The Psychological Benefits Bullies Reap at the Target’s Expense

Bullies aren’t just a pain in the butt; they’re power-hungry confidence thieves who can wreak havoc on your life if you aren’t careful. Understand that the laws of human nature dictate that no one does or says anything without some sort of psychological benefit.

Bullies reap several benefits at your expense if you’re a target. Here is a list of those benefits:

1. A sense of power – bullies bully for power, control, and domination. Anytime a bully takes a victim down, they get a tremendous rush of power and become addicted to that rush. This is why bullies never bully once. They always come back for more.

It’s no different from being a drug addict. The evil actions, cruelty, and power become a drug in and of themselves.

Also, as with any drug, the same tactics and frequency of bullying lose their potency after a while, so the bully must escalate the torment to keep getting the rush they crave.

For example, when name-calling and verbal abuse of the target lose the thrill they once gave and begin to get boring, bullies will often escalate to either cruel pranks, humiliation, or physical assault and battery to keep getting the rush they look for. It’s the same as when a drug addict builds a drug tolerance and begins taking higher doses.

2. Popularity – Bullies bully because people think it’s cool or cute. Bullying gives the bully lots of attention and visibility from others.

3. Superiority – Bullying gives the bully an appearance of strength and sends a message to those around him that he’s a badass, and they’d be a fool to mess with him. The bully also gives the appearance that he’s a top dog.

4. Attention and Sympathy – if the bully can make the targeted student look like the bad guy, he gets to enjoy the attention and bask in the sympathy others give him.

5. Distraction from their own shortcomings – Bullies are experts at making the target look weak and pathetic. If the bully can distract everyone else’s attention to the victim’s flaws, weaknesses, and shortcomings, he can keep the spotlight off his own defects and imperfections. Because if people expect to see trouble coming from a specific place, that’s where they’re going to look.

6. Projection of their own flaws onto someone else – Bullies have a flare for accusing their targets of the same deplorable behavior of which they are guilty. If the bully can make the target look like the bully, then the real bully can go unpunished and continue to attack the victim freely and with impunity. Again, it also takes the focus off his own misdeeds.

7. The satisfaction and gratification of seeing the target suffer – Bullies love to see their targets suffer. For the bully, the victim’s misery is entertainment and gives them a rush of power. Just know they can determine how the target feels and how their day goes gives them a feeling of dominance.

Don’t give them the satisfaction. Be a waste of time and energy to them.

Non-Verbal Tactics Bullies Use to Violate Their Targets

Most seasoned bullies seek to intimidate others by nonverbal means. Why? Because nonverbal bullying is subtle and least likely to be detected.

This type of bullying can occur either at school or in the workplace. Here are a few such subtleties.

1. They lean against the victim’s desk, office doorway, car, etc. Anytime we lean against something, we stake a claim to or show ownership of that object.

How you handle it is to tell the bully point blank and in a stern voice,
“Get off my desk (car, etc.)”

Macho man standing crossed arms near luxury open top car in tropical resort isometric image vector illustration

2. The bully will sit in the other person’s chair. Again, any chair you sit in, you non-verbally lay claim to.

Address it by telling the person in no uncertain terms to unseat your chair.

3. The bully may also pick the victim’s notebook, purse off the victim’s desk, touch their property, etc. Understand that anything of yours the bully touches, he is laying claim to.

The unspoken message that the bully is sending is, “I own your desk, car, notebook, and anything that’s yours.”

Don’t ignore it, and don’t be quiet about it. Open your mouth and tell the creep to keep his hands off your stuff.

When I was in school, I saw a bully walk up to a table of freshman boys during lunch and pluck a French fry from one of the ninth grade boy’s plates before popping it into his mouth without even asking.

It was clear that the bully was challenging the boy. The message was,

“I just took a piece of your lunch. Now, what are you going to do about it?”

Female bullies will often go through their target’s purses or jacket pockets or flip through their notebooks, yearbooks, or diaries. I’ve also heard of bullies walking into their victim’s homes without knocking.

