The questions presented here are legitimate questions. After all, we humans are social animals.
We’re hardwired for social connections and togetherness.
Humans are made to enjoy friendships and positive connections, especially during the formative years. It’s a crucial to our development.
The more likeable we are, the better chances we have of making friends and maintaining relationships. Also, we’re more likely to get a date, get married, and reproduce ourselves.
Moreover, likeability increases our chances of getting better jobs, bonuses, higher tips, and promotions.
However, this is not to say that targets of bullying aren’t likeable because they are. Often, it’s the bullies who are unlikable. Why else would they become jealous and target likeable people.
Sadly, over time, the effects of long-term bullying can cause the target to become less and less likeable.
Any form of bullying and abuse that is long-term can shatter a person’s trust in humanity. As a result, the person can become guarded and suspicious of others.
Furthermore, people sense this and are repelled by it. After all, there can be no connection if there isn’t trust. Sadly, they don’t teach likeability in school. Therefore, it’s up to us to read the appropriate books and articles and practice what we learn.
Here are the answers to the questions above:
1. Unfortunately, it’s impossible to control the thoughts and behavior of another. Each person has their own mind and will do what they will do. In other words, nothing you say or do will stop them if it’s something they really want to do. That includes bullying. However, what you can control is your reaction to it.
Moreover, there’s no law that says you must stand there and take their crap. You can choose not to give them a response or you can put your hand up, turn, and walk away. You can tell the idiot to get bent, or you can give them the middle finger and keep going. There are many things you can do to put the creep back in their place.
2. Just be yourself. And care not what others think or say of you. Do these things and the right people will come into your life and want to be friends.
3. Again, be yourself. And remember. A smile is the best outfit you can ever put on.
4. Be confident. Confidence is a natural influencer. If you’re confident in yourself, others will more likely be confident in you.
5. Again, be confident, be yourself, and care not what others think. It’s also important to be interested in other people because people naturally like others who are interested in them.
6. See number 5.
7. Bullies bully because they’re insecure. They’re afraid of their own imperfections coming to light, so they use you as a distraction from their shortcomings.
Some people are born with natural charm and likeability, and some weren’t. However, always remember this. The personality traits you weren’t born with can always, always be learned. You must read books on how to be more likeable and lesson your chances of attracting bullies.
If you have ever been a target of bullying, how many of these pieces of really bad advice did you hear from others, teachers, supervisors, even your well-meaning family members and friends when you were trying to deal with the onslaught of bullies?
Keep a low profile
Keep your nose clean
Don’t rock the boat
Don’t make waves
Tone it down a little
Don’t draw attention to yourself
Stay out of the way
Keep your head down
Don’t poke the bear
Make yourself scarce
Stay out of trouble
Go the extra mile
Try to blend in
If you were ever told one (or more) of these 15 things, feel free to comment!
One of the greatest victories against bullies is reaching your full potential. Here are ways you can do it!
1. Don’t worry about what other people think. In life, there will be those who will try to tear you down, especially if they know you’re striving to reach a goal. But you don’t mind because they don’t matter. Don’t let them discourage you. No matter what they say, keep shooting for the stars. And don’t stop until you reach your dreams.
2. Weed out all the Negative Nancies and Debbie Downers. Yes! Get rid of all the gossips, whiners, complainers, bullies, and all the people who make you feel bad and suck the oxygen out of you. Surround yourself with positive and uplifting people- people who help you, not those who hinder you.
3. Never be afraid to be alone. Trust me; you’d rather be by yourself than keep company with people who are negative and drain the lifeblood out of you. Negative people are exhausting, and you will need all your energy stores to reach your highest potential. And if you have a partner who doesn’t treat you right nor appreciates the value you bring to a relationship, then perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate the partnership, get clear on the kind of partner you want in your life and give this person their walking papers.
4. Don’t quit. Don’t give up when it seems like progress isn’t happening fast enough or when the going gets rough. Keep plugging at it! Because sometimes, things are their toughest just before you finally get your breakthrough.
5. Believe in yourself. To succeed at anything, you must believe in yourself. If you don’t, no one else will, and you won’t accomplish anything. Without faith in yourself and your abilities, you won’t have the morale to keep working toward your dreams. If you need to rest, then do so. But whatever you do, don’t quit!
You will have to do all of these before you ever find your confidence and reach peace and happiness. It won’t be easy but I promise. It’ll be worth it in the end!
Anytime a target is bullied in school or college, adults can give some of the most ridiculous, downright ludicrous advice that, in most cases, has no chance of ever producing positive results. This isn’t to say that the people who give the advice don’t mean well, because most of the time, they do. It only comes from a lack of knowledge.
However, other adults, like a few teachers and school officials will often give the same advice not only out of laziness, but also hoping the target will forget about the bullying he/she suffers and let the bullies off the hook. I write this from personal experience.
