Attention fellow bloggers and readers. There is something going on with WordPress. I cannot like posts now and this has gone on for several hours. Also, WordPress won’t let me follow new blogs that I like, this has been going on for two and a half weeks. I don’t know what is going on. I’ve already contacted support and they’ve provided no solutions as of yet.
Please be patient while I continue to try and solve this issue. And know that I’m not ignoring any of your posts. Have any of you had these issues? If so, what did you do about it?
Have you ever had people seemingly mistake your confidence for conceit? Or worse, get offended by it? And you knew it but never understood why? Heaven forbid you actually have even a minuscule amount of self-esteem and take pride in your accomplishments.
Sadly, we live in a world that’s insecure, self-conscious, and unhappy and there will be people who resent your spirit and your happiness. There are environments that are very toxic and the toxic people within them have an intense hatred of those who are cheerful and have a strong sense of self.
Bullies are such people. But realize that, though they’d tell you differently, bullies aren’t happy people. They can’t be because anyone who’s truly happy wouldn’t try to make others feel lousy.
Moreover, they wouldn’t resent the happiness, confidence, or successes of others.
I’ve dealt with these types of people- people who resented my confidence, which was confidence that I’d worked hard to rebuild. I saw it written all over their faces- the scowls, how their eyes would narrow and turn into slits and brows would furrow anytime they saw a smile on mine or anyone else’s face. I can just imagine what they were thinking: “The nerve!”
I’ve even heard the disdainful remarks:
“She thinks too highly of herself and needs to be brought down a notch or two!”
“He’s an arrogant jerk!”
“She’s so uppity!”
“He loves himself too much!”
“She needs to bring herself down to earth with the rest of us!”
I could go on and on.
Many people act as if being confident and loving yourself is wrong. The message you get is that it’s “selfish,” and that you need to climb down off your high horse, or you’re too big for your britches. They try to make you think that having pride in yourself is something to be ashamed of. ”How dehhhhh you!”
Bullies tend to think that if a person has confidence and high self-esteem, he is pompous and sanctimonious- he’s the worst person in the world. In their minds, it’s horrible to have even a modicum of self-value and to believe in yourself. “Who do you think you are!”
As much as I hate to admit it, back when I was young and had self-esteem issues, I said the same thing about the same people. And do you know what else? I’ve since realized that I was wrong for it and that it was said out of pure stupidity.
So, I want you to know that, if you have the audacity to like yourself, there will be those who’ll try to tear you down for it. They will attempt to make you feel ashamed of it. Some will even punish you for it. But realize that these people aren’t happy, nor confident and they’re jealous of you because you are. Your bullies and others are bitter toward you because you have something they don’t have. And because they think they can’t have it, they want to take it from the people who do.
So, go for it! Be happy! Be confident! Believe in and love yourself! Treat yourself well whether anyone else likes it! And never let them take it away!
Don’t worry about the people around you. Know that how they act says nothing about you but everything about them. Their actions only expose them as the miserable, sorry pieces of crap they are. So, dig in those heels and double down on your positive sense of self.
Do everything you can to hold on to your joy and self-belief, and let the haters stew in their own juices.
Here’s a list of several things you can do to rip the mask off and keep yourself safe.
1. Know your enemy.
How you do this is to stand back and always OBSERVE the people around you, but without looking like you are watching them. Pay close attention to body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. I can’t stress enough the importance of this. This is how you find out who the trouble makers are.
If you see another student or coworker gossip and make trouble for others, you can be sure that in time, they will do the same to you. This is how I now know who to avoid at all costs. However, be advised that avoidance will not work if you have a determined bully after you. If a person wants to get to you badly enough, they will seek you out until they find you.
2. Document everything!
As it has been said, “if it isn’t documented, it never happened”. Keep a journal and write down everything. I did this in junior high and high school just in case one of my bullies either hurt me bad enough to hospitalize me or worse…killed me.
