I Never Wish I’d Been More Popular, I Wish I’d Loved and Respected Myself

I wish I had put myself first.

I wish I’d said “NO” a lot more than I did.

I wish I had been true to my own heart.

And I wish I had known my worth and realized my full potential.

In a nutshell, I wish I had been better at being me. But we all wish we’d done these things when we get older, don’t we? That we’d done something a little different- a bit better?

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown a very thick skin and learned to handle any confrontation with composure and aplomb. As we get older, we shed that shell we curled up and hid in when we were younger. We grow to love and accept ourselves as we are and become comfortable in our own skins and let me tell you! It’s immense freedom that you can’t describe!

I’ve learned that the reason people bully is not because of something the victim has said or done and that it is not the fault of the victim.

The reason bullies bully is because they have issues, whether it be a bad case of narcissism, low self-esteem, problems at home, jealousy of something the victims have that they don’t, or they have something to prove. I’ve learned that bullies, at their very core, are great big cowards and attention-seekers. That knowledge alone is freeing!

Just knowing why unsavory people do harm only serves as a huge buffer to any psycho/emotional blows.

Today, I no longer get bullied by anyone, but if anyone tries, I am easily able to swiftly put the person in their place, or laugh and blow the idiot off. Instead of getting hurt or angry, I get amused by them and am usually able to have fun with it.

Unfortunately, that takes time, learning, and most of all experience. I feel a sense of regret when I think of all the years I spent feeling insecure and sorry for myself. What a total waste of my time and energy!

You mustn’t take anything your bullies say as the truth. You must know that their actions or words have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them! Hey! I know it’s hard not to, and I know it hurts. I know it’s hard not to blame yourself when it seems that everyone, from every direction, is bombarding you with negativity.

However, I want you to love yourself and see the bullies for who they truly are- pathetic souls who are so desperately trying to look tough, smart, or cool. I want you to understand that bullies are trying their hardest to get attention. You must know your value. You also need to realize that some people are just wrong for you and do not belong in your life!

Most of all, rest assured that you will eventually find people who are right for you. And when you do, they will love you for being your loveable, beautiful, intelligent, and awesome self! There will come a day when you will be loved, appreciated, and celebrated for all that you are!

It happened to me, and if you don’t give up, it will happen to you too! You are worth fighting for! You are worth living for!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

“Back Off Buzz: Ollie Outsmarts the Bully” (by Thomas Bogle)- A Book that I’m Happy to Give My Grandkids

If you have small children or grandchildren who need to know about bullying,  this is the book for them.

When I consider a children’s book for any child in my family, I always like to read it first. This book did not disappoint! It is well-written and is clear for any child aged 2-10 to understand.

I won’t give away any details because I don’t want to spoil the story but will only give a very basic review. The book is about a group of friends in the animal kingdom who are being bullied by a much larger animal, Buzz the buzzard. The group of friends consist of Ollie the wise old owl, a chipmunk, Chip, and two bluebirds, Bluey and Birdie. To protect his friends, Ollie outsmarts Buzz, proving that brains will always triumph over physical size and strength.

Also, the book is well-illustrated with pictures that match the words perfectly. Ingrid Orlando Zon does a wonderful job illustrating the book.

When this book is released by Amazon on Feb. 1, 2022, I will definitely order a few more for my 3 year-old niece and a few other children I know.

Translating the Tactics Bullies Use

Social Aggression: When Bullies Spread Lies and Rumors About You

The possible underlying messages are:

“I hate you, and I want everyone else to hate you too!”

“I’m jealous of your relationships!”

“I don’t want you to have friends! I don’t want you to be popular with others! I don’t want you to have support or protection because I plan to bully you again later! Any success you have in relationships will only highlight my lack of social graces or my own dysfunctional relationships! So, I’m going to destroy your friendships to punish you and make myself feel and look better than you! I’m going to trash your reputation so I can shine, and so people will pay more attention to your flaws than they will mine!”

Chess board and text “Strategic plan” Business planning concept

“I’m scared you’ll have more friends than me.”

“I’m scared you’ll have allies who will protect you from me and make me look weak.”

“I’m going to use you as a distraction from my own shortcomings. If people are too busy focusing on your flaws, they’re less likely to see mine.”

When Bullies Beat You up

The possible messages are:

“You challenged my authority over you and made me look like a punk! So, I’m going to show you who’s boss and ensure you never defy my power again!”

“I feel weak and powerless! So, I’m going to use my physical strength to hurt you, embarrass you and make you look weaker so I can feel and look strong to others!”

When the Bully Justifies Themselves to You or Others, or When They Blame You for Their Bad Behavior

The possible messages are:

“I’m so scared that you’ll see right through me! So, I’m going to make you doubt your sanity. I’m going to make you feel like everything I do to you is your fault! That way, you’ll be least likely to call attention to my terrible actions and make me look bad or get me in trouble with authority!”

“I’m so afraid you’ll expose my terrible deeds to others and damage the excellent reputation that I’ve falsely kept up for so long! So, I’ve got to make up any excuse that sounds plausible to keep my evils hidden and avoid facing accountability!

