The Value of a Wedding Band

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Too many women these days don’t value themselves like they should, especially women who have suffered past bullying and abuse. And many predatory men will take advantage. Take it from someone who made that mistake when she was young and naive. Shacking up isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.

A woman who prefers marriage over living together knows her value and isn’t afraid of making it clear what she wants out of life. She is confident and a man who is worth her time will respect her and be willing to commit his life to her and make her his wife.

In no way am I telling people how to live. If you’d rather live together than to be married, then that’s your business and I won’t judge you for it. And there are couples who live together and eventually marry but that’s a rare occurrence these days.

Look at the underliers here and know that you’re worthy of so much more.

If a man wants you to live with him but doesn’t want to marry, how much does he actually think of you? Really think about it.

He expects you to cook, clean, and go to bed with him every night, and yet, he doesn’t think enough of you to make it official? Remember that you teach people how to treat you by what you accept. Seriously, don’t you think you deserve better?

Don’t be like the woman in the video!

Reasons why marriage is so much better than shacking up:

1. There’s much more security.

Marriage is more legally binding than living together ever will be. Understand that people who marry make much more of a commitment to their partners than those who only live together.

2. There are higher levels of trust between partners.

The average couple who is married trusts each other more than the average couple who lives together outside marriage.

I know that many will counter me with statistics of a high divorce rate. However, this should not deter you from getting married if that’s what you want.

When my husband and I were dating and the subject came up, I made it absolutely clear that the only man I would even consider living with would be the man I married. I knew what I wanted, and I didn’t fear speaking up about it. And, you know what? Mike loved and respected me for it. He thought a lot more of me, and eventually, he asked me to marry him. And the real kicker is that the first few times he asked, I said no because I wasn’t ready yet.

But he never gave up and eventually, I said yes.

Know your value. You are not free neither are you cheap.

There’s an old saying that was popular when I was growing up and it pertained to the attitudes of those who didn’t want the responsibility of marriage but wanted the perks of it:

“Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”

Nothing is free. There’s always a price in some way, shape, or form.

If I perform the duties of a wife, then I’m damn sure going to have the title. If I’m going to wash some guy’s dirty underwear, clip his toenails, or wash his funky feet when he’s sick and cannot do it himself, you can believe I’m going to do it with a marriage certificate and a wedding band.

When two people are truly in love, the chances are high that they will marry.

Realize that you have value. If you want marriage and your boyfriend doesn’t want to step up to the plate after you’re together for a few years, then let him go. It won’t be easy, but don’t be afraid to walk away if your guy isn’t emotionally mature enough for marriage. Then you can make room for a man who deserves you. Trust me when I say that you deserve to be a wife, not a forever girlfriend.

Love yourself enough to walk away from a man of low quality. Value yourself enough to wait for a high-quality man who deserves you and who wants your hand in marriage. You’re worth it, don’t you think?

Benefits Of Marriage: 23 Advantages That Prove Matrimony Is Bliss

https://www.thelist.com/41041/surprising-benefits-married/

69 thoughts on “The Value of a Wedding Band

      • Am with you, Cherie!

        My hubby had been married before and was not keen to venture into it again- but I have had friends who carried on with married people, friends who lived together and friends who cheated while in a “flexible” living arrangement. Their way of having a relationship did not bode well FOR ME. I am loyal and I need loyalty in my family, friends and partner- so committing to a marriage was the only way FOR ME- my hubby wanted to just live together. I grew up in an absuive home and had trust issues, but knew that people who have good self-esteem are worthy of so much, that I decided to get the same resepect. So when I asked him to marry me- to prove to him I truly wanted to be with him, I insisted that we would not marry until he asked me ( he was on his knees the very next day) then we read about the Love Languages, took a generic marriage course through some book, reflected on what we wanted out of each other and our marriage and 8 months later we eloped. 33 years later we are still married despite some so-called friends and acquaintances taking bets that we would not last more than 4 months lets alone 4 years! But I believe in marriage (even though my parents did not have a great one- my mom was a Narcisssist-) and maybe it is that belief that helps us last. We recommit! I am blessed to have a trusting and loving partner. What we have it is not disposable and easily replaceable- we have respect, admiration, HISTORY and a desire to make it last. It isn’t a simple passing fancy or Hollywood fad that can be followed, shared or exploited on Facebook orTikTok.

