These bullies use force because of an inner sense that they otherwise would have no influence over people. When people dare to disagree with, defy, thwart, or worse, ignore them, they automatically think:
“Nobody will listen to me.”
“I can’t get anywhere with anyone.”
“They don’t value me.”
“They don’t respect me.”
“I can’t get any cooperation out of anyone.”
“I can’t get any satisfaction.”
And the list goes on and on…
This causes them to feel weak and defeated. Therefore, they use force and violence to get their point across because it’s the only thing that works for them.
But that is weakness because no one wants to get beat up, so they submit, not because they want to, but to keep themselves safe from harm. Understand that these types of people see everything as zero-sum: They either have total control, or no control at all. There’s no in-between. If they can’t have complete influence, they feel ineffective and powerless.
Physically violent and forceful bullies often compare themselves with others, seeing themselves as less effective than others when it comes to persuasion and influence. They feel that they’re no good at getting others to cooperate and at being in command of circumstances and situations.
Therefore, in their intense anger and rage, and through use of force and violence, these bullies shift the blame from their own sense of powerlessness to the behavior of their targets. They then see their targets as their enemies or adversaries and feel that they must be punished and destroyed.
“(The target) is wrong for defying me.”
“(The target) never listens to me.”
“(The target) never pays attention to me.”
“(The target) is not giving me the respect he/she owes me.”
When bullies shift the blame onto their targets, they are able to blunt the pains of their frustrations and disappointments because anger and rage are less unpleasant than sadness and hopelessness.
Again, I want you to realize that this is weakness in and of itself- that although physically violent and forceful bullies may look strong and mighty as they’re whipping and beating up on some poor helpless human being, they’re really weak. In fact, they’re the weakest of all other types of bullies. And it’s simply because they can’t get power any other way than to use the fear of physical harm and yes, even murder.
These people are ineffective any other way. They have no charm or seductive powers- in other words, they cannot get people to do what they want them to do through the use of persuasion.
I’ll use rapists as an example: The reason why most rapists rape isn’t only about power over another, it’s because they couldn’t get sex any other way. Maybe they have no game- they have a hard time seducing a woman to go to bed with them. Maybe they don’t know how to flirt with or court a woman effectively. Maybe they’re creepy or unattractive and women find them disgusting. Either way, they’re a turn off to them, which means that they are ineffective and powerless.
So, the only way they can get sexual gratification is to use force and violence- rape!
Anytime anyone has to physically threaten you to make you do what they want, it only means that you have all the power, not them. Yes, they may beat the crap out of you, but chances are good that you don’t have to resort to that kind of behavior to get your needs met. And your scratches, bruises, and broken bones will heal. But your bullies’ stupidity and lack of social intelligence, powers of persuasion, and people skills are things they are stuck with- forever!
With knowledge comes empowerment!