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“I’m scared that I’ll be found out and punished! So, I’m blaming you so that everyone will think you’re at fault and believe you are the bully! By accusing you, I can avoid responsibility, then get the green light to keep harassing you! Then, I can keep getting the psychological and emotional benefits I’ve been getting at your expense!”

So, you see? The bully’s treatment of you is about them! Not you! Learn to see through the bullies’ facades, and I guarantee that their attacks will have a much lesser effect on you.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why Bullies Need a Hated Enemy to Unite Against

In Robert Greene’s book entitled, “The Laws of Human Nature,” I once read that everyone needs a hated enemy and that there’s a positive side to having one. I’ve found that with packs of bullies, this is true.

Bullies in groups need an enemy, whether real or imagined, that they can band together and fight against- an “us-versus-them” object. Why? Because the presence of an enemy has always served to strengthen group cohesion and unite and tighten members. Groups reflexively focus on their hated target as a means of bringing it together as one and for further solidarity.

And if they can get any member of the authority and with a little power (teacher, principal, supervisor, manager or HR) to join in the hatred, all the better to ensure that the group align themselves to one another and oust the “enemy.”

Not even love, respect, or friendship unite people as much as the shared hatred of something or someone. Remember that there’s strength in numbers, and bullies must always have an entourage around them. You will never see a bully alone because the thought of being on their own scares them to death. And the stronger the solidarity, the less likely it is of the group disbanding. Hatred is the glue that binds the members together.

The victim provides the bullies the assurance that their group always stays together as one. Without the victim, the group is weak; things get boring real fast, and it won’t be long before they split up and go their separate ways.

Bullies also need victims for entertainment and as victory trophies to collect and display. They need victims as guinea pigs to test their (perceived) strength and power and then show proof thereof to bystanders and witnesses.

Therefore, the target serves many purposes. And once they’ve served their purpose, they’re neatly and quietly disposed of, and a new victim is selected.

Always remember this. The more we know about bullies’ inner workings, the better we can defend ourselves against them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

4 Non-Verbal Bullying Tactics Targets Must Be Aware of

Most seasoned bullies seek to intimidate others by nonverbal means. Why? Because nonverbal bullying is subtle and least likely to be detected.

This type of bullying can occur either at school or in the workplace. Here are a few such subtleties.

1. They lean against the victim’s desk, office doorway, car, etc. Anytime we lean against something, we stake a claim to or show ownership of that object.

How you handle it is to tell the bully point blank and in a stern voice,
“Get off my desk (car, etc.)”

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2. The bully will sit in the other person’s chair. Again, any chair you sit in, you non-verbally lay claim to.

Address it by telling the person in no uncertain terms to unseat your chair.

3. The bully may also pick the victim’s notebook, purse off the victim’s desk, touch their property, etc. Understand that anything of yours the bully touches, he is laying claim to.

The unspoken message that the bully is sending is, “I own your desk, car, notebook, and anything that’s yours.”

Don’t ignore it, and don’t be quiet about it. Open your mouth and tell the creep to keep his hands off your stuff.

When I was in school, I saw a bully walk up to a table of freshman boys during lunch and pluck a French fry from one of the ninth grade boy’s plates before popping it into his mouth without even asking.

It was clear that the bully was challenging the boy. The message was,

“I just took a piece of your lunch. Now, what are you going to do about it?”

Female bullies will often go through their target’s purses or jacket pockets or flip through their notebooks, yearbooks, or diaries. I’ve also heard of bullies walking into their victim’s homes without knocking.

I remember going on a school trip and finding out that my bullies had gone through my luggage and stolen fifty dollars, a dress, and jewelry from me while I was out of the room. Because there were so many bullies, it was difficult for me to confront the thief. Though I had a pretty good idea who stole my belongings, I couldn’t prove she took them!

Understand that bullies will claim ownership of your space and your property, which only means that they believe they own YOU!

4. Bullies will violate your personal space. Bullies are notorious for getting too close.

Understand that when the bully gets in your face or looms you from behind, he is either trying to intimidate you, dominate you, challenging you, or attempting to provoke a fight. Do what you have to do. Tell this idiot to back the hell up!

Understand that these types of bullies have unlimited audacity, and they do not respect boundaries! With people who are bold and audacious, you must take a stand!

Never ignore them or allow yourself to be intimidated because these kinds of folks will only increase the behavior if you do.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies Intentionally Select Certain Peers for Targets

Anyone, who is a victim of bullying knows all too well, the feeling of bewilderment, the confusion…. the questions- The “What did I do wrong?”, “What is it about me?” or “What do they treat me so horrible?” If you are a target, allow me to answer these questions for you.

First, you did nothing wrong!

Second, there is NOTHING wrong with you!

And third, they treat you wrong because of something that is within THEM! Not YOU!

I want you to understand that bullies purposely select their victims. They know exactly what they’re doing and why they’re doing it. Remember that bullies are nothing but sniveling little cowards. And they select anyone they don’t believe will fight back. Or these who achieve great things.

School bullies feel weak. They always pick those they think are slow, kids with hearts of gold, who would never hurt a fly, children who are disabled, mentally handicapped or mentally ill, youngsters who are quiet and reserved and children who have what is perceived to be a physical flaw (overweight, underweight, eyeglasses, braces, or disfigured from accidents).