        • Oh, my goodness, Kim! Sweetie I am sooo happy for you and your husband! I’m so proud of you for being clear with what you wanted and not settling for anything less! I’m just sorry for not reading this 7 hours ago. I haven’t been feeling well today. But you are an inspiration! You know that? You really are! I so enjoyed reading your comment and knowing the story of how you and your husband got together and made it to the alter! And I wish you both another 33 beautiful years, sweetie…and then some! Sending you lots of love and well-wishes! πŸ’–πŸ’žπŸ˜πŸ₯°πŸ’–πŸ’žπŸ˜πŸ₯°

          • Thank you- heading for 40!! We are just taking it day by day for the most part.

            I had another response, but began responding to another comment and I guess it was lost.

            Catch you another day! I hope you feel heaps and heaps better!!

          • Thank you so much, sweetie. And I just replied to the other comment right before I got to this one. I’ve been doing yard work today so I’m responding a lot later than I normally do. Know that there will be days I may not respond right away but I will see your comment and respond. I’ll never ignore a sincere comment. Sending lots of love, sweetie! And congratulations on your 40 years- wishing you and hubby many more better years together! πŸ’–πŸ’πŸŒΉπŸ¦‹πŸ’žπŸ€—

      • Thank you so much, Fancya! What I found out is that it comes down to being happy with yourself and knowing that you’re a whole woman, whether your coupled or single. When I met Mike, I was enjoying my singleness and wasn’t looking for anyone. It’s more about state of mind than anything else. And this is what was hard for me to understand when I was young. But, once it clicked, everything fell into place. πŸ’–πŸŒž

  1. I know at least two couples who married after living together for a number of years. Both divorced within two years of marriage. Both men went out and had affairs. Both men were the ones wanting marriage. Absolutely baffling to me!

  2. Your site crashed again 5 mins ago. It’s plugins need up dating do not shift to org yet
    Go to your plug-in section and look at all plugins. Update any note the word update. Then go to your admin ” Health” press the button your site will take a minute to load. Up will show you what needs attention. Send me a screen shoot of all the suggested fixes. After you send me that screen shot I will tell you the next step. People will see be able to see comment on you block while this is working. I cannot help you if you change to org. I am a Beta tester for. Com only. My blog is a registered beta Tester πŸ€—πŸŒΏπŸŒΏ

    • Mim,

      Again, thank you so much. Most of my plugins were up to date. I only needed to deactivate one plugin and that was the Feedsy plugin- the plugin I installed right before I started having these issues. I then checked the Health of my site and it came back as “Good.” I sent the screenshots to you in an email if that’s okay.

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  4. The cop out the living together people use to justify it is that if it all goes wrong, there is no legal wrangling to worry about. Hey, ho. I can share another experience though. My wife proposed to me! Of course, I was so flattered that I accepted, the best decision I ever made.

  5. LOL to this day, I don’t recall my husband asking me – we both just knew we were getting married, so began planning the wedding. He was in the Army at the time so tried to schedule leave to ‘come back to Michigan” for the wedding… At the last minute, they cancelled his leave – something about a ‘field problem’ and they couldn’t do without him” Nonsense, right? Well, I’d already given 2 weeks notice to my work and had just about everything packed that we planned to take. He was stationed in Fairbanks, AK, so the plan was to pack his car, which was stored at his folks’ and mine…. When his leave got cancelled, we quickly decided that I’d just drive up there (took a week) and then we’d get married in Alaska. This is why we got married in July instead of April and in Alaska instead of Michigan.
    So far, so good… this July will be our 43rd anniversary.

