Naivete is Your Worst Enemy When You’re a Target of Bullying

We all have been naïve at some point in our lives. But over time, we grow, we accumulate lessons learned and life experiences, some good and some not so good, then we become wise. Some people become sage quicker and others slower. What counts is that we eventually learn it doesn’t matter the pace.

However, the fact is that some people stay naïve for a long time, not that this is necessarily a bad thing and it’s not their fault. Sometimes, environmental reasons are why we take longer than others to realize what reality can bring- maybe we live in a sheltered environment, maybe we have a secure family and home life and, as a result, believe in the goodness in all people. Again, this is not a bad thing. However, it can mark us for bullying, abuse, and usery.

Bullies can smell naivete a mile away and it’s the main factor that determines their choice of targets. Any time you’re a target of bullying, you can’t afford to be naïve. However, the sad reality is that most people targeted for bullying are, in fact, naïve and, again, it’s the reason they’re so often selected by bullies and abusers for victimization.

When I was young, I was naïve when it came to people. I believed that all people were inherently good, and I believed it to a fault. I can admit that today. And the bullying I suffered years ago smartened me up when it came to the duality of human beings.

And like I was, most targets are empaths and hold the same belief- that all people are inherently good and would never deliberately aim to harm another human being without a darn good reason.

As children, we’re taught to think positively, and things will work out for the best. This is not to say that we shouldn’t think positively because we should. However, many of us fail to take into consideration that there are some bad people out there who have evil intentions.

Also, we live in a competitive world full of people like these- people who want to take what we have and people who want to hurt us. Failure to realize these harsh truths will only subject targets of bullying to years of abuse as the bullying will only go unaddressed.

Understand that bullies, especially those in power, will always win unless we learn to spot them ahead of time and learn strategies to counter their attacks. And we can only learn to counter them when we accept the truth- the presence of bad people in the world.

We must realize that once bullies have their sights set on you, they won’t just disappear. Bullies are very persistent with their goals to harm you and ultimately destroy you. It’s a hard truth to swallow because we all want to believe that all humans are good, but the fact is that many of them are monsters.

Not everyone believes in treating others as they would like to be treated. We know that bullies think they’re good people even as they destroy the lives of their targets.

When we’re naïve, we’re vulnerable because with out people-knowledge, we’ll continue to take abuse. We must gain knowledge of the bully mindset and the motivations and intentions behind each tactic bullies use.

Only then will we be able to protect ourselves and ward off bullies.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

When Bullies Magically Become Board-Certified Shrinks

Isn’t it funny how quickly bullies can become board-certified shrinks? And they can do it overnight, without reading as much as a single word out of a psychology textbook.

As we all know, bullies are legends (or Doctors of Psychology) in their own minds and they only make themselves look stupid when they “diagnose” anyone they cannot manipulate.

This little phenomenon is called “pop-psych,” and, in all it’s entitlement (and embarrassment), empowers bullies to conduct, “remote analyses” while holding little to zero education in the field of Psychology.

If you’re a target of bullying who’s been dx-ed by bullies, you can counter these accusations of insanity by reading a basic psychology 101 textbook, then asking your bullies questions that challenge the narrative.

For example:

Jack: “Don’t hang out with Jill. She’s crazy.”

Kelly: “Crazy? That sounds like a pretty serious accusation. Crazy in what way?”

Jack: “Uh…I don’t know. Like schizo or something.”

Kelly: There are five categories of schizophrenia, which one do you think she falls into?”

Jack: “Uhhhhh…paranoid?”

Kelly: “I’ll have you know that paranoia is a common trait in many psychopathologies.”

Jack: “Uhhhh. I dunno. She’s talking about people talking about her and thinking they’re after her or something- that’s crazy.”

Kelly: “Jack, have you ever considered that possibility that Jill may be a target of bullying?”

Jack: “Oh, no! We’re not allowed to talk about that.”

Kelly: (Rolls her eyes and scoffs at Jack, then walks away.)

When bullies use pop-psychology, they do it out of ignorance and entitlement. They use mental health and mental illness as a weapon and end up making themselves look stupid.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

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4 Ways Bullies Use Your Friends Against You

Judgemental girls tauting fellow student

First, let me say this. If your friends are allowing themselves to be used by your bullies to get personal information and deep secrets about you and your life, then they aren’t friends at all. What they are, is a bunch of traitors, back-stabbers, two-faced sellouts!

