9 Ways to Buffer Your Confidence Against Bullying

If they destroy your confidence, they’ll destroy your life.

It’s a fact! If your confidence goes, your performance in school, or on the job, your social abilities, everything else will go too!

Think about it. Most bullied children and teens do not do well in school if others do not treat them fairly and respect and give them space, opportunity, and freedom to learn and grow.

Anytime someone is bombarded with consistent put-downs, nitpicking, and abuse, their grades suffer because they eventually stop believing in themselves.

Although we hear of bullied kids who get mad, dive into schoolwork, and make exceptional grades and honors to compensate for their social failures, these kids are often the exception to the rule.

So, if you ever encounter bullying, you must guard your confidence and self-esteem with everything you have in you. Because your life truly does depend on it!

Here’s how you protect your self-esteem and confidence:

• Do things you enjoy most.

• Display your talents and gifts.

• Keep company only with people who encourage, respect, and love you the most.

• Be there for others who are suffering.

• Take pride in your appearance and look your best. Because if you look great, you feel great!

• Make affirmations- “I AM” statements to yourself every day. “I AM beautiful,” “I AM smart,” “I AM better than what they say,” etc.

• Find a therapist to talk to.

• Tell the people who love you about what you’re going through.

• Whatever you do, Don’t be silent about it!

Don’t you think you’re worth it? I do!

Rattling Your Bullies May Be The Only Way to Expose Them

Sometimes, to expose your bullies, you must rattle them. If you’re not sure how to do it, think Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam!

Getting a bully rattled is as easy as smiling. Say nothing to them; only look at them and smile like you know something they don’t. I promise you. It’ll drive them nuts!

They’ll ask you what the hell you’re smiling at. Don’t get defensive. Don’t say anything. Just walk away, snickering.

Your bullies will be madly bewildered. They’ll look at each other, wondering why you seem so smug, then wonder what it is you’re up to, and curiosity will get the best of them. You’ll throw them off! Trust me. Bullies always think their victims are up to something when they see them act this way, and they go on the hunt to find answers like hounds sniffing a trail.

Even better, your bullies will most likely think you’re making fun of them and get super angry — all the better for you.

Here’s why:

• When someone is really pissed off, they lose the ability to think straight and control their emotions.

• When you stir someone up, you throw them off balance. When this happens, they usually screw up and do something stupid.

If they challenge you to a fight, don’t fight unless it’s necessary. You want to get the bully in front of a crowd of people and get them so mad they start yelling and throwing a hissy fit in front of everyone. Your goal is to get them to expose themselves in front of bystanders and those in authority!

Oops! BUSTED!

Sadly, this is the only way you can expose a bully. But before you employ this tactic, be sure that the bully isn’t one who carries a deadly weapon or isn’t criminally violent or insane.

You Don’t Need to Explain Yourself to a Bully

Why? Because bullies don’t care what your reasons are. The only reason they blame you for something and try to bait you into explaining yourself is the psychological payoff they get from it. The psychological payoffs, being satisfaction, gratification, and a massive rush of power.

While you’re standing there wasting your breath, trying to convince the bully that you aren’t guilty of whatever it is that they’re accusing you or attacking you for, the bullies are mentally smirking and patting themselves (and each other) on the backs over how easily they’ve got you to react, how easily they can scare you and make you nervous, and get you all up in arms. Some things don’t need an explanation.

Here are more reasons why you shouldn’t explain yourself to a bully:

1. No matter what you say, how calm you are when you say it, how convincing you may sound, or how much evidence you may have to support you, bullies will never believe you anyway.

2. Understand that bullies only believe whatever feels right, useful, and convenient for them.

3. They aren’t interested in evidence or facts. Any facts may only deter them for the time being, but believe me when I tell you. Your bullies will only get angrier at you for having the gall to prove them wrong. Then, they’ll regroup, reorganize, then come back at you with a whole new accusation and demand yet another explanation later.

Understand that anytime bullies accuse you of wrongdoing that you neither committed nor know anything about, deep inside, they already know you’re innocent.

They are fully aware that you had nothing to do with the transgression. Realize that it’s only a trap to get you to react and give them that rush of power that you’ve been giving them all along and that they crave and can’t seem to get enough of.

Even when you produce evidence to prove your point, you must work to gather that evidence.

Just knowing they have you jumping through hoops to prove yourself is enough to give them the thrills they’re looking for.

So, instead of letting them bait you into a defense, you should be asking yourself,

1. “Who are these morons?

