Girls Who Think Male Bullies Are Attractive

Arrogant Young Man With Girlfriends

Arrogant young Caucasian man with three female admirers

So, you think these guys are attractive? Sexy? Hot? If you’re like most young, naïve, and often shallow girls, you prefer the bully- the bad boy! Why? Because he brings excitement, adventure, drama, and mischief, which is alluring, especially to females who are bullies themselves. He drives the hot car, wears the sharpest clothes and his parents seem to have all the connections in town! He’s a real star!

You like that he’s seemingly fierce, brutal and in control (of others) because you’re like the majority of teens, you equate those qualities with manliness. The bully boy seems to be the very definition of masculinity, and other girls are attracted to him like moths to a flame. Because he seems to be the embodiment of manhood, you want him. You get turned on when he beats the crap out of the smallest boy in the class, whether or not the smaller boy asked for it.

His blood is flooded with testosterone, and it shows! You smile, laugh, or even join in when he slut-shames the trim girl with the tailbone-length hair and tight jeans. You think it’s hot when he cruelly taunts the fat girl or the girl with glasses or braces. You love it when he displays his so-called manhood by asserting dominance over the mentally disabled kid in school, slapping and mocking him in the hallway between classes. You laugh with him, and your friends want to be in your place because he’s a big deal and everyone admires his strength and power (or lack thereof).

You secretly think to yourself, “What a MAN! And I must be one hot mama myself because this man is with me- ME! Otherwise, he wouldn’t have chosen me! He can have his choice of any girl in the place, but he chose me!”.

You make fun of another girl’s boyfriend because he doesn’t look quite as good as the stuffed-shirt you’re dating. Never mind that he treats her with respect and she just might think her boyfriend looks better than yours. You get hostile with and want to bully the girl whose rear-end your god of a boyfriend groped while you weren’t around or the girl to whom he makes inappropriate sexual comments. It doesn’t matter that the girl has some sense and thinks he’s a real POS.

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You’re not concerned that she felt violated and wanted to punch his lights out when he did that to her. You still give him a free pass and blame her for his being a jackass.

You gladly overlook him because you admire, even worship him. You kiss his butt and the very ground he walks on. You want him, and even better, you have him (or think you do). You’ve got it goin’ on, girl! Because you’re dating a guy who’s the most popular guy at school and whose badassery is so well-known it has become a legend; honey, your ego is soaring, and your head is ten times its normal size! That is until (wait for it)- until(gasp)- he turns on you!
(To be continued)

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It is a book about faith, hope, and about a love that passes all understanding. “My Angel, My Hero!” is available on iTunes, Google Play, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Goodreads, and Books A Million.
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Nonverbal Language of Bullying from Head to Toe (Part 2)

Female Track Competitors Glaring at Each Other

In the last post, we stopped at the chest and shoulders. This post covers the rest of the body.

Arms- Akimbo. The arms of a bully are often akimbo (elbows out, hands on hips, thumbs forward). This makes the bully appear bigger and more powerful. This is also used to intimidate any opponent and show power and superiority. To ward off bullies, stand with power and send the message that you won’t be a victim. Crossed Arms. When coupled with the jutted chin, bullies will also cross their arms anytime they’re facing someone. Crossed arms are not only a sign of superiority and power, they are also considered closed body language because when a bully crosses his arms when facing their opponent, they are “closed” to anything the other person has to say. Note that victims will also cross their arms in intimidation when confronted by a bully. However, the difference is that instead of using the jutted chin, a victim will lower the head, hide the neck and slouch. This is where paying attention to clustered body language comes in. To keep bullies away, never slouch, lower the head nor hide the neck. Always look confident!

Hands- The Clenching Fists. The bully will often clinch their fists when they want to physically attack their opponent. Always see this as a sign the person wants to harm you and be ready in case they do.

Mid-Section- The Crotch Expose. This is done mostly by boys and men. Although it is a sign of sexual interest in a potential mate, it can also be used to intimidate and for dominance and power. Trust me. You’ll know the difference. If you are male, return the sentiment. If you are female and this is used by a male bully for intimidate, either stand facing the bully with your feet apart and hands on your hips and challenge him with a glare or give him a dismissive look and walk away.

Legs- Legs Apart. Most bullies stand with their feet shoulder-width apart to appear bigger and more powerful. Confident people also stand this way. Therefore, if you want to appear confident and ward off bullies, this is how you should stand. There’s also The Dominant Leg Backstep. This is when the bully steps back with their dominant leg. Boxers in the ring do this just before putting up their dukes! If you see the bully step back with one leg, be prepared to fight!

