Other Bullied Classmates Are Still Afraid to Tell Their Stories Today

small town bullying

Even today, thirty years later, there are other targets from way back who are afraid of telling their stories. Some are scared that it may somehow get back to the people who bullied them. And that the bullies from high school will hunt them down and harm them or their families if they speak out. Hey, Oakley’s a small southern town and they have to live there. Luckily for me, I got out of there.

Their worries aren’t exactly needless either. Many of them live in the same small town the bullies do, and the bullies have powerful connections. Many of the classmates who bullied me are either working in law enforcement (Isn’t it funny how most people who were bullies in school seek out careers that give them a little power and authority?), or ended up with spouses in law enforcement.

People in small towns never forget who they hated in high school and seem to carry grudges for a lifetime. Many of them would jump at the chance if they could bully the person again for old time’s sake. Trust me. I know these people, and they wouldn’t think twice about it!

Hate is blind

I’ve heard countless horror stories from others. They were stories about how these former bullies from high school would have certain people they didn’t like pulled over and plant drugs in their vehicle to press bogus charges of illegal possession and ruin their lives. It happens more than we realize. So far, when passing through, I’ve been very fortunate.

I’ve also heard another story from a very reliable source about how one of the women who bullied me in school, handled marital issues with her husband.

Because she was angry and wanted to get back at her spouse, she sent a picture of herself and another man in their home to her husband’s phone while he (the husband) was at work at the police department, all to prove a point to him that she could leave and have any other man she wanted.

In doing that, she baited her police officer husband into losing his temper, leaving his shift and coming home to fire several shots into the home they shared, placing both herself and their children in grave danger. Yep! Talk about stupid!

 

Luckily, neither she nor the kids were hurt. However, if she would do a damn fool thing like baiting her spouse to do something foolish and make herself out to be the innocent wife who’s so abused and mistreated, then she’d bait someone else with whom she wanted to get revenge on. And most of her friends, who were also bullies, are the same manipulative way, which is why I make it a point to keep them at a long distance from my loved ones and me.

I’ve committed a grave sin by writing and publishing a book about being bullied in high school, and yes, they know about it. Although I never used their real names in the book, I received quite a few nasty and threatening messages from them after the book became available, and a few other classmates bought it.

One woman even informed me that she had contacted several classmates, and they all wanted to meet me somewhere where we could “have a meeting” and “have a well-needed discussion” over what I’d written and published.

nope refuse bullying

Emoticon making deny sign

That meeting didn’t happen. And it never will because I wouldn’t trust any of them as far as I could throw them. You never know what they may be plotting or what might happen. Had I stupidly agreed to meet with them, there’s no telling what I would’ve walked into. So, I bade them thanks, but no thanks.

No reunions for me. I hope my classmates have fun, but they’ll have to do it without me.

There are times I still get nasty messages from a classmate or two, not often, but it does happen. It doesn’t phase me any because number one; they don’t know where I live. Number two; I could care less.

gut feeling

If I must do any business in the town, I do it without worrying about the possibility of being seen by the wrong people. I know that they would be a fool to approach me today.

The bullies know that if they try anything foolish, and if anything happens to me, anything at all, they will only prove every word I wrote in “From Victim to Victor.” Also, people from everywhere will come around asking questions and guess who they’ll go to for answers.

They will only make themselves suspects.

In essence, “From Victim to Victor” is my protection. The book can serve as a shield from any retribution my old bullies may want for my daring to speak out about the notoriously vile and ignorant way they acted years ago. These people know not to bust themselves.

My other classmates, who were also victims, do not have that protection going for them, and I can only hope and pray that they are left alone to live their lives with their families in peace.

It’s Hard to Feel Empathy When You’re A Target of Bullying

Targets of bullying often get accused of being selfish and out for their own interests. However, anytime we are hurting so badly, the pain only blunts our capacity to feel for others.

Anytime a person suffers severe and relentless bullying for so long, their pain overrides any ability to empathize with those around them, who may also be hurting.

It’s like lying in the emergency room with both legs broken after a car accident. The pain is so intense that you could care less about the patient in the next room. All you’re thinking of is how soon a doctor will see you and order a pain reliever.

I tell you this because it happened to me. When I was a target of bullying in school, two girls in my class died in a horrific car crash during the eleventh grade, and as much as I hate admitting it today, I could not have cared less about it back then.

Naturally, I don’t feel the same today. Now, thirty years later, I’m sorry that happened to them, but at the time it happened, I had absolutely no feeling for the girls and even had the attitude that it had served them right and that maybe I’d get lucky and a few more bullies would drop dead soon.

I had been a target of the class for so long I just did not have it in me to care.

