When Your Give-A-Dam Breaks

If you are a target of bullying, there are times when you get fed up with people’s crap. Then…BOOM! You snap on some creep who pushed you over your limit. Believe me, I understand and if this has happened with you, I cannot fault you for it. I empathize with you wholeheartedly.

It’s not that you want to fight. In fact, you hate fighting- intensely. However, if you’re a 5’4”, 120 lb. teenage girl with a target on her back, what do you do? Stand there and let them jump you?

Like most targets, I too hated to fight but there were times I didn’t have a choice. It was either fight or be beaten within an inch of my life. Not only the girls would try to jump me, but the guys would too and most of those redneck brutes had no qualms nor reservations about beating up on a female, even one who was little. Some of the bullies at Oakley High threatened with a knife or a box-cutter and it’s amazing I got out of there alive.

But that’s what bullying does to people if they don’t have the proper psychological tools, confidence, or know-how to deal with it. It makes them paranoid, makes them desperate! Puts them in survival mode! In other (and more scientific) words, it awakens their primal instincts. It rewires their brains in preparation for a hostile environment.

A target of bullying must live in constant vigil and adrenaline. They must always be on alert- they must grow eyes in the back of their heads and be prepared for danger every time they turn a corner. That gets both frustrating and exhausting after so long.

I cannot count the times in school I showed my booty to people after having taken all I could take. And there were times I didn’t just let off a little stream, I blew a gasket!

The longer you are bullied, the more it builds- the sense of injustice, the sadness, the rage! It all piles up! We are all human and no one can hold that crap inside forever it doesn’t matter how resilient they are. It’s humanly impossible.

You’re like a bottle of soda that’s been shaken up until it finally spews!

Like a dormant volcano that finally awakens, you erupt when that last (and unfortunate) creep sticks as much as a toe over your boundaries. Some people, you scare half to death, others, you piss off even more and make twice as determined to get you, and few see your tirade as personal entertainment.

I did that a few times back when I was being bullied and abused at school.

There were times I’d yell, curse the bullies out, throw stuff, and slam doors. I would tell people to get the eff away from me and not to come back around. I admit it. I showed the worst sides of myself on a few occasions.

I remember grabbing one girl by the hair and beating the living snot out of her in the library after she’d spent the last month getting in my face and taunting during the last class of the day.

Another bully received the business end of a fist after attempting to shove me down a flight of stairs. I remember running back up the stairs, whacking her upside the head with my purse and a textbook, then dragging her down the stairs. She seemed to hit and bounce off every step going down.

Once I got her to the bottom, I beat and kicked her until a teacher and three other students pried me off her. These were only two of the many incidents that occurred during those years.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not something I’m proud of. Each time, I remember feeling terrible about it after it was over, and everything had cooled off. No decent person wants to lose their cool and act a fool, but when you been pushed and pushed, there is an eventual breaking point.

Yes, I got into fist fights. I won some fights but lost a few too.

Sadly, it all seemed to be a cycle. After getting bullied and bullied for several months, I’d snap. Some of the tiredness bled over into my home life. Sadly, when bullies have worn you down, you’re too exhausted to even be there for the people you love when they have problems too. You’re fresh out of patience and energy, and yes, even love.

You can’t pour from an empty cup and as a result, you just don’t give a crap- about anything or anybody. All you want is to be left alone.

I look back now and realize that I didn’t handle the bullying the right way. Understand that if you don’t set healthy boundaries, this is what can happen.

Today, I’m a much calmer and happier person than I used to be. Why? Because I’m more assertive and I set boundaries. If I say no or ask someone to please stop doing something when they violate my boundaries, and if they insist on continuing the behavior, I either tell them to leave right then, or I walk away after telling the person exactly what I think of them. I then cut them out of my life.

I have learned that, although you cannot control another person’s behavior, you do have control over your own and whether to continue having them in your life. And if you refuse to associate with a person, they no longer have easy access to you. Therefore, it’s not nearly as easy for them to get to you and harm you.

So, never allow people to bully you and get out of control with their abuse. Speak out when people violate your boundaries. It’s the only way to keep the pressure from building and reaching a boiling point.

If this has been your experience, feel free to comment.

15 thoughts on “When Your Give-A-Dam Breaks

  1. Brilliant post and quote at the end. When you are provoked then it is an excuse for the bullies to turn themselves into a victim. Messed up psychological stuff, hey? 🌹🙏

  2. My son endured a high level of bullying because he didn’t want to fight. He asked to study Tae Kwon Do which after researching I agreed. I thought a martial art that taught self control first, fighting second would be a good thing. To my knowledge he only used it twice, both times showing a skill that set the bullies back and he was finally after years of abuse left alone and even to a degree respected.

