Sometimes Self-Care Means Making Heartbreaking Decisions

Once you choose not to be a target anymore, you must realize that you may have to make very tough, even heartbreaking decisions. You will more than likely have to weed certain people out of your life for good, and sadly, some of those people may even be people you love very much.

You can still love them, ‘nothing wrong with it. However, as much as you may love them, they are not always healthy for you to be around.

It was a decision that I had to make with a family member twenty years ago and again seven years ago. And let me tell you, it was an excruciating decision. And when we stopped talking, I missed them very much.

No, worse. I mourned the person deeply. Even after all the cutting remarks, they had made toward me and a few others I loved, I still mourned them. It was akin to having a death in the family.

There’s no pain like mourning someone who’s still alive.

In both cases, we did not speak to one another for a few years. And we were not welcome in each other’s homes. During those two years, I would pass this person by in the supermarket, the gas station, or on the road somewhere while driving from time to time. No, “Hi. How are you?”. No honk and wave. Nothing.

We would both just turn our heads and go on about our business. And I would feel my heart sink into my stomach and fight back the tears, knowing that there was a possibility that we would never speak again.

There was always that dreadful “Could I have done something different” feeling, which always seemed to rear its ugly head. Feelings of guilt would emerge even in the midst of knowing I had done the best that I possibly could.

Many of you may be going through something similar but do not lose heart. Your relationship with your estranged loved one is still repairable. I am blessed to be able to say that this story has a very happy ending to it.

After another family member had gotten sick, I received a call from my loved one, and we reconciled, apologized, and forgave one another. After the reconciliation, I made sure that I could lend a helping hand in taking care of our sick family member, and we became close again.

Now, we are closer than EVER! We visit each other, we talk on the phone, and we never hesitate to tell each other how much we love one another. From this, I learned a very powerful lesson.

Hit the road concept, road – 3D rendering

That lesson is this:

Sometimes, it takes a separation to bring people closer. Although painful when it happens, walking away may actually be a great thing and produce awesome results later on. Anytime you walk away, your value and the other person’s value often go up, and in time, you both learn to respect one another. Then you love each other even more than you did before.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

27 thoughts on “Sometimes Self-Care Means Making Heartbreaking Decisions

  1. I have both experiences: I reconciled with one family member but with the other I can’t. And with that family member I still often grief. But I suspect that is part of life. My experience also is: if one goes another comes I to your life. You simply needed to make space for the new. Happy Monday to you and yours. I am glad you could reconcile. It is such a healing experience 🤗

    • It sure is, Liz. I’m sorry that you couldn’t reconcile with the other family member. But know in your heart that you did your best and now, it’s on them. Sometimes you just have to leave the ball in the other man’s court. Happy Monday to you as well! ❤

  2. I sorry and know how you feel! I am in the process of letting my 25 year old daughter go. She has said some awful words to me that are unforgivable. For whatever reason, she is on a very different journey and it is separate from her family. Some people need to work out their inner demons but it hurts people along the way 😔

  3. I relate to this. Turning away from a dysfunctional relationship is a mark of self-respect, and can free us to grow into healthier people. However, you don’t just stop missing that person, even although it truly is the right thing to do …

    • You’re absolutely right. 💯 You never stop missing them and it’s the worst kind of heartbreak there is. There’s nothing that hurts worse than mourning someone who’s still alive.

  4. Pingback: Sometimes Self-Care Means Making Heartbreaking Decisions – Tonya LaLonde

  5. I completely understand and have experienced this grief and pain. In order to save myself, I left a marriage of 28 years and grieved this loss along with the choice of separating myself from my 35-year old son. I had to learn to value myself and that I don’t have to be controlled bullied and abused by people just because they are family. I hope you’re right that my son and I will someday be reunited but it’s been 3 years and I’m not optimistic. My life today is better than ever, however. It would be wonderful to reconnect but not necessary. I’ve removed the sentence, “I’m only as happy as my saddest child,” from my core beliefs and I’m filled with purpose and have surrounded myself with people who value themselves and each other.

    • As a parent myself, I can only imagine the pain you’re enduring, Megan. And I’m so, so sorry. I’m so glad that your life is better now, however, the separation from a child is something so painful. Keep surrounding yourself with loving people and keep praying for the return of your son. However, if he chooses not to return, know that you did the best that you could and that the guilt will be on him one day when you’re no longer here. He will sorry one day but it will be to late. He’d be wise to think about that. My mother and I are so close now, but there were times when I was young that we weren’t so close. I’m 50 years old and I never pass an opportunity to tell her how much I love her and appreciate everything she sacrificed for me. I realize that one day, she won’t be here. So, I make it a point to show her love while she’s still here and your son should do that too.

      Keep working on yourself and your purpose. Capture every happy moment and savour it, sweetie. And keep praying for your son’s return and I will pray for it too. Blessings to you always! ❤🙏

  6. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such a difficult experience. I’ve never really thought I’d ever need to clearly and directly cut out people from my life, but I suppose you do need to be prepared for the worst

  7. This is also true in divorce. I still think about my exes and quite often will ask my daughter how her mom is doing.
    For me I do not see reconciliation with most of my family in the east. Too much water under the bridge and too many years of absence. It is not that I don’t want them back in my life, but I know it will just be more underserved hurt and abuse. Breaking of trust and I refuse to have that back in my life. Things like that are poisonous to a person’s well being!

  8. Thank you for this post. I recently said good bye to a friend who I thought was a big person in my life, and her actions proved to be different. It was unexpected but proud of myself because for the first time i’m not calling or begging for her friendship back. I don’t know if consequences is the right word for taking care of your self , but I love what you wrote.

    • Thank you so much, Megan. I’m sorry the friendship ended but I’m so.prpud of you for putting your heart first amd setting boundaries! Blessings to you always! 🙏❤

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