They’re worse than enemies because, with enemies, you know exactly where you stand with them. Therefore, you know it’s best to keep your distance from them, or better yet, tell them to keep their distance from you. You know to keep these people out of your life.

Not so with traitors. A traitor will be sneaky, and they’ll make it a point to stick close to you so that they can continue to get juicy information about your life, with which to report back to your bullies with.

So, what are ways bullies use your so-called friends to bait you?

1. They have them ask you questions- personal Understand that these traitors won’t seem nosy when they ask you. They’ll act concerned for your well-being. They’ll have you fooled, thinking they really care about you when they’re only trying to gather your private information.

2. They have them stick extra close to you. Your so-called friends will latch onto you like a tick to a dog. This is so they can watch you closely and scrutinize everything you say and do. They will also try to find out who you associate with besides them, who your family members are, where you live, everything.

 

3. They have them go through your belongings when you aren’t around. Oh, yes! Your fake friends will go through your purse. They’ll go through your notebook to see what you’re writing in it, and they’ll snoop through your email. When they’re visiting you at home and you must excuse yourself to the bathroom, don’t be surprised if they even nose through your mail. They may even swing by the night before trash pick-up day and grab your trash after you set it out by the street to be picked up, then take it somewhere safe and snoop through it.

4. They have them hawk your social media profiles and pages. Sadly, many people must a lot of things on social media they really shouldn’t. Or they post things that are too easily taken out of context. In the early days of Facebook, I’ll admit that I posted a complaint from time to time- posts about bad service, idiot drivers, and ignorant people (without name-dropping, of course). Although I didn’t post anything personal, it still wasn’t good policy. Understand that these are posts that can very easily be taken out of context, so it’s probably better to keep any complaints private.

If nothing else, realize this- anyone who claims to be a friend while doing any of the four above-mentioned sins has no place in your life and if you find out they’ve betrayed you, it’s time to ditch and switch to new friends.

It’s best to make friends outside the bullying environment. Then you can show these new friends the awesome you that you can’t show in the environment you’re bullying in.

And understand that when you drop these people, you might be friendless for a while, but think about this. Did you have any friends in the first place while your fake friends were betraying you? Wouldn’t you rather be alone than to deal with fakers who only pretend to be for you when they’re really siding with the enemy?

With knowledge come empowerment!

Bullying or Mobbing?

Bullying becomes Chronic when the bullying has gone on over time and has escalated such that it has now reached a dangerous level. In short, bullying has reached epic proportions.

When there’s Chronic Bullying, bullies have grown so comfortable with bullying the target that they skyrocket the torment and pursue their targets obsessively and non-stop. Where there’s Chronic Bullying, there’s no accountability. And where there’s no accountability, there’s simply no incentive to stop.

In the case of Chronic Bullying, the bullies’ behavior has gone ignored and unaddressed by an authority. The bullies have become so brazen, cocky, and encouraged that their actions have grown in strength, frequency, and cruelty over several years.

The bullies’ apathy toward the victim grows to a point where they lose all empathy and come to feel nothing but blind hatred and fury toward the target. The attitude has now become that anything they do to the victim, no matter how cruel or dangerous, is good because, to the bullies, the victim has no value, and his life is worth nothing.

People who bully to these extremes usually have followers and minions backing them up. And they enlist members of their following to do their dirty work. The bullying becomes so significant, so ingrained, and so severe that it seemingly takes on a life of its own.

The bullies are seemingly drunk on their own power and their hatred that the bullying and torment of you seem to be all the bullies can focus on.

Instead of the bullies controlling their evil emotions and actions, their feelings and actions begin to control them! The bullies are controlled by hatred and blinded by senseless rage. They have become so addicted to the power and control over another human being that the bullying becomes constant for the bullies to get their fix and maintain the high that the power over the target gives them.

Understand that when bullying becomes chronic, bullies don’t see the target as a human being; they see him as so worthless and inferior that, in their minds, the target doesn’t deserve the time of day, much less any respect. As far as the bullies are concerned, the target doesn’t even deserve to breathe the same air as them! Even worse- the target doesn’t deserve to breathe, period!