    • Oooh, my goodness, Jeanne! I love your story of how you too got to the alter! And I thank your husband for his service to this great nation! I grew up an Army brat until I moved to Tennessee, where I was bullied. Being in a military family is something I have great memories of! And the places we got to go to and see! I’ll bet you and your husband traveled a lot too! I’m so happy that you’ve had 43 years of marriage and I wish you both many more beautiful years together! πŸ’–πŸ’žπŸ·πŸΎ

      • We wish you and Mike many, many more happy years, too!
        Unrelated topic, I’m currently reading Penny Kelly’s Getting Well Naturally from the Soil to the Stomach – fantastic book and has a completely different perspective on nutrition/health. Actually, I’m reading this for the 2nd time to make sure I didn’t miss any gem.

  6. Girl, how often have we heard that idiom, β€œWhy buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” You hit the nail on the head, that nothing, absolutely nothing is free. There’s a price that has to be paid, in some form or fashion. What a great relationship and life lesson for today Cherie Baby! πŸ‘©πŸΌβ€πŸ«πŸ˜πŸŒΊπŸ™‡πŸΌβ€β™€οΈπŸ’‹πŸ˜ŠπŸ’–πŸ₯°

    • Thank you so much, Kym! πŸ’–πŸ’πŸŒΉπŸ¦‹ I think you and I have heard it millions of times, girl! πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£ Both my grandmothers were good about using that idiom! They’ve both been dead for years, and I can still hear them say it! Me thinks that idiom will be tatood to our brains forever! πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜œ Love you bunches, sweetness! πŸ˜˜πŸ€—πŸ’‹πŸ˜˜πŸ€—πŸ’‹πŸ˜˜πŸ€—πŸ’‹

  7. I will have to disagree with this. I don’t want to get married. Not the traditional contractual christian marriage. That absolutely doesn’t mean that I don’t value myself lmao quite the actually!! If you believe that a man won’t give you things like security unless your married then babe you are picking the wrong men. Marriage isn’t a fix all. The benefits are purely economic (insurance,taxes etc.) and those can turn on quick. Monogamy is unnatural according to pre-agriculture and anthropologists and human behavioral scientist. Please read, Sex at Dawn, for reference in how our species lived when we were hunters and gatherers. The rate of divorce should tell you how ridiculous it is to believe that marriage will grant you the things you stated. Women getting married 3,4 times how more value for themselves??? Lmao come on.

    • I respect your comment, Kylee. And if you had read all of the post, I specifically mentioned that if you’d rather live together, that’s your business and you’re free to do so. And I agree marriage isn’t a fix-all. I sense offense in the tone of your comment and that’s fine too. Understand that each one of us has different backgrounds, and therefore, different perspectives, beliefs, and opinions- that’s reality. You’re free to have yours and I’m free to have mine. Marriage works for me and it doesn’t mean that a man is the end all be all. Marriage may not work for you and that’s fine and dandy. And, contrary to your implication, I’m a whole woman with or without a husband. I was a widow for 4 years before Mike and I married and I had no problem with that. I’m confident enough in my own individuality and thinking that I don’t have to be sarcastic or insulting to get my point across. I’m me, I’m proud to be me, and I’m always going to be me. And another thing, Kylee, my name is Cherie, not “babe!” I won’t tolerate being called outside my proper name. So, the best thing you can do is to unfollow me now and never show up on my page again. You’re dismissed.

    • Okay, I didn’t read both of your responses before I left a comment but let me respond because I wish I had seen this before! Let me start with Kylee. I agree with Cherie, calling her “Babe” was condescending. Anytime there is a post there is a chance of someone disagreeing and healthy debate is good. For example and I am just trying to be fair, there are times that I find this blog is drifting to the radicalized right. I don’t see both sides being covered fairly at times and I am not crazy about the issue of bullying being politicized BUT it is Cherie’s blog. She does a great job with it and her target audience is the extreme right. She has that right!

      Second Kylee, you threw in Christian marriage which tells me that you have a problem with Christians. Why was that necessary? You could have simply said traditional marriage with is of course between a man and a woman. I, frankly, did not hear a desire for you to debate with Cherie. I heard a desire to argue with her. That’s not cool.