2. “Who are they that I should have to explain anything?”

3. “Since when do I have to explain anything to these jackholes? They don’t pay my bills!”

Understand that you don’t owe these people a damn thing!

I understand that bullies can be intimidating and threatening. It’s hard to resist an explanation when you’re scared to death and not began rattling off an excuse in nervousness, hoping that a reasonable explanation will make the harassment go away. But trust me, it won’t!

It certainly didn’t make things better for me. If anything, it only got worse because my reaction only made me look like an easy target.

But once I realized what they were doing, I began to get bored with them and walk away because their games no longer affected me. The same will be for you too, and you’ll feel much better. And the icing on the cake will be that you’ll take the wind out of the bullies’ sails, and they’ll finally leave you alone.

With knowledge comes empowerment.

Why You Should Never Believe nor Internalize the Labels Bullies Give You

We’ve all heard of self-fulfilling prophecies or the Pygmalion Effect. It’s a phenomenon in which our thoughts become things. People also call it the power of expectation.

” What we believe we also become.”

When people (adults at work AND kids at school) are told they are smart and will do well, they usually end up doing just that. Whereas, if a person is told he is stupid and will never amount to anything, he will also live up to what he hears.

Bullying and life – pictured as a word Bullying and a wrecking ball to symbolize that Bullying can have a bad effect and can destroy life, 3d illustration

High expectations= high performance= high outcomes.

Low expectations= low performance= low outcomes.

Understand that bullies are brain-washers. They are repetitious in their verbal attacks, and if you aren’t careful after they have repeatedly suggested that you’re stupid, ugly, or no good long enough, they will force you to believe it too. You won’t even know it’s happening until it’s too late.

‘You see? A bully knows that if you tell a person something enough times for long enough, that person is more likely to believe it.

Understand that bullies do this on purpose. Their goal is to derail you, your goals, and your future by manipulation, to turn you against yourself.

Because bullies know that once they make you believe you’re worthless and can’t do anything right, you will unwittingly and ultimately live up to their expectations.

You must realize that any name a bully calls you, they want you to be. Anytime a bully tells you that you will never be loved, never be successful, etc., the goal is to crush your self-esteem and any prospect for the future.

Law of Attraction on Blackboard with Words

And people want to be right! Bullies want so badly to be right about you so that they can eventually point at you and tell others,

“See? What did I tell you? I told you he was a jackass!”

“I told you she would (screw up, fly off the handle, get into trouble, etc.).

“Uh-huh! What did I tell you? Huh?”

Therefore, should it be any wonder why bullies continuously bombard you with horrible names and accusations? If a person calls you a lowlife, they want you to be a lowlife because they want you to prove them right!

There is a reason why cycles repeat themselves over again! Everything becomes a cycle. What you expect is what you will end up getting. Even worse, it’s what you’ll eventually live up to. Always! It’s only the Law of Attraction at work, and it never fails.

It won’t be easy to do. It’s challenging to think positively and to keep loving yourself when you’re continually having horrible names and negative comments hurled at you from every direction. It’s tough to keep your heart open when the hearts of people around you are closed and locked tight. It feels impossible to love yourself when it seems that everyone hates you. I feel your pain because I’ve been right where you are now.

 

However, you can only break the cycle of abuse and negativity by continuing to love yourself even when it seems that nobody else does, by finding a reason to live when life seems hopeless, and by refusing to lose sight of your goals, your dreams, and most of all, your value as a human being.

Be mindful of your thoughts and always replace any negative thinking with thoughts that are positive.

If a bully calls you stupid, counter his statement by saying something as simple as,

“No! I’m smart! You’re the stupid one!”

You may have to work hard at it, but you can do it.

Bullying and Relational Aggression- “Don’t Associate With Her!”

It’s bad enough when bullies mistreat you themselves. But when they set out to prevent you from becoming friends with people besides them, that’s even worse.

Social and relational bullies are like obsessive exes who won’t allow you to move on from the hurt. You know the type- an ex who claims they don’t want you but doesn’t want anyone else to have you either.

They deliberately try to isolate you to wield power over you and make you believe that you need them- that you need their approval to live a happy life.

Another goal is to instill shame in you and make you believe you somehow deserve to be bullied. Bullies also do this to isolate you so that they can more safely continue, even escalate their attacks. If the bullies can turn everyone else against you, then you’re least likely to get support, and they’re least likely to be held responsible for their behavior.

