Low Self-Esteem Isn’t Something We’re Born With, It’s Taught.

Insecurity and a lack of confidence are not characteristics that we’re born with. They are taught! Not only by bullies or abusive family members but can also unwittingly programmed into us by caring family members who call themselves trying to teach us humbleness and humility.

These characteristics are both good virtues to have, but only in moderation. However, too much of it can cause us to suppress a little too much of ourselves and hide our own awesome personalities, talents, and gifts, which can grow into insecurity and, in worse cases, self-loathing.

a little girl hiding behind her mother’s skirt

I believe that each and every one of us is born with confidence and a heart of gold. Yet over time, our environments, circumstances, and sadly, the people in our lives can slowly erode the natural confidence and goodness we were born with.

After being hurt for so long, we withdraw from others and put up a barrier to protect ourselves. We turn cold and began to harden ourselves to numb feelings of rejection and the pain that comes with it.

Young girl bending down, covering her face with her hands, trying to protect herself from men’s’ fists, finger guns, and hands pointing at her. Women’s rights. Violence against women. Domestic violence.

Before long, we regard others’ feelings and suffering with indifference- we just don’t give a crap about anyone, how they feel, or what they think. Sometimes we even grow cold toward the people who love us because we have lost the ability to trust.

We no longer have any respect for others, much less ourselves. Lastly, we come to that evil place where schadenfreude takes hold of our personalities, and we secretly or openly take pleasure in seeing others, especially those we despise, suffer.

We must make a conscious effort not to allow negative outside influences to make us cold and mean. Just as we take steps to protect our health, finances, property, etc., we must also take steps to protect our self-esteem. And we do that by how we allow others to treat us- by setting boundaries and standards.

16 thoughts on “Low Self-Esteem Isn’t Something We’re Born With, It’s Taught.

  1. Hello Cherie. You are a much nicer and more generous person than I am. I truly believe that some people are just born bad. It is not their parent’s fault, it is not society’s fault, it is not even their fault – they are just rotten to the core and nothing to be done about it.

    • Thank you, we all have a capacity for evil. But if we’re raised by good examples as parents, and to have empathy and love for our fellow man, then we can become good people contributing positive things to the world.

      • Ive seen perfectly good loving parents end up with two decent children, and one that is absolutely determined to hurt everyone around them. Absolutely not the parents fault in the slightest. Raised the same, treated the same, loved and supported the same, but then went on to be awful people. It is not always the parent’s fault.

        • That’s true. I don’t claim to know why. I don’t know if the child got in with the wrong crowd and picked the wrong friends. I suppose that’s possible.

          • I don’t pretend to have the answers. I just know a perfectly lovely friend of mine raised her children all the same, one has been nothing but absolutely heartbreaking to her, acted contrary to how they were raised, and has no conscience whatsoever. It is absolutely not this poor woman’s fault – she did an equally decent job. Some people are just bad, in my opinion. It is their personality, the choices they are driven to make. It is not always the parent’s fault. This world needs a lot more self responsibility, I think!

          • My heart breaks for your friend. She’s in my thoughts and prayers. And yes, you can raise a child to know right from wrong and in the best environment possible but sometimes people do go bad and they will be the ones who must account for their horrid behavior. As a parent, I’m sad for your friend because I know she’s hurting because of it.

  2. Pingback: Low Self-Esteem Isn’t Something We’re Born With, It’s Taught. – Tonya LaLonde

  3. Sometimes it happens your Personal life is all smooth but your professional life got affected due to some situation and that hits your personal life too!

  4. Very nice post Cherie, low self esteem is a huge influencer in our mindset right from what we think about ourselves , the goals we set and belief about what we can achieve. It is painful to let the environment around us negatively influence this aspect and equally a very conscious hard work separate ourselves from these and look within to understand the limiting reasons

  5. Thank you for your article. I have pondered upon this recently. I have a friend with several grandchildren. Although, this will take years to discover, it does seem that some babies come into the world roaring with confidence, others are more timid, and some cry at the slightest noise. However, it is for the parent to raise them with love.

    • You’re so welcome. Thank you so much for your interest. And yes, I’ve pondered that as well. I’ve readva few articles recently and I’ve discovered that it may have to do with the stress level of the mother during pregnancy with the child and with the mother’s own confidence level also during pregnancy. It’s definitely something that has peaked my interest.

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