Subconsciously, We Teach People How to Treat Us

dreamstime_xs_161372666

Here’s something which most targets of bullying don’t realize. Not even I knew this at the time I was being bullied.

You teach people how to treat you. And how do you teach them this? By how well you treat yourself– by what you will and will not put up with and by the boundaries you set.

To put it plainly, you can either allow unsavory people into your life, letting them abuse and degrade you or you can put your foot down, call them on their unacceptable behavior, and give them the old heave ho. You decide.

I have to admit. When I was being bullied years ago, I unwittingly let my classmates tear me down. I gave them the power to determine how I felt about myself- power that never belonged to them in the first place.

I didn’t have the courage to stand up to them properly and I let the hurtful words and the physical assaults make me feel terrible about myself.

dreamstime_xs_166210942

I gave up on schoolwork and my grades plummeted. I gave up on my talents and stopped doing what I enjoyed. I allowed them to turn me against myself.

I can’t even pretend it was all their fault. Because I allowed them to steal my confidence- without knowing it or meaning to, of course. Nevertheless, I let it happen, so some of the blame is on me.

But the good news is, they may have brought me down but they couldn’t keep me there. Eventually, I wised up and saw my value as both a human being and as a woman.

I can’t stress enough the importance of loving yourself first and foremost. Love should come from within and you should never look to any outside source for it. Love yourself and all of your imperfections, for we are all “perfectly flawed.”

dreamstime_xs_113811345

Accept and respect yourself. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do to be accepted and for someone to love you. If a person does not want to see you for the beautiful person that you are, you can’t make them. However, you do have the choice of whether or not to keep them in your life.

With bullies however, this may or may not change their behavior toward you and worst case scenario, might even make it worse. However, you aren’t looking to change anyone’s attitude, you’re looking to take care of yourself and to achieve your own peace and happiness.

It’s not about changing them, it’s about looking out for yourself and keeping your dignity and self-respect. It’s about taking appropriate measures to make you feel good.

Know your worth. Open your eyes to your value. And treat yourself better. Because if you don’t treat yourself right, no one will.

2 thoughts on “Subconsciously, We Teach People How to Treat Us

  1. True words. One of my bullies who was not my supervisor would order me to do menial tasks. I’d always respond with, “Would you like to rephrase that?” which would let her know that I was not intimidated, or willing to blindly take orders from her. The result was that after time she would ask me politely “if you have time, it would really help me and the team out if you could do XXX.” Of course I’d willingly help the team and usually had already completed the task before she would ask. I had taken control.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.