Too many people think that they have to give more of themselves than what is necessary and that they have to hide their true selves.
They are under the impression that they have to bend over backwards and go out of their way in order to be valued. They have been conditioned to believe that they have to try and be someone other than themselves to win approval from others.
Sadly, these are the beliefs held by most bully-targets.
“If only I was ten pounds thinner and had long, flowing hair, maybe my friends would like me”
“If only I had bought front row tickets to the game, concert, etc. instead of regular tickets, he would love me.”
“If only I made a 4.0 instead of a 3.99, my family would be proud of me.”
“Maybe I should have bought her a dozen roses instead of a half-dozen, then she would love me.”
“Maybe if I worked sixteen hours a day instead of twelve, then my boss and coworkers would like me.”
Notice that these people are already putting in lots of effort and the people around them don’t thank the person for it, or worse, even acknowledge it. Some of these scenarios may be a little exaggerated, but you get the point.
But here’s the thing, anytime you sacrifice your own needs to please others and score approval, the exact opposite happens. People do not respect a people-pleaser. If anything, they look down on the pleaser with a mixture of disgust, pity and hilarity.
In the minds of others, the pleaser is pathetic case, eager to kiss butt in his weak attempts to win friends. The more pleasers give themselves at their own expense, the worse they are treated because to others, they are ripe for using and abusing.
Think of the song, “Self-esteem” by The Offspring and if you haven’t heard it, hop onto YouTube and give it a listen.
People-pleasers only attract the predator types of people into their lives while repelling the good, quality people of class and decency. Human predators have a spidey-sense when it comes to picking out those who are weak and approval seeking.
If you are a pleaser, they will see you coming a mile away and they will bleed you dry of resources, time and worse…confidence and happiness.
You must give these people the boot and do it FAST! Because they suck the life out of you and by the time you realize you’ve been had, it will more than likely be too late. Your confidence and self-esteem will already be shot and you will have to work like hell to get to know yourself again and get it all back.
I want you to know that it’s perfectly okay to want friends- to want positive connections with other people. Human beings are social creatures and we all want that. However, no one should have to eat crap in order to achieve it.
You can say “NO” if you don’t want to do something.
You can put your foot down and tell someone to get lost anytime they use and/or abuse you.
You can speak up when something does not feel good.
You can have your own opinions and beliefs.
And you don’t have to put yourself out on a limb to please someone else.
You do NOT have to be a doormat! Start today by being true to yourself. If something does not feel good, you do not have to go along with it.
But be warned. The users you have been associating with will not like the change in you. They have been benefiting from your willingness to suck-up for so long and the last thing they want is for those benefits to stop.
They will resort to calling you “selfish”, “stingy”, among other names. They will accuse you of being self-centered and all about yourself. They will lay all kinds of guilt trips on you. They will do everything in their power to make you look and feel like the lowest form of life on the face of the earth!
But you aren’t. No matter what others may say or how they may act toward you, you must hold firm. You must assert yourself. You must make the decision that you will no longer be used or abused by these people! Tell them to take a flying leap and mean it!
Give them the old heave-ho! You do not need them in your life! You have to love yourself enough to walk away!
I can guarantee that once you have the courage to kick the garbage out of your life, you will attract better people, who will love you not for what you can do for them, but for just being you. You will have more loving, productive and fulfilling relationships!
Best of all, you will feel so much better about yourself…you will be so happy and at peace. It happened for me and it can happen for you too.
You must take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else.