In school, bullies may select other classmates at random to see how they react. If a potential victim stands up to the bully and tells them off, the bully will then slink away with their tail between their legs. They will then search for someone else until they find the victim who responds how they want them to (cries, ignores them, walks away, runs, tattles, etc.)

Workplace bullies feel threatened. They pick coworkers who are intelligent, competent, and well-liked by others. They pick them because the exceptional workers are the people who make them look bad.

Close-up of woman in black T-shirt is cracking her knuckles gesturing willful and ready for doing something; or in another side; the bad behavior when in tension; concept of health care and medical.

Through their excellent work, the victims hold a mirror up to the bullies (and everyone else) at work, forcing them to see their own pathetic reflections. They unwittingly expose their weaknesses and their incompetency by their successes, accomplishments, and impeccable work ethic. They also make bullies feel overshadowed.

The only way a bully can feel powerful and that they measure up is to bring the victim down or have a victim to use as a punching bag. If they don’t have that target, they feel less than and will go to the ends of the earth to find one. Realize that bullies can’t get power through a meritocracy because they have zero redeeming qualities. So, they bully others and that’s what gives them power.

At work, bullies will often select the brightest high performers and achievers.

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Once the bully finds his/her chosen victim, they target that person, sometimes for years until that person either changes schools or workplaces, moves, or dies. Then, once again, the bully will be on the hunt for a replacement victim.

I want you to understand that bullying at any age is born out of cowardice, jealousy, and insecurity. A bully is a pitiful person. Only a lowdown, uneducated, sad, and pathetic person has to have another person to harm. Think about it! School bullies pick on kids they perceive as weak! They stoop so low as to pick on disabled kids! And they do it to feel better about themselves.

Workplace bullies select someone who outperforms them. Only a loser scumbag creep does that! A zero! A sick moron!

So have the courage to call the bully OUT on these things! I realize that there are risks but do it anyway. Your self-esteem is counting on you. Get it in your head right now! Bullies are gutless, pathetic pieces of crap! human filth! toilet scum!

Here’s another fact, most bullies are also narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths. Therefore, there is something dark within them that motivates them to bully others.

I’ll say again. It is not your fault. And there is nothing about you that would make anyone mistreat you. So believe that you are a smart, beautiful person! Believe that you are a better person than your tormentors because you are!

Never allow any bully to convince you that you are less than them. Hold on to your faith and your confidence. Counter every negative statement a bully makes.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Don’t Fall into The Conformity Trap

Some rules, standards and laws exist for good reasons. Those that are sensible help keep society safe and without them, we’d live in a state of constant anarchy. However, if the rules, standards, or laws are blatantly ridiculous or downright dangerous, than we have a duty not to obey them, or at the very least, question them.

Most bullies wield power by making up rules and standards that are either laughable or unhealthy for the rest of us. And many targets try so hard to conform to their bullies’ rules and standards to fit in and because they think that their conformity will make the bullying stop. Sadly, this usually doesn’t work for targets. The hard truth is, conformity works for everyone else, yes, but rarely works for targets.

Why? Because they are targets and nothing else.

When others conform, they will be rewarded, but when a target conforms, they’ll only be bullied worse because the people around them will automatically presume that the target is conforming solely to keep out of trouble and get on everyone’s good side.

People will only see the target’s conformity and positive behavior as a form of manipulation and feel that the target only has ulterior motives behind it. And they will respond with deep anger and repugnance. The target will be branded a con artist. A grifter! A fake!

Bullies see anyone’s attempts to manipulate them as an unspoken message that the person doing the manipulating thinks they’re stupid. And bullies won’t stand for being thought of as dumb, especially by those they deem inferior. To bullies, that’s slap in the face!

This is one reason targets shouldn’t conform to their bullies, but here’s another reason:

Anytime you conform to the rules, standards or wishes of someone else- that is, someone who isn’t your boss, your teacher, your parents, etc., you deny your own wants and needs. You give up your autonomy and dignity, and ultimately, surrender to the bullies. This can take a huge toll on your self-esteem and after so many times, you’ll begin to feel terrible about yourself and regret that you ever conformed to those creeps.

Anytime you conform to bullies, you allow yourself to be subjugated. You become their subject, their slave, and their prisoner. And that doesn’t feel good at all.

You end up looking (and feeling) weak- like a wimp, a wuss, a pansy! You’ll only be ridiculed by everyone because you’ll look pathetic to them. They’ll see you as a bootlicker, a brown noser, a stooge!

It doesn’t matter how good or bad you are, bullies and everyone who sees you getting bullied only percieve you as a target and nothing else. And chances are, they will always see you that way. Therefore, if you can’t satisfy anyone else, then satisfy yourself by holding on to your dignity. And how you hold on to your dignity is to never conform to anything the bullies tell you.

Be strong and say no. Refuse to kowtow and bow down to them. They might retaliate and bully you worse for your refusal to give them what they want but trust me. They are going to bully you anyway whether you do or don’t, so why not make it count?

