“Nobody will ever love me.”
“Nothing positive can ever happen for me.”
“Human beings, in general are predators and love drama.”
Those were once my beliefs.
When a person is being bullied, they make it a point to play everything safe and settle for far less than what he/she deserves. Why? Because they have been told that they aren’t good enough for so long that they have begun to believe it themselves and do not think that anything positive can ever happen for them. Also, victims lose faith in humanity and come to believe that all people are rotten and take pleasure in harming others. As a result, they lose their trust in humans in general, which only causes them lose out on what could be truly awesome friendships and relationships and re-enforce loneliness and isolation.
This is what bullying does to victims. It smashes their self-esteems to pieces, which can sometimes take years to put back together again, causing them to do things that they normally would never do. I say this because it happened to me.
During the years that I was bullied in school, I did not trust anyone. I selected friends I really didn’t want to be friends with, dated guys whom I wasn’t even remotely attracted to…all because I believed I couldn’t do any better. I did this to avoid being alone. As long as there was a warm body around, it was “good enough”. I didn’t realize that not only was I being unfair to myself, but also the people I selected. I deserved to be with people whom I WANTED TO BE WITH and whom were upstanding and positive, and they deserved to be with people who were with them because they chose to be, not because they were the only option.
Here is another thing victims do as a result of bullying, they never give themselves permission to be selfish, not knowing that sometimes a little bit of selfishness is okay, even imperative at times! This is because victims are often accused of being selfish when they are only caring for themselves and shamed into believing that anything they do for themselves is bad. Therefore, they put themselves on the back burner and everyone else comes first, often at the victim’s own expense!
It happened to me. I became shy and shut people out for fear of being harmed. I was afraid to say “no” to people because in the past, I had been retaliated against and hurt for daring to set a boundary. I was simply forbidden to set boundaries and was expected to or forced to “let” others violate me. It was a terrible situation, which caused me not to value myself as a person.
Thankfully, things are much different today! I want you to know that when you are being bullied, placing worth on yourself is the most important thing you can do. Always…ALWAYS value yourself, even when it seems that others don’t because it will save your self esteem. Keep fighting even when it seems that you’re losing the battle because oftentimes, when things look the bleakest, your breakthrough or relief is just around the corner.
Always love yourself and put yourself first, then reach out to only those who reciprocate love and positive feelings to you. Turn a deaf ear to the negative talk bullies may attempt to fill your head with. Better yet, send those toxic parasites packing! Because you’re worth it! I promise you!