Most Bullying Comes from Jealousy

Back-stabbing Colleagues

back-stabbing colleagues threatening employee with scissors and knife

Many bullies bully because they’re jealous of their targets. But they would never in a million years admit it. Because to admit something like this would be to admit failure and inferiority. And the last thing a bully will risk is to look inferior, especially to their target!

Here are the signs that the person is jealous:

1. They tear you down. Anyone who’s secretly jealous of you will insult you and criticize you behind your back. But they won’t have the guts to say anything to your face because you intimidate them. They will always degrade you when you’re not there to defend yourself.

Here are other reasons they may gossip about you when your back is turned:

a. You make them feel powerless (and you won’t know that you do).

b. They know that what they’re saying is either exaggerated or untrue.

c. If you’re not there to hear them, you can’t fall them out on it and they can say what they want.

d. Tearing you down restores their own image. When you look bad, they think it makes them look good. They then start to feel superior again as they drag you through the mud.

persuasion man woman whisper girls ear

Persuasion concept. Man and woman whispering in girls ear. Copy space on yellow background.

2. They trivialize your successes and accomplishments. These kinds of bullies will try to make you feel bad about your achievements. They say things like, “Anybody could’ve done that!” or “You didn’t do anything special!”

The reason these people act like this is because they only wish they’d done it themselves. Understand that bullies undermine your achievements and successes because they don’t want to feel like a failure in comparison to you.

3. They provoke you into arguments and altercations. This can be aggravating. They start confrontations with you because they don’t like to lose! And when people are jealous of you, you may seem better than them in a lot of ways. You may be super intelligent or very attractive. You may have a good reputation and have lots of friends. You may have more than them- anything really.

These bullies feel like you’re always winning and they’re always losing.

Anytime they interact with you, they are searching for any weakness or flaw you may have that they can exploit. They will bide their time, waiting for you to say something wrong. And when you finally do, they’ll make a huge deal of it. They will make a mountain out of a molehill. And they’ll never let it go!

I want you to understand that jealous bullies are desperate to beat you at something!

Crazy young man in white shirt standing and screaming at woman i

Crazy young man in white shirt standing and screaming at woman in pink dress. woman dont care and looking at camera with toothy smile. indoor studio shot, isolated on light brown background.

They will provoke the pettiest, stupidest arguments and refuse to give up because they feel insecure around you. Be aware that bullies need to score these petty little victories to feel good about themselves again!

4. Blind hatred. Sometimes these types of bullies can’t pinpoint and don’t know what to do with their jealousy. But if the bullies really hate you, why are you on their minds so much? Could it be because they’re trying to cover up how much they like you? They may tell others how much they despise you when they actually want to be like you.

5. They copy you. They may copy your image by dressing like you, they may steal your ideas and your work and claim it as theirs. And they may imitate you.

6. They will make up competition. Again. Understand that when bullies do this, they are desperately trying to beat you at something – anything! They’ll challenge you at something you don’t normally do or something they know you aren’t good at. And they won’t stop until they do beat you at something. But let them. And when they finally do beat you at something, just clap and be happy for them. Let them have that little win because you’ve got bigger and better things to accomplish. And – it might even get them off your back for a while.

And the winner is...

Hand writes “And the winner is…” on blackboard

Please know that you aren’t at fault in this situation. You did do anything wrong. Understand that these people have issues and they need help! But they will never in this lifetime admit that to you or anyone else.

Keep shining and keep knowing that the reason these people do these things is because they really know that you’re awesome. And it scares them to death!

Why Bullies Hate People Who Prefer to Be Themselves

Bully boy teasing into camera, expressing aggression, POV victim of bullying

Bully boy teasing into camera, expressing aggression, POV victim of bullying

Bullies are fake. They have to be to instill fear in those around them. And they resent anyone content with themselves and comfortable in their own skin.

Here’s Why:

1. Most bullies are highly insecure– more insecure than others; people who are themselves are usually more charming, seductive and graceful. An authentic person will captivate others without trying. Because of his openness and fluidity, he draws people to him like a magnet. And bullies are jealous of anyone who enjoys good relations with others.

Understand that not only are bullies insecure, but they’re also vain. Authentic people outshine them without even trying and just their presence alone makes the bullies appear less alluring and charismatic to others.