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Bullying Survivor

The survivor of bullying who escapes the abuse first comes out with shock, anger, and sadness. But once the healing is underway, they’re filled with renewed hope.

When school or workplace bullying experiences have exposed you to the darkest sides of human nature, you have a stronger sense of your own endurance and capability. This is all because of what you have endured and were able to overcome.

You never know your own strength until you’ve overcome bullying, especially severe and chronic bullying.

Another takeaway is that the survivor has a stronger sense of people. She can smell fakery and BS from a mile away and can spot bullies before even talking to them. The survivor pays closer attention to how people carry themselves, body language, and the vibes and energy others put out.

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He is better able to avoid people who might want to harm him because he’s learned, the hard way, the importance of listening to his gut instinct and heeding it anytime something is even the slightest bit “off” about a person. In short, the survivor of bullying has learned that it’s okay, even paramount, that he trusts himself, and in that, his feelings and judgement.

On the other side of bullying, a survivor learns and develops the determination never to conform to the standards and criteria of others, but to live life on her terms because she knows what it’s like to be a slave to the approval of others. She knows what it’s like to be a prisoner to outside influences. She knows the powerlessness of having one’s pleasure depend of the permission of others. She knows what it’s like to be forced to apologize for simply being who she is and she’s not having any of it!

Overcoming past abuse gives the survivor a restored and refined sense of his worth and knowledge of the immense value he brings to this world. He awakens to his goodness and realizes that yes! He is worthy of love, friendship, affection, and of all the best things in life. He also realizes that he is loved and always was no matter what all those vile people told him!

The survivor of bullying ends up with a much clearer vision of what she will not tolerate nor settle for. She is unmovable in her refusal to kiss arse or bow down to anyone no matter what the cost may be. She’s spent enough years living on her knees and if she’s going to be punished for her unwillingness to kowtow, she’ll suffer those consequences standing up.

The survivor of bullying is also a fierce warrior for other victims. If he sees another person being bullied, he’s will stand up for that person and go toe to toe with the bullies to protect the target.

The survivor who has overcome bullying isn’t afraid to say no, nor to walk away from any relationship that doesn’t fulfill and nourish him. He refuses to be stuck in any environment that doesn’t allow him to grow and flourish.

The survivor is more aware than ever of what she deserves and goes after it with resilience and tenacity. Life’s given her enough of what she doesn’t want and now it’s time for her to go get what she knows is due her.

The survivor realizes, probably more than anyone, that life is short, and you only get one shot in this world. And she works diligently to create the life she knows she deserves, and she does it without guilt. She knows that she’s not entitled nor privileged. She realizes that the big bad world owes her nothing. And that’s okay.

The survivor realizes that there’s no such thing as a free ride because, heck, no one ever gave him anything but hell. What he understands more than anything as that all you have is you and the only person you can depend on is you. So, he knows that reaching his goals and dreams is up to him and him alone. And he works toward what he wants with a fervor.

The survivor of bullying makes it a point never to take anyone for granted but lets her family and friends know that she loves and values them. Why? Because she knows what is like to be alone, unwanted, and abused and she would never want anyone- especially the people she cares about feel that way or endure it.

The survivor of bullying savors every wonderful moment, every positive encounter, and every happy event because he has seen enough negativity.

What the survivor enjoys more than anything else is wonderful relationships and happy moments, and most of all, she’s grateful for them. She also enjoys helping others who go through what she once endured. And she uses her experiences to encourage them and give them hope.

Sometimes, you must be torn down to be built up again. Sometimes you must first be dejected and left lonely before you can truly appreciate the family and friendships you have later. And sometimes, it takes being forced into the chains of others’ approval and validation before you can enjoy the freedom of self-love and the indifference to the opinions of those who don’t matter and, perhaps, never should have mattered.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

7 Benefits Bullies Reap at the Target’s Expense

Bullies aren’t just a pain in the butt; they’re power-hungry confidence thieves who can wreak havoc on your life if you aren’t careful. Understand that the laws of human nature dictate that no one does or says anything without some sort of psychological benefit.

Bullies reap several benefits at your expense if you’re a target. Here is a list of those benefits:

1. A sense of power – bullies bully for power, control, and domination. Anytime a bully takes a victim down, they get a tremendous rush of power and become addicted to that rush. This is why bullies never bully once. They always come back for more.

It’s no different from being a drug addict. The evil actions, cruelty, and power become a drug in and of themselves.

Also, as with any drug, the same tactics and frequency of bullying lose their potency after a while, so the bully must escalate the torment to keep getting the rush they crave.

For example, when name-calling and verbal abuse of the target lose the thrill they once gave and begin to get boring, bullies will often escalate to either cruel pranks, humiliation, or physical assault and battery to keep getting the rush they look for. It’s the same as when a drug addict builds a drug tolerance and begins taking higher doses.

2. Popularity – Bullies bully because, sadly, many people think it’s cool or cute. Bullying gives the bully lots of attention and visibility from others. Bullying is a way for bullies to exert power and sadly, in toxic work and learning environments, it gains them the popularity they crave.

3. Superiority – Bullying gives the bully an appearance of strength and sends a message to those around him that he’s a badass, and they’d be a fool to mess with him. The bully also gives the appearance that he’s top dog.