I remember going on a school trip and finding out that my bullies had gone through my luggage and stolen fifty dollars, a dress, and jewelry from me while I was out of the room. Because there were so many bullies, it was difficult for me to confront the thief. Though I had a pretty good idea who stole my belongings, I couldn’t prove she took them!

Understand that bullies will claim ownership of your space and your property, which only means that they believe they own YOU!

4. Bullies will violate your personal space. Bullies are notorious for getting too close.

Understand that when the bully gets in your face or looms you from behind, he is either trying to intimidate you, dominate you, challenging you, or attempting to provoke a fight. Do what you have to do. Tell this idiot to back the hell up!

Understand that these types of bullies have unlimited audacity, and they do not respect boundaries! With people who are bold and audacious, you must take a stand!

Never ignore them or allow yourself to be intimidated because these kinds of folks will only increase the behavior if you do.

The more you know!

Guest Post: The Bullying Battle- “The Things You Do” by Leon Stevens

I’m very honored that Leon Stevens gave me permission to repost his blog about bullying. He is a very talented blogger, songwriter, and musician!

Keep up the awesome work, Leon!

By Leon Stevens Dec. 9, 2020:

I have been reposting (and reworking) some of my earlier blogs-just to get everyone caught up with what I am about. Here is one with a message that has been repeated many times over, but unfortunately bears repeating.

People can be mean. Real mean. From kids to adolescents to adults, it still amazes me when I witness bullying behaviour. I wrote The Things You Do after observing grown men acting like typical schoolyard bullies.

You know the ones. the ones in the movies and T.V. shows that when you think about it, is pretty real in today’s schools (still). Some kids learn it from home, others from their peers, and popular culture, and most-thankfully-grow out of it.

Credit goes to all the teachers who, on top of all the subjects they teach, also have to teach empathy and humanitarianism-from kindergarten and up.

As a musician, I wrote. Not being much for performing, I decided to record it (also not my forte). It was missing something though. Rudimentary graphics! I pulled out my gel pen and drew what I envisioned-like a storyboard. I’m cheap, so I downloaded a free video editor and a week later, Voila!

So, I hope that you enjoy the message.

Thanks for stickin’ around.

-Leon

Guest Post: What Is The Future Of Bullying?


The following is a guest post from DiosRaw.com. Please check out her website if you would like to read more of her posts.

Hello there, the world is rapidly changing and we don’t know what the future holds. Today I will go into the realm of “what is the future of bullying?”. This post will include what will potentially happen with cyberbullying, school bullying, workplace bullying and domestic bullying in the future of this ever changing world.

So, what is bullying?

There is no legal definition of bullying. But it is usually defined as repeated behaviour which is intended to hurt someone either emotionally or physically, and is often aimed at certain people because of their race, religion, gender or sexual orientation or any other aspect such as appearance or disability.

Bullying can take many forms including:

-physical assault

-social bullying

-threatening behaviour

-name calling

-cyberbullying

-domestic bullying

-workplace bullying

So, what is the future of bullying and what can be done?

I don’t have all the answers but what I can do is figure out, based on predictions, my own personal experience and research what will happen in the future for bullying.

I remember the days of going into school, being bullied by groups of girls about my weight and appearance, this eventually led me to turning to anorexia to cope; due to this I lost all my precious hair. I know first hand how devastating bullying can be from my own subjective experience. It was the best thing, looking back, that could have happened to me as it molded me into the person I am today to write this and gave me the gifts of understanding, compassion and a spiritual awakening to the truth of who I am.

  • School Bullying. Numerous studies have shown that children who are identified as ‘bullies’ at school are much more likely than others to engage in delinquent and criminal behaviours as adults. The authors of this study concluded that ‘school bullying is a strong and specific risk factor for later offending’ and ‘effective anti-bullying programmes should be promoted, and could be viewed as a form of early crime prevention.’ Schools are a breeding ground for bullies and to prevent this from happening we need to continue to raise awareness more and more about what it is and how to look out for it. We need people to speak up and tell someone about what is happening. Schools do raise awareness to a certain extent but more needs to be done. Past victims of bullying could go into schools and spend a workshop style day educating people on bullying; this should be a regular occurrence in schools.Children also need to have a safe and loving environment at home to prevent them from craving attention and falling into the category of being a bully. Bullies need to have support on how to deal with their behaviour too, we need to get to the root of the problem. Schools need more programs implemented in order to tame the bullying pandemic. Since many children are at home due to the pandemic, bullying will likely move to cyberspace which means more awareness needs to be spread on how to deal with cyberbullying.