Avoid these vanity bullies like the plague because they will find a way to destroy you if you stay around them. These people will only force you to suppress your natural charm and goodness, so you won’t look like you’re better than them.

dreamstime_xs_45806755

2. People who are themselves don’t have to make any effort because they are their natural selves. On the other hand, being fake requires a lot of work. There are also a lot of worries that go with it- worries that you might slip up and get your lies twisted, that you may accidentally expose yourself through your actions, and that your true personality will somehow seep through.

Bullies resent the fact that authentic people don’t have to work and worry as they do.

But no matter what these bullies may throw at you, never be afraid to be yourself. Never hide anything about you. Because if you do, you’ll only lose a bit of yourself each time you put on an act until you lose yourself entirely.

To be fake, you to work too hard. I’m too lazy for that. And so is anyone who prefers to be themselves.

School Bullies’ Unspoken Message to Targets Who Dare to Stand Up to Them (Part 3)

Jealous Girls

Jealous Girls taking behind her back

Here are more ways we bullies assert and reinforce control over targets who step out of line.

3. We spread rumors and lies about the target. That’s right! We’ll demonize him. And he won’t even know about it until it’s too late and enough people are itching to take him apart. We’ll sow discord between him and all the other classmates. Hell! Even the teachers! We’ll make him public enemy number one!

Get this straight. All we have to do to demonize our target is to throw around a few offhand remarks and loaded words.

‘You see? We’ve been best friends since kindergarten, and some of us since we were babies. We are a family. We keep each other’s darkest secrets and fiercely protect each other, which means we cover each other’s asses.

Our parents know each other, and we have connections to quite a few city officials and local bigshots. Everyone knows us and they love us- very much! We’re in cahoots with the right people and they tell us everything.

Nothing is private. Not in this school and not in this town. This high school is our kingdom. And it’s crawling with lackeys, suck-ups, and wannabes. These people straddle the fence and they’re the ones he’ll least expect.

And he messed with one of us, so he messed with all of us!

4. Make him do degrading things with the promise of acceptance and inclusion. By this time, we’ll have him so rejected, alone and alienated that he’ll sell his soul to the devil just to get a crumb of acceptance. So, why not give him something to strive toward? Make him do something stupid. And trust us, we’re creative! We’re inventive!

We’ll think of something so humiliating and degrading! We’ll set him up to look pathetic, and we’ll film it for the entire free world to see. And he’ll never be able to get away from it.

We’ll also set him up to get in trouble with the principal by baiting him into a few fights. We’ll get in his face. One of us might even throw the first punch and force him to hit back, and then we’ve got him. We’ll all band together and say he started it, cook up a good story, and he’ll be the one blamed.

And what will be the icing on the cake is that after everyone finishes blaming and punishing the target, they’ll give us sympathy for being victimized by such a monster.

dreamstime_xs_165096065

Bullying and life – pictured as a word Bullying and a wreck ball to symbolize that Bullying can have bad effect and can destroy life, 3d illustration

That’s just life at the high school. Some matter and some don’t. And if a target tries to defend himself, he’s just defensive, a whiner, or he’s crazy.
But those rules don’t apply to us. Remember. We’re royals. And the double-standards we held our target to are beneficial to us. Don’t be surprised and don’t catch an attitude. You’d do the same thing if you were one of us.

5. We fantasize about the target transferring to another school or, even better, killing himself. Seriously, we do. But then again, we really don’t want that because, if he did either one, all the fun would end and it would be game over. We need our target to stick around so that we can continue getting our jollies and free entertainment.

We prefer to make things worse on our target slowly and gradually and drag it out for as long as possible. We’ll enjoy watching him withdraw from everyone, lose his appetite, lose weight, get sick, and shake from nervousness. And we know he will snap sooner or later.

We may be high school kids, but we’re far from stupid. We learned the laws of human nature early. How do you think we got so darned popular with kids and adults alike and rose to the top of the social totem pole? We knew the rules of the social game long before most people knew how to use the bathroom by themselves!

dreamstime_s_69423357

We also know that no one can keep that kind of pressure stuffed down inside forever. It’s impossible. Eventually, the target will explode. It always works better that way. And when he does blow up, we can only hope he does it in front of an audience.

We’re already building a case against the target. We can pick out small incidents, take them out of context, and spin them to make it bigger. We can craft a pattern out of them and make it look like evidence that is so damning.

Sure. Like, love and attractiveness are all subjective, but the system and social dynamic are rigged in our favor.

6. We would love nothing more than to beat the ever-loving crap out of our target but don’t want to risk getting caught. We’re too smart to do something so obvious and we don’t want to get our hands dirty. We’d much rather pick the creep apart in front of everyone and use his words against him. His intentions don’t matter. A screw-up is a screw-up and we’ll stick it to him. We’ll do it under the guise of friendly advice, the stealthier way to attack.

