The Problem with Looking Outside of Yourself for Your Value

Bullying is hurtful no matter how confident you are, that much is true. We’re all human and we all have feelings and emotions. However, the effects of it are even more damaging when we’re insecure and only look outside of ourselves for our value, in fact, the damage to the self-esteem is exponentially higher.

The problem is that when you look outside of yourself for your value, you automatically look to others to give it to you. And when you do this, you put yourself at their mercy.

Therefore, I have repeatedly emphasized over six years of blogging that knowing your worth is your foundation and that it’s never good to look outside of ourselves for it. Understand that your value, or worth, whatever term you prefer, comes from within and never from without.

Here’s why it’s better to let your value come from the inside:’

1. You can never control the environment around you. Many times, we will find ourselves in toxic environments full of poisonous people, whether it be the school we attend, the company we work for, or the home or neighborhood we live in. When you know yourself and, in that, know your value and let it come from the inside, any bullying or abuse you’re likely to get from others won’t have such an impact on you.

It will hurt, yes. But it won’t be nearly as devastating and cause you to suppress as much of yourself because, deep down, you’ll know who you are and that the people around you are only saying the things they say to diminish you.

Also, when the crap gets too thick, you’ll know when it’s time to bail out of the environment. In knowing yourself and knowing your worth, you’ll realize that you don’t deserve this kind of treatment and that you’re better off leaving this cesspit and moving on to greener pastures.

And you’ll do it without feeling guilty- you’ll do it knowing that it isn’t because you’re “chicken” or “running away from your problems” but because you deserve better. You’ll know what’s best for you, and that it’s because you’re looking out for the best interests of your health.

2. You can never control others’ behavior and how they think of you. And because of this, it’s never good to rely on the approval of others for your value. Understand that there will always be people who don’t like you and some who even hate you and when you depend solely on the approval of others, you make yourself a doormat. Please, for your own sake and the sake of your mental health, don’t give another person that kind of power!

When your value comes from within, you will have respect for yourself, you will love yourself and you will have great self-esteem. You will give yourself compassion and care when others take pot shots at you. You will have the confidence and courage to protect yourself and stand up to abuse. You will know without a shadow of a doubt that the idiots around you are the ones who have the issues and not you.

Your value should always from you. Never from another. You get your value from knowing who you are and knowing that you were put on this earth for a good reason. Realize that everyone serves a good and higher purpose here. You may or may not know what that purpose is, but you are here for a purpose. Find that purpose and fulfill it. And know your value!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

138 thoughts on “The Problem with Looking Outside of Yourself for Your Value

  1. This fabulous post is very close to my heart. I used to worry what people would say, think or feel about me. I used to worry whether I have offended anyone and that person regarded me as a bad girl. After going through several traumatic experiences, I realized that it’s impossible to please everyone in this world, no matter how good you are! Now I am leading a very happy life and feel that we are answerable only to our God and our conscience.

  2. You should newer think what others think about you is my opinion. I dont care what others say. All people can’t be equal. Many people judge how someone looks outside. Beauty is in people heart

  3. I just read a really great post at Banter Republic blog and one line was “When you realize your self worth, you’ll stop giving people discounts.” Perfectly aligned to the points you’re making here!

  4. Do you value yourself? 🤔 Wow Cherie, what a self-defining, self-examining question. I love it! This brings it home:
    “The problem is that when you look outside of yourself for your value, you automatically look to others to give it to you. And when you do this, you put yourself at their mercy.”

    Excellent message and you defined your points so radiantly my dear! 🎆😊🌟🤗💖😁🦋

  5. So much of this comes from the pain those bullied regularly feel. So many lack self confidence. Many times someone may have been bullied as a child and not as much as an adult (though adults can be bullied too) but they never regain their self-esteem and often times the bullied go looking outside of themselves for relief. Sometimes this even involves alcohol or drug abuse to numb the pain or bad relationships where they just want someone to pay them attention or they mistake sex for love. You have to get confident within your own self and that’s hard for many to do.

  6. “The problem is that when you look outside of yourself for your value, you automatically look to others to give it to you. And when you do this, you put yourself at their mercy” this speaks to me

  7. Some wonderful advice, particularly for young people. It resonated with me as I work in a public arena (journalism) and had to get used to people not liking (sometimes aggressively) a particularly truth I was writing about when my career began in my early 20s.

    It has also been a great comfort to me, over the many years since, to know that God says I am worthy of His love. That drowns out the other stuff hurting people can sometimes dish out on other people.

    Blessings!

    • Thank you so much. <3 Isn't it wonderful that when people turn against us, God is always there? I'm so glad that you knew God was there and you didn't let the hurtful words and actions of others put a dent in your self-esteem nor change you into someone you don't recognize. You did the best thing by leaning on God. Sadly, I didn't lean on Him during the six years I was severely bullied and mobbed. And I should have. Know that I appreciate your comment about your own experiences, I love reading these kinds of stories. <3

  8. Se placer à la recherche de ce que les autres peuvent penser de vous, témoigne d’un besoin d’assurance qui vous fait défaut et qui va au supermarché de la pensée chercher ce qui ne s’y trouve pas mais qu’on promotionne
    L’assurance vient de soi au terme d’un apprentissage de la vie pour obtenir une culture humaniste non monnayable

    Je ne m’appuie pas sur un dieu quel qu’il soitmais respecte ton choix aussi en vertu de ce qui précède m’abonne chez toi. Merci d’avoir fait de m’aime chez moi.
    Bonne journée …
    N-L

  9. So true Cherie. Bullying says more about the other person than yourself but it is disturbing and distressing at times for those you are the targets. Practical blog post with a good approach to this issue. As I say I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but that is OK because I am a coffee drinker!

  10. Thank you Cherie. I was talking to my vicar this morning about inviting her to speak at an International Women’s Day luncheon I am involved in and the subject of bullying came up. She served as an army chaplain both here and overseas. I mentioned your blog post that I had read two hours before. We both agreed with the need for self worth and standing up to the bullies. I must send her the link to your blog!

  11. From past 4 days, I am not getting a single view from my wordpress readers. I am unable to find the issue why views are not coming. Can you please help me out by telling that whether people are not able to find my posts or other problme?

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