4. Attention and Sympathy – if the bully can make the targeted student look like the bad guy, he gets to enjoy the attention and bask in the sympathy others give him.

5. Distraction from their own shortcomings – Bullies are experts at making the target look weak and pathetic. If the bully can distract everyone else’s attention to the victim’s flaws, weaknesses, and shortcomings, he can keep the spotlight off his own defects and imperfections. Because if people expect to see trouble coming from a specific place, that’s where they’re going to look.

6. Projection of their own flaws onto someone else – Bullies have a flare for accusing their targets of the same deplorable behavior of which they are guilty. If the bully can make the target look like the bully, then the real bully can go unpunished and continue to attack the victim freely and with impunity. Again, it also takes the focus off his own misdeeds.

7. The satisfaction and gratification of seeing the target suffer – Bullies love to see their targets suffer. For the bully, the victim’s misery is entertainment and gives them a rush of power. Just know they can determine how the target feels and how their day goes gives them a feeling of dominance.

Don’t give them the satisfaction. Be a waste of time and energy to them. The way to do this is to see the bully for the weak punk they really are- bullies bully because they’re great big cowards. They have no persuasion skills. In fact, they have no redeemable qualities. Therefore,  the only way they cam be effective is to bully their way through life. Keep this in the back of your mind.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

6 Things That Happen When You Call a Bully’s Bluff

As we all know, bullies are convincing liars. But what happens when they finally get called out on their lies and evil deeds. Let’s use scenarios to find out.

For example, you’re a target of bullying. You find out that the one friend you thought you could trust has been spreading your deepest secrets and spreading lies behind your back while only pretending to be your best buddy (This can apply to both school and workplace environments). When you confront her, here are her possible reactions.

1. She will deny it or, at the least, try to avoid the subject. How you’ll know she’s dishonest? She will change the subject by talking about a topic irrelevant to the issue while appearing to be busy doing a task. Girls are known for this.

2. She will become irate and go on a tirade. She may even yell and curse at you. She may turn it back on you and accuse you of being paranoid, crazy, a crybaby, etc. But understand that she only looks and sounds desperate when she does this. Know that this is just another dead giveaway, and most bullies get highly defensive when they’re afraid they’re busted.

Understand that most bullies will get loud. They scream, yell, and pound their fists, curse, and swear when they fear exposure. However, don’t let this scare you because the dramatics and theatrics they display only mean that the bullies are desperate!

3. She will lay guilt trips on you.

“Well, if you were my friend, you wouldn’t believe…”

“If you were a true friend to me, you wouldn’t even question my loyalty.”

Don’t buy that garbage. The person is just trying to make you feel guilty or trying to intimidate you into silence. If your so-called friend was the only person you told any secrets to or knows about your life outside of the school, workplace, or organization, it’s a safe bet they’re guilty. And if enough people tell you that she is saying things behind your back, especially people you’ve never met or had any dealings with or people who aren’t a threat to you, she’s guilty!

Example 2: You have a bully on your back, and you’ve finally had enough. You call him/her out on his/her bad behavior and begin speaking out about the abuse she dishes out.

4. She will escalate the harassment to either punish you or intimidate you and shut you down. Understand that the bully is afraid of being exposed, facing accountability, and losing face and will stop at nothing to silence you.

5. He will justify himself with full conviction.

“If you didn’t always make trouble, I wouldn’t have had to hurt you!”

“If you weren’t so stupid, I wouldn’t give you such a hard time!”

“You made me do it because you always do this when you should do that!”

“If you would just do this, I wouldn’t have to do that!”

“You won’t shut up, so you deserve it!”

Again, don’t believe a word of it! Continue to report the harassment. You must protect yourself by speaking just as loud and with just as much conviction as the bully. Make plenty of noise because the wheel that squeaks loudest gets the grease!

6. She will slander you to everyone who will listen to her and try to turn others against you. Again, understand that this bully is afraid of being exposed. So she spreads rumors and lies to discredit you by distracting others from her appalling and embarrassing behavior by making you look like the guilty party.

If the bully can make you look bad and turn everyone else against you, she reaps several benefits.

a. She can intimidate you into silence and avoid any future risks of exposure.

b. She can discredit you, make herself look like the victim, and, therefore, gain attention and sympathy from other people.

c. She can successfully cut you off from any support you might otherwise receive.

d. She gets the green light to bully you again later and with impunity.

e. She gets to move up the social ladder and win more friends and allies.

f. She gets the satisfaction of maintaining power, domination, and control over another person.

As goes the old political quote from World War II, “Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty.”

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Understand that any smear campaign is designed to protect the guilty bullies from being exposed and shift blame onto innocent victims. It’s a tactic used since the beginning of time!

So, don’t shut up no matter what! Continue to call out the bullies’ behavior! And if they react like any of the above, tell them like it is.

Say this:

“The tirade isn’t going to work anymore” or “Go ahead and lie all you want. Everybody knows this is only retaliation because I had the gall to expose your deplorable behavior! Right,(the bully’s name)? Is that what this is, (Bully’s name)?”

