When Fighting Is The Only Alternative You Have

Many times throughout my life, I’ve heard people preach against fighting- and yes, even in self-defense. When I was being bullied- even physically so, I was often told by teachers and even the bullies themselves, “Violence doesn’t solve anything.”  Or, my personal favorite, “fighting isn’t lady-like.”

I’ve got news for these people- neither is getting your face beat in every day.

Be that as it may, fighting back was better than just standing there and taking the beatings. When you’re a target of bullying and you decide to stand up for yourself, there will be people who will climb up on their soapbox and insert their two cents where it doesn’t belong, telling you that “violence doesn’t solve anything,” and that “you shouldn’t stoop to their (the bullies’) level.”

You’ve heard the term, “All up in your Kool-Aid, and don’t know the flavor.” Yep! That’s where they’ll will be when you get enough of bullying and decide once and for all to take care of business.

However, what else do you do if you’re a kid at school getting their brains beat out every other day? Just stand there and allow yourself to be harmed over and over again?

All the time, targets get suspended or expelled from school when they finally defend themselves against a bully. After six months, eight months, two years, or even five years of being mercilessly bullied and trying to handle it through nonviolent means, only to be called a wuss and beat up more, the target finally gets fed up and beats the living crap out of a bully.

Now everyone’s surprised and outraged! Not at the bully, but at the target! But where was their outrage when the target was getting their body pummeled without provocation? Where was their outrage when the shoe was on the other foot? Where was their humanity when the target cried out for help?

If you’re in school and you’re a target of bully. These questions are those you should ask the school authorities, bystanders, and anyone who gets offended by your defending yourself. Know that you’re just as good as the next person. Know that you have the same rights as anyone else- including your bullies. And know that you have the right to defend yourself anytime you’re threatened with physical harm.

Understand that this is a part of self-care. It’s true that fighting isn’t always the answer but sometimes, bullies will leave you no other choice.

So, if you’ve tried everything else, know that you must do what you must to keep yourself safe. And if it means putting up your dukes and getting froggy, so be it.

It’s sad when a target must fight all the time to keep themselves from being harmed but I don’t hold it against anyone who fights back under those circumstances because you have to take care of yourself or no one else will.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

68 thoughts on “When Fighting Is The Only Alternative You Have

  1. Girlfriend, I had to roll over and laugh my butt off on this post. One of the first things I thought about was in the movie Water Boy where he said, “Is this what you call opening up a can of whip ass is? I lost it! 😂😜🤣 Sometimes, you just have to go all Popeye the Sailor man on them. That’s what I had to do in 7th grade and I never had a problem with that girl ever again! She jumped me and I didn’t run as she probably thought I would have. Just saying…I didn’t save my can of Whoop Ass. Plus, I had backup cans in storage, you know, in the event of an emergency!!! LMAO 😝🤦🏽‍♀️😆

    • Girlll! 😂🤣😂🤣You did the right thing! Sometimes bullies don’t understand nonviolent means so you have to speak to them in the only language they understand- force and power! And I love your story about fighting back! I wish I could’ve seen that! The girl never messed with you again so you got your point across! 🥊💥🥊💥🥊💥

      • And you know it. What is it that they say when you’ve backed a dog into a corner until they get tired…they come out of that corner charging, biting with larger-than-life teeth! 🐕 That’s when you no longer back off, you get the hell out of the way, because you will get bitten. Hear that bullies? 😜🙀🤭

  2. totally agree! Something similar happened to me when I was a teenager, they harassed me and hit me until the day I confronted them, we had a fistfight and from that day on they never bothered me again. The only downside was that I had a black eye, but it healed up in no time.
    We have to dare to face what scares us!

    • Good on you for putting the smack down on that bully! 💥🥊🏆And you’re right, physical wounds heal quickly, but emotional wounds can last a lifetime if you don’t stand up for yourself.

  3. I couldn’t agree with you more. Bullies, adult or child/teen, are projecting their own insecurities on others. They need to feel big and important and most of all they need to be noticed. Sometimes, a BIG can of Whoop Ass is what it takes.

    • You’re absolutely right, Susan! 💯💯💯Because bullies only understand strength and force, they don’t understand peaceful solutions. So, sometimes, you have to give it to them in the only language they understand.

      • I’m 65 years of age and am currently being bullied by my 30-something male neighbor and hos buddy across the street. With age comes a degree of wisdom. Its difficult to find any recourse where I live as we only have statutes/laws in place for the bullying of children in schools. However, I refuse to stop until I find someone who will listen. I’m not gonna take bullying at my age. They’ve messed with the wrong Irishwoman.

        • My heart goes out to you, Susan. The best way to beat bullies of this nature is to practice self-care- live your life as confidently and happily as you possibly can. Create positive relationships and moments for yourself. Invite your family and friends to a backyard barbecue or get-together. Exercise and eat healthy. Focus on you and your goals. Live life to the fullest, sweetie! It will drive your bullies insane!

          And if they say anything to you, just scoff, roll your eyes, chuckle, and walk on. Because bullies really do act out of ignorance and stupidity.

