Frenemies: Why They Are Worse Than Enemies

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Victims often pick “friends” who only tolerate them or those who wish them ill will because they’re often lonely and desperate. For so long, they have been wrongly alienated from others due to rumors and lies that bullies have spread about them to keep them from making friends. Because the target is so hungry for a connection…any connection, he/she will befriend anyone…and I mean anyone! They are not selective with who they call “friend” and end up latching on to people who are not even worth knowing…predators, who only take advantage.

Also, young victims often assume that to be “cool”, they have to have a big circle of friends. This is not true.

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With that being said, I want you to know that if you are a victim of bullying, you do not need a whole slew of people in your life to be happy nor to feel like or be a whole person. You only need your family and a few true friends. It’s safer this way. Wouldn’t you much rather have just a handful of true friends than to have an abundance of frenemies? I know I would.

In fact, you should prefer to have enemies over ‘frenemies’ because, with an enemy, you know exactly where they stand without having to do any guesswork. However, with frenemies, you will always be the last to know after being played for a sucker.

If at any time you wonder about a person…if your intuition is telling you that something is “off”, put some distance between yourself and that individual and do it fast! Instinct is trying to warn you.

If your so-called friends are only tolerating you, stabbing you in the back, or sabotaging you in any way, it’s time to eighty-six these leaches to your self-esteem. And the sooner you do, the better!

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Never Try to Get Back at Your Bullies

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Ever! It’s better to sit back, relax, and let Karma deal with them because I guarantee that Karma can do a much better job than you ever could. Besides, do you want to expend that kind of energy? That kind of ugliness? No. Because you’re better than that!

And they aren’t worth the effort. Revenge isn’t as sweet as it looks in the movies. In fact, it’s cancer that will eat you up inside if you dwell on it!

What’s so bad about hate is that you’re so preoccupied with the people who wronged you, and they may still have you convinced that they’re all-powerful and untouchable and that you’re powerless and at their mercy, though you may not admit it.

And this is why you’re just itching to exact revenge on them. You find yourself ruminating over the many times they bullied and abused you, and it will play over in your mind like a broken record. You’ll be plagued with the thought that they got away with it. Understand that all this will only eat down into your soul, rot, and cause nothing but more pain.

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So, ask yourself. Are they worth it?

I understand that sinking feeling of defeat you get from knowing of the possibility that your bullies didn’t get theirs- that they can walk away free without the slightest clue that what they did was wrong. It’s normal to feel a sense of injustice.

And ignorance is bliss, and bullies are the most blissful people on the face of the earth! But understand that there’s a term for your bullies’ ignorance. It’s called willful ignorance, and it happens when your bullies convince themselves that they did nothing wrong and that you got what you deserved.

But realize that this is precisely what your bullies want you to think. Otherwise, they wouldn’t get such a thrill from it.

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Revenge always escalates the bullying because bullies are known to get brutal to get what they want. And if you try to give them payback, it will only turn into a game of ping pong. It will go back and forth, back and forth again. It’ll be an endless game of tit for tat.

Continually replaying the bullying over and over in your head isn’t good at all! Because if you keep this up, you’ll never find happiness nor peace of mind. How can you move on with your life when you’re reliving the trauma?

Here are a few ways to reclaim your happiness and your life:

  1. Seek Therapy. Never be too proud to seek therapy because it can help you process the negative feelings that poison your life. Therapy works. I’m living proof.

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  1. Write about it in a journal. Believe it or not, writing about it helps you to unload and get it out of your system, especially when bullies have cut you off from support through smear campaigns. Not only are you building a good case and keeping a record of the bullying to use in case you must go to court, you are also providing yourself much-needed therapy. Writing is very therapeutic and cathartic. And once you get it out, even if only on paper, youll be surprised at how much better you’ll feel.

 

  1. Spend time with people who feed your soul- the ones who love and care for you. Spending time with the people who love you the most can be a buffer to your self-esteem. It has a way of making up for all the hurt bullies cause you by giving you an equal or more amount of positivity in your life. Keep company with those who make you feel best about yourself. Share happy times with them, laugh with them, because laughter truly is the best medicine!