After a person endures bullying for so long, he/she becomes cold and unfeeling toward other people if they aren’t careful, and it will only bring about resentment from people who might otherwise offer love and support.

If you are a target of bullying in school or at work, never let it take away your empathy, kindness, and humanity. It won’t be easy, but there are ways to buffer your self-esteem from the effects of bullying and hold on to your sweetness.

Humiliation: The Bully’s Most Dangerous Weapon

Humiliation, unlike embarrassment or shame, leaves a mark on the person who suffers it, and the stigma surrounding the person can follow them for the rest of their lives. Why? Because people who’ve been publicly humiliated are always thought of and remembered for their humiliation. Think, Harvey Weinstein and the sex scandals which broke a few years ago.

Although ol’ Harvey’s humiliation is well-deserved, not so for victims of bullying. Innocent victims are often humiliated by their bullies and stuck in an uncomfortable and degrading position while others gather around excitedly to taunt and abuse them.

Humiliation has been used down through the ages. Tarring and feathering was a technique used in the Old West, which involved covering people with hot tar and feathers and parading them through the crowded streets on a horse-drawn cart. Think of Chuck Connors’ character, Jason McCord, in the old western series, “Branded.”

To humiliate someone is to assert power over them by denying and destroying their personal dignity. Throughout history, humiliation has been the most common and effective means of punishment, abuse, and oppression. It’s not the threat of imprisonment or even death that is a deterrent of crime; it is the dread of humiliation.

It’s a fact! People fear losing face worse than they do a violent death!

Humiliation is also used to maintain a social hierarchy and to emphasize that the group, alumni, organization, or community as a whole supersedes the individual. It is designed to defuse any threat to a particular order or someone’s esteemed position.

Think of today’s cancel culture.

In student hierarchies in schools, bullies at the top of the pecking order go to great lengths to protect their often ill-gotten status and uphold their positions. At the same time, the other kids are forced to submit to different kinds of debasement. And it’s the same in the workplace too.

Anytime a target of bullying defends himself against harassment and abuse, the bullies will often use humiliation to retaliate and subdue the victim by way of jokes, pranks, or setting the target up to get in trouble with the staff or a horrific beating by other kids. Bullies at the top will also spread vicious rumors and lies against their object.

Most forms of humiliation involve invading the victim’s privacy and sneakily taking videos of him/her in compromising positions.

Example 1:
A targeted girl is taking a shower in the locker room or undressing in the privacy of her bedroom, and the bullies hide behind a corner or just outside her bedroom window at night and take videos of her with their smartphones. They then spread the videos to other classmates. Or worse, a girl naively sends her boyfriend a nude selfie. They break up. He then shares it on social media, and the photo goes viral!

Humiliation and exile. A crowd of people chases a sad person.

Example 2:
A targeted boy is standing in front of a urinal using the bathroom, and a bully hides in the stall next to him, peering through the crack and the camera lens on his smartphone, taking videos of his manly areas. He then sends the video to all his buddies, and they laugh and joke about how small, crooked his package is (or it could be the mole, anything different about it). Remember the suicides of Tyler Clementi and Amanda Todd and the circumstances surrounding each case.

Example 3: A bright worker is set up to fail in the workplace. And when he does, it follows him the rest of his working life.

Humiliation is horrible for anyone. It is so devastating that it involves negative things with which the victim will always be associated, and there will be no getting away from it! Embarrassment and shame are only temporary. Humiliation, however, can follow a person for the rest of their lives!

So, if you are a victim of bullying, protect yourself. Also, I cannot stress this advice enough! No matter how much your boyfriend/girlfriend may claim he/she loves you! No matter how much the person begs and pleads for you to do it, nor what they threaten you with if you don’t! Never, ever, ever let anyone talk you into sending a nude pic! Ever!

And if anyone ever films you in an indecent position without you knowing it, know that what they did is against the law! Speak out about it and file criminal charges and a civil suit for damages!

The more you know, the better you protect yourself!

Why The Quiet Ones Are Often Targets for Bullies

 

Quiet people are mysterious because they’re people of few words. Many of them are also stoic, which only makes it that much harder to peg them. Often bullies target these people for several reasons:

1. Quiet people are presumed to be easy targets. They think that if you aren’t loud and obnoxious, you must be weak, afraid, and least likely to fight back in an altercation.

 2. They’re are mistaken for being standoffish. Bullies will presume that quiet people are stuck up and think they’re too good to speak. And bullies can’t stand it if there’s a possibility that someone is ignoring them. So they target the person to get a reaction out of them. Or, they punish them for “being so stuck up.”

 3. They’re hard to figure out. People of few words strike fear into others. The less you say, the harder other people must work to figure you out. Remember that most bullies bully out of fear.