          • You are spot on. I do not speak, look in their direction or acknowledge them in any form or fashion. One thing that drives them nuts is the fact that I have security cameras around my home on the exterior. Its hilarious.

        • They messed with a wrong women indeed…take them on and show them that when you 65 years you not old but only wise BEAT THEM! BEAT THEM 😅🤣 but I’m not encouraging any violence behavior.

  4. 💕Bible in the right hand and a weapon in the left!! 😂 God sent Nehemiah back to Judah ‘armed’ to Rebuild the wall- and not to be Bullied!!
    -Those who built the wall and those who bore burdens loaded themselves so that everyone worked with one hand and held a weapon with the other hand, (Nehemiah 4:17)

    • Awesome story! I remember hearing it on several occasions and it’s a strong message! Thank you so much! Even God-fearing people had to fight back in the Bible days!

  5. Bulling has been around since the stone age. I was a victim of such back in the 1970’s. One day a friend gave me a heads up that a couple of bullies were waiting for me out side school. I thanked him, then took a baseball bat from my locker and went out the front entrance.

    Sure enough two mean kids were waiting for me with a small crowd looking to see a one sided fight. When they saw me raise the bat they laughed and tried to take it. I swung wild and hard aiming for heads. They backed off as I slowly walked 8 blocks home, with them across the street for half the distance swearing and calling me names, but I made it home without further incident.

    I kept my friend the bat with me for a week or so, until the interest in me left and they focused on someone else. I made it home that day because I had enough and fought back. The problem I see NOW that I didn’t at the time is I DIDNT TELL ANYONE WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH. Don’t kept bullying to yourself, even if it seems no one cares before you attempted to handle it yourself. Violence is wrong, by you or them. And weapons’ can be taken from you, as almost happened to me.

    My bullies went away because they saw I had enough, and planned on doing something. First step tell. Don’t go it alone. We have tech at our disposal today. Record the bully’s threats. Capturing the bully on audio or video and telling teachers will add credibility to your plight. Id rather be a rat than go home beat up everyday.

    Change your behavior. Don’t look scared to attend classes. You have the right to a good education as well as the idiot bully. Empower yourself and look like you belong, because you do. Adults will have to take you seriously when you tell them about that bully, or get in trouble themselves.

    • You hit the nail on the head with everything you mentioned here, Darnell. And you did right with the bat and it worked. They left you alone. You spoke to them in the only language they understood- force and might, and they got the message loud and clear when you finally get sick and tired of their BS. I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself.

      And you’re so right on another thing. You should always tell someone if you’re being bullied. Speak out about it. Because, as you said, better to be a rat than to go home with your butt kicked every day. You have my utmost respect and I’m proud of you! 🤗🤗🤗

  6. The post-bullied era for me anyway, is the mental damage left behind. PTSD (CPTSD) has prepped me, as an adult, to beat the shite, out of anyone slightly showing a bullying stance toward me, or those I care about. Is it good? It’s it bad? I would advise bullies to think twice… 🤨

  7. Let me begin by saying I don’t think any of us are advocating violence but sometimes you have to be willing. So many bullies get their perceived power from others being scared of them thinking they will get their butt whipped. Well not always. I have seen timid small introverts have enough and go ape on a bully and wear them out. Never underestimate anyone and you know what? Sometimes it is worth getting a few licks in win or lose. Because as crazy as this seems and no one likes losing a fight but if you stand up to a bully win or lose they often will leave you alone or sometimes back down because if they lose then their reputation is gone. I will also say something very controversial here but I am not limited to fighting just other girls but I will fight a guy too and have won a few times. And to be fair if a girl keeps pounding on a guy I do think he or anyone has the right to self-defense as long as that is all it is. Have I ever liked getting in a fight? No Am I wiling and have I taught my kids to fight if necessary? Yep.

    • I totally agree on all points! I’ve personally witnessed targets snapping on bullies and beating the crap out of them and have even done so myself a few times because they had me backed in a corner. Also, I’ve witnessed women/girls hitting man/boys. And these types of females do this because they know that if the male defends themselves, then they can play the damsel in distress card and get the poor guy in all sorts of trouble- arrested, suspended, fired, etc. I believe that when a female does this repeatedly to a male, she automatically puts herself in a man’s place and deserves to get socked in the nose or, if she’sa small amd weak woman, she should at the very least, be restrained. That’s my position here. You wouldn’t poke a bear, so you shouldn’t provoke a man by hitting him. Only in self defense should you hit anyone, be they a man or a woman. And you should always teach your children to stand up for themselves, even physically if necessary! You’re absolutely right on everything you said here! 💯💯💯

      • Absolutely and don’t get me wrong. I love chivalry and I love non-violent resolution but when someone puts their hands on you or you on them it is a choice and with action comes consequence. I wish we lived in a peaceful society very much but unfortunately we don’t. And fighting back a few times will often prevent you from having to do it again. It isn’t just bullying but even with siblings too. Sometimes big brother or sister think they rule the roost until little brother or sister has enough. You just can’t allow people to walk over you and walking away is sometimes an option but if you go to school with a bully or work with them walking away is not always an option.