  3. I’ve said this before, but this sounds exactly like my childhood (except for the part about sometimes winning fights). And in my case, I would get in trouble but the other kids wouldn’t, and I think that’s what hurt the most. No school adults wanted to solve the problem; they just wanted to put labels on me.

  4. SMiles On The Autism Spectrum
    As Outcast From Group Think
    Bullied As Such Incessantly

    Not Able To Speak until
    Four All Challenged After
    Yet Reaching 6 Feet Tall
    Yes Early Enough
    Even Thin Than
    Then To Be
    Physically
    Assaulted
    As Generally
    Speaking Folks
    Don’t Attack What
    They Have To Look

    Up
    To
    To
    Reach To Harm…

    Never The Less The Verbal
    Attacks Never Stopped Till
    i Fell Down In Hell On Earth
    Erased From All Existence

    Even My
    Own Soul
    For 66 Months
    Common Hero
    Story Archetype

    Traversing

    The River

    Hades

    Same

    Character

    Just Different

    Actor Me Anyway

    When i Finally Escaped
    Hell Reborn To Love Heaven
    On Earth Within Again Nothing

    New Under

    The Sun

    Same

    Old Hero
    Archetype
    Yet This Super
    Hero’s Gun Now Is
    Wit Beyond Thorns

    And Roses Of Love True

    First Thing i Did In Heaven
    As Hell Teaches Only Sticks
    And Stones Break Your Bones

    THere

    Is No Affording
    Losing A Soul to
    Any Illusory FearS AGAiN

    So What i Did Is Posed
    As Naked As Legal As i

    Could In Every Avenue

    i Could Find And True
    Some ‘Folks’ at Least

    Tell me
    i Do A Better
    Job of making
    A Fool of My

    Self

    On Purpose

    Now Hehe Than

    Before

    When

    i Was Sooo

    Clueless And
    i Guess i Was As
    The Very First one

    i Did my Female Psychotherapist

    Warned Might Actually Attract

    Strange Women To Me

    For

    Being

    So Careless

    And Fear Free

    Whispering Then

    All i Was Doing Was

    Letting As Much of

    The Feminine

    Come

    Free

    In Me

    So i Would

    Finally Be An

    Entire Human

    And Really Yes

    A Man With Wings

    It’s True Since Then
    i’ve Been Surrounded

    By Only

    Angels

    And The

    Devils Leave

    me The Hell

    Alone Particularly

    The One Within i Let Escape

    He’s Always “THere” if i Need

    “Him”

    Again

    It’s True

    “They” Don’t

    Mess With the

    Naked Guy Still

    Armed

    too

    With
    The “Evil Eye”…

    It’s Also A Virtue

    You Earn In Hell

    Still A Tool For Heavenow 🦅🏝

    • Beautiful poem, Katie. I’ve know people on the spectrum and I’ve read plenty of testimonials about bullying from those with Autism and my heart can only hurt for them. Having experienced much of what you describe, I can imagine the pain of day to day life. I’m so sorry you had to endure such terrible things and I support you 100%

      • SMiles Cherie The Last Person

        Who Anyone Could Guess
        i Ever Was Is Autistic Now
        Yes It’s Genetic My Sister

        Has Asperger’s
        Syndrome

        Too Yet

        Most of

        The Issue

        Is Extreme Systemizing

        Where Ya Basically

        Get Stuck in
        Your Head
        The Environment
        Today is More “Autistic”

        In ‘Mechanical

        Cognition’

        Than

        Ever

        Before i Escaped
        That Environment
        Pursued Other

        Epigenetic

        Potential

        And in ‘Real

        Life’ Now Yes If

        You Met me You
        Would Think Sure

        I’m Different

        Yet The

        Least

        Autistic

        Person You
        Ever Met i Score
        11 Out of 50 on

        The AQ Scan

        For Autism Before
        i Literally Changed
        My Soul into A Dance
        A Song A Free Poem

        Of Art

        Through

        And Through

        i Scored 45 My
        Wife is Just

        Shy

        And

        A Systemizing
        Perfectionist She
        Scores 32… Autism
        Is Assessed By Behavioral

        Deficits

        That

        Doesn’t Stop

        A Caterpillar From
        Creating A Cocoon

        And Coming
        Out Flying

        With

        Butterfly

        Wings Indeed

        Humans Have

        Epigenetic

        Potential to

        Be ‘Reborn Again’

        Sadly Most Folks

        Never ‘Build

        The

        Cocoon’

        ‘A Field Of

        Dreams’ And

        Emerge ‘Reborn’ Anew

        With

        Wings

        Of Free What

        Could A Little

        Boy Who Cannot

        Speak Until Four

        Tale The World

        In A “Never Ending

        Story” Shall He

        Remain

        SiLenT

        Or Yell Out

        Moon Child!

        It’s Only

        A Story

        And

        Life

        iS Only A
        Dream Come True Now🏝

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