Bullying Only Diminishes the Target’s Ability to Trust Him/Herself

Why? Because the target’s judgement, decisions, and feelings are constantly attacked, negated, and condemned by others. When a target is bullied, they’re taught that, although the abuse they suffer is painful, they either shouldn’t feel, or they have no right to feel that pain because they’re to blame for the abuse they suffer.

Targets are conditioned by bullies, bystanders, even people in authority, friends, and family to just suck it up and negate their own painful feelings. In that, they’re trained either not to understand or to deny their own suffering and that bullies and others are abusing them.

Targets are trained to believe that other people’s vile behavior is their fault and that something is wrong with them, otherwise the bullying wouldn’t be happening to them. Targets are also snookered that everything that goes wrong is because of them. In short, they’re taught that the abuse they’re getting is somehow justified.

As a result, targets often withdraw because they become afraid that they’ll only attract bullies and bullying behavior from the people around them. As a result, targets are left feeling confused and inadequate.

Targets are made to think that:

They take things wrong.

They’re too sensitive.

They asked for it or had it coming.

There’s something wrong with the way they are.

There’s something wrong with the way they express themselves.

There’s something wrong with the way they come across to people.

Therefore, targets stop believing in themselves. Even worse, they lose trust in themselves, their abilities, and their capabilities. And once this happens, they become perfect victims for bullies.

Understand that targets suffer many attacks to not only their physical body, but also their psyche and their emotional being.

Even worse, their very souls are tired, their spirits broken, and they don’t understand their own pain nor why they feel it inside.

Being a target of bullying is a hell that no one who hasn’t been there can possibly comprehend. When you’re bullied, you’re in the fight of your life, and for your life. And when I say fight for your life, this doesn’t only mean fighting to stay alive, although it can.

“The fight for your life” can mean fighting for your self- esteem. It can mean fighting for your personal power and dignity. It can mean fighting to keep your confidence up and self-esteem from being broken so that the abuse doesn’t affect your grades, performance (at school or work), or worse, your ability to make smart decisions and life-choices. You’re fighting to keep the abuse from effecting your entire future. Most importantly, you’re fighting to maintain your health and your sanity.

Because you’re very much aware that if you allow these people to cause you to lose any of the above, then you unwittingly give them power over your entire life and every aspect of it. You may not end up dead, but you won’t really live, you’ll only exist. And that’s no way to live!

No matter what happens, stay strong. Hold on to everything mentioned above, or as much of it as possible. And most of all, know that none of the bullying you suffer has anything to do with you and that there are people out there who care. Keep the faith, keep believing in yourself, and stand strong!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

43 thoughts on “Bullying Only Diminishes the Target’s Ability to Trust Him/Herself

  1. Wow, you are describing me and my experience 😯 These posts really help because the bullies are still with me everyday in my head 😢 Thank you 😊

  2. Another great post which truly resonates with me. Bullies always made me feel it was my fault for being weird, a liar, bad at sports, a wimp (though they used another word) and even for wearing ‘babyish’ clothing. Teachers also exacerbated the bullying too.

    • I understand, Michael. And I’m so sorry they gaslighted you like that. But I’m so glad you found success! I love it when targets and survivors find success! 😊🤗 By the way, I ordered your book last night. I should get it in the mail in about two weeks.

  3. A wonderful amazing post. I have read so many tragic incidents involving bullying that my blood still boils over thinking about the targets. I wish humanity could be made a compulsory subject in all schools.

  4. Time to reclaim your power and self-esteem! 💪🏼 Great post with great advice as always Cherie! It’s long overdue for targets to take back what some undeserving bully snatched away or oppressed. Thanks for the catchphrase for today girlfriend…Trust Yourself…not the bully! 👏🏼😉💐🌞💖

  5. Ya know, I am tired. My spark is weakened. And I too don’t wanna fight anymore, except it is my reputation that is on the line and my profession. So I will act. But in seeking support I am finding there is very little out there for teachers going through bullying in the workplace. My “union” cannot advise- they sounded like I was the first teacher to be bullied by a (lazy, incompetent, jealous) administrator. I am so grateful Cherie, that I have found this place. You are giving me much to mull over and ammunition when I leave on how to seek a new position elsewhere without a reference. The despicable thing in teaching is that a principal or supervisor can say that they will give you a reference but then shred you over the phone. Be more specific: ask for a positive reference. And~ Don’t stop Believeing!!!! You know thyself!