7. Pit what friends the target has against him. If we can’t turn his friends against him any other way, we’ll attack them too. We’ll accuse his friend of being in on the target’s little rebellion. Why should we do the dirty work ourselves when we have peer pressure on our side?

Humiliation and exile

Humiliation and exile. A crowd of people chase a sad person

His friends will then blame him for dragging them into it and causing them to become targets. They won’t care to hear any explanations or justifications. They’ll just want their lives back and they’ll ostracize and gang up on him to make that happen. Cause and effect is such a beautiful thing! Why not use it to your advantage?

8. Send henchmen to commit our violence for us. As much as we’d love to beat the target’s brains out with our bare hands, we’re too smart to get blood on our hands. In fact, we won’t even be there.

We’ll just send some roughneck or a group of them to kick his tail for us. And why not? We’re the kings and queens of the school. Offer the right incentives and we can get anybody to do anything we want them to do.

Even better, we’ll get the toughest guy with the worst reputation and put a bug in his ear. We’ll make him think that the target is trying to put the moves on his girl. Then we won’t have to offer him anything in return.

It won’t matter what the truth is or whether the target even knows the girl. Because we have all the power, connections and trust, just our names and our word is golden.

The target gets his head kicked in and gets a ride in an ambulance. We fade into the woodwork. And if things get too hairy, we just let the tough guy take the fall! And if tough-guy tells the cops that we put him up to it, do you think they’ll believe him?

Brilliant, huh?

School Bullies’ Unspoken Message to Targets Who Dare to Stand Up to Them (Part 2)

dreamstime_xs_71289225

So, how do we make our target submit?

Here’s how:

We make the little rebel’s life a living hell and use him as an example to the rest of the student body. But we can’t make it too visible. We must be cunning and covert! Our attacks must be deniable.

We’ll do this to teach this punk a lesson show him who’s boss while letting the other schoolmates know that this will happen to them if they dare get out of their places. You call it tit-for-tat, we call it high school justice.

Maybe you think that we don’t know we’re bullies. Well…you poor, clueless thing, you! Newsflash! We know we’re bullies. We know we’re bitches and assholes. We know we’re hell on wheels. And ya know what else? We’re damn PROUD of it!

Why? Because it’s cool to be cruel! Sorry. That’s reality and you can either deal with it or continue to be a hero and get treated worse!

But the higher up on the social hierarchy we are, the more brutal we are, the more brazen we are, the more desperate we are, and the harder we’ll fight to keep the popularity, the attention, the favor, the having our asses kissed, and the social status we so enjoy.

You need to realize that the positions we hold and the friends and followers we have give us special treatment, rewards, and liberties that nobody else can get. And the power we have is too delicious to give up. Outside of our group, our high social status, and this school, we have nothing!

So, if this little geek thinks he’s going to man up and punk us out in front of the entire school, then we’re going to give him both barrels!

In this power struggle, we have an arsenal of power, reputation, connections, and favor. And we’ll use them all to bury this freak.

Arrogant Young Man With Girlfriends

Arrogant young Caucasian man with three female admirers

Here are some tricks we’ve mastered:

1. We hold the target down. It takes a long time to isolate a target. But we have the patience of Job. And we’ll get our kicks out of watching him suffer! He thinks he can win friends and respect? He thinks he’s cool? He thinks he’s better than us? Not in this lifetime! We decide who talks to who, who makes friends and when they do.

And we can kill any opportunity to make friends, get a date and even turn the teachers, coaches, and other staff against him if we so desire.

We can shut him up by ridiculing him every time he speaks or answers questions in class- even if he gets the answers correct. And if he gets the right answers and the teacher praises him for it, it’ll only further piss us off, and we’ll turn up the heat on his ass!

We’ll shame him by calling him a nerd or a bookworm. We’ll accuse him of being an arrogant know-it-all and being full of himself! By the time we’re through with him, he’ll be too afraid to open his smart mouth!

We can exclude him from school clubs, from ballgames, school dances, proms, and other school functions.

We’ll control his emotions. He won’t get any enjoyment at school unless we say so. We can make sure he does nowhere but down, then leave him to rot in his own loneliness and misery. We’ll make sure he’s stuck on the bottom of the pecking order and never move up.