This is why chronic bullying can be especially dangerous to the target because the victim runs the chance of either breaking and committing suicide or being murdered by their bullies.

This is why it’s so important to get out anytime bullying becomes chronic. Get out of that environment- transfer to another school, go to work for another company, or move to another area.

Again, because once bullying becomes chronic, it becomes so out of control that it takes on a life all it’s own. There’s no stopping it at this stage.

The only way you’ll ever find peace is to leave without telling anyone. Only then will you be safe and have peace of mind.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

9 Reasons I’m Thankful for My Bullies

I know you’re scratching your head on this one. “Why,” you ask. It’s because they taught me things I never would’ve learned otherwise. And they showed me things that, although weren’t pleasant, were things I would need to know later.

1. They showed me the kind of person I never want to be.

2. They showed me the ugliest side of human nature.

3. They showed me the level of evil humans are capable of.

4. They showed me the types of people I don’t need nor want in my life.

5. They showed me the types of people to always avoid.

6. They showed me what signs to watch out for.

7. They gave me the determination to love myself and to go after what I want in life.

8. They molded me into a good judge of character.

9. They taught me the value of true, genuine friendships and to take no one for granted.

Yes. Although they were brutal people, and none of the bullying they dished out was fun by any stretch of the imagination, my bullies in school taught me all these things. And I hold these takeaways close to my heart today.

It’s hard to look for the silver lining while people are bullying you. However, once you get away from your bullies and the torment is over, not only do you regain a renewed sense of hope, but you also see so much clearer the lessons in what you had to endure.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Flowers Can’t Grow and Bloom Without Sunlight

Self-doubt is the killer of dreams. It comes when a person is consistently showered with toxicity and toxicity comes from toxic people- bullies and abusers. When all a person gets is insults and abuse for a long period of time, they become exhausted and any positivity they once had is slowly drained from them until they’re totally depleted of it.

Eventually, if targets aren’t careful, they’ll start to believe their abusers. They start seeing themselves through the eyes of their bullies. They’ll give up and others will see in them, a person who’s lackluster and slow.

When you’re a target of bullying, you’re like a flower that gets nothing but constant rain. The flower doesn’t grow and develop properly. The consistent abuse zaps your energy and keeps you hyper-vigilant and on guard 24/7- waiting for the other shoe to drop.

What happens is you lose your happiness, confidence, pride, will, and purpose in life. In essence, your bullies take away your good qualities and turn you into a person you don’t even recognize anymore.

Depression Concept with Word Cloud and a Humanbeing with broken Brain and Heavy Rain

Bullying and abuse takes the joy out of your life and you begin to daydream about escaping your current situation. If there is no escape route available, you feel stuck. Then, you isolate yourself and become a recluse. You retreat into your own little fantasy world because it just feels safer that way.

Finally, you stop growing as a person because you live inside your head instead of observing life that’s going on around you and learning the lessons life is trying to teach you. All the while, the bullying and abuse you suffer only gets worse because everyone around you knows that you’re living inside your head and they ridicule you for it.

And people who do not know what you are going through or don’t understand you may mistake you for being lazy, slow, or stupid. But it only causes you to retreat further inside yourself and the bullying only gets worse. It is a vicious cycle, and it is no way to live!

Not only do I understand how you feel inside, I understand why. Just as flowers can’t grow without sunlight, people can’t grow without positivity. Flowers need a good balance of rain and sunlight and people need a good balance of positivity and negativity. They cannot survive on just negativity nor positivity.

Too much negativity or, in this case, toxicity, and the person’s emotional and psychological growth will be stunted. Then, their happiness, confidence, and dreams will die, and they’ll give up. Too much positivity, and they lose touch with the real world and real people, then become arrogant, full of themselves, demanding, and tyrannical! There has to be a healthy balance of both before a person can truly grow.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, never accept what bullies and abusers try to cram down your throat. I want you to realize that they don’t know you at all, although they may claim they know you more than you know yourself. The truth is, nobody can possibly know you like that and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying through their teeth.

Understand that bullies and abusers are miserable people who want you to be as miserable as they are. Stay away from those people. They aren’t worth your time or energy. Only keep company with people who love you and who uplift you!

