepy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I could literally feel the bad vibes that seemed to pour fourth from these people.

When I was young, I would often mistake this feeling for “just being paranoid” and ignore the feeling, which is something that a whopping majority of bully victims do. And it proved to be to my disappointment…every time! I have since learned that had I listened to my gut and avoided these people, I could have saved myself a truckload of heartache.

God gave us all that “sixth sense” or as it is more commonly called, the “gut feeling” or “instinct”, for a reason. Anytime you get a bad feeling in your gut about someone, you are not being paranoid, you are not over-reacting. It is only your inner alarm trying to warn you about a person or situation and keep you safe.

Here are a couple of excerpts from my book, “From Victim to Victor” that explains this even further:

“…My gut feeling warned me many times about my classmate’s personalities or that someone was about to harm me in some way, shape or form. I did not listen to my innate alarm because the faith in my own intuitive abilities had been shattered. As a result, I often mistook it for being overly suspicious.

Another example of poor decision making was that I became a very MEAN and VICIOUS person. As a result, I often repelled the people who had my best interests at heart, who were genuine and would have otherwise been true friends. I missed out on a lot of opportunities for friendship because I had very quickly come to a place where I did not trust anyone.

It was much safer to put up a barrier and keep everyone, including my own family out than it was to take risks and learn how to trust the right people.

Being bullied and being stuck with unnecessary labels can very easily do this to a person. It cannot only cause you not to believe in yourself and your own abilities, but it can also enable you to trust your own innate intuition if you let it. It blinds you to people who are true as it completely zaps your senses of who is for real and who is fake, thus causing the loss of your ability to avoid dangerous people.”

“…You are not stupid. It is not only in your imagination. You are not being overly sensitive. You are not being a wimp, wuss, crybaby, crazy or whatever else unsavory people call you. You always know when something does not feel good. You can see it in the way certain people cut their eyes at you and talk through their teeth. You can hear the short and cold tone in their voices. You can feel, deep down in your gut, the nasty vibes they exude. This is why you should always listen to your gut feeling because it is never wrong. Eighty-six those people pronto!”

Please don’t ignore this instinct. Never overlook that sinking feeling in your stomach because it could save you from so much trouble. It could even save your life!

Frenemies: Why They Are Worse Than Enemies

girl bullies

Victims often pick “friends” who only tolerate them or those who wish them ill will because they’re often lonely and desperate. For so long, they have been wrongly alienated from others due to rumors and lies that bullies have spread about them to keep them from making friends. Because the target is so hungry for a connection…any connection, he/she will befriend anyone…and I mean anyone! They are not selective with who they call “friend” and end up latching on to people who are not even worth knowing…predators, who only take advantage.

Also, young victims often assume that to be “cool”, they have to have a big circle of friends. This is not true.

With that being said, I want you to know that if you are a victim of bullying, you do not need a whole slew of people in your life to be happy nor to feel like or be a whole person. You only need your family and a few true friends. It’s safer this way. Wouldn’t you much rather have just a handful of true friends then to have an abundance of frenemies? I know I would.

In fact, you should prefer to have enemies over ‘frenemies’ because with an enemy, you know exactly where they stand without having to do any guesswork. However, with frenemies, you will always be the last to know after being played for a sucker.

If at any time you wonder about a person…if your intuition is telling you that something is “off”, put some distance between yourself and that individual and do it fast! Instinct is trying to warn you.

If your so-called friends are only tolerating you, stabbing you in the back, or sabotaging you in any way, it’s time to eighty-six these leaches to your self-esteem. And the sooner you do, the better!

If Adults Have a Legal Right to Defend Themselves Against a Mugger on the Street, Then Why Don’t Kids Have the Right to Defend Themselves Against Bullies in the Locker Rooms?

bullyinggirls2

Throughout my life, I’ve heard and read stories of kids enduring relentless bullying in school. I’ve even experienced it myself. These kids try to be the bigger person…they ignore the taunts and threats and walk away. However, when this happens, bullies are persistent and will only further pursue their victims.

Why? Because bullies perceive the victim’s avoidance of trouble as either fear or defiance, becoming either emboldened or angered by the passive response and more determined to “get” the victim! Bullies will only continue and escalate the harassment until a physical brawl ensues. As a result, the victim is either severely harmed or snaps and seriously harms the bully.

Only then, school officials, whom are supposed to be the adults- fair and just, find it much easier just to blame the victim. Therefore, it is the victim who gets the suspension from school while the bullies get off scot free, taking the impunity as a green light to continue the harassment.

A child in school being attacked by bullies is no different than an adult being attacked in the street by a mugger. However, an adult can successfully and legally defend him/herself against any assailant on the street and escape charges. In most cases, if an adult is the victim of a violent street crime, the perpetrator is usually identified, arrested, tried and convicted given evidence presented by witnesses and prosecutors.