    • Thank you so much. You don’t know how much this means. My heart goes out to you. 💔 I’m so sorry you’re being bullied. My suggestion is to not put these people on a reference- if you’re a wife and mother, use that and say you took off a few years to be with your family. Is it honest? No. But you must do what you have to do to survive, sweetie. Know that I support you! 💖💐🌹

      • Thank you- It might be something I will add to my arsenal. A colleague who just left realized it was a toxic environment but cited those precise reasons. Perhaps, you advised her too! 😉 I still want to see if I can resurrect some previous references, but they may be too outdated. Otherwise, I may just express directly as you suggested to me in another post.

        • I wish you much success in leaving your toxic workplace and moving on to a new and more positive environment! You deserve it after what you went through. You deserve much peace, happiness, and success. 💖

          • Thank you! I’ve been in this division for 8 years thinking I could make a difference. I’ve learned 2 things: one- I can juggle many grade levels, subjects, abilities and behaviours in one class. Secondly, everyone needs support- as soon as I spot a lack in this area next time, I am going to abort because no teacher can do it on his/her own- it does take an entire village of professionals to help a challenging child- from parents, teachers, support staff, guidance counsellors, ed psych assessors to intervention teams and as well the local admin. team. (My admin sat in the central office when he should have been more visable especially when the situation was dire.) Maybe I should ask in my next interview: What supports do you have in place to assist teachers who have extreme student challenges in their classrooms? What do you think? Would asking that bode poorly on me? I don’t typically have behaviour problems- kids like me and we set high expectations in our room so that the students feel safe to explore and voice their learning process. PS You really are helping me process this- I so appreciate you responding!

          • You’re most welcome. And yes, that is a question you absolutely must ask. They may not like it, but if they don’t, it only shows their true colors and that they don’t care about their teachers nor their students for that matter. Also, I’ve talked to many teachers who were treated badly just like you and the one thing they learned the hard way is that teachers unions do not care about the teachers or the students. Teachers unions are only power structures and money pits, that’s it! They will not represent you. They’re a waste, they’re like a third breast- useless. This is what these teachers had to find out. And I think they should be abolished. Again, my heart goes out to you and I want so badly for you to found a healthier environment where you can flourish!

          • You are quickly becoming a wise soundingboard- I hope you do not mind. I found an early post of yours from back in 2016 and am going through- there is nothing out there re teachers with bullying bosses- and unions, federations or associations DO NOT wanna talk about it or even assist. But you are giving me much to mull over. Btw, that definition you shared back in April of 2016 was empowering! Maybe you should resurrect some of your old stuff for newer members. IT BLEW. ME. AWAY!! What do you think- the next time ( cause let’s face it, they are out there) I encounter a bullyboss, I declare outright to “lay off the bullying- I am no threat. I am just doing my job and if along the way, I make YOU look good, enjoy the perk! Everyone loves a perk, right- mine happens to be my profession!” Whatta ya think? Seriously. You are truly helping me figure out how to get onto the next path like no one else out there. Soooo grateful. Thanks, Kim

          • Thank youbso much! Great idea! I’ll definitely repost it. I may revamp it a little as I was just starting out then. But I’ll definitely repost it in the next week or so. 💖💐🌹

  6. Well you are truly raising my enthusiasm to overcome any hurdles I am going to encounter! I look forward to your additional thoughts that you have about the term- I am sure you have gained great insight over your first 6 years enlightening and supporting so many! Sharing my gratitude with a “thank you” seems so tiny, but what you have done has been nothing short of a boost to my soul! You have reminded me of my spark and I cannot thank you enough!

  7. To be honest, I experienced when the bullying was targeted on me I couldn’t tell the teacher when the person was bullying, which is, was the pain of my life during old school. Thank you for the post and make me encourage a lot 🔥🙏🏾

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