Self-Loathing, Self-Consciousness, and Low Self-Esteem Comes from Not Knowing Who You Are

Let’s face it. We live in a society of three things that kill peace and happiness- self-loathing, self-consciousness, and low self-esteem; and it shows every day. We see people with victim mentality, people running around in fear, and people who carry unnecessary guilt.

Targets of bullying do things that they normally wouldn’t do, even things that are degrading and self-depreciating. And they do it to prove something to their classmates, neighbors, or coworkers. Even people who aren’t necessarily targets of bullying but have been brainwashed by media to believe that they’re somehow responsible for the evil in the world do the same thing. I want you to understand that you are not responsible for someone else’s atrocious and unspeakable acts.

You can’t be. And the reason why you can’t be responsible for the horrible behavior of other people is because- wait for it, wait for it…

It’s because you can never control the actions or behavior of another person. The only behavior you have any control over is that of your own.

For example, last summer, we saw on the news, where people would kneel before certain groups to virtue signal and prove they weren’t racist, xenophobic, or homophobic. And while these people were kneeling, those they were kneeling before only laughed. It was quite pathetic.

‘You see? Here’s the thing. If you know who you are and that you aren’t any of these things, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone.

My point is that that if you know who you are, what you stand for, and that you haven’t done anything wrong- if you know in your heart that you’re not what others say you are, there’s no need to bend over backwards and jump through hoops to prove otherwise.

At the same time, you absolutely must loathe evil and yes, even speak out against it. But virtue signaling isn’t necessary.

I hate racism, xenophobia, and homophobia with a passion and I speak against it. I hate anything that marginalizes human beings on the basis of being different and not their character and their behavior.  But I won’t take responsibility for the despicable behavior of other people and I will never virtue signal to prove anything because I don’t have to.

I know who I am and I know that my virtues are there whether they’re visible or not.

So let your goodness and humanity speak for itself. Let your truth do the talking for you. Stop being afraid of being labeled and running away from conflict. If you’re carrying guilt that isn’t your burden to carry, stop it right now. Know that a fearful person is a controllable person. Don’t be that person!

Don’t be the person who is constantly trying to prove something to others because, in the end, you only demean and degrade yourself.

Instead, be the person who hates and speaks out against evil and wrongdoing. Be the person who shows love to people of different body types, races, nationalities, orientations, religions, beliefs, abilities, or any other differences. More importantly, be the person who lets their natural actions true nature shine through and speak for them.

Remember that we’re all human beings. And if you, as an individual, knows who you are and you’ve done no harm to another person and don’t share the beliefs and opinions of a few ignoramuses,  you have nothing to feel guilty of.

Realize that at certain times in life, you may be thrown into the same group as some very evil and demonic people and you may even be judged by their actions because of some physical trait you may have in common with them. But know this.

If you’ve done nothing wrong and have tried your due diligence to be fair and be the best person you can possibly be, know that you’re deserving of love and human dignity no matter what category you may be lumped into. And you have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself.

30 thoughts on “Self-Loathing, Self-Consciousness, and Low Self-Esteem Comes from Not Knowing Who You Are

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  1. Pingback: Self-Loathing, Self-Consciousness, and Low Self-Esteem Comes from Not Knowing Who You Are – Tonya LaLonde

    • I know how that made you feel and my heart hurts for you. Frenemies are the worst! They’re much worse than enemies – with enemies, there no mistaking- you know where you stand. That’s why frenemies belong in the slush pile with the enemies. 😄

  2. I have learned, maybe too late, that I am not in a personality contest. I gave up trying to impress people, so, what you see is what you get. Don’t get me wrong, I treat people the way I want to be treated. My father when I was younger told me, “you’ll always be poor”. Sorry pops, I own the place I live in, how are you doing where you live?

  3. I am afraid that minorities and people of color have a different life experience. Through suffering they have to show peaceful resistance, even kneeling. Mahatma Gandhi was one such example.

    • My heart goes out to you, Sue. I won’t claim to understand because I never lived through what you did, I can only imagine. But know that you still have value, you deserve dignity, and you do matter, no matter what ignorance anyone may try to fill your head with or how they act. Always remember that. ❤

  4. Cherie, l love your inclusive focus. I was pointing out that internationally, you have readers who have experiences and histories larger than the United States. Just as the U.S. had to fight against Britain so did countries like India. Indians weren’t the minority in India but Gandhi built a model for peaceful resistance later copied in some other countries where minorities exist. It was peaceful and in the manifestation of the peacefulness of this movement was the realization that humility is the foundation of powerful movements. There is grace in humility and self-knowledge. That was the comfort it brought to Indians seeking independence from the British.

    • Thank you so much, Sue. I try to be as inclusive as I possibly can. Although I do fall short at times and can’t please everyone. I do my best because I know what it’s like to be excluded. Sometimes negative experiences can compel you to try not to do to others what was done to you because you know how it feels and don’t wish that on even your worst enemy.

      • You know, Cherie, I too admit I don’t know everything either. I find that people who have grown kinder out of bad experiences are the best people to know. That’s you! I just wanted to share the little I do know to help us all see that sometimes we are unaware of why people do things and in turn judge them. I am guilty of judging people without understanding the full facts. I am lucky that so far have tried to enlighten me too. Isn’t it amazing how much wisdom and knowledge we still need to gain? Pleasing everyone is impossible. But you have such power with your platform so l hope you don’t mind if I give my 2-cents😉

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