Feet- The Toe Point. Again, you must pay attention to the whole body to get an accurate reading. The toes always point to where the person wants to go. If a person likes you and enjoys your company, their toes will always point in your direction. If the person doesn’t like you or is afraid of you, they will want to get away from you and their toes will always point away from you.

However, if a bully wants to attack you, their toes will also point in your direction. You’ll know the difference by the other cues their body will give you.

It pays to observe!

To Be Insulted by Bullies, You Must Also Value Their Opinions

Laughing classmates pointing fingers at female pupil with school bag, bullying

Laughing classmates pointing fingers at female pupil with school bag, bullying

“In order to insult me, I must first value your opinion. Nice try though!”
~ T-Ronn Hicks ~

It’s a shame I didn’t realize this nugget of truth when I was young, but it’s true! When we value someone’s opinion of us, we’re naturally going to be hurt, angry, upset, insulted; if their opinions of you aren’t favorable.
The people who we consider important and can help to grow and shape us into better human beings, lift us up and help us to feel better about ourselves and reach our goals (our families, friends, teachers, mentors, and supervisors) are those whose opinions we should value.

On the other hand, if we don’t consider certain people important, we will not give value to their opinions. Also, there are people who do not deserve to have their opinions valued by us and those people are those who hurt abuse us.

Crazy young man in white shirt standing and screaming at woman i

Crazy young man in white shirt standing and screaming at woman in pink dress. woman dont care and looking at camera with toothy smile. indoor studio shot, isolated on light brown background.

Bullies are such people. I want you to understand that if a person hurts you physically, emotionally, psychologically or socially; any opinions that person has of you hold no value and should be considered null and void! That person should be of no importance to you whatsoever because they can bring absolutely no good to you or your life!

You should only value the opinions of those who love and care about you and are down for your good and your advancement! Not of those who continually tear you down, wreck your self-esteem and belittle you. They should have zero significance to you.
It doesn’t matter if they are in a high position, the most popular person, have the most money, etc. If they consistently tear you down, they’re no good to you and you should just blow them and their opinions off and keep going.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t assert yourself if someone violates your boundaries because you should! However, don’t let it cause you to feel bad about yourself or love yourself any less. Blow off the petty put-downs of bullies, because more than likely the insults they spew have no merit in the first place!

I know it’s not easy. Believe me. I’ve been there. It took too many years for me to finally realize this important rule of life but I’m glad I finally did. Better late than never. But I want you to know that you can do it. How you give these leaches to your confidence is to avoid them as much as possible and only keep company with the people who have your best at heart. You will know who these people are. Your gut will tell you. So, listen to that gut instinct and pay attention to the vibes others around you put out!

I guarantee you that you will thank yourself later!

How Getting the Lowdown on Your Bullies Benefits You

Empowered Arrow in Bull's Eye Target Confident Attitude Ambition

Knowledge is power! It’s also another way to take the sting out of bullying. We must first know the bullies’ inner workings- how they think, what they deem essential, their desires, and what it is that motivates them to bully. We must also know the types of bullies we are dealing with, the tactics they love to use against us and why. Because when we understand what motivates bullies to bully, not only are we better able to build a strategy to defuse the situation, but this knowledge can be a buffer to the effects of bullying on our self-esteem and our psyches.

For example: If a classmate or coworker is bullying me, and I know that her best friend has recently kicked her to the curb, or that she is going through a horrible break-up or divorce, that maybe she is being abused at home, or someone else is bullying her, I can at least know that there’s a strong possibility that she is trying to bring me down solely to keep from feeling so powerless herself, rather than to be fooled into thinking that her behavior is because there is something wrong with me.

I then know without a doubt that her mistreatment of me comes from a place of her insecurity and that her belittling me is only a desperate attempt to feel some sense of power. Therefore, I know that I’m still a great person and my self-esteem remains unscathed. Also, it would help to quell any anger, hatred or resentment I might otherwise feel towards her. Instead, I will more than likely feel pity for her or even feel vindicated in some way. Any future bullying she might subject me to won’t bother me as much, which will make it much easier for me to blow her off as being just another blowhard and not as perfect or strong as she has vigorously tried to make herself out to be.

Combined, this can be a real self-esteem booster!

Another example would be if my bully were a narcissistic psycho/sociopath, I’d know that her ego is puffed up or she’s a spoiled, coddled brat, or maybe mistreated in the past that she thinks she’s owed special treatment. Either way, I’d know that it would probably be best to avoid her like the plague and go completely no-contact.

Here’s the third example: If I have a group of people who are bullying me because they are jealous of me and wish they had something I possess- talents, gifts, relationships, material things, etc, I know that I should feel great about myself as if only goes to show that these bullies actually admire me (in their way) or the things about me they covet so much.

This article may sound strange, even delusional, but think about it. Why else would these people seemingly go out of their way to belittle and crush my confidence?

