3 More Reasons You Should Write About It

Many targets of bullying don’t speak about the bullying they suffer and for many reasons. They may feel a degree of shame and fear that if they talk about it, others, including their parents, will think that they’re weak. Another reason is that if they speak up about or report the bullying, they might suffer retaliation from the bullies. Or they may fear that no one will believe them. Some targets worry they might be blamed for the abuse they suffer.

1. Writing about the bullying and abuse you suffer helps you to detox.

It’s very important to use writing or other healthy approaches to detoxing some of the negative and painful experiences out of the body. Otherwise it festers and can lead to negative thinking, bad habits, and even lead us to abuse ourselves.

2. Writing about it gives you a voice.

It gives you a chance to be heard. When people target you for bullying, your abusers will use everything in their arsenal to silence you. Understand and by silencing you, they get to bully you freely and with impunity.

3. Writing about the bullying allows you to keep a record of the bullying you suffer.

It gives you evidence ahead of time should you ever have to take the matter to court. When you document the bullying you suffer, using the 5-W (what, who, when, where, why), you are able to establish a clear pattern. Therefore, you will more likely present your case in a more understandable way, rather than if you verbally presented it.

I realize that writing can be tedious at times. It takes a lot of patience to write it down, especially if it’s painful to think about. However, anything worthwhile requires some discomfort and yes, even a little pain.

But the benefits outweigh the sacrifice because writing about it puts you in control!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Townies, Cronies, and Hayseeds II C5.5

Minutes later, the distant sound of a siren faded in. The wail of the siren grew louder and louder until a sheriff’s car, complete with flashing blue lights, pulled into the driveway. An unmarked squad car with a flashing blue emergency light on its dash pulled in behind the sheriff’s car.

Brielle, the girls, and baby sat, all huddled together in the living room on the sofa as the deputies and sheriff’s investigator worked, searching for fingerprints. Grant Lindsay, the investigator, inspected Brielle’s gun, turning it over in his hands.

“Nice piece you got here.” He said, “Glock 9-millimeter pistol. That’ll sure do the job. Where’d you get it?”

“My brother bought it for me for my 20th birthday years ago and even taught me how to shoot it.” Brielle answered.

Grant looked at Brielle and gave her back her firearm, “He must not have taught you very well because you fired three shots at the guy and…you missed.”

“Well, I’m surprised because I aimed right at him. And my brother taught me just fine. The guy just got really lucky- probably had a grandmother out there somewhere praying for his sorry ass.” Brielle said in a voice dripping with disdain.

Aftermath

“You just moved here from California, right?” Grant asked.

“That’s right.” Brielle answered.

“California’s a Liberal state. ‘Got some tough gun laws out there. How is it that you were allowed to keep it?”

“You could keep a gun in your home you just couldn’t carry it anywhere.”

“Well, you’re lucky the break-in happened here instead of in Cali. Because, if it happened there and you shot at the intruder, they might be locking you up right about now. But the good thing about Tennessee is that we have The Castle Doctrine. And you can fire at a criminal as long as he’s in your house.” Grant informed.

“I’m fully aware of that.”

“I see you have three children there. So, you had to move to California to find a husband, huh?” Grant asked.

“Excuse me?” Brielle scoffed, feeling that the cop was beginning to get personal (and insulting) with the game of twenty questions.

The Police Mock Brielle

“Where’s your husband?”

“What does any of this have to do with what just happened tonight?”

“It has everything to do with it. If you took the children and left him, regardless of the reason, he may be here looking for you or he may have sent someone to look for you.” Grant explained.

Brielle was an intelligent woman. She knew that this was a reasonable and legitimate explanation. After all, she’d heard of the millions of cases where abusive husbands did, in fact, travel to other states, even across the country, to hunt down their wives and kids and take revenge. What she didn’t understand, however, was the insulting question before the last, which was clearly a dig at her and so uncalled for. Nevertheless, she felt she had no choice but to answer, as much as she hated it.

“He’s still in California as far as I know.” Brielle told him.

“How do you know that?” Grant asked her.

“I don’t.” Brielle answered.

Brielle is Questioned About Her Estranged Husband

“Can you tell me about your husband? And why you left?”

“He was an abusive man. Abused me and the girls. I got tired of being a prisoner in my own home. So, I took the girls and left while he was at work. I wanted to be free of him and to teach my girls that they don’t have to take abuse from a man. That if they’re ever in a relationship that harms them, they’re always free to walk away and create a better life for themselves.” Brielle said.