Bullies use socio-relational aggression for many reasons, a couple of which are to get back at you for a perceived slight or intense jealousy of your good relations with others.

Bullies reap other psychological benefits, as well. They get gratification and satisfaction in seeing you alienated from everyone else. Also, your isolation serves them as proof that you’re a terrible person. Bullies always have to be right about you.

Understand that these types of bullies observe you very carefully. They keep track of you to find out who you associate with, who you date, even who your family members are. They also dig up information about your life.

When they find out who your friends are, they then tell your friends lies about you or threaten to harm your friends if they catch them having any more to do with you. Bullies will also mistreat your partner and even go after your family. You must realize that bullies thrive on fear, and, as I’ve already mentioned, their goal is to isolate you and make you more vulnerable. They cut you off from any protection or assistance.

Once they have succeeded in alienating you, they can bully you at will and with impunity. Bullies can also keep you silent about the abuse. If you have no one to talk to-, if no one will listen to you, then there’s no way you can speak out about them or their abuse without getting rebuffed or ridiculed.

So, here’s the short list. Social and relational bullying reaps the following rewards for bullies:

• Silence of the target
• the freedom to abuse anytime they want
• protection
• confirmation of the target’s unworthiness
• favor with others
• immunity from accountability
• gratification, satisfaction, and, most of all, overall power and domination of the target!

Knowledge is power, so get wise to your bullies. It’s the first step in protecting yourself from them.

“When Will People Stop Bullying Me?” Here’s the Answer.

The word Answer on a puzzle piece to symbolize the quest for understanding in answering questions and concerns

Bullies will stop bullying when you take away their power. But…how do you take away their power? You do it when you simply stop giving a damn what people think or what they say.

However, getting to the point of not caring takes several realizations. It takes understanding what is behind the bullying and accepting that some people just don’t matter and are not meant for you.

Hey. I know it’s easier said than done. We all want to be liked and approved of by others. To be accepted and a part of a group is a natural human need. However, some people are just no good for us. Toxic people do not deserve to be in your life, and bullies are toxic people. So why should their opinions matter?

When I finally stopped giving a crap what other people thought, that’s when people stopped bullying me. When their words and tricks no longer had any effect on me and the way I saw myself, it took the wind out of the bullies’ sails. They soon left me alone and moved on to someone else, and my life skyrocketed!

You must realize that there will always be those with something negative to say. Understand that everyone- EVERYONE gets talked about, not just you. Accept the fact that not everyone will like you and be okay with it. People are going to talk about you until the day you die, and even beyond. It’s just a part of life.

But know this, it says more about their own issues, not yours. I not only accept that people will talk about me, but I also embrace it! There are positive ways of looking at it ( https://cheriewhite.blog/2019/08/11/when-bullies-talk-bad-about-you-positive-ways-of-looking-at-it/ ).

You see, bullies love to brainwash you into thinking you need their approval. You don’t! I want you to realize that brainwashing someone and making that person believe that he/she is nothing without their approval is where bullies draw their power! They get their power from you!

I know this is hard to hear, but it’s the truth. Years ago, my bullies did the same to me, I hate to admit. They had me believing that I was nothing without their seal of approval, that everything was my fault, that I’d brought all the mistreatment on myself, and that if I would just do XYZ or change something about myself that they deemed undesirable, the harassment would stop.

Trust me. Because I didn’t know any better, I tried that repeatedly, and the bullying never stopped but got worse!

The truth is that I was always enough, and my value never depreciated. I never needed those morons nor their approval. Seriously! Who were they to begin with? They were nobody special, I can tell you that!

So, never change who you are to appease someone else! It will only make you a bigger target because others will then see you as a people pleaser! A suck-up! A boot-licker!

And once you’re seen as such, everyone will come from everywhere to take advantage of you because they will have zero respect for you! Believe it or not, when someone is a yes-person, word of it does spread! Like a brushfire!

But before you can get to the point where you could absolutely care less about how they see you, you must first realize that the bullies’ so-called coolness and badassery are just an illusion! Understand that bullies are not what they would have you believe. They’re not so tough. They aren’t the baddest mothers in the land. They’re only good at keeping up appearances and fooling others.

Once you ferret out your bullies’ weaknesses and see that they really aren’t all that, you will have confidence you never thought possible. You will easily be able to blow them off with a “whatever,” and nine times out of ten, they’ll move on to someone else because bullies can’t thrive without a victim.

