The Reason It Pays to Know Yourself

When you know yourself inside and out, you are better able to define yourself instead of letting others, particularly bullies and abusers, do it for you. And when you learn to accept only your definition of who you are, you can more easily avoid bullying because you’re better able to recognize it. And when you’re able to identify abuse, you’re least likely to put up with it.

In other words, when you know who you are, you also know what you want and what you will and will not tolerate, which is why knowing who you are is of the utmost importance.

Knowing yourself means knowing your feelings, senses, and instincts and trusting them to guide you through this crazy thing called life. Tuning in to your feelings and instincts means tuning into your gut. As we all know, your gut can guide you out of dangerous situations and environments if you allow it to.

Knowing yourself also means refusing to allow bullies to shame or ridicule you into staying in situations and circumstances that don’t feel good to you or around toxic people. To know yourself means to trust yourself to make the right decisions.

For example, during the years my classmates bullied me, there were times when they would accost me, and I’d put my hand up to them and walk away. I didn’t have time for their drama and foolishness. Next, one of them would shout, “Hey! Where are you going, you big chicken!” or “Oh, that’s right! Walk away like you always do!” or “You’d better run!”

Understand that when you turn your back and walk away from a bully and he calls out these things to you, it’s only their attempts to control you by defining you- to shame you into sticking around and taking their crap. Or, it could be that they’re trying to bait you into a fight because they know the chances are that you’ll get blamed for it.

No one wants others to think them to be a coward. But people will try to define you as one to corner you and trick you into doing what they want. They know that you’ll feel compelled to hang around and you’ll do it for no other reason than to prove to the rest of the world that you aren’t afraid.

Again, this is why you must know yourself. When you know deep down that you’re not what people call you, you won’t feel any need to do any posturing nor virtue signaling because you won’t have to prove anything. Although the name-calling may sting a little, it won’t bother you as much.

Another good thing about knowing yourself is that you won’t feel the need to hold back emotions. You’ll be able to recognize them better and allow yourself to feel them. You won’t let others tell you how you should feel or bullies to shame you into suppressing them.

You don’t have to put on a big front and try to act like someone you’re not.

To know yourself means freedom!

Understand that people who don’t know themselves will follow the crowd and try to fit in. People who don’t know themselves will accept other’s definitions of them without realizing it. They’ll build a fake identity based on how others view them and others’ expectations and ideas of who a real person should be.

Sadly, if a target is told by abusers that he’s stupid, no good, lazy and that he’ll never amount to anything, in many cases, they’ll live up to it. It will show up in their grades, performance, and how they interact with people.

During school, I lost knowledge of who I was only for a little while, and that was before the suicide attempt. Later, I become angry at myself for allowing them to define me.

It was later when I decided that I was going to be true to my own heart. It may not have looked that way to the outside observer. Still, inside, I got in touch with my inner sensations and instincts and began to realize that I wasn’t to blame for what was happening to me. I realized that their abuse was no reflection on me but spoke volumes about their lack of morals, decency, and character.

Getting to know myself brought confirmation that what they were doing was wrong. Now this inner realization didn’t stop me from being bullied and may have made it worse. But instead of hating and blaming myself, I listened to what my gut told me. I paid close attention to the vibes I was getting and maintained a strong sense of self while enduring the pain of not being accepted.

I decided from then on that I was going to maintain my inner strength. I would listen to my instincts when they told me that I had reason to fear certain people. Even better, I was no longer going to be ashamed of it. I began paying attention to how my body tensed up when I was around certain people and realized that it was only a cue for me to get away from those people.

And today, I trust myself enough to reject others’ definitions of who I am. In that, bullies are no longer able to have power over me, and I’m a much happier person for it.

And I want you to know that you too can get to that beautiful and peaceful place.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

40 thoughts on “The Reason It Pays to Know Yourself

  1. “Understand that people who don’t know themselves will follow the crowd and try to fit in. People who don’t know themselves will accept other’s definitions of them without realizing it. They’ll build a fake identity based on how others view them and others’ expectations and ideas of who a real person should be.”

    Great (I am running outta superlatives)
    ‘Great’
    Post!

    Cheers,
    –Lance

  2. *Know Yourself*
    Absolutely necessary to know thy Self. The innermost Self. Self will then reveal itself which is nothing but Joy only.
    I have gone through your article. Very good one with full of insights.
    People should know herself or himself.
    Thank you so much for sharing this.
    Best regards 🙏

    • Arun Singha,

      I love your comment.

      “Know thyself”
      Biblical
      (I am an atheist, by the way, but being Southern and Texan, I respect and admire Theists)

      Cheers,
      –Lance

      • Thank you so much for your comments 😊
        Happy to know that you are an Atheist and you have respect for Theists.
        I am of the same opinion. Exactly I don’t know much about both Atheists and Theists. I only know that the source is single, where from Atheists and Theists come. Two brothers or two sisters or one brother and one sister, but father and mother: Common.
        I love your reply and very happy to see you here.
        Best regards 😊🙏

  3. This is so nice. I’ve been working on getting to know me again. Its a great feeling once you find your worth and understand the value you have

  4. Yeah, I do think that certain people try to say things to bait you into a debate or fight just because they know it will get under your skin. I used to fall for it and come out swinging like Muhammad Ali, 🥊 but maturity taught me better. Thank God, it did! 🙏🏼

    Your words are so empowering: “In other words, when you know who you are, you also know what you want and what you will and will not tolerate, which is why knowing who you are is of the utmost importance.” Thanks for the reminder Cherie! 👏🏼💖🦋🥰🏋🏽‍♀️💪🏽🌟

    • You’re most welcome, Kym. 🌹And your so right, girl! People will try to bait you and when they do, they get that rush of power they crave. 👹 Like you, I’ve learned not to give them that and it came with age and maturity. 💖 But I wasn’t always that smart. 😁😁😁 I was like Ali in the ring too. 😂🤣 I danced like a fly and stung like a bee when I was young. Heeheehee. Thing about bees is that they die when they lose their stingers.

      • Yeah girl, I get you. The one thing about we “Bees” is that WE don’t loose our stingers! 🐝 Plus we butterflies 🦋 gracefully float through the air while the haters find someone else to bait!!! 🤣😆😂 Mic drop Muhammad Ali!!! 🎤😱🥊 LOL

        • Amen! Girl! You’re right! Bees like us don’t lose our stingers! 💖💐🌹Heehee! I guess I should’ve clarified that some types of bees don’t lose their stingers.🐝🦋 And I love the butterfly line, sweetie! Drop that mic girl! You win the day! 🏆
          Ding-ding-ding! 🛎 WINNER! 🥊(Dang! I wish they had a heavyweight belt icon)

  5. May I ask you something Cherie?
    Why do you filter comments?
    You know I have a blog.
    I give zero fuks what anyone comments.
    My skin is thick, I suppose.
    No need to ‘approve’ any comment.
    ALL are good
    In my book
    I am not trying to be a jerk.
    I am just curious.

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