      Now, before you think I am ganging up on you, let me say you I actually agree with you on some points more than Cherie which I addressed in my own post whenever Cherie puts it up that addresses similar issues. I largely agree that marriage is a business arrangement and I do have a problem when people marry because they “want to have something to show for it.” I don’t think women are safer in marriage (or men either for that matter), I don’t think there is more stability and if anything thinking that one should be married when you are a woman is if anything actually showing too much dependency on someone else for one’s livelihood. Marriage is about equal partnership, both should work and contribute financially and around the house (a man should help just like a woman), and have a true equal partnerships. Equal partnerships means equal contribution in all ways but marriage unfortunately is not about that much these days. Kylee, I agree with you on much but don’t agree with your presentation. Peace.

      • Thank you for commenting. But I have to disagree with one part and that’s about the target audience. My target audience is NOT the extreme right, the extreme left, moderate left, moderate right, etc. My target audience are people who are targets of bullying and victims of domestic, sexual, or emotional abuse. They’re also survivors of bullying and abuse, or anyone who knows a target of bullying and abuse. And they come from all sides, from both sexes, all races, all orientations, all nationalities, all creeds. Again, thank you for your input and for your fairness.

        • Cherie, and maybe I am in an argumentative mood but this isn’t true. I have read most, if not all of your blogs and I like many of them. But and I have heard a few other readers mention this through the years and frankly appear to have been ran off but a lot of the posts have become more and more political. I am not bashing that at all. It is your blog, your readership and obviously this is one of the more popular blogs I read and a lot of it is well thought out. But not one time have I ever read about the extreme right being constructively criticized. Not one post has ever been any kind of true criticism or attack on them. I have read what some call Rinos attacked on here and the Extreme left a lot. Once again that is your business, but how can anyone who came in and read these blogs not see the political leanings of the posts. Yes this is an antibullying blog but it is an Extreme right anti-bullying blog and there is a place for that. This is going to come across as an unintended criticism that is not meant how it is going to sound but look at the comments posted. I don’t know if you ignore posts that disagree with you or never receive any but almost all of them agree with you no matter the post and most of the comments are very Extreme right when politics are mentioned. That is not a criticism, I just wonder why you never read anything from the other side. I can answer that. It is because the view is this is an Extreme Right blog. Nothing wrong with that but is it fair to ask why there is a lot of politics in the post mixed with the bullying stuff and it is increasingly. Because that is the way the blog has moved and that is okay. I am just saying the audience is an extreme right audience. Some blogs are extreme left. That’s okay too. I personally am concerned about the serious issue of bullying coming from BOTH sides but would prefer my blog reading unless I am a political site to be neutral. This is a great blog in a ton of ways but hardly neutral. No disrespect intended and if you don’t want me to contribute any more I won’t. I am just sick of politics period, not everything is a Conspiracy Theory in this world and so many people seem to think it is.

          • Thank you. And again, I apologize for taking such a raw tone, I meant no disrespect either. You did give me an idea for a good post though. It will be about how survivors of bullying sometimes get a little defensive, which I admit, I did. It will take a while to handwrite it, type it, polish it, and publish it- but I’ll let you know when it’s posted. 😊😊😊

        • Yes we do indeed come from all sides, Cherie! I like this site because all are welcome here from what I’ve seen in the 4 months I’ve been reading and responding… btw, I cannot respond to all but when I feel moved enough to do so, it is because I heard something I liked or made me think. If it grates my nerves, I usually simply just move on.

          • Thank you so much, Kim! πŸ’– This means a lot. I try to be as inclusive as I can. And I agree with moving on. It’s like watching TV. If a show comes on that I don’t like, I just change the channel. Sadly, when people today see a TV show they don’t like, they don’t change the channel, they try to get it thrown off the air. And that’s wrong.