I can tell you that I got lots of advice back in the day that was not only ineffective, but counterproductive, from a few well-meaning family members who didn’t know better, lazy teachers, and not-to-be-bothered principals. And when I did take their advice and found that it produced no results, I felt let down to say the least.
Here are some things that were suggested to me years ago when I was in the battle of my life:
1.Ignore them. I’m sure everyone who has ever battled bullies has gotten this advice. Here are a few reasons why this almost never works.
a. Bullies seek attention. And they are relentless in that pursuit. If one thing doesn’t get your attention, they will try something else, and they won’t stop until they’ve worn you down and caused you to react out of exhaustion. Even then, they won’t stop.
b. Bullies think they’re entitled to unearned respect. Many of these bullies get extremely angry when you ignore them because they see it as disrespect. Then, they will retaliate and continue to make you pay from that day forward.
c. Bullies mistake your ignoring them for fear- these bullies are like wild animals. When they smell fear (or think they do), look out! Because they’ll take full advantage until they either crush you underfoot, or you blow your top, knock the taste out of their mouths, and land in trouble with school authorities or police.
The best thing to do is to come back at the bullies with something witty to throw them off balance, or initiate a good burn to humiliate them and make them think twice about ever coming for you again.
2. Just Overlook Them. Right! It’s hard to overlook a bully who’s in your face, screaming curses and obscenities at you, daring you to say something back to them or to hit them. It’s also difficult to ignore a bully who’s beating the crap out of you after school every other day. How can you overlook or ignore that?
The best thing to do here is to tell them to back the hell off or if need be, defend yourself by putting up your dukes and fighting back like your life depends on it.
3. Kill them with kindness. Shh-yeah! Although it may work with bully-victims who bully you, it will never in this lifetime work with narcissistic bullies. Narcissists see kindness as weakness and will use it to their own ends and to crush you. Also, they’ll come back at you much harder because they see kindness as a bad reflection on them and they can’t handle anyone who naturally makes them look like scumbags.
The best thing to do with narcissists is to avoid contact with them altogether. Instead of killing them with kindness, kill them with indifference instead.
If you’re reading this, and you’ve ever been a target of bullying, feel free to comment about the bad advice you got from others in the below.
And it’s a fact of life we need to accept. And the sooner you do, the better off you’ll be. are going to talk about you until the day you die. And it’s something that we all not only need to accept but be okay with if we’re ever going to grow as human beings.
And here’s another fun fact:
Everyone gets talked about, everyone! Even the best of us!
If wealthy celebrities and politicians get bashed and put down, you’re only fooling yourself if you think that you don’t or shouldn’t. But why should you care? Why should you give a crap what people say or think of you?
During high school, everyone bullied me terribly and talked about me like a dog. It used to upset me. It used to make me angry or sad. I won’t lie, having people say horrible things about me, tell lies, and put me down? It hurt.
As an adult, I even worked around people talked trash about me. But I realized that most of them didn’t matter anyway.
They didn’t pay my bills.
They didn’t sign my paycheck every week.
They weren’t anyone I cared anything about.
Outside of the job, they had no bearing on my life.
I sometimes look back and ask myself, “Damn! Why did I ever concern myself with it? Those morons weren’t even on my level and weren’t worth two cents.”
The point I’m making is that most people are a dime a dozen. They really are! And nine times out of ten, the reason they’re so busy squawking about others is that they’re bored with their own lives and have nothing better to do.
And the sooner you realize it, the sooner you’ll stop caring and the happier you’ll be. When you stop being so concerned, you’ll no longer be a slave to the approval of others, and you’ll set yourself free of any anxiety.
The only opinions you should place that kind of importance on are those of your God, your family, and your closest friends.
Anyone outside of that isn’t even an issue. the opinions of God, my family, and my closest friends are the only ones that matter. The rest is just a waste of energy and mind-space.
Chess board and text “Strategic plan” Business planning concept
Being unpredictable can be your best weapon against bullies. Anytime you are predictable in a climate of bullying, you’re a sitting duck. Bullies will soon know what gets you upset, what will get you to fly off the handle and do something irrational and how to sabotage you socially and academically. You must be versatile if you expect to throw the bullies off-kilter.
Predictability is human nature. People are creatures of habit and have a need to see familiarity in the actions of others. If you’re a target of bullying, any predictability on your part will give your bullies the idea that they have control of you.
Understand that the reason bullies have so much power over you is that you’re too darn predictable. You make it too easy for them to predict what you’ll do. Because they’ve studied and picked up on your habits, they have the foreknowledge of what your reaction will be. And they’ll weaponize it every chance they get!
But when you flip the script and begin deliberately exhibiting behavior that has no consistency and no objectives, you automatically throw your bullies for a loop! Take your unpredictable behavior up several notches and bullies will be intimidated.
Now. Before I go on, let me mention that here’s one good thing about your predictability- you’ve gotten your bullies so used to your patterns that you’ve lulled them off to sleep, which will make any versatility on your part all the more powerful once you start deliberately changing your reactions to their attacks.