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  1. Capture happy moments. Again, bullies have given you enough negative, sad and stressful moments. Why not balance that with just as many happy moments? And the best part is that we have the power to create those moments!

 

  1. Go on a trip. Sometimes, it’s just good to steal away to a beach house on a secluded beach with your family or friends. Or you can visit an out of state relative. Whatever you decide, getting out of town helps to bring you out of stagnation and revive you. It also gives you a sense of adventure, and that always lifts the mood. So, pack your things and go!

 

  1. Meditate. Having been bullied can flood your mind with fear and negativity. It helps to shut off your mind, even for five minutes every day. Meditate on positive things. Focus on yourself and your personal goals. Meditate on God. It will help relax you and make you feel so much better.

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  1. Exercise. Exercise not only makes you healthier and promotes weight loss and better muscle tone, but it can also be one heck of a stress buster. Whether you like High-Intensity Training with weights or a brisk walk through the park, it increases endorphins and other feel-good chemicals to help you feel better.

 

  1. Indulge in hobbies. Hobbies not only make you feel accomplished, but they take your mind off your bullies and the bullying you suffered in the past. So, find something you enjoy doing the most and concentrate on it. Being creative is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

 

  1. Focus on your goals. If you focus on your goals, you won’t have time to focus on your bullies from the past. They don’t deserve even to be an afterthought. So, focus on your goals and where you want to go. And make life all about those things. Keep doing your thing!

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I want you to understand that bullies get so much pleasure from your misery. So, do all you can to add as much joy to your life as possible. And once you do, take pleasure in knowing that, if your bullies could see that you’re happy without them, they’d be so furious!

Sometimes you must play mind games with yourself. Does it sound strange? Possibly. But whatever works. Right?

No, you can’t pretend that the pain isn’t there. And you can’t bury it, or stuff it down because if it’s there, it will leak out eventually. But you do have to process it and do a lot of work on yourself before it goes away.

It will take a lot of work and time to do, but it will be worth it in the end. And you’re worth it! It’s all about self-care. And there’s nothing better than investing in yourself! I guarantee it!

 

Sorry? For What?

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I don’t apologize for being who I am. I’m just the way God made me.

I’m not sorry for being a woman, being of my race, having brown hair nor brown eyes. For those are the things that make me me. And I’m happy and secure with it.

I don’t apologize for being a Christian nor for holding certain values- for valuing God and family. For those are the things I hold dear.

I also refuse to be sorry for wrongdoings committed by others. I cannot control the actions of others nor should I be expected to pay for their sins. That is between them and God and they’ll be judged for it one day.

I’m not responsible for any sins other than my own.

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Too many people self-loathe and feel guilty for things they haven’t done, which only strips away their happiness and peace of mind. And if you allow others to heap false guilt on your head unjustly, what do you think they will do next?

Take charge of your happiness and your life. And know that anyone who tries to force you to feel something you shouldn’t feel or do something that is either degrading to you or that you don’t want to do, you should have no more to do with them.

Continue to love yourself. Apologize only for what you’re guilty of and to the person you transgressed against. And if that person doesn’t accept your apology, that’s on them and you should love yourself enough to get on with it.

 

Like Versus Respect (and Dislike v/s Disrespect)

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There can be respect without like. However, there can never be like without respect. Put more straightforward, a person doesn’t have to like you to respect you, but they do have to respect you to like you.

Respect and like are different in that like is based on commonalities and good feelings shared between people. When you like someone, you enjoy their company and the positivity they bring to your life. Respect, on the other hand, is regard for another person’s safety, space, freedom, privacy, property and individuality.

When you respect someone, you may not necessarily like the person, but you see them as having the same rights and considerations as you and everyone else.

To not like somebody means you have nothing in common or just don’t want to be around the person. That’s perfectly okay because not everybody is alike and shares the same beliefs, feelings, ideas or backgrounds. Like is subjective.

But to not respect someone means that you have no regard for their safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, or individuality. In other words, if you have no respect for a specific individual, you don’t see them as having the same human rights and considerations as you and everyone else. And when you don’t respect someone, you will think it’s perfectly okay to violate that person because they somehow deserve to be violated.