  8. Respectfully I am nto sure I agree with this one. I think it is a nice Utopian view with marriage. Not all of us are blessed to have been in good marriages. I don’t know if you have ever been divorced before but and this is a rhetorcal question but why not? Were they mean? Abusive? Non supportive? Etc. If so, it is because marriage is not a stable institution. Over 60 percent of all marriages end in divorce. To death do us part? Not at all. And for the first time in the history of the United States, there are less people “marrying age” that are legally married than are not. Why is that? Because marriage for many of us sucked. And I know you are married now but have there been times you seriously thought of leaving? That isn’t a slam on you if it has happened. What I am saying is more power to anyone who can find a good partner but there are slim pickings out there. Yes I would like to meet someone decent but I have zero luck. And it has made me not really want to get married again. I prefer dating around. And in today’s world, I think a lot of us realize at least here in the United States there are plenty of opportunities for women to make it. Back in the old days, you were stuck either living at home or you were judged on who you married. Work options were limited etc so people stayed more. Plus I am going to be honest here. I don’t want to be dependent on someone else and have a “want something to show for it” mindset. It is sort of like owning a house just for example. If we bought a house together and I contributed financially to it and of course helped with the house itself (any partner of mine will share in the duties), then I want my share were something to happen. But if I got married and that person already had a house and something happened to them, I wouldn’t want to live there anymore because I don’t buy this “want something to show for it” mindset if I wasn’t out there working a full-time job, they making all the money, and me not really contributing. I find that more opportunistic than anything. Just because I am married to someone I am not entitled to anything. Just my two cents.

    • Thank you. Yes, I am married and I have a good marriage. And no, I never viewed marriage as “a business proposition.” I didn’t marry for money or house or anything to show so I don’t know where you got that from. I married for love. As to your wondering if I’ve ever been divorced, the answer is yes. I divorced my first husband because of emotional abuse, he liked to manipulate and play mind games and I don’t do games. I married my late husband and he died tragically less than two weeks after we were married. 2 years later, I met Mike and 3 years after that, we were married. At first I didn’t want to get married because I was afraid of the possibility of having to bury another husband. But Mike didn’t give up on me and it’s one of the reasons I fell in love with him.

      I realize that there are those who’ve been in bad marriages and my heart goes out to them. I don’t blame them for not wanting to remarry and I specifically said in my posts that if living together Is what they prefer, that’s fine. However, many of my friends lived with their boyfriends and the guys ended up using them just to have a place to crash and someone to take care of them and that’s not cool. When I was young, I even had a live in boyfriend and all he wanted was someone to make his life easier. That quickly got old and I kicked him out. Marriage is not about “having something to show for it.” It’s about love- true live and commitment. And those are the things I wanted and I don’t apologize for it. I’m me and I’m always going to be me. Thank you for your input. Much appreciated.

      • Cherie, respectfully I don’t know if you are fired up about Kylie’s comments or not but I don’t know single you out or state you were looking for “something to show for it.” I made a general statement that I stick by. I have too many friends that have told me they wanted things like their new husband or wife’s house signed in their name, etc when they didn’t contribute to the buying of a house, land, other property etc. They are not entitled to that. That should go to children, other family, etc first. And I have seen many people get married because of money or other possessions. I don’t say you did that at all and I apologize if you construed it that way.

        I just happen to think the premise of this post is not correct this time. I mean no disrespect to you or to other readers but just because one is married doesn’t mean they aren’t being taken advantage of or gold digging is occurring. Yes there are plenty of men who shack up with women and live off of them. No question about that and there are plenty of women who will shack up with a man that takes care of them which is equally wrong. I don’t do second class citizen and I don’t care if it is a man or woman, it is a partnership, both should work and be strong contributors and I am not talking about anyone in particular.

        This is going to come across as rude which I try never to be a rude person but with all due respect it seems to me that the ones here that reply to stuff or at least get their responses posted I don’t know are the ones that agree with 100 percent of what you say. I agree with you a lot of times but not all the time and I thought that is what dialogue was about as long as it is done in a respectful manner. I was basically accused of taking a personal potshot when that did not inspire and in fact defended you against some of Kylie’s comments so now I take offense.

        • Gotcha. I wasn’t quite clear of what you meant and I’ve had people accuse me of just that and I guess it just hit me wrong. So allow me to apologize.

          And yesss, girl! I’ve heard other women and men say the same thing, they “wanted the husband or wife to sign their house in their name…” and it turned my stomach when I heard it.

          I totally agree with you there. Such lowlife people are out there and they are a force to be reckoned with. And I’ve known many people who did that and they were the lazy type who didn’t work and wanted someone to fall back on. People like that are useless and don’t deserve true love.

          Thank you for defending me. I do appreciate it. And I do apologize because yes, that hit me wrong. I hope you will forgive me. It was a knee-jerk thing.

