Never Apologize in the Presence of Bullies

A sincere apology and owning up to any error often show great strength and bravery. It takes a person with integrity to apologize for any wrongdoing because few people will admit they are “wrong.”

However, no matter how sincere or genuine, an apology or admission can also be taken as a sign of weakness in the presence of bullies or anyone who lacks integrity. We all live a life based on trial and error. In fact, put another way, life is trial and error, and to grow and mature as a person, one must own his/her mistakes and wrongdoings.

Admitting mistakes and giving a well-deserved apology to someone we have transgressed against is a sign of honor and integrity. Only not to those who lack those qualities!

Yes, you should have an open mind. You should be empathetic, generous, and kind, but only in the presence of and to the people who reciprocate the same toward you. On the other hand, in the presence of bullies, extending those virtues is next to impossible and can be downright dangerous! Here’s why:

1. A bully will take your heartfelt apology, turn it against you, and steamroll you with it!

Because he will only take it as further evidence that he’s right, or worse- that you are a terrible person, clumsy, stupid, take your pick. Your apology or admission will only serve bullies’ plans to assert control over you and keep it.

To a bully without a conscience, any apology made by their target only looks like a waving white flag of surrender. Therefore, you must make sure that you’re in a safe environment before extending one. Here are a few examples:

Victim: “I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

Bully: “Damn right, you were wrong! Oh, you’re sorry, alright- a sorry sack of crap!

Victim: “Hey! What’s your problem? I just apologized!”

Bully: “Screw your apology! Your apology means nothing! You only apologize to cover your own butt and keep people off your back!”

When you’re a target of bullying, it’s too easy to get into the bad habit of over-apologizing. And you do it emphatically, even when an apology isn’t necessary, to appease the abuser and avoid being harmed.

I have learned that your apology should be more indirect with bullies because a direct apology will only make you seem weak to a bully and assure her that she has power over you! Here are a few examples of indirect apologies, and they’re what has worked for me:

“Oh, relax! You’ll be alright.”

“You’ll forget all about this by the end of the day.”

“You’ll get over it.”

The above examples may seem callous, unfeeling, and cold. However, it allows you to express empathy without accepting blame.

Always remember that bullies lack integrity and a conscience. Any of the two shown in the presence of those who don’t have it will be shot down. Apologize, yes! But do it without taking any blame. Do it with POWER!

15 thoughts on “Never Apologize in the Presence of Bullies

      • Cherie, I’m reading your book & want to thank youforhavingthe courage to call all those bullies includinghorrible teacher’sout for their shameful behavior!

        I am SO very sorry that you were bullied for so many years! But I’m now a very good friend of yours we’re helping one another become the warrior woman we were both meant to be from the day we were born!

        • Thank you so much, sweetie! Your comment means a lot! Thank you for being the beautiful friend, the beautiful SOUL you are! You are stronger and braver than you know and you are more valuable and more loved than you know. God bless you, sweetie! 😊🤗❤

      • I was just reading how an adult film worker, a woman of only 27 years old, and the victim of abuse, was bullied online last week for a mistake and is now dead. You are doing good work, I wish she had read your posts, she might have coped better.

        • This breaks my heart. My thoughts and prayers go out for her surviving loved ones. It seems that since news broke about the connection between bullying and suicide about 20 years ago, bullies have gotten worse and more vicious. I’m beginning to wonder if bullies secretly want to murder their targets but are too afraid of the consequences they’d face- so, instead of committing murder, they result in psychological torture in hopes that the target will lose hope and do it for them. I may do a post on this in the form of questions and ask readers what they think.

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