Don’t Fall into The Conformity Trap

Some rules, standards and laws exist for good reasons. Those that are sensible help keep society safe and without them, we’d live in a state of constant anarchy. However, if the rules, standards, or laws are blatantly ridiculous or downright dangerous, than we have a duty not to obey them, or at the very least, question them.

Most bullies wield power by making up rules and standards that are either laughable or unhealthy for the rest of us. And many targets try so hard to conform to their bullies’ rules and standards to fit in and because they think that their conformity will make the bullying stop. Sadly, this usually doesn’t work for targets. The hard truth is, conformity works for everyone else, yes, but rarely works for targets.

Why? Because they are targets and nothing else.

When others conform, they will be rewarded, but when a target conforms, they’ll only be bullied worse because the people around them will automatically presume that the target is conforming solely to keep out of trouble and get on everyone’s good side.

People will only see the target’s conformity and positive behavior as a form of manipulation and feel that the target only has ulterior motives behind it. And they will respond with deep anger and repugnance. The target will be branded a con artist. A grifter! A fake!

Bullies see anyone’s attempts to manipulate them as an unspoken message that the person doing the manipulating thinks they’re stupid. And bullies won’t stand for being thought of as dumb, especially by those they deem inferior. To bullies, that’s slap in the face!

This is one reason targets shouldn’t conform to their bullies, but here’s another reason:

Anytime you conform to the rules, standards or wishes of someone else- that is, someone who isn’t your boss, your teacher, your parents, etc., you deny your own wants and needs. You give up your autonomy and dignity, and ultimately, surrender to the bullies. This can take a huge toll on your self-esteem and after so many times, you’ll begin to feel terrible about yourself and regret that you ever conformed to those creeps.

Anytime you conform to bullies, you allow yourself to be subjugated. You become their subject, their slave, and their prisoner. And that doesn’t feel good at all.

You end up looking (and feeling) weak- like a wimp, a wuss, a pansy! You’ll only be ridiculed by everyone because you’ll look pathetic to them. They’ll see you as a bootlicker, a brown noser, a stooge!

It doesn’t matter how good or bad you are, bullies and everyone who sees you getting bullied only percieve you as a target and nothing else. And chances are, they will always see you that way. Therefore, if you can’t satisfy anyone else, then satisfy yourself by holding on to your dignity. And how you hold on to your dignity is to never conform to anything the bullies tell you.

Be strong and say no. Refuse to kowtow and bow down to them. They might retaliate and bully you worse for your refusal to give them what they want but trust me. They are going to bully you anyway whether you do or don’t, so why not make it count?

With knowledge comes empowerment!

33 thoughts on “Don’t Fall into The Conformity Trap

    • Same here, but it was the late 1970s for me. I wrote a book about my experiences being bulled called “I Don’t Want to Be Like You” and how the bullies didn’t break me. Truths about bullies – they are insecure and need to manipulate others in order to make themselves feel better. Truths about those who are bullied – They are the ones who are unique and end up being very successful.

      • I couldn’t agree more, Maryanne. Many people who were bullied in school do end up successful because of their uniqueness. Bullies are followers and followers rarely succeed. Btw, where can I get your book? I’d like to put it on my To-order list.

  1. You are doing an excellent job by sharing a very valuable information on bullies and how to handle them. I really admire your posts.

    • Thank you so much, Mary. I so agree that society has become immoral and just because the law of man permits something doesn’t mean the law of God permits it. I so value your input, sweetie! <3

  2. Conformity can lead to a serious case of complicity. Love this Cherie: “bullies won’t stand for being thought of as dumb, especially by those they deem inferior.” 😡

    Girlfriend, ain’t that the truth! 😮👍🏼😣

  3. Rules and regulations are there to serve as a guide line of maintaining order and should be fair to everyone but bullies will try to put on some regulations based on hurting or belittling the target and sometimes there won’t be anyone standing against those rules because they will favor them but the target… remember rules should accommodate everyone and be fair on everyone.

  4. Every stone that is thrown in our court builds the emotional armor needed to effectively engage those who would oppress through the one thing truly lacking in their life: a little bit of loving kindness. Thank you for sharing!

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