You must write down the names of your bullies, the names of any bystanders or authority (teachers, principal, or any member of authority) present at the time the altercation took place, the date, time, place it happened, what happened and if possible, why it happened. Also, record what is said and by whom. Document every… single… detail!!
3. Do not reveal any information about yourself that you would not want to be told to anyone.
Including your friends! If you do, you’re asking for trouble because if you are the target of a bully, you can be sure that your bullies will, at some point, either try to pry information about you out of your friends or they will turn your friends against you altogether.
4. Keep a low profile.
Don’t do anything that may draw attention to yourself. And stay away from places the bullies may gather. Think, “Out of sight, out of mind.” Just don’t make it obvious to your bullies that you are ducking and dodging them. I avoided several confrontations by simply laying low.
5. Save any threatening texts, emails, and/or voice mails for evidence.
And if possible, set your cellphone to record during any altercation brought on by a bully, provided it is hidden in your pocket. You certainly do not want the bully to know what you are doing. keep your composure and be sure not to tarnish the recording by yelling or using foul language.
Schools are now becoming more aware of the issue of bullying. If you happen not to have a cellphone, keep a digital recorder handy (if possible) and be ready to record as soon as the torment starts.
6. NEVER brag about any evidence you have against a bully.
Not even to your best friend…PERIOD! Again, bullies have a knack for prying information out of people, even your friends. They can also turn your friends against you, making them more than happy to volunteer the information. Don’t do it! Anytime you are a target of bullies, you are in no position to trust anyone!
7. Call the bully out in front of an audience.
This is risky and could bring retaliation. However, the bully will also know that you are on to him/her and you just might intimidate them enough that they will leave you alone. It happened for me on a few occasions.
But keep in mind that this doesn’t happen for everyone. Calling the bully out in front of people can also humiliate the bully and make that person more determined to get you. So access the bully’s personality and the situation carefully before you decide to do this.
We make it a point never to forget- to always remember the many serviceman and servicewomen who gave the ultimate sacrifice for this great nation! Giving Honor and Remembrance to all our fallen heroes!
Happy Memorial Day to all my blogger friends and readers!
Targets are naturally resistant to bullies. They may give in at the moment and for a little while to stay safe, but eventually, they find a way to rebel and break free. And they do it either fighting or fleeing and escape. No one likes to be controlled. Therefore, bullies face resistance from others all their lives, whether that resistance is passive, aggressive, or both.
It’s only natural that we push against someone who makes us out to be someone we’re not. As bullies must fight harder and harder to maintain control of their targets and tighten their grip, the weight of their own lies and manipulations gets heavier on their shoulders. And bullies must consistently search for better ways to cover their lies and keep their targets silent and subdued.
In other words, bullies get by only on appearances. The facades they maintain and fronts they put on are only illusions and mirages. So, they have no leg to stand on, and the constant threat of being exposed weighs heavily on them. The lives of bullies are filled with smoldering hot spots that threaten to blaze again, and they are forever running around pouring buckets of water on these hotspots to make sure they don’t ignite.
Bullies have an insatiable need to be A-1 best, or, at least, give that impression. They must continuously struggle to maintain control of everyone and everything, and that’s not easy.
Once a bully justifies wrongdoing, they must then obtain agreement from others. How else can they avoid accountability and feel good about themselves when they’re living a make-believe world of lies, fabrications, and confabulations?
And when a bully seeks agreement from any outside source against a target, their insecurity is (or should be) even more apparent.
But sadly, most people can’t see clear enough to recognize it because they’re too fearful. Understand that emotions, such as intense fear, anger, or upset, renders people unable to think clearly and blinds them to subtle signs, evidence, subtexts, and contradictions they’d otherwise see.
In that critical moment, a person encounters a bully; he must keep his head straight and realize that the bully is the fearful one. That is not easy to do. When faced with a threatening situation, it’s hard to think because your logical mind shuts down, and the primal brain takes center stage.
Still, bullies must work the hardest to cover themselves, and they’re angry, resentful, and bitter because they don’t understand why it is that they have to fight so hard and so consistently.
