How to Deal with a Bully — Dr. Gail Beck

This is a great bullying story by Dr. Gail Beck. It’s about how she stood up to her bully and made a friend of him. Thank you, Dr. Beck for posting!

I had my first experience with bullying when I was 5 years old. Struggling with my high energy and tendency to experiment with dangerous household items, my mother was able to convince the school principal to let me start Grade 1 early. I was noticeably shorter than all the other kids around me and by […]

via How to Deal with a Bully — Dr. Gail Beck

My Bullies And Me: A Love Story — My World, My View

This is a story from the perspective of a survivor of bullying and is very sad. My heart goes out to this guy!

Another piece of article that follows a long line after ’13 Reasons Why’ released on Netflix. This article details my experience with bullying, and how I coped up with it, or rather didn’t. I hope you relate and realize, that even if no one else, you have one person who is willing to listen to […]

via My Bullies And Me: A Love Story — My World, My View

Should Your Bullies’ Opinions Matter?

Indifferent.

Indifferent.

As we all know, bullies talk a lot of crap and put on a fake persona. They’re loud and obnoxious, which translates to thirsty for attention and admiration.

“Hey! Look at me! Look at me!”

Their lives are so pathetic that the only way they can feel good about themselves is to make others feel bad. It only translates to the bullies’ being insecure and afraid that someone else is either going to outshine them somehow or make them look inferior. Should what they think of you ever matter?

What if I told you that your bullies’ negative thoughts of you only reflected those they secretly have of themselves?

Would you believe me if I said that their hatred of you is only a reflection of their own pathetic self-loathing and that they’re only trying to put it off on you?

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Understand that bullies put on quite a show to look significant and relevant, and they must work damn hard at keeping up their images. When you stop and think about it, it’s just as pathetic as when someone stuffs their bra or puts a sock in their crotch. Anyone who must expend such an enormous amount of effort to keep the less-than-perfect parts of them hidden can’t be a person who likes themselves much and it’s sad.

Why should you value the opinion of some buffoon who’s a big-time one-upper and desperate to be seen and adored? Realize that this person’s opinion has no merit whatsoever, and their hurtful words carry little weight, if any at all.

If you know what to look for, you’ll see these people for what they are, and you won’t take them so seriously. And when you do, it will serve as a buffer to any psycho/emotional harm they may cause you and your self-esteem will skyrocket!

Do You Love Your Scars? — Keri-lee Griffiths

Do I love my scars? Yes, most of the time I do, but maybe love is a strong word. I’m not enamoured with these lines on my skin. When I look at them, I don’t feel an intense euphoria and an unconditional affection. My heart doesn’t skip a beat, and my stomach doesn’t twist itself […]

via Do You Love Your Scars? — Keri-lee Griffiths

Only for Purposes of Self-Preservation

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“I could never be that desperate and you could never be that lucky.”

That was my comeback to a group of male bullies after one called out to me as I walked past them, “Hey! My buddy says he’s madly in love with you!” Being in the seventh grade and the smartass that I was, I made sure not to miss a chance to deliver a snappy and scathing one liner to someone acting like a total arse.

I knew that this was his cowardly way of instigating a conflict between me and his buddy, then standing back, at a safe distance to watch. It was also his way of baiting his buddy into insulting me in front of everyone and getting his kicks from my humiliation. Only it backfired in his face.

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Those that heard it either shouted, “BURN!” and laughed at the boys, or scowled at me and reminded me of how I’d “stooped just as low as them”, by countering with such a scathing return-fire.

Why am I telling you this story, you may wonder? It’s to make a point.

And my point is that sometimes, you have to go just as low as the bullies- you must not be afraid to get down and dirty and you mustn’t care what anyone else thinks about it.

Understand that with bullies, sometimes there’s no being polite and no being the bigger person. There’s no such thing as “playing fair” nor being nice about it.

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Bullies don’t comprehend the meaning of class or couth. They don’t understand morals and scruples. They have no concept of decency and respectability. The only language bullies understand is language that is cheap, tacky and unsavory.

Bullies (and anyone who is even remotely impressed by them) are a dime a dozen. They really are. And sometimes you must speak in the only language they understand before they’ll get the message and back the hell off!

I understand your discomfort in this. It sucks when you must get down and wallow in the bullies’ foulness and filth with them. But for purposes of self-preservation, sometimes there’s no other choice but to lower your own moral standards.

The good news is that you don’t have to stay in the mud but only reserve the nastiness for emergencies like the one in the above story.