Be sure to say the bully’s name at the end of the above questions because that really shakes a bully when you put his/her name on it!

If the bully says, “No!” Tell her in a fast and short tone, “Oh, yes it is, and you know it, (Bully’s name)!”

Counter. Everything. She. Comes. Back with!

Arrogant, Narcissistic Bullies- Give Them Enough Rope…

Narcissistic bullies are such good actors, aren’t they? They’re good at going undetected, flying under the radar, and making themselves out to be better than what they are while making you look like the fool or the bad guy. But the good news is that sooner or later, people such as these usually wind up telling off on themselves somehow, someway, without even realizing it until it’s too late and the cat’s already out of the bag.

I’ve seen it happen before too many times when narcissistic bullies grew a little too confident. They got too sure of themselves, too loud, too obnoxious, too flippant, and then, they got stupid! They ended up unintentionally outing themselves!

Perhaps the narco didn’t realize a person in authority nearby when he got too loud and shot off his mouth. Or maybe she accidentally left a damning piece of evidence lying about and didn’t cover her tracks as well as she could have. Then again, perhaps the Narc-bully wove such a big web of lies and finally got tangled in it, or pushed things a little too far and made people not want to be around them. Either way, in the end, the narcopath stepped in it!

Understand that these types are always pushing boundaries as far as they can. Give these people an inch, and they take a mile. But give them a mile, and they take ten. With a Narco, it’s never enough. Standing up to these idiots is useless because you’ll only arouse their narcissistic rage, and they’ll spend the rest of their natural lives hunting for you and trying to get back at you. With a narcissist, everything is tit for tat, and the fight soon becomes exhausting for the victim of such erratic behavior.

These people have a “Divine Right of Kings” mentality. So, don’t fight or try to get back at a narcissistic bully because, trust me, they’ll never stop. They’ll only keep coming after you. Instead, just sit back, let the narco rant and rave and act like you don’t care. While they shout, curse, and foam at the mouth, continue to rock it- grey rock it, that is! Go no contact if it’s possible because people like these are dangerous and can hurt you.

But rest assured that eventually, the narcissist bully will screw up, and karma will visit them. They may not learn their lesson and change (few narcs ever do), but they always get what they deserve in the end, especially when they get old.

I knew a young nurse who was a narcissist bully, even had the displeasure of working with her for a while. Eventually, she got caught stealing opiates from the nursing home, where she held Director of Nursing’s title. The nursing home owners fired her, and soon after, the state revoked her license to practice as a nurse. After losing her nursing license, her husband divorced her. She then worked at one of the local cafés as a waitress before becoming ill and finally dying. Her whole life went down the crapper, and this woman had a sad and miserable ending.

I’ve even known a few elderly narcissists, and trust me. They live the most miserable and lonely existence of anyone I know. They’re the most bitter, angry, demanding, and ornery people you’ll ever meet. And why not? They’ve steamrolled others all their lives and now have no one to come for a visit nor to help them when they need it. And it’s sad!

People who know the person always make it a point to stay far away! And if by a minuscule chance some poor, unsuspecting sucker does come around, I can tell you that after spending enough time getting to know the person, they won’t be able to get out of there fast enough!

I know it seems that no one will hold these bullies responsible for their mean-spirited words or actions. I realize that narcissistic bullies have a talent for pouring on the charm and hoodwinking people into believing that they’re such good people. I understand that these types are so intimidating that they force people to take sides with them and give them what they want. And yes, I know that none of it is fair (and whoever said that life was?).

But rest assure. God doesn’t like ugly, and eventually, everything comes full circle. It may take a long time, but narcissist bullies always get back what they dish out in the end.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

You Are What You Think

You’ve heard the quote, “You are what you eat.” So, it goes with your thought processes. You are also what you think.

Targets of bullying can start off as confident and outgoing people. But after years of bullying and abuse, they become insecure, afraid, and withdrawn. Sometimes, they can turn against themselves. They began to think that they aren’t worthy of anything good in life. They stop believing in their own good qualities. They no longer think they’ll ever be loved, ever be accepted, or ever be successful and that nothing will ever go right for them.

Law of Attraction

Then, sure enough, things begin to happen that matches their thoughts and feelings. These poor people began to fall out with friends and family, they have back-to-back bad breaks. They finally develop feelings of self-loathing and end up alone, rejected, unsuccessful, and unlucky.

Here’s how it works:

You must realize that your thought patterns determine your outlook (attitude).

Your outlook determines your decisions and behavior.

Your decisions and behavior determine your outcomes.

Your outcomes determine your life and the events that happen in it.

All this then re-enforces your outlook or attitude.

This becomes a cycle and cycles always repeat themselves.

Anytime you think a thought, you send a message out into the universe and, sooner or later, you get a response that matches, and the response always returns as an event, situation, or circumstance. And once it becomes a vicious cycle in your life, it’s damn hard to break that cycle.

Know that this cycle can be broken, but it takes a lot of time, patience, and hard work. I can tell you from experience that the changes won’t happen overnight, and the reason is that, once a pattern is set, unseen forces (like your subconscious mind, for instance) will, at first, fight against any change you try to make. You could say that these unseen forces (your subconscious) have become comfortable with the way things are and, just as most people hate change, so do the higher powers at work.