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It helps to know what the bullies may be going through in their own lives and to have a little intel about their lives away from school and work. There’s nothing wrong with aligning yourself with other people your bully has bullied before you and with your bully’s enemies. There’s nothing wrong with getting some counterintelligence from reliable sources if it will protect your self-esteem from being crushed under the proverbial bootheel of a bully! So, do a little spying, nonchalantly get their enemies and other victims to talk!

Doing this will be a piece of cake to do as they will almost certainly be too happy to give up the deets! Then, you will be armed to the teeth will info that will take the wind out of the bullies’ sales and the blunt force out of their attacks.
The more you know, the better you protect yourself!

Where Writers Get Inspiration for Good Fiction

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I’ve met all kinds of people in my life, some were totally awesome and others were so hideous you’d have thought they were spawned by the devil himself!

Some were blessings and others were lessons. If I’ve written about you, don’t go off feeling mad or sad. I’ve made you relevant and it only means you’ve made me feel some really deep stuff, good or bad.

As a fiction writer, many of my characters are based on different people I’ve either met or heard stories about.

Much of the story lines and dialogue are based on conversations and stories I’ve heard in doctor’s offices, lobbies, waiting rooms, restaurants, clubs, public restrooms, the locker room at school, standing in the checkout line in the local supermarket, or from many conversations I eavesdropped on as a kid.

Some are from stuff I’ve seen at school, a few workplaces, online and in public.

I can’t count the times I’ve overheard conversations in a cafe and thought, “Wow! Now this is some really good shit!”, then wrote it all down on a napkin to keep in my purse until I could get to my notebook or computer.

My mind is always writing because I take in everything around me. This can get exhausting but it’s something I love to do!

Nonverbal Language of Bullying From Head to Toe

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Eyes- That Creepy Piercing Glare. The eyebrows narrow and the eyes bore into you without blinking. The head does not move. The person stares you down as if they want to attack you. Bullies do this number to either challenge or intimidate their targets. Return the stare and the bully will likely go away.

Nose- The Nostril Flare. You’ve seen the nostrils of a bull flare when the animal is about to charge a matador. It’s the same with bullies. The nostrils flare to take in extra oxygen needed for a possible physical attack. When a bully does this, he’s hostile. When a person’s nostrils flare at you, look out! Because it is a sign the bully is about to physically attack you. Keep your eyes peeled and be prepared to defend yourself.

Jaw- The Jaw Clinch. The bully is gritting his teeth at the target and hiding it. When this happens, you’ll notice the jaws protruding. The bully either pulls this move to intimidate or in preparation for a fight. Again, this is a sign of a possible physical attack. Don’t ignore. Stay vigilant.

Mouth- There are many expressions bullies use with their mouths. One of which is, The One-Sided Upper-Lip Raise. Coupled with a glare, people raise one side of their upper lip to convey contempt or disgust. Return the sentiment and the bully will likely move away. Thinned or Pursed Lips are a sign of hostility as are baring of the teeth or snarling. Again, return the expression but be prepared.

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Chin- The Jutted Chin. The bully tilts the head back and juts his chin forward all for the purpose of looking down his nose at you. When the bully does this, he is either challenging you, trying to intimidate you, or he truly thinks he’s superior. Again, return the sentiment and the bully will back down.

Neck- The Exposed Neck. The bully will expose and lengthen the neck to challenge you. People do this to show that they aren’t afraid of the person in front of them and can hold their own if necessary. Bullies do it to make themselves appear taller and to intimidate anyone in their way. Again, reflect the gesture back to the bully and he’ll likely leave you alone.

Shoulders- The Shoulder Throw. Bullies will often throw their shoulders back to convey confidence and power. If you want to appear confident, never slouch the shoulders, always stand up straight, tall and with your shoulders back.

Chest- The Puffed-Out Chest. The bully’s chest puffs outward toward the target. The chest fills with extra air in preparation for a possible fight. Again, this is not only done to make the bully look bigger and to intimate his opponent but also a sign of a coming physical attack. Be aware.

(To be continued in Part 2)

How to Spot Bullies Before They Spot You (Part 2)

Arrogant Young Man With Girlfriends

As I said in the first part of this post, bullies are too easy to spot if you know what to look for. You can spy a bully before you even meet the person. All it takes is observing! Here are a few more red flags to be aware of:

Red Flag 5. Disrespect Toward Authority and Doesn’t Take Advice Well – this person thinks that rules don’t apply to them. He/She is also a big know-it-all and thinks they’re smarter than anyone else. You can’t tell them anything without them already knowing it or offending them. And if you don’t tell them what they want to hear or don’t agree with them (self-entitled bullies also exhibit this type of attitude), look out! You might have a bully on your hands!