We’ll dim his shine, strip him of any confidence, change his smug-ass attitude, and make him loathe himself! We’ll make him trash!

bullyingsad

Why Bullies Love to Isolate Their Victims

2. We isolate the target. He crossed us- that makes him a leper as far as anyone else is concerned. Does he really think anyone will stand by him? Sure, other kids in the student body may hate us because they can’t be us, but they fear us! They may talk smack about how they’d stand up to us, but talk’s cheap.

Oh, yeah! The other folks talk the talk. But we know that when the time comes to walk the walk, they’ll only tuck their tails between their legs and run. They’ll leave the little wuss to fend for himself. They’ll know better than to piss us off because they know that we have the power to make their lives just as hard as we made his (the target’s).

Nobody wants to be next on our hit list, and we don’t blame them! It isn’t their problem, and they don’t want to end up down in the basement with him (the target).

So, what’s he going to do about it? If he does manage to scrounge up a few friends, they’ll be the few no-counts who are just as desperate as he is, and they’ll hang with him only because they have no other options themselves, which gives us another juicy idea – Hmmm! Perhaps if we pretend to like and accept those other losers, they’ll throw his sorry ass under the bus too! Then what friends will he have?

Just as there are people who fight to be on top, there are also those who struggle just as hard to stay off the bottom.

Oh, the other losers may feel sorry for the target, but they need us to leave them alone and not to make them bigger laughing stocks than they already are. What few friends he has? They aren’t stupid. Anyone would be a fool to have a dog in this fight!

Conceptual scene is a narcissistic and selfish person

A selfish man walks the heads of people as on the steps to the highest post behind the crown. Conceptual scene is a narcissistic and selfish person

At this school, we are royalty! We’re the top dogs. If anyone else wants to be safe, they need our permission. The target’s friends don’t want us to make things any harder than what we already do. And they know that if at any time some blockhead is dumb enough to piss us off, we take no prisoners!

So, even his friends will turn a blind eye. They won’t be so stupid as to have his back. And if he shoots his mouth off to them or anyone else about any of us, many of them will report back to us for these reasons:

a. To get on our good side
b. In hopes that we’ll accept them
c. To stay off our hate-radar

And if we grill the target’s friends with questions about him, they’ll tell us anything they think we want to hear.

Maybe these friends will know we’re only using them to get the deets from them, and maybe they won’t, but either way, it won’t matter. The only thing that will matter to them is keeping us satisfied, and keeping their butts off our shit list.

Do you see where we’re going with this? The fix is in. If the target continues to grow a pair and push back against us, the other students will stay wayyyy away from him to keep from arousing our wrath. And no matter how strong he thinks he is, he won’t be able to handle that for very long.

(More in Part 3…)

School Bullies’ Unspoken Message to Targets Who Dare to Stand Up to Them (Part 1)

Stop bullying

We warned you! We warned you not to rock the boat. We told you not to make waves. We made it clear that your place was beneath us and that you should take our abuse without question and without refusing.

But what did you do? You just had to push it! ‘Had to get uppity! ‘Had to be a hero and challenge our authority! ‘You want to make trouble? ‘You want to diss us? ‘Grow some spine and step up to us?

Now, because of you, there’s a risk that everyone in the student body will doubt and question our power!

What would you do if someone on a lower level than you just up and got some guts, and challenged you by fighting back? ‘Caused you embarrassment and made you look like a punk in front of everybody?

Yeah, yeah! Teachers may advise us to just “let it go” or “overlook it!” But this is personal, and there’s no coming back from it!

Do you really think you won any respect by clapping back at us? Uh-uh! Nope! What you did was start a war!

Don’t talk to us about right or wrong! Don’t speak to us about fairness! Because right and wrong, just don’t come into it! And fairness is a fairytale for babies!

We’re going to teach you that there’s a social order in this place! And there’s a certain way things are done around here! You’ve forgotten who you are, and you need to be taught that some people matter, and some don’t! Some people can, and some can’t!

Don’t say a damn word because you’d feel the same way we do!

“This loser doesn’t know his place! He’s forgotten who he is! ‘Gotten too big for his britches and too smart for his own good! He don’t know when to leave well enough alone!”

“He’s gotten too cocky, too sure of himself, too bold and too arrogant! In short, he’s become a threat to our positions at the top of the social totem pole! And threats must be contained!”

Silhouette of a selfish and narcissistic man, he wears a crown, standing on a word, I'm number one

Silhouette of a selfish and narcissistic man, he wears a crown, standing on a word, I’m number one. The concept of selfishness and narcissistic personality

During the Medieval period, anyone who disrespected any member of a royal family would be dragged off to the guillotine. And the remaining peasants would know that they would be next if they even mentioned the troublemaker’s name.