Remember that there’s always hope and you’re worth much more than what your bullies say you are and more than you may think you are. Never let bullies destroy the things inside you that matter the most- your self-love, self-respect, confidence, and sense of pride. Those things are yours and not for anyone else to have!

And how you do this is through self-care. If at all possible, remove yourself from the bullying environment and go to a new place where you can grow and flourish, and where you can make friends and be no only accepted, but celebrated!

Be your own best friend. Be your own hero. Be your own sunlight! Keep company with people who allow you to shine and the sun to shine on you!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

What Would My Bullies Say Now? A Joint Post With Chateau Cherie — Peaceful Rampage

Today’s post is a collaboration with Cherie White, whose book “From Victim to Victor” I reviewed a few weeks back. Cherie and I had similar experiences with bullying and we both overcame and have gone onto lead good lives. Since our bullying experiences were several decades ago, we discussed what might our bullies would say […]

What Would My Bullies Say Now? A Joint Post With Chateau Cherie — Peaceful Rampage
Here’s is a collaboration with Michael LeFevre, better known as 80smetalman! As you probably know, we are both survivors of bullying who went on to live successful lives with people who accept us as we are. We’re also published authors. I’m honored to have had the opportunity to work with him on this post! Thank you, Michael!

When Fighting Is The Only Alternative You Have

Many times throughout my life, I’ve heard people preach against fighting- and yes, even in self-defense. When I was being bullied- even physically so, I was often told by teachers and even the bullies themselves, “Violence doesn’t solve anything.”  Or, my personal favorite, “fighting isn’t lady-like.”

I’ve got news for these people- neither is getting your face beat in every day.

Be that as it may, fighting back was better than just standing there and taking the beatings. When you’re a target of bullying and you decide to stand up for yourself, there will be people who will climb up on their soapbox and insert their two cents where it doesn’t belong, telling you that “violence doesn’t solve anything,” and that “you shouldn’t stoop to their (the bullies’) level.”

You’ve heard the term, “All up in your Kool-Aid, and don’t know the flavor.” Yep! That’s where they’ll will be when you get enough of bullying and decide once and for all to take care of business.

However, what else do you do if you’re a kid at school getting their brains beat out every other day? Just stand there and allow yourself to be harmed over and over again?

All the time, targets get suspended or expelled from school when they finally defend themselves against a bully. After six months, eight months, two years, or even five years of being mercilessly bullied and trying to handle it through nonviolent means, only to be called a wuss and beat up more, the target finally gets fed up and beats the living crap out of a bully.

Now everyone’s surprised and outraged! Not at the bully, but at the target! But where was their outrage when the target was getting their body pummeled without provocation? Where was their outrage when the shoe was on the other foot? Where was their humanity when the target cried out for help?

If you’re in school and you’re a target of bully. These questions are those you should ask the school authorities, bystanders, and anyone who gets offended by your defending yourself. Know that you’re just as good as the next person. Know that you have the same rights as anyone else- including your bullies. And know that you have the right to defend yourself anytime you’re threatened with physical harm.

Understand that this is a part of self-care. It’s true that fighting isn’t always the answer but sometimes, bullies will leave you no other choice.

So, if you’ve tried everything else, know that you must do what you must to keep yourself safe. And if it means putting up your dukes and getting froggy, so be it.

It’s sad when a target must fight all the time to keep themselves from being harmed but I don’t hold it against anyone who fights back under those circumstances because you have to take care of yourself or no one else will.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

21 Excuses Bullies Make to Justify Their Bullying

The excuses bullies make for their rotten behavior are endless. Here are the most common excuses bullies make.

“Just because.”

“Because he’s annoying.”

“She brings it on herself.”

“I was only joking.”

“Because he’s a nerd.”

“Because she’s a loser.”

“Because he’s so stupid.”

“Because you deserve it.”

“Because you have a crooked nose (or funny ears, etc.).”

“Because he’s a wimp (wuss, geek, etc.).”

“Because she’s crazy (mentally unstable, cuckoo, loony, etc.)”

“Because he dresses weird.”

“Because he stinks (smells funny, etc.).”

“Because he needs to toughen up.”

“Because he’s black.”

“Because she’s white.”

“Because you have a big mouth.”

“Because he’s too skinny.”

“Because he has four-eyes (wears eye-glasses).

“Because she’s a metal-mouth (wears braces).