Take the victim out of the equation, and they have nothing. Remove yourself from the equation, and you have everything! You can only do this when you stop caring what others think of you or say about you.

Reclaim your power and watch your life become more rewarding than you ever imagined!

Sometimes Self-Care Means Making Heartbreaking Decisions

Once you choose not to be a target anymore, you must realize that you may have to make very tough, even heartbreaking decisions. You will more than likely have to weed certain people out of your life for good, and sadly, some of those people may even be people you love very much.

You can still love them, ‘nothing wrong with it. However, as much as you may love them, they are not always healthy for you to be around.

It was a decision that I had to make with a family member twenty years ago and again seven years ago. And let me tell you, it was an excruciating decision. And when we stopped talking, I missed them very much.

No, worse. I mourned the person deeply. Even after all the cutting remarks, they had made toward me and a few others I loved, I still mourned them. It was akin to having a death in the family.

There’s no pain like mourning someone who’s still alive.

In both cases, we did not speak to one another for a few years. And we were not welcome in each other’s homes. During those two years, I would pass this person by in the supermarket, the gas station, or on the road somewhere while driving from time to time. No, “Hi. How are you?”. No honk and wave. Nothing.

We would both just turn our heads and go on about our business. And I would feel my heart sink into my stomach and fight back the tears, knowing that there was a possibility that we would never speak again.

There was always that dreadful “Could I have done something different” feeling, which always seemed to rear its ugly head. Feelings of guilt would emerge even in the midst of knowing I had done the best that I possibly could.

Many of you may be going through something similar but do not lose heart. Your relationship with your estranged loved one is still repairable. I am blessed to be able to say that this story has a very happy ending to it.

After another family member had gotten sick, I received a call from my loved one, and we reconciled, apologized, and forgave one another. After the reconciliation, I made sure that I could lend a helping hand in taking care of our sick family member, and we became close again.

Now, we are closer than EVER! We visit each other, we talk on the phone, and we never hesitate to tell each other how much we love one another. From this, I learned a very powerful lesson.

Hit the road concept, road – 3D rendering

That lesson is this:

Sometimes, it takes a separation to bring people closer. Although painful when it happens, walking away may actually be a great thing and produce awesome results later on. Anytime you walk away, your value and the other person’s value often go up, and in time, you both learn to respect one another. Then you love each other even more than you did before.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

You Aren’t Selfish

To expect fair and humane treatment from others at work or school.

To expect better and more loyal friendships.

To walk away from a job with a boss or coworkers who don’t appreciate your efforts.

To stop putting other’s wants and needs before your own.

To snub people who don’t value you.

To chose not to do anything you don’t want to do.

To say no to things and people you don’t like or just aren’t right for you.

To kick toxic people and life-suckers out of your life.

To refuse to let others take advantage of you.

To walk away from a relationship or friendship that only drains you and leaves you feeling terrible about yourself.

To look out for and take care of yourself.

To put yourself first.

To love yourself and all your imperfections.

You must realize that most people do not care about being fair or reasonable; they only speak of fairness and reason when it suits them.

Understand that you deserve for others to treat you with love and respect. You have a right to say no- to refuse and to walk away when something doesn’t feel right to you.

You deserve the freedom to live your life on your terms, to do things your way, and to be successful, happy, and fulfilled.

Anything less than that is unacceptable. And if any of this constitutes being selfish, then it’s okay to be “selfish.”

Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

Many bullying victims are so anxious to make friends that they don’t set boundaries as to the way people should treat them. As long as they don’t have to be by themselves, they overlook the shoddy ways their so-called friends treat them.

They get hurt many times over because it turns out that their pals are only tolerating them. And by the time the target realizes those people aren’t good for them, they’ve been hurt, used, and humiliated enough times that their self-esteem is damaged.

Here’s my advice to targets who feel lonely and desperate for friends:

Never chase anyone who does not see your worth! It is beneath you, and those who do not value you, no matter how ‘cool’ they act or look, do not deserve the privilege of being in your life. You need to cleanse your life of these toxic people.

I realize that if you are a target of bullying, your friendship options are minimal, and I know all too well of the humiliation of sitting alone at the lunch table. At the same time, everyone else gets to enjoy having friends around them. Believe me, I was there myself once upon a time.

However, if the options you do have for friends are only tolerating you and turn hot and cold, exclude you, or talk behind your back, then perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate those friendships.