Adult Survivors of School Bullying and the Way We Do Things

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Being a victim of school bullying often teaches us tough lessons- lessons that we carry into adulthood, shaping our personalities, and the ways we do things once we are out of school and away from our tormentors. Being an adult survivor myself, I can tell you what I took from it:

1. Having been bullied during school sharpened my emotional intelligence – Because I learned very early on how truly evil people can be, I now have a sixth sense. Adult survivors of school bullying are excellent at picking up vibes (especially bad ones) and reading people and their intentions.

We know how to watch people without looking like we’re watching them, noting body language, facial expressions, micro-expressions, tonality, delivery, and demeanor. Because our people-sense wasn’t fully developed during our school years, we often let those in our lives who were only there to harm us. We paid dearly for it, which is the reason we’re extra watchful and therefore able to avoid such people, now that we’re adults.

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2. We’re not afraid to say “no” and will sometimes say it simply because we can! As schoolkids, we had our boundaries violated so much so that we weren’t allowed to protest when something didn’t feel right to us.

People either duped or forced us to take a lot of abuse. Now that we’re adults, we get to decide what we will and will not tolerate and we exercise that freedom and autonomy every chance we get!

3. Survivors of school bullying are no-nonsense adults. We’ve learned early on the games people play, and we’re not easily duped. We live by the old, “fool me once…” saying and hold it close to our hearts.

4. We have a very open and solid refusal to take any crap from anyone, no matter the consequences we may face for that refusal. I’m no exception. We took enough crap in school from our classmates and a few rotten apples, who called themselves school staff that we’re even more determined as adults not to let others violate our boundaries.

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5. We don’t give people many chances. To us, first impressions are important, so you’d better make it count.

One red flag, I’m gone!
One bad vibe, goodbye!
Any attempts to bullshit, see ya!

This is due to having been too forgiving of others when we were young, being taken for granted, having our kindness taken for weakness and then exploited, much to our humiliation. And we refuse ever again to be put back in that position.

6. We work our asses off! We’re tenacious when it comes to getting what we want and will stop at almost nothing to reach success – we’ve had enough of what we didn’t want when we were in school. Others called us “a failure” so many times that it lit a fire under us and made us that much more determined to succeed at everything we set out to do, if for no other reason than to show the haters and naysayers (even our ex-school bullies) that we can!

7. We like having control over our own lives and will do anything to keep that control – survivors of school bullying had enough of others taking control of their lives long ago, and we will shut down the first person who tries to take away our power.

Sexual harassment at work and workplace. Touch knee. Movement against sexual harassment.

Sexual harassment at work and workplace. Touch knee. Movement against sexual harassment

8. We can spot a bully five miles away in the dark – Yes! We’re that good! We dealt with bullies in school, for years, daily. So naturally, we would be good, nearly expert, at pointing them out.

9. As adults, we either avoid bullies like the plague, or, on the other end of the spectrum, we take extreme pleasure in putting bullies in their places, calling them out every chance we get and making them feel like the losers they are – remembering all the times we didn’t or couldn’t defend ourselves against them in school.

10. We have a thick skin that has become difficult for others, other than those close to us, to penetrate. That’s our power. We like being unpredictable and keeping others on their toes to try and figure us out.

11. We can’t stand to watch others being made fun of and will rush to their defense. We’re not afraid to get nose to nose with the bully if need be- not only to help the person being bullied but subconsciously, to make up for all the times we felt helpless and didn’t or couldn’t defend ourselves against our bullies in school.

Close-up of woman is cracking her knuckles.

Close-up of woman in black T-shirt is cracking her knuckles gesturing willful and ready for doing something; or in another side; the bad behavior when in tension; concept of health care and medical.

12. Adult survivors of school bullying are sensitive to the emotions of others and cannot stand the thought of causing emotional or physical harm to another person, but only if that person isn’t trying to harm them first.

13. Adult survivors of bullying place extra value on their families and friends. They never (intentionally) take them for granted- we know what it’s like to be completely alone and not to have any friends. Therefore, we cherish family/friends and time spent with them.

14. Adult survivors of school bullying are, in some ways, selfish. I know I am. We put a lot of value on ourselves, our wants, our needs, and our interests- all because others didn’t value us as kids during school.

So, we make it a point to put ourselves first in almost everything. Our children and parents may be the only people we put ahead of us.

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15. Words don’t convince us. Only action and habits do. Due to our past histories of being duped by the empty promises and cheap words of school bullies and paying dearly for it. We’ll be damned if we ever repeat that mistake.

Being bullied as a kid in school has not only made me a powerful adult; it has also exponentially sharpened my people-senses, which in turn has afforded me not only scores of friends who love and respect me, successes and even more opportunities, but ultimately, an enriching life!