But know that if you keep at it, your breakthrough will present itself eventually. It has to after a while because of your refusal to give up.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, you must be very careful that you don’t allow your bullies and the lies and toxic messages they send to influence the way you think of yourself. You must fight like the devil to hold on to your self-belief. Your life and its trajectory depend on it!

If you hold on to your positive attitude and sense of self from the very beginning, you’ll save yourself a lot of time and hard work in the future. Most of all, you’ll save yourself from a lot of future pain and misery.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

4 Things Bullies and Abusers Do When You Finally Speak Out About Their Abuse

If you’re a survivor of bullying and abuse and you finally begin speaking out about your bullies and their abusive behavior, you instantly put them on high alert. You put them in defense mode, and they will do one, some, or all of four things:

1. Lash out at you. This is, perhaps, the most revealing. Many bullies and abusers will go into a tirade. They’ll scream and yell at you, they’ll curse you out and call you the ugliest names- everything but a child of God. I know it’s difficult to do, but don’t panic and don’t be afraid.

See it for what it is- you just forced them to reveal their true colors because when your bullies (or former bullies) attack you by getting enraged and flying off the handle, that’s when you know you’ve busted them. Or, more appropriately, you’ve forced them to bust themselves! Yay for you!

2. Deny their abuse, and sometimes to your face. Lots of times, bullies and abusers may confront you either calmly or aggressively, claiming they never bullied or mistreated you. They may even through out subtle hints that you must’ve misinterpreted them or that you “have everything misconstrued.” Again, no matter how calmly or subtly they do it, this is gaslighting and it speaks volumes about their character.

3. Defame you. The second you see their bullying and abuse for what it is and call it out, is the second bullies and abusers lose control over you. If these people can no longer control you, they will control your image in the eyes of others. And they will tell everyone who will listen what a lowdown piece of garbage you are.

But, as difficult as it may be, don’t let it phase you. Realize that they’re panicking and in a mad rush to do some damage control because they’re afraid that word about their true nature just might get around and cause them to lose face.

Most of the time, your former bullies and abusers will tell others that you’re “crazy” and that you’re having some sort of mental episode. Again, they’re only revealing their true colors because if you weren’t telling the truth, they wouldn’t care and wouldn’t react so desperately. So, always see this as an admission of guilt.

4. Avoid you. These types won’t bother you. Instead, they’ll avoid you like the plague because they’re scared. Understand that this is the best outcome because if they’re avoiding you, you don’t have to worry about them abusing and bullying you again. Why? Because they know they’ve been found out and that word of their abuse is already very quickly circulating.

So, the last thing they want is to do anything that has even a scant possibility of making them look guilty because they fear their reputations are already on shaky ground. Although these people are cowards, they’re making the smartest move by simply staying away from you and avoiding even mentioning your name.

However, be advised that not all people who avoid you will stay away from you for long, they may avoid you long enough to defame you to others or they just might be secretly plotting revenge against you for daring to open your mouth. Different bullies and abusers react in different ways and may use any or all four of the above defensive measures.

You must realize that bullies and abusers, even those who are formerly so, count on your silence and they detest, or more appropriately, fear being exposed. Exposure is the worst thing that could happen to them because they risk losing respect in the community and other people seeing them for the monsters they are.

Bullies make everything about appearances and when you will back the curtain, you make liars and hypocrites out of them.

So, naturally, they’re going to either attack you, avoid you, or both. They may make statements such as:

“Well, we were just kids then.”

“But that’s all water under the bridge.”

“Just let bygones be bygones.”

Or

”Just let sleeping dogs lie.”

They may tell you to “get over it” or accuse you of bringing up old stuff. Understand that any time people make these statements, their main goal is to shut you up.

But they have other objectives as well:

1. To minimize their past brutality and the impact it all had on you

2. To make you look like a whiner who just can’t “let the past go.”

3. To cover their backsides and minimize any dents to their reputations or any backlash they might receive.

Again, don’t be afraid. Instead, see it as they’re unwittingly revealing themselves and let them go at it. Let them launch their personal attacks.

Before I close, I’d like to make another huge point: When you speak out about your bullies and their abuse, you force them to explain themselves. Anyone who must explain and justify themselves or their behavior is never in a powerful position.

So, in forcing your bullies to explain themselves you instantly snatch them out of their position of power and move them into a vulnerable position. In other words, you automatically turn the tables and leave the bullies in a very helpless and subordinate place. In short, you strip them of power. Ouch!

In forcing the bully to explain their past or present behavior, you instantly remove their “authority”- their power because neither power nor authority ever explains itself. It doesn’t have to.

Hence the reason bullies despise even the thought of having to give explanations because it puts them in a weak and subordinate position.