“Uh-huh.” Grant grunted as he continued scribbling on his clipboard, “So you leave Thomasville and run into trouble again in California. Thats pretty hilarious. Trouble seems to be waiting for you everywhere you run, don’t it?”

He then handed it to Brielle and gave her the pen. Brielle paused, glaring at Grant

“Read over this report and then sign to verify that everything you say here this morning is true to the best of your knowledge.” He instructed.

Brielle took a minute to read over the report, then signed the document before handing it back to Grant. Suddenly, she heard a familiar voice coming from her front porch.

“My granddaughter lives here, and I want to see if she’s alright.” The voice of Grandma Bennett could be heard telling one of the deputies outside.

Grandma Bennett Arrives

Grandma Bennett came through the door and Brielle stood up as Grandma Bennett walked over to her and hugged her.

“What happened?” She asked in a concerned tone.

“Somebody broke in, Grandma.” Brielle informed her.

Grandma Bennett gasped.

“Oh, Lord, Jesus! Did he take anything? Did he hurt any of you?” Grandma Bennett asked in horror.

“No, Grandma. I fired three shots at him, and he ran.”

I’m in bed sleeping so sound, then I get jolted out of my sleep by a bunch of sirens. I looked out the window to see them headed your way. That’s when I jumped in my clothes and headed right over!”

Grandma Bennett took Brielle in her arms and hugged her tight. Suddenly, Brielle heard another voice. It was Raina coming through the door to check on her. Her sister Kim was with her.

5 Reasons to Document Bullying

Bullying, especially of the psychological and emotional variety, is difficult to prove to people in authority who can help the target. There are several reasons for this:

1. Bullies are Master Seducers (Charmers).

Bullies know how to charm the right people. When the target finally gets fed up and reports the bullying, the bully will often make the target look like the bully. The bully does this by convincingly rationalizing and justifying the behavior. Therefore, the staff is likely to either ignore the targets pleas for help, or blame them.

The bully will also use high marks, excellent grades, and class/work performance to charm and influence those in authority.

Bullies can also use good looks, impeccable dressing, and grooming to seduce others. Called the halo effect, this phenomenon is where those who look the best are the most trusted and respected by others.

2. Bullies are Convincing Liars and Actors.

They have a flair for spreading the most convincing rumors and lies. Bullies do this to convince others not to associate with the target. Therefore, the target loses support and has no one to turn to for help.

Because the victim often reacts out of emotion, the bully puts on a calm and collected demeanor. Therefore, people in authority will almost always side with the bully because of this false coolness the bully displays.

The bully points out the target’s perfectly normal emotional reaction and twists everything to convince everyone of the target’s guilt. He will portray the target as unstable, crazy, overly dramatic, or too sensitive. The bully will also feign victim-hood by bursting into tears. Understand that this is all designed to shift the blame onto the real target. Therefore, the bully wins bystanders and authority over to her side.

The most seasoned bullies are also master wordsmiths who can explain away and rationalize any bad behavior. They can spin a story that is so convincing that teachers and supervisors will find it hard not to believe it. In the end, the target gets the blame, and either those in authority either refuse to discipline the bully, or punish the target instead.

3. Documenting (or Journaling) offers the disgraced target a voice, enabling them to have a say when no one else is listening.

As stated, the target often gets the blame when he/she reports harassment to the people who can help them. By documenting the abuse, the target can tell their side without anyone ignoring or trivializing their experiences.

4. Documenting offers Victims a Legal Record of the Bullying.

If the bully hurts the target badly enough to require medical attention, a plaintiff can use the journal as proof in court. Documentation is admissible in court.

5. Documenting is very cathartic and therapeutic.

It allows the target to express the emotions they could never show any other way. Journals cannot trivialize the target’s experiences, nor can they invalidate her in any way. Journals are also confidential. They cannot go to the bullies nor anyone else and repeat what the target tells them.

These are the reasons you absolutely must document every day about what bullies put you through. When you document, be sure to include who the bullies are (full names and, if necessary, titles and positions). Also, jot down where each incident happened (school locker room, gym, the bathroom at work, etc.). Include the names of any bystanders and teachers/supervisors present. Moreover, write down the exact time and date the incident happened, what happened, and who said or did what. If possible, write down why it happened (was the bully retaliating because you reported prior harassment?). Write down every detail!

If you have tried telling a staff member or your parents about how classmates or coworkers bully you, only for them to silence or blame you- document it. If no one will listen or offer support, you owe it to yourself to create a written record of the bullying and harassment.