        • Right on! 💯 One good fight can prevent years of bullying! And sometimes they won’t let you walk away and that’s when it’s time to throw up those fists amd duke it out!

  8. I understand but don’t agree. I practise non-violence for my own health and sanity. Not that anyone else has to…hugs till you drop 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

  9. If there is no other means and you’re survival depends on it, then fight like a wildcat and use any means possible. One thing I learned too late in life, there are no rules to fighting. However, there are many bullies out there who think ‘Might makes Right’ but they are wrong.

  10. Boom! This is such an important discussion because you hit on something big and that’s physical intimidation. Let’s be honest, that belief whether true or not a bully has regarding the fact they think they can physically take someone does play into it. I can remember in school and I am not mocking him at all but there was a guy who was two or three years older. He had failed a couple of grades and even though he was older still wasn’t a strong student. I don’t know if he didn’t care, had a learning disability or what but you know how people are. You would think having failed twice he might be a target but he was big and strong, so no one would mess with him. In hindsight he was actually friendly and I don’t remember him threatening anyone but he was the guy you wanted on your team because he was a powerhouse. I share that only because that stuff matters to some. Bullies use that physical threat because they think you are too passive or weak to ever fight them and if they don’t have a conscience about going to the office or whatever, what do you do? Sometimes physically defending yourself is what is takes and if you happen to win you are done. I always think of cats. They arch their backs as signs of intimidation against other cats and predators. Often the predator or other cat will take off unless it is on their turf. I have seen cats when they are defending their home front often develop a backbone. Humans can be like that. Another poster mentioned this but have you ever seen or heard about little brother or little sister finally have enough of their older sibling and give them a fat lip? The dynamics totally change. And often times a bully will bully more than one person. They will bully a group of people and everyone is hoping one day someone is going to stand up to them. If you are the one who does it, you actually can help yourself.

    • Love this! Thank you for giving me a good laugh! Yes! I’ve definitely heard of the younger sibling getting fed up and giving the older one a good sock in the nose! And yes, the dynamic totally changed! And it’s hilarious to watch happen!

  11. Let me also say I agree with those of you that say you have to be willing to stand up to anyone, male or female, bigger, etc. If you choose to stand up for yourself you have to be all in. You can’t just decide you are going to be a fighter only in cases you think you are guaranteed to win or you can easily become the bully. You need to be the type of person where people know he/she doesn’t back down to anyone. I have seen some bad dudes and bad dudettes which are the nicest people in the world but can handle themselves if forced.

  12. Oh man, this article reminds me of the time in 7th grade — where I was the tormented soul, bullied by all the girls and half the boys. We went to an assembly where SU football players gave an anti-drugs lecture, yadda yadda. After the talk, they gave out autographs. This one kid who bullied TF outta me stole my autograph. I beat the tar outta him! For a week, my classmates respected me, even nicknamed me “Mike Tyson.” I have no regrets, even though I have not hit anyone since that year.

  13. Wonderful post. My son#1 was picked on as a 3rd grader by a 5th grade boy. That kid had no idea what he was getting himself into when he slapped my son. It took 2 teachers to pull my son off him. That one incident created a reputation that preceded him in middle school and HS. He was never bullied after that on incident…

  14. As I wrote to you, the sports club was a safe environment for me. I was accepted and not bullied. So it was a shock to me , really years later, that this was not the case for everyone. That sport is not fun for everyone is what I wrote my book about. For me high school was a hell. I came from a different part of the country, loved studying and that was reason enough to bully me, exclude me, beat me up physically. I even had dogs chasing me a few times that also bit me. It only stopped after they were waiting for me in a park. It was after school. I couldn’t go anywhere. All I could do, at that point was fight back and that’s what I did. It was intense and after I had done this I fled, back to school and there I hid in the toilet. The bullying subsided after that, but I really struggled with this because I too was always told that violence would not solve anything, that I had to talk about it and really, I did this for a long time but somewhere there was a limit.

    • My heart goes out to you, Bert. I know exactly what that feels like because I went through the same. I’m proud of you for sticking up for yourself. You can only be pushed so far and sometimes you must fight like your life depends on it.

      • It seems people develop nonviolence as a moral reaction – maybe a way of differentiating themselves from people and experiences they found unpleasant. Here accepting the unpleasantness works out and leads us to growth.

        • Exactly! Many are trained out to defend themselves and that’s why we have so many whiner bullied. Self-defense is seen as a moral downfall but it isn’t. It’s a virtue and the way to stay safe and keep oneself from becoming a target.

      • I want to make an addition to what I shared earlier about my male neighbor bullying me. I saw this today and am still laughing. Sometimes, those of us that are experiencing bullying have to dig deep to find out sense of humor. So here goes: My 30 something male neighbor has been bullying me for 2 1/2 years. At the suggestion of 2 police officers a week ago, I placed “No Trespassing” signs on my lawn. The law states that this is legal and that these signs have to be in conspicuous places. So I followed that to the letter. Today, I noticed a sign in his yard facing my house that says “My neighbor is a Karen.” You have to see the humor in this. Honestly, this made my day. I have enjoyed the laughter and humor.

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