“You’re too different.”

I could go on and on! The excuses bullies make are endless. However, know that these so-called reasons have nothing to do with you if you’re a target of bullying. Understand that bullying is about power and the need to feel better than someone else. Your bullies are trying to meet their needs for validation or superiority in a hateful and hurtful manner.

When you’re being mistreated, it’s normal to want to figure out why. And the reason we want to know why it is so we can fix whatever’s wrong and make the bullying stop. But just because we correct whatever’s wrong doesn’t mean the bullying will go away, and most of the time, it doesn’t.

It only gets worse when you try to change yourself because people lose respect for you when you’re not yourself.

You may try to change yourself; you may hide, wear fancier clothes, even buy a new flashier car. But the truth is, there was never anything wrong with you in the first place. Understand that bullies target you not because there’s anything wrong with you or because you’ve done anything wrong. They’re only using you to meet their needs, and those needs are to feel better about themselves, feel powerful, superior, or better than you.

I even know adults- ADULTS, who should know better but are under the misguided impression that if people bully you, that you’re causing them to do so- that there’s something wrong with you, that there has to be something you’re not doing right, that you’re somehow annoying people and rubbing everyone the wrong way. No! This is a falsehood you should dismiss immediately!

Don’t accept it! Know in your heart that you did nothing wrong and that you’re great just the way you are! Here are things you can do to help your self-esteem and restore confidence.

Avoid these bullies like the plague.

Keep company with only those who uplift you and make you feel good about yourself.

Befriend other targets.

Do the things you enjoy and always show off your talents and gifts.

Do all of these, and your self-esteem will thank you for it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

6 Sure Signs Someone is Having Their Strings Pulled

Believe it or not, it’s easy to tell when someone is being controlled. If you pay attention, you’ll always know if a person you know is being told what to say, what not to say, what to do, and what not to do.

If you are a target of bullying, you more than likely suffer at the request of a powerful ringleader. You may have had friends and allies at first, but you’ve found that slowly, those friends and allies have only disappeared and now, you have no one left who will associate with you, much less help you.

Do you know why? It’s because your bullies have gotten to them somehow. They have either threatened to retaliate and harm them if they have any more to do with you, or they may have given them good incentives to turn against you- social and financial perks, promotions, rewards, etc.

So, how can you tell when a person is compromised?

1. They flip-flop back and forth. This person will say whatever they’re told to say and that often means they have to flip-flop. They say one thing, then later say the opposite. They say whatever they think will benefit them, or, at least, keep them out of hot water.

 2. They say anything they think people want to hear no matter how irrational and stupid they may sound. Again, this goes back to flip-flopping and bullies do change narratives often, so, the puppet must change with their puppet-masters and handlers if they want to stay in their good graces.

 3. They go with whatever the prevailing narrative or belief is. These people will fall in line quick. You can always tell a follower because they stay in lock step with your bullies. They quote whatever quote is popular, say whatever is popular, wear whatever the bullies are wearing, and act however they must, in order to stay on the bandwagon. In short, they’re a bunch of wannabes trying haplessly to fit into the bullies’ world of morals and standards.

 4. They’re a chameleon. This person will behave one way around this person and another way around that person. Understand that this person has no personality of their own. They change personalities like a model changes clothes.

 5. They can’t think for themselves. Again, these people never think for themselves. They only flex and bend to anything others tell them. They’ve been sucked into the group-think. God help them if they ever had an original thought. Or worse, took a stand (gasp!).

 6. They’re easily led and influenced. Life must really suck if you need someone to hold your hand in order to make decisions and choices. But some people would rather be controlled than to go out on a limb and choose for themselves.

They’re under the belief that it’s better to have security than to have freedom. That freedom and independence are too risky because they just might fail!

It’s true that being your own person involves a lot of risk. To be independent and have your own thoughts and opinions will invite the risk of failure and the enmity of a few others. But understand that anyone who doesn’t like you because you prefer to be yourself is more than likely a controlling person- an abuser, a bully, a narcissist. That’s right. Only people who like to control others hate those who are independent and who think for themselves.

stupid idiot

So, why would you want to please those types of people? Why would you want to have a puppet-master? Understand that only objects have owners. And you’re not an object, you’re a person with your own thoughts, feelings, opinions and beliefs. Keep it that way!