You want to document every day to establish a pattern of bullying and abuse. It was how I survived those six long years of being bullied in school. It was the only outlet I had. I can attest to you that if I hadn’t documented everything in my journal every day, I might not be alive today. When I began keeping a written record during the eighth grade, it was freeing, and I felt that I was finally having my say.

So, if you can’t talk about it, write about it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Townies, Cronies, and Hayseeds II C5.4

After dinner, Brielle and Marcelle helped Grandma Bennett clean the kitchen and load the dishes in the dishwasher. Once they were done cleaning the kitchen, Grandma looked at Brielle and noticed something was wrong.

“Brielle, come sit at the table with Grandma,” she gently suggested.

Brielle did as she was told, and Marcelle joined them while the rest of the family gathered in the living room to watch TV.

“Now, what’s bothering you, honey?” Grandma Bennett asked.

“I don’t know about this, Grandma. I just don’t feel right sending my girls to Thomasville schools. I have a real bad feeling about it,” Brielle replied, “The teachers really weren’t very welcoming to us today. And all I heard was gossip and anger about the video coming from some of them and the other parents. But I don’t have any other options. The girls need their education and if there were any private schools or home schools nearby, I’d gladly enroll them there instead.”

Brielle’s Concern

“Wait a minute. There is a home school here. They opened it while you were in California. It’s called Pathway Christian School and they’ve been headquartered here in Thomasville for about a year now. The kids go to school one day a week, which is every Friday for testing. After they test, they get their assignments for the following week to do at home. Also, they allow the kids to go at their own pace and there have been kids who sailed through and graduated a few years earlier than they would have if they’d stayed at Thomasville and Glover County Public Schools,” Marcelle mentioned.

“That’s right,” Grandma Bennett confirmed, “I didn’t think of that. Otherwise, I’d have told you. However, I need to warn you that the parents who have taken their kids out of public school here and enrolled them in Pathway have gotten a lot of heat from the local establishment and so has the home school itself.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Brielle replied.

“That’s true, Brielle,” Marcelle, her mother warned.

Another Option

“Believe me, if I take the girls to Pathways, I’ll do it no matter the pushback I get. And if I find out that my girls are bullied there, that’s exactly what I’ll do, I don’t care who likes it or doesn’t!” Brielle said firmly, “However, since they’re already registered, I’ll see how it goes before I transfer them. Maybe Jane and Olivia will be accepted there.”

Later that night, after a good family visit, Brielle and the girls returned home.

“It’s after ten o’clock, girls. It’s time to get ready for bed.” Brielle told them as she carried the sleeping baby on her shoulder and headed for the baby’s room to put her down for the night. Jane and Olivia both sleepily trudged to their bedrooms to change into their pajamas.

After Brielle placed the sleeping baby in her crib and turned on the nightlight, she then visited each of the older girls’ rooms to kiss them goodnight before retiring to her own bed for the night.

It seemed as if Brielle had just gotten to sleep when suddenly, in the dead of night, a loud noise sounded, startling her awake. Bandit, who’s been curled up asleep at the foot of Brielle’s bed, began barking frantically. He jumped off the bed and ran down the hallway as he continued to sound off a cluster of loud barks.

B & E

Brielle, now wide awake, noticed her bedside clock which sat on her nightstand. It was three thirty a.m. Hearing the baby screaming in terror down the hall, Brielle quickly and quietly pulled open one of the drawers of her nightstand and pulled a gun out.

Sensing a presence in the house and hearing faint, clinging and clattering noises, along with dog barks, Brielle sprang from her bed and crept out of the master bedroom to check on her kids and see what was going on. As soon as she got into the hallway, her eyes adjusted to the darkness, and she could see into living room. What looked like a dark silhouette of a man, ran across the living room with Bandit yapping at his heels.

With a ferocious bite, Bandit lunged and grabbed the back of the ankle part of the criminal’s pant leg. The dog growled viciously as his teeth clamped down on the pant leg and began pulling at it. This slowed the burglar down and caused him to stumble. But he managed to keep from falling. Kicking his leg violently, trying to shake the dog off, he kicked Bandit hard. The dog yelped loudly from the pain of the blow.

Modern Day Annie Oakley

Brielle took aim and fired the gun three times. A high-pitched screaming, “Oh my God!” echoed from Jane’s bedroom. Olivia’s blood-curdling screams could also be heard along with the baby’s screams of terror and barking of the dog. The dark figure managed to pull himself free and take off.

“Stay in your rooms and don’t come out!” Brielle shouted.