On the other hand, if a child is attacked by bullies in the halls or locker room at school, most schools are only too happy to sweep the incident under the rug and deny that there is an issue of bullying at “their facility”. This would be akin to the police covering up crimes against adults on the street in “their city” to make the area look safer than what it really is.

So, here are my questions:

1. If an adult is attacked on the street by criminals and those criminals are brought to justice, why then don’t bullied children and teens get the same justice?

2. Why is it okay for an adult victim on the street to fight an attacker in self-defense, but not okay for a child/teen to defend themselves against bullies?

I’ll leave you to ponder these legitimate questions and comment below. Have a great weekend!

The Best Revenge Against Bullies: SUCCESS!

prove them wrong

Yes! You read this correctly! Success is, by far, the best revenge you can ever take against your bullies. Why? There are several reasons!

1. It’s a revenge in which you don’t have to resort to being petty nor violent. In achieving success, there’s no need to say a word nor lift a finger against the bullies. In this, you can silently and innocently extract revenge without reducing yourself to the bullies’ level and looking petty in the eyes of others!

2. Envy and jealously are a natural human tendency and it’s a fact that most people hate to see others succeeding and reaching their goals and dreams. And secretly, bullies take pleasure in watching others, especially their targets, suffer. When the opposite happens and you become happy and successful, it takes the wind out of the bullies’ sales, greatly disappointing, frustrating or even angering them while you continue to smile, shine and move on to even bigger things!

3. If you’re lucky, you get to watch your bullies seethe as you collect your accolades and praises from others! And hey! Let’s be real here! There’s nothing more satisfying than watching your bullies squirm with jealousy and rage as you get your well-deserved recognition for your accomplishments! And if you want, you can covertly eat your bullies alive by looking at them with a taunting smile!

So, find something you enjoy doing and are good at! Practice and perfect any talents and gifts you’ve been blessed with, then display those talents before the world! Your self-esteem is sure to skyrocket and you never know where it may take you!

Have a wonderful day!

Bullying and the Innate Fight or Flight Response

Any time a person has been the object of relentless bullying over an extended period of time, that person is constantly in a state of high alert. Although useful in short, immediate circumstances, this hyper-vigilance can be unhealthy if the person remains in this state for too long, causing stomach issues, headaches, and fatigue among other many other ailments. Still worse, such feeling of constant being under constant threat, can also cause the person to overreact in response to certain occurrences.

Every living creature has an innate and perfectly natural physiological reaction in the event of a threat or attack. Called the Fight or Flight Response, it protects us from harm in dangerous situations in part through the release of adrenaline. When adrenaline is released into the blood, it becomes next to impossible not to do fight or flee.

When I was being bullied and abused during school, escape was not an option for me. Usually, I was cornered or surrounded, either backed into a wall or some large object. With flight cut off to me as an option, what did I have left? Fight! I lived on this adrenaline every day, all through the day—Just being around my classmates put my body and mind on constant alert. It was a horrible way to live.

Constantly watching my back while at school, continually looking over my shoulder, always laying low…I remember the knots in my stomach, the nausea, the loss of appetite, and the continuous worrying and wondering when I was going to be attacked

All of it was just plain terrible. Just simply getting on the school bus or walking through the entrance to the school felt like a death march. In the afternoons. I had horrible headaches that triggered violent nausea. For so long, I had managed to keep from vomiting, but soon my luck ran out. My mouth and eyes began to water and I swallowed hard to control my gag reflexes as I approached the teacher’s desk to ask to be excused to the bathroom.

Without a word, she gave me the hall pass and I scurried my way to the girls’ room. I’d barely made it to the first stall before spewing the bitterest, most horrible tasting green liquid into the toilet, followed by a long series of painful dry heaves. But instead of making me feel better, the vomiting made me feel worse and my headache became next to unbearable.

I’ll never forget the sound of the bathroom door as it flung open and the teacher stormed in, demanding to know why I was taking so long. I began to cry and in between gags and wretches, pleaded with her to let me go to the office and call my grandmother.

She accused me of making myself vomit so I could go home early.

When you’re a bullied kid, even a few teachers, having heard the rumors and falsehoods being spread about you by your bullies, begin to bully you too. It’s a very lonely and heartbreaking position to be in.

As time went on, the fear of going to school and having to face my classmates grew in me. It was like an infected tumor getting bigger and bigger with each passing day. My stomach would draw up every morning when I set foot on that school bus. The next eight hours was like walking through a minefield, never knowing when my next step could mean BOOM! and I would be hit, shoved, kicked, or bombarded with a torrent of taunts, insults and names. It was a situation I saw no end to, and to say that I was afraid would be an understatement. I was petrified.

Most never think of the magnitude of fear the victim must live with or the health consequences of living in that perpetual state of fight or flight. And sadly, although the impact to the physical health of the victim may not show up right away, it may rear its ugly head later in life.