No wonder bullies get crazy when you out them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Rising Above Bullying

They tried to keep me oppressed

But I left them behind to reach success

They tried to bring me down

But I continued fighting and didn’t drown

I persevered and won my crown

At they stare me down with eyes of hate

I sail on through and continue to elevate

As they assault me with the evil word

With deaf ears, I press on their voices unheard

As they lay before me traps and snares

I avoid those snares and return a smug stare

As they fake, hiding their incompetence

I relax and move freely with confidence

As they align to attack me in droves

Like a Phoenix I rise above with love

 

I soar with the eagles

They only crawl with the snakes

7 Ways Manipulators Manipulate

People manipulate because they feel powerless inside and can’t get what they want any other way. Therefore, they must resort to indirect means and trickery to get their needs and wants met.

There are many ways, people, especially bullies, manipulate:

1. Guilt Trips – manipulators will make you feel guilty when you don’t let them have their way and continue to violate your boundaries. If you “dare” to stand up to them, they’ll become offended and angry, trying to make you believe you are the bad guy.

Many times, when I was young, I had others tell me that if I didn’t do what they wanted, then I wasn’t a good friend, or I was selfish, stingy, or greedy. The other person would always play the loyalty card.

Manipulators may also attempt to make you feel obligated somehow. They may refer to when they did something for you and imply that you now owe them somehow. For example, if a partner asks a girl for sex and she tells them she’s not ready to take that step yet, the partner will then say something to the tune of, “I just took you out to a five-course dinner and treated you to a great movie…” Blah-b-blah.

Let’s be clear, you don’t owe them anything, especially if it’s a date trying to get in your britches, or someone trying to talk you into joining them in doing something illegal. If something doesn’t feel right and you get the feeling you’re better off not going along, trust your instincts. And say no, then tell them to either beat it or take you home right then!

2. Pretending not to understand – “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” We have all heard that line many times. people will claim they don’t understand when, in fact, they know darn well what you’re saying but don’t want to know. Do not fall for this! Either walk away, or tell the person, “don’t give me that crap. You know exactly what I’m talking about.” Then, walk away.

3. Being friendly only when they (the manipulator) expect something in return – Every single one of us has dealt with those types- you know the ones. You never hear from these people and they may even treat you cold when they see you out and about. Then, suddenly, magically, out of the blue, they call you up or start being friendly. Next, they ask you for a favor, some help with a problem they are dealing with, or maybe they need a little cash. And so, you help the person and once they’ve gotten what they wanted, it’s back to true blue.

Ditch this person because you don’t need them in your life.

4. The silent treatment – This is one of the most common tactics manipulators use and it’s done to exploit the natural and very strong human need for social acceptance and community. And let’s face it. We are all hardwired for social connection. Furthermore, it’s natural to go silent on someone when they’ve done us wrong. However, the silent treatment can also be abused by manipulators when they don’t get their way and can be damaging to the target when used against them.

If a bully or anyone else tries to get you to do something you don’t want to do, no law says that you have to do it. And how you protect yourself and your self-esteem against this childish behavior is to mirror it. In other words, when someone gives you the silent treatment, you give it back to them. Always remember that two can play that game!

5. Acting as if an agreement has been made when there’s been no agreement at all – This can be the most infuriating to a target. These people will often go ahead with their plans before you’ve made an agreement or they’ll tell you something like, “Remember? We agreed to so-and-so last week,” knowing darn well you never agreed to anything. Manipulators will try to put words in your mouth to strong arm you into giving them their way.

Don’t go along with this. Give this person their walking papers. Pronto!

6. Suggesting negative outcomes to the target’s plans – Anytime you have plans, there will be people who will try to break your confidence by giving you words of discouragement. For example, if you plan to record a CD, they might say things like, “I’m not trying to disappoint you, but chances are your CD will never chart.” Or “I hate to say this, but it’s no guarantee a producer will ever sign you to a record level.”

If you’re planning to publish a book, someone might ask you, “How do you know your book will even sell?” Or they might ask, “Do you really think you’re that good of a writer? You need to be honest with yourself.”

They may also ridicule and belittle your goals and dreams to make you feel like your dreams are stupid, or something to be ashamed of.

Trust me, I had people do the same to me but it never discouraged me, it only ticked me off and made me double down on my plans to publish my books. And the best part is, I finally did it!

I advise you to do the same if a shady character tries to discourage you from pursuing your plans, goals, and dreams. Realize that the reason people discourage you is because they’re so afraid that you just might succeed. In fact, the very possibility of you succeeding scares them to death! Why? Because your success would force these jerks to take a long look at themselves and their own pathetic lives.

7. Distracting the target from goals – If a jealous manipulator knows that you’re striving toward a goal, they will deliberately try to distract you. Again, the reason people do this is because, deep down, they’re afraid that you might succeed and force them to compare your life to theirs.

Point blank, these people want so badly for you to fail. And they want you to stay on the same level as them so they won’t be left in the gutter alone and feel so bad about themselves. For example, people might be real sneaky about it and begin inviting you to parties or trying to get you drunk.

When they do this, they can claim that they only want you to have a good time instead of sitting at the house studying all the time. Or they may be more overt and interrupt you while you’re working or play loud music while you’re trying to concentrate. Again, these people are scared to death of your success and they will very slyly put out all the stops to distract your attention. So, beware.

How you combat this is to politely decline any invites or go to a place where you can work quietly and not be interrupted or distracted.

With knowledge comes empowerment!