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Therefore, you can dislike someone but respect their right not to have their boundaries crossed. When you disrespect someone, you won’t acknowledge that person’s boundaries and you are more likely to trample their dignity and their human rights. In your mind, the person either doesn’t or shouldn’t have the same human rights or dignity as you and everyone else. You may wish the person harm or ill will. You may not want to breathe the same air as the person.

Signs of Dislike

1. Nothing in common with the person. You wish them well, but you’d prefer not to go on long trips with them. You have no problem coexisting.

2. You see them as having the same human rights and you and anyone else and you won’t bully them nor place them in danger. You only don’t have anything in common with the person.

Signs of Disrespect

1. Lack of regard for the person’s freedom- this could include belittling their opinions and ideas, taking away their freedom to speak by talking over them when they are speaking, getting angry with them if they would rather spend time with family than with you or the group.

2. Lack of regard for the person’s safety- you bully them or put them in danger of being physically hurt. You don’t want to coexist.

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If you are a victim of bullying, you must be able to distinguish between the two and act appropriately. Disrespect is must worse than dislike. Dislike is a part of life and much easier to deal with. Disrespect, on the other hand, is harmful.

The people who dislike you won’t necessarily try to hurt you but act neutral around you. They might even say a few words to you to be polite. They just won’t be buddy-buddy with you.

On the other hand, people who disrespect you will violate you. They will shame you, humiliate you, try to sabotage you, and physically assault you.

If the people around you dislike you, it’s their loss and you can still be around them if you must.

However, if they disrespect you, then it’s time to either walk away from them or send them packing, one of the two. People who regard you with disrespect don’t deserve a place in your life!

The more you know!

When Bullying is Referred to as “Darwinism”, “Natural Selection” or “Survival of the Fittest”

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Anytime I hear people refer to bullying as either of the three mentioned in the title of this article, I find it cringe-worthy at best! And the words that immediately flash through my mind are “cop-out”, “trivialization” and “excuses”.

To call bullying one of these three things is to say that:

1. Bullying is completely normal and natural.

2. Victims of bullying are weak and/or undesirable and must be eliminated from the human race.

3. Bullying is required for the survival of the human race.

Allow me to rebut these three (conscious or unconscious) beliefs:

Bullying is anything but normal or natural. It is brutal, malicious, hurtful, and cowardly.

Victims of bullying are NOT weak, nor are they undesirable. They may only think differently than most. They are often exceptional people with brilliant minds. Many celebrities, CEOs, inventors, writers, scientists, doctors, and professors were bullied as children and teens and have even been bullied in the workplace as adults. But they survived.

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If these people had not survived to bully, the world may never have seen may awesome inventions and breakthroughs, such as the electric light bulb, the telephone, or the first organ transplant. Where would we be without these people?

Bullying is NOT required for survival of the human race, it can only destroy it.

An example of this would be the Nazi’s bullying of Jews during World War II and slaughtering of six million during the holocaust. Now. Do you still think that bullying is necessary for the survival of our species?

Bullying is NEVER okay! And sadly, I’ve heard many people refer to it as the above three. Understand that this is only a cop-out, a way to blame the target, and an excuse not to help victims who are bullied.

If you are a bully or bystander and you believe this sort of tripe, then boy are you ever delusional!

If you are a victim, I want to assure you that it does not mean that you are defective in any way. It only means that you are an individual, who is brave enough to think outside the box and that you refuse to be a follower. Those are characteristics that you should be proud of because you have a chance to go far and change society.

Don’t give up! Give yourself a chance! You never know, in the future, YOU may be the person who brings positive change to the world and your bullies will more than likely end up living less than desirable lives. Suicide is not the answer. Don’t you want to live long enough to see your own potential? I want you to.

Think Before You Act!

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Bullies aren’t stupid clods like they’re portrayed in the movies. They’re sneaky, they’re conniving and they have ways of charming those in authority, lying convincingly and making their victims look like the culprits.

Why? Because they will push you! They push and push until you, the victim, snap! Then you look like the bad guy. You are labeled the crazy person. You are labeled the troublemaker. It happens all the time. I understand this because I’ve been there.

You must think before you act. Bullies have a talent for provoking targets, then feigning victimhood. They’re really good at looking like the victim. That’s why you should never let them push you over the edge. Never let them push your buttons, though I realize that it’s easier said than done.