 4. A silent person is less predictable. And bullies hate it when targets are unpredictable. If they can’t predict the target’s next move, the least likely they are to be able to dupe them or set them up to get jumped or to be humiliated. Many bullies see this as a challenge and will rise to it by provoking the person to get a reaction.

Quiet people don’t show their cards, and bullies resent them for making them have to work so hard to pin them.

5. A quiet person puts bullies on the defensive. People often think that the silent are sneaky and have something to hide. So bullies will often target them to shake them up and make them slip up and accidentally reveal something out of nervousness.

Bullies often believe the stereotypes they’ve heard about people of few words:

“It’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for!”

“The quiet ones are the most dangerous!”

 If you’re a silent person and you’re a target of bullies. Don’t let them shake you. Continue to play your cards close to the vest. Your lack of predictability is what protects you. You must understand that silence has a power all it’s own. Use it.

How to Know Whether You’re About to be Mobbed at Work

You’re NOT about to be mobbed if:

You’re brought in for a talk with the boss after an incident has been raised. Then you finish the meeting and come out of your boss’ office feeling darned good about yourself. You’ll also notice the boss smiling at you and the other person looking stressed and withdrawn. You’ll notice that the other person is increasingly isolated while things are looking better and better for you. Your supervisor or manager will drop by from time to time and chat you up.

You’re about to be mobbed if:

The boss doesn’t drop by to chat you up in an openly friendly way or doesn’t invite you into his office with a smile in the wake of an incident. Instead, the boss will begin to avoid you like a bad disease!

Also, you coworkers will go out of their way to track you down and pump you for information. They’ll only fake interest and support in what you have to say. They may call you at home or come by your house, feigning support and empathy and peppering it with questions. But it isn’t long before they begin avoiding you, gossiping about you and defaming you.

You must recognize these signs. Only then will you be able to take appropriate action and ward off a potential termination, marring of your good name, and derailment of your career!

As quoted in the old G.I. Joe cartoon years ago, “knowing is half the battle!”

Cyber-Bullying- Bullying That Can Be Most Devastating

I’m fortunate enough to have grown up in a time when cyber-bullying was unheard of. When I was in school, “Street Bullying” or “Playground Bullying” was the type of bullying my generation endured.

“Street Bullying” happens face to face. It happens on the playground, in the hallways, the bathrooms, and locker rooms at school. Years ago, a student could escape it and have some form of refuge once the dismissal bell rang, and school was over for the day. And when it got too much to endure, the target simply changed schools, and the problem was solved.

Sadly, those days are long gone. With today’s technology, bullies have unlimited access to their targets by way of “Cyber-bullying.” During the last twenty-five years, technology’s advancement has introduced email, text, and social media. These new vehicles of communication have their benefits. However, they also have their pitfalls.

A bully can nowadays get online and torment their targets for as long as they want without ceasing nor accountability. They can, in essence, reach into the target’s own home and torment them from afar.

Cyber-bullying, or online bullying, is harassment of another person using social media, text messages, voice mail, email, and instant messages. It is, in my opinion, the worst kind of bullying there has ever been. Here are the reasons:

1.Bullies are COWARDS!
Your attackers have the ability to hide behind a fake screen name, or they may create fake social media accounts to conceal their identities. They do this to avoid detection and the risk of accountability for their evil actions.

With a cyberbully, you do not know who is attacking you. Also, they can use several different screen names to make it look like many people agree with them and are attacking you, when it may be, in fact, only one poster committing the harassment. This is done to further intimidate the target.

2. Gone are the days when bullying only occurred on the playground or in the locker room. Before technology took off in the days of old, a target could finally escape their tormentors with the ringing of the dismissal bell at school or after punching out at work..

Back then, you could go home to your family and not have to worry about being bullied again until the next school day. You could at least get a break from the torment. However, not so anymore. Technology has a lot of good qualities, one of which is convenience. Unfortunately, nothing is 100% foolproof. With the rise of social media, text, voice mail, and email, bullies can now pursue their targets 24-7. There is no longer an escape!

3. The third reason cyber-bullying is much worse than traditional or street bullying is that the taunts, insults, threats, rumors, and lies can be read by a much wider audience, causing loss of relationships, family, friends, businesses, finances, and opportunities.
On the emotional side, the target may experience feelings of shock, bewilderment, anger, sadness, despair, depression, hopelessness, and thoughts of suicide.

Traditional bullying is terrible and causes those feelings as well. However, it is something that you can get away from. On the other hand, you can never escape cyber-bullying. This alone is what makes this type of bullying so sinister and so devastating!

If you are a cyber-bullying victim, you mustn’t respond to the incendiary posts of cyber-bullies, no matter how tempting it may be. However, I realize that some attacks, especially those, which hit you in the jugular, can cause you to respond out of emotion.

