I Could Never Find the Right Words to Comfort Anyone Affected by Bullycide

positive peace candle

Since I’ve been advocating for the bullied, I’ve met and talked to so many families- parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, spouses, children, cousins and friends who have lost a loved one to suicide. I’ve read, heard about, and listened to their heartbreaking stories. I’ve watched them cry, and I’ve often struggled to find the words to tell them how my heart breaks for them. What are the right words to say to someone who has suffered so significant a loss?

I’ve listened to stories from grieving parents who have lost a child to bullying and suicide. While they told me the story of the events which led up to their child’s death, I could hear the anguish in their voices. I could sense the many questions which continue to flood their minds that may never be answered! I could feel the injustice of it all, and let me tell you; it shook me to my core!

I can’t help but feel a wide range of overwhelming emotions- heartbreak and empathy for the surviving parents and family, intense anger toward the bullies who pushed that child over the edge and disgust at the school and school district, who did nothing to help, or worse, only intensified the child’s suffering. I feel nothing but rage and contempt for a system that failed this young person and their family and at the people in power who were in a position to help the poor young man or lady but didn’t!

Although I have lost a spouse to suicide and know what it is to experience the loss from it, I realize this: The loss of a spouse is terrible and heart-wrenching. Yes. But it isn’t quite the same as losing a child.

Child abuse with the eye of a young boy or girl with a single tear crying due to the fear of violence or depression caused by hunger and poverty and being afraid of bullying at school.

I try to put myself in the parent’s shoes, but it’s unbearable. I cannot imagine what a parent goes through. The unanswered questions, having dreams of their child’s future, disappear! Not long ago, I looked into the eyes of one grieving mother, and I wanted to cry but managed not to. I wanted to be strong for her because she needed me to be!

My oldest son went through a period of bullying, so I know this could just as easily have been him years ago. And I honestly don’t know if I could have held up as well as this mother has!

Try to imagine having that baby you once carried for nine months- the baby you felt move and kick inside your belly- ripped from your life forever! Imagine losing that precious, tiny creature, you once held for the first time in the hospital, whose sweet little face you gazed lovingly on, and were unable to take your eyes off of!

FILE – In this Monday, Sept. 16, 2013 file photo, pallbearers wearing anti-bullying T-shirts carry the casket of Rebecca Sedwick,12, to a waiting hearse as they exit the Whidden-McLean Funeral Home in Bartow, Fla. One of two teenage girls charged with stalking Rebecca Sedwick, a Florida classmate who complained of being bullied before her suicide no longer faces any criminal counts, her attorney said Wednesday, Nov. 20, 2013. (AP Photo/Brian Blanco, File)

I cannot fathom the despair of having to bury the child I was sure would someday bury me! Understand that this goes against the natural order of things! I cannot imagine the total shock and disbelief- that feeling of being kicked in the gut that goes with such a loss! And I struggle to find the words to comfort any parent who has lost a child to bullycide!

What are the right words? How do you communicate to a grieving family member how much you hurt with them and how much you long to ease their suffering and wish you could? And how you wish that there was some way- SOME way you could bring that loved one back to them.

If you have a heart as I do, you want to reach out and hug that person! You want to hold them. You want to console them. You want to take away their pain. But anything short of doing the impossible, you know, will never be enough to ease their suffering.

Sympathy card with burning candle and rose on open book

Like me, you try to imagine how you’d feel if it were your child, but you can’t. You can’t bear the mere thought crossing your mind. But these families have lived it, and they continue to live it every day. Understand that this is a massive loss that this mother, this father, this sibling, this grandparent will carry for the rest of their lives!

Nothing will ever be the same for them again. Realize that this is a new normal (if that’s what you want to call it) that they will never be able to adjust to. Every day from here on will be another day of struggle- another day of fighting to keep it together- another day to act like you’re okay because you’re afraid of overwhelming the people around you. How long can these broken parents keep up the charade?

Again, words can never say how my heart breaks for them. All I can do is be there for them and listen as I struggle to find the words of support and compassion they so need to hear.

Maybe the reason I struggle for the right thing to say is that there are no words! There are no words that could ever quell the grief of a loss so heavy and so devastating! No words can ever provide complete consolation or comfort. And no words can ever bring justice to the loved ones left behind.

To all, who have lost a family member- a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a grandparent, especially a child, to suicide or bullycide, know that I’m here for you. It doesn’t matter if we know each other or are total strangers. And even though I struggle to find the words to tell you, rest assured that I care. My heart cries with you, and I have the utmost love, sympathy, and compassion for you!