Red Flag 6. They have an Entourage/Lots of Followers – This goes back to charming and too good to be true. Again, this charm and seduction is a farce used to seduce people and lure them to follow them. Because anyone with a drove of followers is always seen as socially superior, I want you to understand that these followers may not necessarily “like” the person they follow, but only want to be seen with the individual so they can also be seen as one of the in-crowd.

Red Flag 7. They are always Impeccably Dressed/Groomed – This doesn’t apply to all bullies, only the narcissistic types. You will never see these people with one hair out of place or wearing anything other than name-brand attire. This is because the person must always put on the act of having lots of money, class, and perfection. Again, know that this is a farce and hides insecurities the bully may have. Also, the bully may use this to compensate for any shortcomings he may have. These people also put on the act of being better than most other people and will often treat them as inferior.

Red Flag 8. They are HUGE Gossips – This is a biggie! These types can’t go five minutes without gossiping about someone else. Understand that these people don’t have ideas or lives of their own. So, they consistently put others down to feel better about themselves and like they are better than. They are always striving to look more significant than what they are. Always remember. If they talk about someone else, they will talk about you too! Just give them time!

Red Flag 9. They are Drama Kings and Queens – Have you ever met people who seem to be immersed inconsistent and never-ending drama? I have, and they’re exhausting to be around. These people take offense to everything, and they will misinterpret you too if you aren’t careful! And when they do, they’ll never stop coming for you! These people are habitual and chronic bitchers, moaners and complainers, and are never satisfied with anything. They will suck you into their little drama-filled world if you aren’t careful! If you spy a person of this character, don’t engage! Stay away!

Anytime you see one or more of these signs in a person, he/she is almost always a bully! Steer clear!

If Those Walls Could Talk

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Sometimes, I drive by our old family home, slow down and gaze at the old house wistfully. It holds so many memories, mostly great memories, a few not so good, but the great memories vastly outnumber the not so good. If those walls could talk, they would have so many amazing stories to tell.

Those walls would tell you that the house was big enough that we’d often play hide and seek inside it, running up and down the stairs, hidings in the closets, under the beds, and in the attic. As a small child, I would often try to straddle the stair railing and slide down it, only to be reprimanded by an adult. It was fun though!

This house holds precious recollections. Those walls would tell a story of a world that we no longer live in, a pre-9/11, pre-Digital Age, freer and more carefree world. Of a world that was wholesome, fresh and filled with wonder! We lived there with my grandmother for years. After we grew up and moved away, she continued to live there until about twelve years before she died.

It was the home we lived in when I was born, the home we would always return to after my Daddy went off to the military and during our time living out of state.

We celebrated many wonderful Christmases and Thanksgivings in that house. New Year’s Eve parties were a blast, with lots of music, food, fun, and togetherness. We also had many cookouts, barbecues, picnics in the huge backyard behind the house.

My dad and several uncles who were the family musicians, would often get a band together and play music in that backyard, attracting neighbors from all over the neighborhood who wanted to hear good music and have good, clean and drama-free fun. Sadly, you couldn’t do this today without booze, drugs or disturbing the peace.

During these celebrations, the whole family would get together, sometimes up to twenty of us and it was the love which made that house a home. The tiny town and neighborhood itself was thriving and bursting with life! We held parades every Memorial Day and Fourth of July.

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During Halloween, the community would be swarming with trick-or-treaters (I was one of them) and every house had its porch light on with residents sitting outside, in full Halloween dress, a huge bowl of candy and goodies in laps, waiting to greet the little kiddies! Some even had scary music playing and spooky props in the front yards or porches! In those days, it never even occurred to us to be on the lookout for muggers, rapists, and sex traffickers. The worse we had to worry about was some bigger kid swiping our trick-or-treat bag and running off with it.

Kids could play in the street and people could sit outside or work in the yard without fear. Elderly couples walked hand-in-hand down the street during the Spring and Fall months for exercise. Teenagers and young adults could drive by with the window or drop-top down and good music blaring from the car speakers.

Even better, my mother and I could walk around the block at night and never worry about being mugged and we could sleep with the bedroom windows up and the cool night breeze blowing on us through the screen. My generation lived in a totally different world than the generations that followed us. I truly feel sorry for the kids and young adults today! I wish they could have grown up in the carefree and kid-friendly world my brother, sister and I grew up in.

I now mourn the home we once knew. It is now abandoned, unkempt and overgrown. The neighborhood in which it sits is much different now, disheveled and plagued with crime. Sadly, most of our once-thriving small-towns and neighborhoods are only a shell of their formers selves. If those walls could talk, if they could feel things, they would mourn with me.

How I grieve for small-town America!