If you’re a target of bullying and your friends and allies have turned their backs on you, it’s best that you have nothing more to do with them and find new friends outside of the bullying environment.

You don’t want friends who are sheep and too weak to have your back when the chips are down. Trust me on that one. You want strong friends and allies- people who aren’t too chicken to have your back and are more than happy to go to bat for you. That’s what real friends do!

You want the types of friends who are hard to find, not those who are a dime a dozen. Know that you deserve better!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

12 Signs You’re Being Gaslighted

Bullies are notorious for gaslighting their targets. As we know, when a target speaks out about the abuse and begins defending themselves, bullies are quick to paint the targets as crazy, try to reverse the roles to make the target look like the bully, or try to convince the target that what happened didn’t really happen- that it was all in the target’s imagination, or they’re being overly sensitive, overreacting, etc.

If you’re a target, understand that bullies will gaslight you to shut you up, so that they can keep their moral high ground. They do it to make you doubt your sanity because they know that if you doubt your own sanity, it’s a sure bet that others will doubt it too.

It’s tough to know when someone is gaslighting you because when others agree with them, you’ll feel even more compelled to just shut up and go along with it. The reason for this compulsion is fear. You know that, more than likely, if you don’t just clam up and go along, you’ll only suffer more abuse as punishment for daring to open your mouth.

So, how do you know that someone is gaslighting you?

Simple. You know just by how it makes you feel. Here are the symptoms:

1. You’ll constantly second guess yourself – It’s a brutal cycle. You say something, make a judgement call, maybe a decision, and then you turn right around and begin wondering if you said or did the right thing. This is bad because second-guessing ourselves can cause us to feel stuck in life, and there are few worse things than feeling stuck.

 You’re hyper-self-aware, self-conscious, and always on guard to make sure you do and say the right thing all the time. Also, too much second guessing can cause us to do and say the wrong things out of nervousness and that is no way to live life!

How you solve this problem is to stop worrying about what others think and to realize that your first instinct will usually be the correct one.

 2. You wonder if you’re imagining things or being too sensitive and you do it several times a day- They don’t call it “crazy-making” for nothing because it can drive you crazy. When people are constantly taking pot shots at you, you hesitate to make any comebacks because, again, you’re too busy doubting yourself and putting too much value on the opinions of others.

Again, the best way to solve this problem is to trust what you feel and go with it. You may get bullied harder for it, but wouldn’t you feel better about yourself later, knowing that you stood up to those creeps?

3. You over-apologize- You apologize for trivial stuff that anyone else could do and probably get away with. You apologize for other people’s behavior. You even apologize for having to go to the bathroom! In short, you apologize for everything!

4. You’re confused all the time- Should you do this or that, say this or that? You live in constant confusion.

5. You’re never happy but you feel you should be- that’s a dead ringer that you’re being gaslighted. Because when people gaslight you even for feeling a certain way, this is what happens. And your feelings are right. You should be happier. Only you have a bullying gaslighter in your life holding you back from the happiness you so richly deserve.

6. You make excuses for other people’s behavior- this especially happens when you have fake friends who only use and abuse you. You don’t want others to know what they’re doing to you because you already know, and you’re riddled with shame over it. And it can be embarrassing when the people you call friends disrespect you because you end up looking pathetic to others. Therefore, you make excuses for them not only to hide the shame of being abused, but to keep your abusers from being angry and making you pay for it later.

But the only way to stop this is to face the truth and, even better, ditching these fakers. Because if you must make excuses for someone who’s bullying and abusing you, they can’t be a friend.

7. You lie to avoid being ridiculed or put down, even about things you should have nothing to worry about- when you feel you must lie about things that are not a big deal, that’s definitely a red flag!

Here are a few more symptoms to be aware of:

8. You feel that you’ve changed- that you’re no longer the confident and outgoing person you used to be.

9. You feel like you can’t do anything right.

10.  You feel hopeless.

11. You wonder if you’re good enough.

 12. You know something’s wrong, but you can’t put your finger on it.

Realize that being gaslighted day in and day out causes you to eventually lose yourself- to lose sight of who you are and once that happens, bullies and abusers will have you exactly where they want you.