This does not mean that you are a bad person for responding to attacks. It does not mean that you are stupid. It only means that you are a human being with feelings, and our first instinct is always to defend ourselves and our loved ones when threatened. It is completely understandable.

But no matter our circumstances, we must try to never respond to the ignorance and stupidity of bullies or cyber-bullies. As difficult as this may be, it is better to never give internet trolls what they want. And what they want is a response, any response.

They want to kick you while you are already down and inflict even more pain. If you respond in any way, shape, or form, they will know that they have reached their goal. But if they never hear from you, it’s going to disappoint them, and they just might give up and move on to someone else.

4. Instead of responding, out them! Take screenshots and expose them!

Cyber-bullying can happen to people of any age. Not only children and teens, but adults can also be cyber-bullied. Although I have gotten along with mostly everyone as an adult, there have been a few times that I have been cyber-bullied, one instance being right after the death of my husband. I can tell you that after refusing to respond to any of it, the harassment died, and the thread was eventually removed. No one has bothered me since.

In their weak attempts to put me down, my cyber-bullies unwittingly made me so many new friends, and I received so much support from all over the country. It is amazing how the actions of a bully can sometimes turn into something wonderful.

Scared and sad female teenagers with computer laptops suffer cyberbullying and harassment being online abused by stalker or gossip feeling desperate and humiliated in cyberbullying.

I will be forever grateful to the people (even strangers) who stood beside me during this tragic time. I hope this helps you if you are cyber-attacked. And I want to assure you that there is always hope, no matter how hopeless a situation may be.

Cyber-bullying can be stressful enough for adults but devastating for minors. Adults are emotionally better equipped and more adept at handling themselves in bullying situations, whereas children and teens have yet to fully develop good coping mechanisms.

Children do not have the cognitive thinking skills nor the processing ability that adults possess. Adults can be hurt by online bullying because they are human and have feelings also. However, any well-rounded adult can better look at the situation and see the lies posted online for exactly what they are…LIES. And they have the ability to analyze the bully and see the person as he/she is- useless trash who is in desperate need of a life.

And that in itself can actually boost the bullied adult’s self-esteem…just knowing what a bottom-of-the-barrel, miserable piece of garbage the bully really is. In most cases, an adult can usually laugh it off and go on about their business, provided it doesn’t affect his/her family, marriage, business, opportunities, or way of life. An adult can refuse to accept another bullying adult’s lies and tell them to go blow it out their ear.

A child has not learned to do that yet. Children and teenagers have totally different values than adults. While most “mature” adults place the most value on family, career, and home and less value on popularity, children and teens place the most value on popularity…their friends and being accepted. Most children and teens place emphasis on how others (mainly their peers) see them.

They want to fit in, be liked, and be “cool.” And when those things are threatened, as they always are when he/she is cyber-attacked, it can have devastating effects on self-esteem.

As parents and grandparents, we need to teach our children confidence as confidence is the best weapon against a bully. In my opinion, teaching confidence is the most effective way to protect them because bullies are cowards, and they always seek out kids who are insecure, self-conscious and have low self-esteem. And they do this because they know that a child with low self-esteem is less likely to stand up to them.

Some People Aren’t Worth Your Time

Some people don’t come into your life to help you, they come to hinder you.

Some don’t come into your life to love you, they come to use you.

To some people, you’re not a person. You’re an opportunity.

They don’t love you for you, they love you for what you can do for them, and what they can take from you.

Some people aren’t loyal to you. They’re loyal to the benefits that come with you.

That’s why they disappear, no matter how many times you’ve appeared for them.

They never offer assistance, no matter how many times you’ve assisted them.

Stop standing behind people who don’t stand behind you.

Stop breaking your back for people who don’t have yours.

Stop busting your butt for people who don’t watch yours.

Some people aren’t blessings, they’re lessons.

Realize that these people aren’t worth a nanosecond of your time, and you must drop them like a bad habit. Only then will you feel better about yourself and attract more genuine and authentic people- people who uplift you and who love you for simply being beautiful, wonderful, awesome you!

Thank You, Dr. Gregory Williams!

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank Dr. Gregory Williams for the interview on his show, “Breaking the Silence” on BlogTalkRadio. I thoroughly enjoyed talking with him and it was a great show. If you’d like to be featured on “Breaking the Silence” please email Dr. Williams at:

gawilli1@texaschildrens.org

https://clicktime.symantec.com/3YBkb5mG12ApAjNYdUiENWD7Vc?u=https%3A%2F%2Fbbsradio.com%2Fpodcast%2Fbreaking-silence-june-6-2021