17 Excuses Bystanders, School Staff, and Company Managers Make for Bullies

As we all know, bullies are very practiced and convincing liars and have a flair for using charm to deceive bystanders and authority. Understand that this “charm” bullies often display is fake; it is all a part of the smokescreen they put up to cover up bad behavior and avoid accountability. In short, bullies are only actors and actresses.

Here’s a list of excuses that bystanders and authority often make for the bully anytime a victim reports them for their appalling behavior.

“That’s just his personality.”

“Boys will be boys,” or “Kids will be kids.”

“She’s only expressing herself.”

“Maybe you need to toughen up.”

“He just has a very strong personality.”

“Maybe you’re doing something to bring it on yourself, and you don’t realize it yet.”

“She’s going through a hard time right now.”

“You’re just too sensitive and need to grow a thicker skin.”

“But he’s really a good person. He’s just having issues right now.”

“You’re over-reacting.”

“She’s just having problems at home.”

“Maybe you’re too dramatic.”

“He’s just being himself.”

“Maybe she was just joking with you, and you took it the wrong way.”

Studio shot of playful disobedient adult son in a red t-shirt, covering ears with the index finger and saying la la la while wanting mom gets mad, standing indifferent to argue, being impolite and childish.

“But he’s so well-liked and well mannered. Why would he bully someone like you?”

“But she’s so sweet, and everyone loves her. She wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

And last but not least, my personal favorite-

“You’re just having a personality conflict.”

If you’ve ever been a target, I’m positive you’ve heard that last line. It seems to be the most popular excuse on the planet!

These are several examples of how others justify and condone the bully’s behavior. Don’t fall for it! Call them what they are- BULLIES! Never accept any excuse.

Retaliation may indeed follow. However, stay strong and know that you don’t have to tolerate atrocious behavior from anyone! If no one will listen, be sure to document document document every bullying incident in detail!!!!!!!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

32 thoughts on “17 Excuses Bystanders, School Staff, and Company Managers Make for Bullies

  1. I think the one that irks me the most is the “he/she is going through a lot”. Like why in the world should that even be an excuse? So what if he’s having issues, it doesn’t justify passing some of their misery to an innocent person.

  2. I heard most of those. The only time I ever tried to tell a staff member about being bullied, I was totally dismissed and treated like there was something wrong with me. And I couldn’t talk to my parents or friends. I was totally alone. I was able to talk about the abuse 20 years later in therapy…my therapist took me seriously, but I was too afraid to ever talk about it in group therapy. I thought it was all my fault and what I deserved for 20 years…it was awful

  3. Excellent post, dear Cherie. You have beautifully expressed the excuses for the bullies’ behavior. She/ he is going through a hard time, give her or him a chance is what I have heard where I grew up.
    I remember a girl who kept on teasing and bullying me. I was so fed up with her that I had almost tried to end up my miserable life. But God had been and still kind enough to make me see the harsh realities of life. Well, Your posts make me stronger each day. Thank you dear. Keep up the good work.

  4. “Denial is the way we handle what we cannot handle.”

    You just helped me realize something significant, Cherie. The worst of the bullies will never stop, until someone stops them. They will keep moving from victim to victim, playing their sick game. This is why it’s important to stand up to them. And the sooner the better.

    Thank you, and God Bless.

  5. I tell you one that drives me insane and I say this as a person of faith. It is when professed Christians will bully others with constant hurtful comments, mean comments and claim attacking others is speaking up for Jesus. Jesus was about love and he said “Ye without sin cast the first stone.” But even when he showed anger and correction it was out of love and Godly anger not human anger and meanness. Yet and I hate to say this but some of the biggest bullies and meanest people I have ever met are Christians and that hurts me because my faith means everything.

    • I totally understand and I’ve seen this first hand. Many of my classmates claimed to be “Christians” and they were the same people who treated me the worst. Even today, they would claim that they were justified in treating me the way they did back then because, in their words, “she was a sinner and needed to be punished.” Or they would say, “I believe she was possessed by a demon and we didn’t want her among us.” They are even worse as adults because when I wrote and published my memoir about the bullying, I got a lot of really nasty and threatening messages- threats of physical violence, a couple even sent me death threats. It was pitiful. They were pathetic about it. It’s sad. But…there are many so-called Christians who are only hypocrites. Always remember that. Don’t let people like these interfere with your faith.

  6. Too sensitive, drama queen, too hard on them, need to accept people for who they are, inflexible, hard to love and get along with… all things I have heard when I have stood up to bullying and/or manipulation. Thanks for confirming what I already knew 😉 🙂

  7. I’ve heard for 46 years just don’t pay any attention to them. So I’ve been trying to leave comments for years and to stupid to figure out website maybe I I’m sending this to you.

  8. Girlfriend, you nailed it once again, but why should I be surprised? You raise valid points with the research and experience to back it up! 👍🏼 So proud of you Cherie! 🤗💖😊 Continue teaching and enlightening us on methods to counteract these bully’s vicious attacks! 🤜🏼🤛🏼

    Peace and blessings D.J. Cherie!!! 🎶😍🎵

  9. I have heard many parents complain, over the years, about bullying not being dealt with. So much for the lip service of so many school boards about anti-bullying.

    • Absolutely, Mark! 💯 This has been true of school boards for decades. School officials are elected officials- politicians. That tells you everything you need to know.

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