There is a difference between someone who genuinely likes you and someone who is only tolerating you. And you always know when someone is only tolerating you because of how you feel when that person is around. You can feel it in your gut. You can hear the shortness and coldness in the tone of their voices. You can see it in the way that they look at you (or refuse to look at you).

You can feel the cold vibes that they put out. There is nothing worse than realizing that someone you think highly of thinks very little of you. It is the most uncomfortable and sickening feeling. It is the equivalent of being kicked in the stomach!

But I want you to know that you do not have to be around such poisonous people. Anyone who makes you feel uneasy does not deserve your friendship. It does not matter if they are rich, good-looking, popular, successful, cool, tough, or whatever.

If they make you feel bad about yourself, ditch them! Weed. Then. OUT! They are not worthy of being in your company. You are better off without them. Understand that this may mean staying to yourself for a time.

No one wants to be a loner. I understand it, and I sympathize with you. However, I believe that it’s much better to be alone than to crawl up behind anyone who does not see your value.

It won’t be easy. Nothing worthwhile is. It takes courage to walk away from a person or people who take you for granted, especially when options for human connections are so few.

And I won’t lie to you, you may be by yourself for a while. It may get lonely, even sad, and depressing at times. But be strong and stay true to your own heart! You deserve so much better!

I promise you this. It may take a while, but if you have the courage to walk away from such people, life will eventually reward you for your courage by placing better and more loving people in your path- people who will genuinely love you and have your best interests at heart.

You will have better friends- friends who want to spend time with you, who want to invite you to parties and other events, and who will be there for you when the chips are down. You will have friends who are tried and true.

Be patient. Your time is coming!

Any Time Someone Tells You You’ll Never Be Anybody, They’re Really Afraid You Will.

There’s a reason why some people seem to go out of their way to bring you down, rain on your parade, trash your dreams. Think about it. How many happy people who are satisfied with their own lives do you see sitting or standing around putting others down?

I thought so.

If you have a person or group of people in your life who are constantly bombarding you with insults, horrible names, and telling you that you will never amount to anything, reach your goals, achieve your dreams, etc., it’s because they aren’t happy with their own lives.

They’re only putting you down to avoid feeling so miserable about themselves and look bigger to others. And although that’s true, there’s yet a much deeper reason: Those people are deathly afraid that you will amount to something, that you’ll become successful- more successful than them.

Even worse? You’ll prove them all wrong and force them to peddle back and eat every word that came out of their mouths.

Let’s face it. Crow doesn’t sound like a delicious dish. No one likes to be shown up, but even worse, people hate it when the person they thought was less-than and would never be anyone reaches success.

blame point fingers

Why? Because when the perceived underdog shows everyone up, he only exposes those who made themselves out to be the overdogs by highlighting the inferiority they so desperately tried to hide.

Anytime you become a winner despite the people who tried to keep you down, you remind those haters, bullies, and naysayers of everything they didn’t or couldn’t do and of everything they never could and will never be.

It is as if you held a mirror up to them and showed them their nude reflections- reflections which included the ugly and downright disgusting parts of themselves they never wanted to see. Most don’t like to see themselves naked for all the cellulite, dimples, and bumps of fat.

It’s the same with seeing their true personalities. Your success exposes the laziness and mediocrity they’ve been so comfy and content with living in, yet tried to conceal.

“Who do you think you are! I labeled you as a loser, and you didn’t live up to that! How dare you!”

That’s precisely what your bullies from high school or a past job will think when you reach your star! I promise you! Trust me when I say that bullies aren’t happy people, though they pretend to be. They’re only happy when they’re making someone else feel like manure.

At their core, bullies are miserable, bitter, and afraid.

‘You see? Bullies have to make someone else a target so that they won’t become targets themselves. They put you down to hide or distract others from their shortcomings. They must find someone they perceive to be weaker than themselves to degrade to take the negative focus off them.

Your accolades only put the spotlight right back on them. It’s why they’ve tried to keep you down for so long. And it took a lot of work for them to do it, which brings me to another point; nobody likes the thought of wasted effort.

As long as you’re winning at life, bullies can’t touch you. When you succeed in life, you unwittingly put your bullies in the hot seat because you force them to look like the utter fools they are.

You force them to deal with a truth they don’t want to realize. And that truth is that all along, you’ve always had it in you to reach your goals and live a prosperous life.

So, no matter what people say, no matter how others treat you, never lose sight of your worth or your goals!

You are worth fighting for! You are worth living for!