Bullies are always banging their heads against the brick wall of life because they’re against healthy exchanges of information and ideas. Bullies are also closed to any new ideas and information. They’re resistant to responsibility and teamwork. They don’t respect anyone unless it’s beneficial to them.
You’ve got to pity people such as these because one can only imagine what a difficult life they must lead. It’s hard to hate someone who lives such a pitiful existence.
Many other targets may get offended at me for choosing to pity bullies. But look at it like this, wouldn’t you rather be hated than pitied? I know I would. At least there’s dignity in being hated.
So, if you’re a target of bullying, know that you’re much better off than your bullies are, although it may not seem like it. Take comfort in it.
Through the years, I’ve witnessed the suffering of many wives whose husbands left them for a “side chick.” I’ve also overheard these mistresses brag about wrecking marriages and breaking up a family.
Many of these lowlife women will add insult to injury by harassing the wife and attacking her ability to keep her husband satisfied. They’ll unashamedly and loudly boast that men cheat on their wives and girlfriends with girls like them. Yes, many of these women will continue to be catty and bully the wife. But! There’s a lot that these home-wrecking little she-bullies don’t think about.
And if you’re one of these bullied wives or girlfriends, here are a few things I want you to realize. And you just might feel some justice:
1.With these evil women, it’s not about love, it’s really about power.
Many of these women will get their thrills simply from the fact they destroyed someone else’s happy home. Understand that it isn’t about any love they have for the man, it’s about the power rush they get from taking him. Realize that this is, more than likely, the only power they have.
2. If he’ll cheat on his wife, he’ll cheat on the mistress eventually.
Yep! My grandmother told me when I was a teen, when a neighbor down the street cheated on his wife and it was discovered. She said, “If a man will cheat on his wife or girlfriend, he’ll cheat on you too later on.” I never forgot that little nugget of truth. Sadly, the girls who brag about wrecking other people’s marriages never think about this.
3. They will never be able to trust the man.
Even if they succeed in getting the man to marry them, these women will never be able to trust them. This goes back to number two. He cheated on his wife. So, who’s to say he won’t cheat on her too?
In the back of her mind, the mistress and now, new wife, already knows this. This is why she’ll always be suspicious of other women. She’ll be constantly checking his phone, his social media. She’ll forever be feeling paranoid that another woman just might do the same to her that she did to the first wife.
And, you know what? It’s exactly what happens. He usually does end up cheating on her too!
4. By dating a married man, they end up playing second fiddle.
Ouch! ‘Doesn’t feel too good, does it? But that’s the reality. When a woman dates someone else’s husband, she picks up his wife’s sloppy seconds. In that, she sets herself up to be last choice in a man’s life. She settles from the crumbs under the table rather than the full meal at the table. Pathetic, isn’t it?
5. The cheating husband won’t leave his wife.
The mistress ends up wasting many years courting a man who doesn’t value her. Instead of finding a man of her own, who would love her, she settles for a man who uses her like a rag. In many cases, the cheating husbands often discard the mistresses to go back to their wives. And the mistress ends up not only devastated, but also looking and feeling like a total fool, which is exactly what she deserves.
6. When a woman dates someone else’s husband, it really means that she doesn’t think she can ever find one of her own.
It means that she’s jealous of the marriage and of the wife. In that, she makes herself inferior to the wife regardless of whether she succeeded in destroying the marriage. Here’s what you should ask yourself. Are these women even on the wife’s level? Trust me when I say that the wife is on a much higher level than the mistress even will be.
But wait! Here’s the real kicker: Most females wouldn’t even think about wearing under woman’s underwear but if a girl sleeps with another woman’s husband or boyfriend, she might as well be. Ewww!
There’s no dignity in being a side chick. If you’re a wife who’s been left and is now being bullied by your husband’s side-chick or new girlfriend, realize that the other woman may think she’s won, but she’s only reduced herself to the lowest common denominator. She has cheapened herself. She’s eating your leftovers. And she’s either settling for last place, or for a man she can never trust. It sure sucks to be her, doesn’t it?