          Sending you lots of live and well wishes! ❀️

          • No worries at all. I took no defense. I wasn’t commenting on anyone’s specific marriage or lack of marriage because you would have to know that person’s situation. I just think sometimes people will settle simply because they don’t want to be alone, I certainly have. And I am afraid to say this but there in the past were a few times I knew something needed to end but I focused more on the fact that I had more financial security if I was with them than not. That was sorry of me and I learned from it! I just think so many people have a what is in it for me type of mindset. I have known plenty of people who got married because they liked the paycheck that their spouse was bringing home or their spouse bought them a bunch of stuff or their spouse planned to sign the house or car or land over to them when they didn’t actually contribute to the purchasing of it. Put it this way, if I were to remarry and my spouse had their own land, house, etc that were paid off and I didn’t work or anything, I would be entitled to absolutely zero of it and wouldn’t take it. That would go to that person’s kids or family and if I owned property etc going into the marriage, that would go to my kids. I feel strongly about that. I have no use for a man who lives off of a girlfriend./wife and no use for a girlfriend/wife who lives off of her boyfriend/husband. I believe in a relationship where you do for one another, give and take, both work and contribute to the house. As far as this post, I posted my views simply because I think on these issues we don’t need people kissing up to each other. Yes when we agree we should say so, but if a post says something where someone blatantly disagrees that should be voiced and civil conversation ensue with both being willing to listen. That’s how we learn. And I often agree on your takes except for the ones which are politics thinly veiled as bullying issues. Otherwise, I agree more often than not and when I agree I am definitely going to say so!

          • Thank you so much. πŸ€— And I do appreciate your honesty. πŸ’–πŸ’πŸŒΉI admire you for your healthy debate style and I give you my utmost respect. 😊

  9. I am divorcing and I do not plan to re-marry. There is no greater security than being independent.
    At this point I am not even sure I would like to live with someone. I am enjoying my life now way more than in those twenty five years of marriage…

    • I’m so sorry you are divorcing, Jo. But I’m so happy you are an independent lady. Before I married Mike, I was widowed for 5 years and I enjoyed my singleness. In fact, I didn’t accept Mike’s proposal of marriage at first because, 1. My last husband died tragically and I didn’t want the possibility of buying another husband. And 2. I was enjoying being single. And I’ll admit, for the first six months after we married, I did miss being single and being able to come and go as I pleased, although I loved my husband very much. I still love him to the moon and back. But if anything happens, I don’t plan to ever marry again because I’m 51 years old and, as I said earlier, I enjoyed being single. I’m one of those who can be happy married or single.

      Again, my heart goes out to you, divorce is hard because there’sa lot of heartbreak that goes with it, among other things. But independence is one of the best things you can have because it’s so empowering! Bless you, sweetie. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

    • This was exactly my point and I do find it interesting that by looking at the comments this is one of the rare times a lot of people disagree with Cherie (me being one of them). Look I think a good marriage is a great thing but it is something not many have. I would ask anyone (and this isn’t aimed at Cherie) but have you ever thought seriously about leaving at any point, etc? It is because marriage is not a secure institution. Over 60 percent end up in divorce and for the first time in the history of the United States fewer marrying age people are married than not with many choosing to never marry. Times are changing and as Jo stated she doesn’t plan to remarry. She enjoys her independence. I am not saying that works for everyone but marriage doesn’t work for the majority anymore. You can take advantage of someone in marriage just as easy maybe even more so than not being married because when you aren’t married you have an out a whole lot easier than when you are married.

  10. I just want to know, how do you get a man to be so madly in love with you that he keeps on proposing? I wish that were my current predicament so bad 😒😭

    • Well, I didn’t intentionally do it. But, when I look back now, I realize that some of it is attitude. In other words, you have to be happy being single. And you must be yourself and be comfortable in your own skin. You have to love and accept yourself as you are, flaws and all. And never ever chase a man. Let him chase you. Have a hobby that keeps you busy, etc. That will keep you occupied and not “too” available. I know it sounds strange but I learned this the hard way. The minute you stop looking, that’s when it happens.

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