Always, ALWAYS Document Incidences of Bullying!


Bullying, especially of the psychological and emotional variety, is difficult to prove to people in authority who are in a position to help the target. There are several reasons for this:

1. Bullies are Master Seducers (Charmers). Bullies are charming to the right people. When the victim finally gets sick of the harassment and reports the bullying, and when the bully is questioned by authority, the bully will often charm those in power. Other weapons used to charm and influence teachers, principals, and supervisors are high marks, excellent grades, and class/work performance.

Bullies can also use good looks, impeccable dressing, and grooming to seduce others. Called the halo effect, this is a phenomenon where those who look the best are the most trusted and respected by others.

School boy angel with wings and halo

2. Bullies are Convincing Liars and Actors. – They have a flair for spreading the most convincing rumors and lies. Bullies do this to convince others not to associate with the victim. Therefore, the target loses support and has no one to turn to for help.

Because the victim often reacts out of emotion and the bully puts on a calm and collected demeanor, people in authority will almost always side with the bully because of this false coolness the bully displays.

The bully points out the target’s perfectly normal emotional reaction and twists everything to convince everyone of the target’s guilt and that the victim is unstable, crazy, overly dramatic, or too sensitive. The bully will also feign victimhood by bursting into tears, which is all designed to shift the blame onto the victim and persuade anyone in authority to take his/her (the bully’s) side.

The most seasoned bullies are also master wordsmiths who can explain away and rationalize any bad behavior. They can spin a story that is so convincing that teachers and supervisors will find it hard not to believe it. In the end, the target gets the blame, and either those in authority refuse to discipline the bully or they punish the victim instead.

3. Documenting (or Journaling) offers the disgraced target a voice, enabling them to have a say when no one else is listening. – As stated, the target often gets the blame when he/she reports harassment to the people who can help them. By documenting the abuse, the victim can tell their side without being ignored or having their experiences trivialized by the bully or anyone else.


4. Documenting offers Victims a Legal Record of the Bullying. – In case the bully hurts the target badly enough to require medical attention or worse, a plaintiff can use the journal as proof in court, should the victim or the family pursue legal action. Documentation is admissible in court.

5. Documenting is very cathartic and therapeutic.– It allows the victim to express the emotions they could never show any other way. Journals cannot trivialize the target’s experiences, nor can they invalidate the victim in any way. Journals are also confidential. They cannot go to the bullies nor anyone else and repeat what the victim tells them.

These are the reasons you absolutely must document every day about what you are put through. When you document, be sure to include who the bullies are (full names and if necessary, titles and positions), where each incident happened (school locker room, gym, bathroom at work, etc.), the names of any bystanders and teachers/supervisors present, the exact time and date the incident happened, what happened, what was said and by whom. Also, if possible, write down why it happened (was the bully retaliating because you reported prior harassment?). Write down every detail!

If you have tried telling a staff member or your parents about how classmates or coworkers bully you, only to be silenced or blamed- if no one will listen or offer support, you owe it to yourself to always document the harassment in your daily journal.

You want to document every day to establish a pattern of bullying and abuse. It was how I survived those six long years of being bullied in school. It was the only outlet I had. I can attest to you that if I hadn’t documented everything in my journal every single day, I might not be alive today. When I began keeping a written record during the eighth grade, it was freeing, and I felt as if I were finally having my say.

So, if you can’t talk about it, write about it!

7 thoughts on “Always, ALWAYS Document Incidences of Bullying!

  1. Thank you for your good comments. I tried to share my own experiences through my 78 years of living with this, and the site cut me off and did not publish it. I don’t know why this is, but I did not say anything except how bullying can last through childhood to adulthood and seniorhood, all of which I have experienced. I am sad that it would not allow my post for I didn’t use anything untrue of horrible. Well, anyway, I can appreciate your site and what you have to say. It could have saved the lives of some people in my area and helped me a lot.

    • I’m so sorry you were cut off. I want to assure you that I had no part in it. I’m just now seeing your message and I want to let you know that it means a lot. Thank you so much.

  2. Oh I am positive it is WordPress and not you. I have had this happen before for who knows why. Even the phone does it sometimes. Too much information? Bullies in the computer? Who knows? I just know it happens and it is frustrating, but it is something that WordPress does from time to time. Peace and many blessings, Anne

  3. I was bullied for most of my 78 years in one way or another, most nightmarish. And in the area of California where I live now, young people are often bullied to the point of suicide. We had a 13-year-old girl end her life last year because of bullying about her dental braces. I definitely understand bullying first-hand.

    • I’m so sorry you had to endure bullying, Anne. My heart goes out to anyone who is on the recieving end of a bully. Bullying causes so many kids to end their lives before their lives even begin. I believe that it’s not because they want to die, but because they want the torment to stop and they feel that dying is the only way to make it stop. That’s the most heartbreaking. These babies need us now more than ever. My thoughts and prayers go out to her loved ones left behind.

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