school bullying

  • Workplace Bullying. Over time, we have seen issues of bullying, especially work bullying, greatly increase. In the 18th century bullying was not recognized as an issue and was viewed as a regular and unavoidable part of growing up. It was not until the late 19th and into the 20th century where peer-on-peer harassment was first widely recognized as not only an issue, but a major social problem that needed to be fixed. History shows that work bullying continues to increase, including, both the amount of people who are affected by bullying, and the severity of the methods being used. These aggressive behaviors are becoming more violent than ever before. Recently to address these actions, legislation began to fight against these violent behaviors through establishing new laws that prohibit bullying within workplaces. People need to raise their awareness of who they are, be taught about self-self and basic human moral principles. Workplaces need to implement more ways of detecting bullying and offering support to victims.

  • Domestic Bullying. It’s important that we realize how bullying has become so widespread in order to take measures to STOP it. We must stand up for those victims who live in fear each and every day of their lives and teach souls to treat one another with respect. We live in a world where people are different but fail to see that at the end of the day, we are all human beings. Domestic bullying can remain hidden and elusive; victims need the information and knowledge, because knowledge is power, to empower them to leave abusive relationships and stand up for themselves. Will it change? The pandemic will mean people are at home for long periods of time.. cases of domestic abuse will rise and all we can do is keep raising awareness of this kind of bullying for people to have the courage to speak up. Domestic bullying needs more coverage and to normalise pointing it out would be the next best step.

  • Cyber Bullying. There has been a major shift taking place regarding how people bully others. Many of us think face-to-face bullying is bad enough, yet perpetrators of bullying have taken it to the next level by using the internet to prey on others. Whether people are using popular social media sites, such as Facebook or YouTube, or texting and sending pictures through their mobile phones, bullies are now using technology to socially torture their victims. According to Feinberg and Robey (2008), people who are bullied through the internet may suffer more psychological harm then those who experience face-to-face bullying because, “…the hurtful information can be transmitted broadly and instantaneously and can be difficult to eliminate…” (p. 11). Because cyberbullying has become so widely used, some schools have also made laws to address how students are using the internet. Feinberg (2008) suggests that one of the steps schools can take to help this problem diminish is to incorporate cyberbullying laws into school policies that specifically address bullying behaviors. Another important aspect some schools are looking into is holding all parties surrounding each incident of bullying accountable. In the past, only the bully themselves would be punished, yet lately some schools are setting up stricter guidelines that will also hold bystanders and witnesses of bullying incidents accountable. Marty Mathiesen, Principal at Nevada Union High School, recently shocked his students by equally punishing all parties involved in a violent attack on an innocent school boy. In the locker room, at Nevada Union High School, a smaller sized boy was psychically beaten up as others sat back and videotaped and encouraged the fight (Massie, 2012). Yet, after Mathiesen got wind of this incident, he made it clear that not only the bully, but the students videotaping this fight would be reprimanded (Massie, 2012). This is exactly what all schools need to do. People who watch these violent acts are the ones fueling the fire. Holding bystanders accountable for these actions along with the bullies, may help stop incidents like these from happening at school; however, parents need to closely watch and be held accountable for what their children are doing outside of school. By understanding where the issue of bullying currently stands, along with what has already been done to help stop it, we can now try and predict what the future for bullying holds. Taking a glance over history and how bullying has progressed, it seems that this issue will continue to expand. With the new technology that is underway, along with what is currently booming, attempting to stop children from harassing others seems impossible. What makes catching these behaviors so difficult are the many venues that are used to pick on others including: email, text, chat rooms, mobile phones, mobile phone cameras, and web sites. Trying to keep up with current technology, let alone trying to identify bullying behaviors, can be very overwhelming. That said, the more that administrators go searching to find what their students are up to, the more these behaviors will be hidden. One of the unintended and unidentified consequences of trying to put pressure on kids who bully others is that they will just use other means to harass their peers. However, the future remains unknown for this area as more people are locked down in their houses. All bullies have at home is the internet, I would advice reporting any nasty messages or comments, blocking bullies and deleting these messages for mental sanity.

