The Three ‘B’s of Bullying: Baiting, Bashing and Blaming


First a bully slyly baits her intended victim by provoking her for a reaction. If the victim blows it off and fails to react, the bully meticulously and subtly intensifies the taunts over time, wearing her down until achieving the desired reaction, often making sure that bystanders and authority are present. A bully is very much aware that everyone has their breaking point.

Once the target reaches his limit and reacts (yelling, telling the bully off, cursing the bully out, punching the bully in the face, etc.), the bully weasels his way into the hearts of bystanders and authority, using superficial charm and charisma to feign victimhood. He bashes the victim by using the perfectly normal reaction as proof of the victim’s “mental illness” or “meanness”, making it look as though the victim is at fault, to distract others from the bully’s own evil actions and project guilt onto the victim.

Once the bully has succeeded in turning everyone against the victim, she entices others to join her in shaming the target. Everyone may gang up on the victim, making statements such as, “Aww! You just need to toughen up!” or “Can’t you take a joke?”. The victim may be accused of “bringing it all on herself”, when in reality, the opposite is true- it is the victim who has been harassed for months, even years, having tried to handle the abuse calmly and objectively, only to succumb to exhaustion and reach her limit.

Moreover, when the victim reports the abuse, the guilt is placed on the victim and the bully goes unpunished, taking the impunity as a green light for future torment. All the while, the victim is seen in a very negative light, with no other choice but to endure the torment in silence, just to keep from further tarnishing her already damaged reputation. Each time a report is made, others who are often in a position to help, blow the victim off, thinking that the torment is justified. The bully then becomes more emboldened and the victim becomes more devastated and damaged. The more brazen the bully becomes, the higher the degree to which the harassment escalates and the more frequent and intense the attacks become until the victim is maimed,is killed,is removed, transfers schools to escape the torment or commits suicide.

The bully benefits from the feeling of power and control she gets from mistreating her victim and getting away with it, having a sense that she is invincible and untouchable. The bully also enjoys the sympathy and petting received from others.
This strategy is also used as a means of striking fear into and silencing the victim, discouraging any future attempts at speaking out and exposing the bully for what she truly is…a cowardly, sniveling piece of human filth.

If you are a victim of bullying, you already know too well how it feels to be mistreated and then blamed for your own torment. It’s horrible enough to be constantly harassed, but to be blamed for that harassment is downright devastating and leaves you feeling completely powerless! Understand that this is just another weapon the bully uses and how he/she is allowed to continue their bad behavior with impunity. And it is nothing new! Bullies have always used this method.

So, remember the 3 ‘B’s- Bait, Bash and Blame and I believe that you will be better able to explain your situation when you report the harassment.

2 thoughts on “The Three ‘B’s of Bullying: Baiting, Bashing and Blaming

  1. Your description still evokes anger when I read this. I was subtly bullied for 3 1/2 years … then the bulling intensified (9 MONTHS of it) when my bully realized her job was in peril due to a new Chief Administrator Officer firing dozens of Managers and leaders in one year. To protect herself, she attacked my self esteem … it seemed like she was trying to make me quit. Instead, I ignored her efforts while suffering diminishing self esteem. I managed in early 2011 to pass 5 certification exams for ITIL (IT certification for best practices). No one else had attained this in the IT department. I had one more ITIL Certification to become an ITIL Expert. Instead … I had to cancel that course. The one thing that was saving whatever self esteem I had left was now cut off. I could not even take a one day course to complete my Leadership training. I felt targeted.
    This attack on professional training was one tactic she took in bullying me.
    In the end, in September 2011, she gave me a SHIT Sandwich:
    – BREAD: ‘Mike you’re a good technician’
    – SHIT: ‘but you’re a bad leader’
    – BREAD: ‘Here’s 1/2 year salary if you sign this Non-disclosure agreement within 2 days’
    That was on a Friday. On the following Monday, she was demoted into my position as ‘punishment’. Yeah right … she was saving her own arse.
    I have dealt with a lot of mental and health issues since then that trace back to this bully. When I meet other managers/leaders that play dirty, am I supposed to lump it and accept it? I say no. 7 years after it happened I still get triggered by clear bully tactics. When I see it, it’s like seeing a BIG RED FLAG flapping in my face. I cannot ignore it. I will not be silence. I will not capitulate. I will not show ANY mercy to any bully. They know the system and the inherent weaknesses in our society in putting a blind eye to bullying because people are easily controlled when they are afraid, most people don’t want to interfere or don’t want to get involved (head in the sand scenario), they are too lazy to care, or because they totally believe that bullying in the law of the jungle … simply the facts of life that everyone has to accept as normal … SO SUCK IT UP SNOWFLAKE!
    What I went threw with a bully was’t unique. These tactics permeates all walks of like. There are those amongst us that tap into this power on purpose to control others and get what they want. So why are they given more latitude that the bullied individual? Because society still sees bullying as socially acceptable especially in the adult world.

    • Michael, you are absolutely right and you have every right to be angry! Hell, I’d be furious. Bullies, in all walks of life, in all age groups, in all environments use basically the same tactics. I write these blogs to give people the knowledge of how bullies operate…intel…if you will, about them. It is only when you know the tactics bullies use , you can better protect yourself and counter the bully. I want to give you and millions of others who endure a bully, whether in the workplace, school or any other environment the secrets that way you can cease to be a victim. That is my goal. I’m so sorry you endured such a horrible ordeal. Know that you are awesome and very intelligent and your bullies were/are only jealous of your knowledge of computers and see you as a threat. They are very much afraid that you will outshine them and even worse, replace them in the job. It time to use their own fear and immaturity against them. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire, Michael. It sucks and we don’t want to stoop to their level, but sometimes, there is no other option. I will pray for you and I wish you lots of happiness and success!

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