Understand that some things are not so clear and that there are situations that we won’t get direct and easy answers to. That is why it’s so important to go with how you feel. Listen to your body- listen to your gut.

“Trust your feelings, Luke.” – Yoda (Star Wars)

There are times when the way you feel will be all the answers you need.

And once you go with your feelings, find a way to rid yourself of the life-leeches in your life (if possible). It’s the only way you’ll be able to heal, get yourself back, and live a peaceful, happy, and purposeful life.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

4 Ways to Handle a Cyber-Stalker

If you have dealt with them, you probably know they can be relentless in their pursuit of you. I had one woman in particular stalk me on social media about 4 years ago, and without a doubt, I know who it is.

I’m not one to complain or to have a victim mentality. And I won’t stress out over it because I have enough people who know me well enough not to get hoodwinked by smears.

I know that being afraid is exactly what she wanted, and I didn’t give her the satisfaction. However, I was a little concerned. Who wouldn’t be? Being cyber-stalked isn’t fun.

This woman needed help. She sent me nasty messages and stalked all of my social media pages. And at different times in the last four years- several times in 2018, she’s returned again since. She’s one of those stalkers that attacks you, disappears for a while, then comes back again with more hatred.

This is all because I deleted her from my friend’s list for making offhand comments and sarcastic remarks to some of my posts.

I’ve blocked her. However, she has had her sister, her son, and a few others stalk me and even stalk my husband and kids. We have since blocked all of them.

It just goes to show that she’s a coward and doesn’t have much going for her. Because if she did, she wouldn’t resort to any of this.

Her latest act is stalking me on a few other pages such as Amazon and Google books.

She was at her craziest in 2018 when she threatened to look up my address, then get on a bus and come pay me a visit (She lives out of state now).

I’m glad she thought I was worth the travel expenses! (Hee-hee!)

Understand that with someone as sick-minded as she, all threats should be taken seriously, And I put a few friends on alert just in case she tries anything with them.

So, know this:

1. When you have a cyber-stalker, do respond. But never react!

2. Never stay silent about it but put the word out to family and friends who love you because it can make all the difference in whether or not your attacker is caught should they take it to the next level and try to hunt you down.

3. At the same time, keep an eye on all your business online and be aware of your surroundings when you’re out.

4. Do your best to walk confidently and look like someone a criminal would think twice about messing with.

Do these things, and you’ll surely feel better, be better able to relax and enjoy life.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

17 Excuses Bystanders, School Staff, and Company Managers Make for Bullies

As we all know, bullies are very practiced and convincing liars and have a flair for using charm to deceive bystanders and authority. Understand that this “charm” bullies often display is fake; it is all a part of the smokescreen they put up to cover up bad behavior and avoid accountability. In short, bullies are only actors and actresses.

Here’s a list of excuses that bystanders and authority often make for the bully anytime a victim reports them for their appalling behavior.

“That’s just his personality.”

“Boys will be boys,” or “Kids will be kids.”

“She’s only expressing herself.”

“Maybe you need to toughen up.”

“He just has a very strong personality.”

“Maybe you’re doing something to bring it on yourself, and you don’t realize it yet.”

“She’s going through a hard time right now.”

“You’re just too sensitive and need to grow a thicker skin.”

“But he’s really a good person. He’s just having issues right now.”

“You’re over-reacting.”

“She’s just having problems at home.”

“Maybe you’re too dramatic.”

“He’s just being himself.”

“Maybe she was just joking with you, and you took it the wrong way.”

Studio shot of playful disobedient adult son in a red t-shirt, covering ears with the index finger and saying la la la while wanting mom gets mad, standing indifferent to argue, being impolite and childish.

“But he’s so well-liked and well mannered. Why would he bully someone like you?”

“But she’s so sweet, and everyone loves her. She wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

And last but not least, my personal favorite-

“You’re just having a personality conflict.”

If you’ve ever been a target, I’m positive you’ve heard that last line. It seems to be the most popular excuse on the planet!

These are several examples of how others justify and condone the bully’s behavior. Don’t fall for it! Call them what they are- BULLIES! Never accept any excuse.

Retaliation may indeed follow. However, stay strong and know that you don’t have to tolerate atrocious behavior from anyone! If no one will listen, be sure to document document document every bullying incident in detail!!!!!!!

With knowledge comes empowerment!