The sound of the door swinging and slamming against the wall, followed back the sound of fast-paced footsteps across the front yard prompted Brielle to run to the door, gun in hand, but aimed toward the ceiling. She ran out on the porch to see the dark figure run across the yard, then across the road, and disappear into the huge cornfield across the road.

Brielle turned and ran back into the house. She ran back into her bedroom and grabbed her smartphone, being sure to take it off the charger, and shoved it in the front pocket of her pajama pants. She then tucked the gun, nose down into the waist, burst into the baby’s room and lifted little Kennedy out of the crib.

Protecting Her Nearest and Dearest

“You can come out now!” She shakily called.

Jane and Olivia came running out of their bedrooms and into the baby’s room where their mother was. They both ran to her, frantically wrapping their arms tight around her and crying.

“It’s alright now, girls! It’s alright! Everything is alright!” Brielle assured them, trying to remain calm and her voice still a bit shaky. Holding the baby in one arm and wrapping the other arm around both frightened girls, she held them tighter than she thought she’d ever held them their entire lives.

Brielle then let go of the girls, set the baby back in the crib, took her smartphone, and dialed.

“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?” The Dispatcher answered on the other end, after only two rings.

9-1-1

“I’ve had a break-in and just shot at an intruder in my home.” Brielle told her, “I’m at 2301 Hobbs Rd, just west of Thomasville.

“Someone broke into your house, ma’am?”

“Yes.

“And you say you shot at him, was he still in the house when you fired the shots?”

“Yes. I fired three times and he got away.”

“Was the intruder hit by any of the bullets?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay. Hang tight. I’m sending a deputy.”

Compliments v/s Flattery

Targets of bullying must know the difference between the two. And, surprisingly, many people think that compliments and flattery are one and the same. They aren’t.

A compliment is genuine. Whereas flattery is fake.

A compliment comes from the heart and is truthful. Also, compliments are earned. They’re reserved for people who deserve them. Compliments are given to praise someone for an accomplishment. They are an acknowledgement for a good deed, or a job well done.

Flattery, on the other hand, is used for self-servitude. It is insincere, deceptive, and can be an insult to the recipient. Because, again, it is strictly used for usery and selfish purposes. Flattery and insincere compliments are both the same.

Therefore, bullies never pay sincere compliments, especially to their targets. However, they will use flattery to butter their targets up all for the purpose of manipulating and exploiting them. Bullies may also use flattery as a form of subtle sarcasm. And if the target happens to be gullible, he may confuse it for genuine compliments. Bullies will then watch the target’s face light up with overexcitement, then laugh later.

Remember that many targets of bullying are often thirsty for any sign of approval and praise because they don’t get enough of it, if any at all. Therefore, anything that even looks like approval, they’ll be excited to receive, even overly so.

So, how can you tell the difference between fake flattery and a sincere compliment?

Simple. You can tell by the kind of relationship you have with the person giving you the compliment. In other words, if the person giving you the compliment is a bully who normally mistreats you, then you can be sure that it’s flattery. And the compliment is fake, phony, and false.

I can’t stress this enough. Never take seriously any “compliment” you receive from a bully. When a bully is suddenly nice to you and gives compliments, it is clearly to manipulate you. A bully who gives you a compliment is only flattering you. They are looking for an eventual payoff, be it psychological or otherwise.

In contrast, if the person is a true friend or family member, someone who loves you and has never intentionally harmed you, you know that the compliment is for real. Even if the praise comes from a total stranger, it would be more acceptable than if it came from a bully. Still, even with strangers, you should be gracious, but cautious because they haven’t established a relationship with you yet.

Make Sure Your Own Compliments are Sincere

Just the same, if you are the one making the compliment, make sure the person you compliment is a close friend or family member. In other words, make sure that person damn well deserves it from you and that they’ve done something that warrants it.

Understand that most people know their strengths and weaknesses. And if you give them a false accolade on something they know they aren’t good at, they will know that you’re lying to them. Also, they will wonder what ulterior motives you have in giving them such a fake compliment. Moreover, you can easily lose respect for it.

And last and most importantly, never compliment a bully! Ever!

Here’s why:

  1.  Bullies get their behinds kissed all the time and it’s exactly how they’ll perceive it.
  2. You will be giving the bully a juicy opportunity to turn it against you and steamroll you with it.
  3.  Bullies are the last people who deserve praise. Never give anyone anything they haven’t earned.

Follow these three rules and I promise you that your value will go up tremendously. It may not seem so, but it will.

With knowledge comes empowerment!