The “Divine Right of Kings” rule still stands today, in this school.

Kids in our positions are allowed to beat our chests and throw our weight around freely and with impunity. It’s okay for us to abuse anyone we deem unworthy of humane treatment. If you were any one of us, you’d think,

“But (target’s name)! Who the hell does that freak think he is! Because he opened his smart mouth and dissed us, now all the losers may rise up and demand their rights to equal treatment, as if allowing them to get through a single day without getting their brain beat in isn’t enough! Shit! They should be down on their knees, thanking us for not making things worse for them!”

“Losers like him (the target) report you to the principal and get you in trouble, even with your parents! They join anti-bullying groups and get involved in anti-bullying programs at school! Shyeah! Like that’s gonna help them any! And don’t EVEN get me started on those groups! They’re always looking for publicity!”

“They even write journals, publish books, and post on their blogs, calling you and your friends out on things you’d rather people inside or outside the school not find out!”

So, with the bullying awareness movement (Ugh! What a joke!) that’s sweeping the globe, surveillance and since virtually everyone has a smartphone with a camera, how can bullies at the top, like us, punish our target without further exposure and the risk of getting kicked out of school and ruining our prospects for college? How can we reinforce our dominance over this creep, and make him cave in and bow down to us?

(I’ll tell you how bullies do it in Part 2)

High School — Judi Lynn

A great post from Judi Lynn! I will definitely order her books!

I just turned in the manuscript for my fifth Jazzi Zanders mystery–The Body in the Past. I beat my deadline–Nov. 4–and it feels good. In this book, Jazzi is trying to find out what happened to a young girl who died in the house she, Ansel, and Jerod are flipping. Someone pushed her off her […]

via High School — Judi Lynn

Ring Theory

Cancer is perhaps the biggest bully a person can ever battle. Thank you, Abigail, for this touching post. Sending you lots of love and positive vibes!

No Half Measures

I ran across this theory early on in my experience with Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer and it really resonated with me. The longer I’ve lived with the disease, the more it resonates with me. While I’m horrible at asking for help and often overestimate what I can handle, the kindness of some family and friends has driven home how important this idea really is. Actually it’s probably more the actions of some family and friends who have not shown kindness that has really driven home how important this concept is to those of us who are dealing with a health crisis.

I’ve included a link below to the full explanation of the theory, but here’s a quick paraphrase:

Here are the basic tenets, paraphrased from Silk and Goodman:

  1. Draw a circle. In this circle, write the name of the person at the center of the Health crisis.

  2. Now draw…

View original post 275 more words

A Heartfelt Message to My Fellow Bloggers and Followers

bullyingcourage

It a huge juggle. Especially when you have a day job, a husband, family, grown children, aging parents and errands. Also, I prepare new posts ahead of time. Handwriting them, then writing them in a Word document to save in a folder before posting.

the thing I love most about blogging is the networking and the interactions with other bloggers and followers. I love getting to know them, reading their posts, commenting on them and reblogging them to give them some extra exposure. I feel like we bloggers are one big family and that’s the best feeling in the world.

As bloggers, we put our stories out there, sharing the most emotionally intimate parts of ourselves, parts that we wouldn’t share with just anyone in real life.

We open up to each other, share our pain, our feel-good moments, our good times and bad, our challenges, our tears and our joys! And it’s truly a blessing because for some, this is the only outlet they have.

I only wish I had the courage to open up and meet you all sooner.

For me, time management is a booger! But I’m glad to say that I’m finally learning more about the tools available in WordPress, learning more of the ropes, and new ways to make better use of my time and reach more of you.

And thank the Lord for the option and ability to schedule automatic posts!

With that said, I don’t always get to network with everyone nearly as much as I would like and that hurts me. And I want you all to know that I’m truly sorry if it has ever seemed like I’ve gone silent for a few days.

However, I want you all to know that each of you are a blessing to me and that I enjoy interacting with you. I enjoy reading your posts, commenting on them and talking back and forth with you. And I value you more than you know.

And I will always come back to see if you’ve posted something new for me to read. Thank you so much, my blogger friends and followers for everything you do! Thank you for being my friends, thank you for posting new material for me to like and comment on, and thank you for not being afraid to be your authentic human selves and being so open. You all inspire me in so many ways!

Sincerely,
Cherie