To conclude, it would be naive of me to say that bullying in all areas of life will completely stop. Bullying is a primal ego promoting tool that has been with us I presume since the beginning of the age of humankind. Even with the collection of programs, laws, and efforts to stop bullying, bullying will always be a major issue within our school systems and other spheres of life. However, the most important factor to help the bullying issue among adolescents and workplaces is for administrations to strictly enforce anti-bullying rules while gaining all the support they can get from the communities within those domains. With schools taking ownership of this growing problem and persistently pushing forward to make a difference, they will be moving in the right direction to help bring peace and safety back to the school yards, as for the other areas of life I cannot say. Overall, to go past the bullying era of humankind it will take a shift in consciousness towards love and connection, awareness, healing, good home environments and mentors. Keep raising the awareness and do not remain silent. Remember you are not alone.

And finally, here are some quotes to think about:

“Knowing what’s right doesn’t mean much unless you do what’s right.” – Theodore Roosevelt

“People who love themselves, don’t hurt other people. The more we hate ourselves, the more we want others to suffer.” – Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

Thank you for stopping by to read this guest post. Let me know in the comments what you think the future of bullying will entail..

-DiosRaw.com

 

How to Get Solid Proof of Bullying

Though we know bullying exists, it’s one of the hardest things to prove. I’ve preached about documentation and the 5W Rule (What, Who, When, Where, and Why) in past posts. It’s still THE best way to get your evidence.

However, there are other ways of getting evidence that I haven’t mentioned- proof that, when coupled with documentation, can give you a solid case against your bullies and the facility that allows the bullying to go on. And, the more evidence you have, the better.

You can also use recording devices, hidden body cameras, and spy cameras. Unfortunately, this is tricky depending on what state or jurisdiction you live in. Some states and jurisdictions have a Two-Party Consent Rule, and others have a One Party Consent Rule.

Two-Party Consent Rule – is when two parties must know about the recording and consent to it- those two parties are you and the person or persons you’re recording.

One-Party Consent Rule – is when only one party has to know about the recording- that party being YOU.

So, in a One-Party state, you can wear a hidden camera or recording device or have one on you, make all the recordings you want, secretly, and the evidence would be admissible in court. You could still make a secret recording in a Two-Party state, but it would be best if no one catches you with it, and it wouldn’t be admissible in court. You could still keep it for your records.

gavel and sound block of justice law and lawyer working on wooden desk background

Yes. I feel the frustration of those who live in a Two-Party state, and I agree with you; it’s a bogus law. Nevertheless, it’s still the law. As I said earlier, you could always record evidence of the bullying, but you’d be doing it at your own risk, and there might be legal consequences if someone catches you with it at school or work.

You could record it, and if nobody catches you, you could take it home and plaster it all over social media. However, this isn’t advisable either because bullies watch their target’s social media pages like hawks. If you go this route, it’s best to join a few private anti-bullying groups and only share the video with them. Only then will your bullies not be able to see what you’re doing.

There are loopholes in any law, but the trick is to find them. And, if you don’t know whether you live in a one-party or two-party area, look up the laws in your state or jurisdiction.

Those of you who may be thinking of gathering video and audio evidence of bullying know that I’m with you, and I support you. Gather your evidence any way you can. Document the bullying and secretly record it with a body cam. These two sources of evidence together can be powerful! If you’re being bullied at work, my advice would be to hide a spy cam in your office because workplace bullies will snoop through your office, desk, and computer after you leave for the day.

Again, document incidences of bullying and record them if possible. You do these things, and you’ll have an open and shut case should you take legal action against your bullies and their enablers. There are plenty of discreet products available to help you gather your evidence.

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