There are so many victims who have allowed bullies to drive them to bring a gun to school and shooting their classmates. But all this does is make the bullies the victims and the target the bad guy! Anytime you bring a lethal weapon to school, you only validate the falsehoods and rumors spread about you! It proves everything your bullies have said about you to be true! Even worse, it ruins your entire future! Do you think they are worth that?

Instead of handling the harassment with a gun, try reaching for success! Bring your grades up and indulge in your talents and gifts! Win awards for those talents! Do the things that you enjoy the most and bask in the friendships you do have. enjoy time with family!

How you handle bullying is to be successful!

Let’s have a school year with no shootings!

The Strongest, Bravest, and Purest Souls on Earth: The Mentally and Intellectually Disabled.

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If you’re from my generation, I’m sure you remember the series from the early ’90s, “Life Goes On.” And if you remember this television series, then you automatically think of Corky Thatcher, the mentally challenged middle child of the Thatcher family, played by Chris Burke. He, in real life, has Down’s Syndrome.

I’m not writing this for personal gain. The chances are that neither Chris Burke nor any of the other cast members or producers will ever read this post, which is only proof that I write strictly from my heart and about what I’ve noticed on many, many occasions throughout my lifetime.

The Mentally and Intellectually disadvantaged have the purest and sweetest of hearts, yet they live in a world that looks down on them. They’re unwanted- shunned, ridiculed, and brutalized. Yet, most of them maintain their smiles and their unconditional kindness. Their moral compasses never waiver. They’re innocent, childlike, and have hearts of the purest gold.

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I write books about unsung heroes, who are different and who bullies target daily. But I’ll tell you this:

The courageous, amazing real-life heroes are the best of the human race! I admire their unbreakable will, unshakeable courage, dogged determination, and amazing ability to keep smiles on their faces even under the most challenging of circumstances!

These are the people who have the fortitude to overcome odds that would be overwhelming to a cast majority of people. And I state this with full conviction.

These beautiful souls also work the lowliest of jobs- jobs that most people think are beneath them. They have the best work ethic, are the most dedicated, and have the most pride in their work. Yet, they are the worst treated and devalued by supervisors and coworkers!

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These angels have more heart and soul than those who are “normal” and twice their ages.

You have to wonder how they do it. How do the mentally and intellectually disabled find the resolve to go up against such tremendous odds every single day? How do they keep pushing amid jeers, jokes, and cruel insults? Situations under which most “normal” people would’ve thrown in the towel?

Another reason why I salute the mentally and intellectually challenged is that they don’t let on that they even realize it when the rest of the world is showing it’s booty to them. They’re the people who never complain nor seem to feel sorry for themselves like most “normals” do anything life gives them a one-two punch. Yet they’re given the least respect, the most devalued, and the most abused- all because people see them as having the least power of all!

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The mentally and intellectually disabled don’t retreat into drugs and alcohol. Instead, they retreat into their work and hobbies. They keep their minds occupied with things that interest them.

I’ve found that these people are also most talented in the arts. Many of them draw and play musical instruments like professionals! Yet, others overlook those talents because of who those talents belong to!

I’m not one of them. I don’t claim to know for sure, so I can’t speak for the mentally and intellectually disabled. But through my observations over the years, I’ve come to realize that, maybe, the reason the mentally and intellectually disabled seem to handle adversity with such grace and aplomb is that they’ve accepted it as their normal.

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I’m not saying that they don’t get hurt by it because they have feelings too. They have the same desires as everyone else- to be loved and accepted for who they are. We all have the desire to be apart of something and to be included. Humankind is hardwired that way.

But the mentally and intellectually challenged have such a way of bouncing back from years of repeated rejection- back to their cheerful selves much quicker! And they’re much more forgiving!

That’s what makes them such beautiful souls! They’re the brightest and most brilliant lights in a very dark world! And it will go to their credit and be celebrated in The Afterlife!

Therefore, all I can say to the millions of earth angels is this:

Keep up the good fight! Keep being a shining example to the rest of the world! I love you all!

 

“Kids Under the Latch Key” by Cherie White