You are always in my thoughts and prayers!

53 thoughts on “I Could Never Find the Right Words to Comfort Anyone Affected by Bullycide

  1. This post moved me to tears. I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine what you went through. I feel bad for those who lost their children due to bullying. I will always support you in your noble cause. Great job in creating awareness on this blot on humanity.

  2. You’re right, there are no words. Such a devastating scenario that is hard to fathom. My eldest son was bullied at school many years ago and I’m so glad we realised so we were able to step in and help him. 🙏

  3. A very heartfelt post Cherie. I wouldn’t even begin to fathom how I would have been if it had been any of my children. My younger son was bullied but to my knowledge, never considered suicide. Something I will always be inwardly and eternally grateful for.

    • Thank you so much, Michael. The fact that your son didn’t consider suicide is such a blessing. 💖🕊 I’m so sorry he was bullied in school. It’s truly one of the hardest battles to fight.

  4. Hi cherie
    I’m new to this whole blogging thing
    I kind of need help with something… Can u please help me with how can I block one of my followers??
    Lately I’m getting these hate messages from a follower and I don’t need to see negativity on my page and on my posts…. It will be a great help if you can tell me what I can do to avoid this 🙏

  5. This touched my heart. I believe that the schools have lost the ability to focus on the needs of the individual students- this has been replaced with focusing on the needs of the founders of the schools. The system is broken and the kids are the losers- in so many ways. No child should ever be in an environment where they don’t feel safe- safety is a basic need for development. Things need to change.

    • You’re absolutely right, Kristi. The schools have lost that ability. Honestly, I believe some schools don’t care. The school boards and teachers unions are mostly out for their own behinds and not for the teachers and kids they claim to support. It’s heartbreaking. 💔

      • Here! Here! And it is one of the reasons so many parents are choosing private schools if they can afford or home schools. There are some great home schooling programs these days. Yes it requires great discipline by the child and parents both, but there isn’t the stigma there once was with home school and there are ways kids can still get socialization. School is not like it was when many of us great up and you have to do what is right for you but I think it is a viable option for some or there also some good online schools as well.

    • Most schools are handling it wrong. Highly recommended that schools look into the program called THE PROTECTORS. by author of the book FREE US FROM BULLYING. THIS effective program is in schools all over the world. Prayers for all the families. Keep on keeping on .Peace

  6. Suicide is always a struggle to deal with particularly when the surviving family has questions. However, it is very distressing to see these very young children turning to that method of escape. There will never be any words anyone could say that can take away the grief.

    • Sadly, you’re right, Harley. You can never recover from such a loss. How my heart breaks for not only the person who passed away, but for the surviving loved ones. They are forever changed. 💔😢

  7. While I could never imagine the pain of losing a spouse or child to suicide, I lost a best friend when we were juniors in high school. More than 45 years have gone by, and it still brings me to tears when I think about it. “Time heals all wounds” is a terrible lie.

  8. Thanks for sharing. I lost a best friend to suicide after she’d been bullied. I was bullied in school because my skin color was different than the majority of other kids there. Thank god my mom pulled me from there and home-schooled me. Now I deal with it with my kids. Educators need to stop it from happening. I’m glad you’re getting the word out.

    • I’m so sorry for the loss of your best friend, Lolalia. 💔😢 Words can’t express how I hurt for you and everyone else who loves her. I’m so glad your parents got you out of that snake pit before they could hurt you any worse than they did. 🕊🦋 My heart also breaks for your children. Please do whatever you must do to keep them safe. And, if possible and feasible, get them out of that environment before the bullies can do lastly damage to their psyches. Know that you have my support. ❤️

  9. There are no right words when someone takes or loses their life. Because the bottom line is the one thing you can’t replace is human life. Once a person is gone they are gone until you see them again in Paradise.

    This is why I am a firm believer and honestly I really had to come around to this is you have to often times call out a bully. We all make mistakes sometime but I am talking about that person who is a true bully. Online for example, that person knew EXACTLY what they were doing and intentionally emailed, posted, etc with intent to bully and intimidate. It required them making an effort and going to your page.

    • You’re absolutely right. And here’s something else to think about. Many times, bullies want to actually murder their targets, only they know that there are laws against it and bullies don’t want the bed publicity that comes from being a killer. So they tear the target to shred in hopes that they’ll do it for them. The covert bullying tactics they use is a psyop. I hope I’m making sense here.

  10. There aren’t any words that would bring comfort, peace or anything else. Just hug and cry with them. This is so heartbreaking and so many people are dealing` with this. Truly in tears!!!

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