So, here goes:
If you’re a target of bullying, you want to make it look you have no clear strategy. You must scramble your behavior patterns and your reactions to confuse the bullies if you want them to back off. And when you do, not only will it confuse them, it’ll scare the stupid out of them!
I’ll use a scenario with one of my old classmates as an example:
Just two years ago, Carol, one of my old classmates, attacked me online after she found out that I was collaborating with a producer out of New York on a screenplay adaptation of my first published book.
Let me start by saying that we hadn’t seen each other since high school. Back then, I was quiet, shy and timid girl, but with a hair-trigger temper when I was pushed too far. That’s how Carol had remembered me.
And had she verbally attacked me back then, I either would’ve walked away from her without saying anything back to her, or, on a bad day, I would’ve fought fire with fire- screaming back at her, cursing her out and calling her every name but a child of God.
This time, I did neither. As you’ll see in the screenshots below, I reacted in a way she never expected me to.
Carol expected me to fly off the handle, have a moment of sheer stupidity, and counter-attack with the same vitriol and craziness she dished out to me first. Then she could have used my counter-attack against me and made me look like the instigator. That’s exactly what she had plans to do, and I knew it.
Instead of reacting, I responded.
I remained calm and told her how it was without name-calling, without cursing, and without using all caps. And boy! Did it throw her into a hissy fit! Carol literally FREAKED! ‘Had a complete meltdown online as she sent me hateful message after hateful message. I happily took screenshots and outed her all over social media before finally blocking her.
By reacting in a way I knew she never expected, I threw her off balance and not only instilled fear, but induced panic and rage in her. I shook her up so much so that she couldn’t think clearly nor rationally. She stumbled, making blunder after blunder.
In being unpredictable, I forced her to give me the goods I needed to expose her with. She fell face-first into the trap I calmly laid for her, and I have to admit. Outsmarting her felt soooo good! Carol played right into my hands and didn’t realize her mistake until after she’d calmed down. But by then, it was too late. Carol had made herself look like a complete lunatic and had I acted as she had, I would’ve looked just as nutty as she did.
‘You see? When you deliberately respond in ways your bullies don’t expect, you throw them off-kilter and force them to react out of fear, confusion, even anger. And when a person reacts out of pure emotion, they make a truckload of mistakes, blunders, and gaffes, then end up making a colossal fool of themselves.
Even better, after I exposed Carol online, many other old classmates, out of loyalty to her, came to her defense and attacked me the same way she had. Although they knew that she was in the wrong and that she’d attacked me without provocation, their loyalty to their old high school buddy was much stronger than their sense of right and wrong.
Carol’s, brother, sister and son also joined in the vitriol. They even went to the pages of my husband and my son and attacked them too. Carol’s allies didn’t private message them but went to their public pages where all could see. In doing this, they also exposed themselves for the idiots they were while we sat back and laughed.
That’s what reacting out of emotion does. It causes us to make dumb mistakes.
Needless to say, after I exposed them (or they exposed themselves) those people backed off quickly and I never heard from them again. Neither did my family. They now stay far away because they were surprised to find that I’m nowhere near as naïve as I was in high school. I stayed calm and was smart enough to deflect their attacks and use them against them.
Again. Understand that by doing something unexpected, you gain a huge advantage over your bullies. And when bullies can’t figure out what you’re going to do, it scares them to death and they’ll almost always react out of fear!
Nothing is more frightening than when you make a move nobody would ever expect. It’s the reason natural disasters are so scary because no one knows when and where they’ll hit next. It’s why deer hunters can track down their prey and kill them. They know the habits and patterns of behavior of the deer they hunt.
Realize that habits and patterns are the worst things that go against a target of bullying because bullies pick up on your routines and use them against you.
In closing, you must learn to unsettle your bullies by allowing them to see you do things they’d never expect. If a bully launches an attack, you should counter-attack suddenly, without warning, in a way they’d wouldn’t expect you to, and when they least expect it.
You must purposefully mislead your bullies to trick them into an emotional reaction!
If you’re going to be predictable, don’t stay that way. Do it for long enough that your bullies get used to your patterns and are lulled into a false sense of security, then strike suddenly with something unexpected! And that’s how you get them to leave you alone!
Many targets who are bullied will ask their bullies why.
“Why are you doing this to me?”
“What did I ever do to you?”
Realize that these questions are pointless because, by asking these types of questions, the target is only reinforcing their role as victim and that’s not good. Also, a bully will never answer those questions and it’s because they can’t answer them. Even if they could answer them, they’d either never tell you, or they wouldn’t tell you the correct answer.
Remember that part of the bully’s power is to keep you guessing and asking these questions- to keep you confused and in the dark. And believe me, their silence on it speaks just as loudly as their words.
Again, bullies love to keep you guessing and trying to wrack your brain. That alone is power in and of itself. If bullies can keep you wondering, they can continue the behavior and they can do it without you catching on to the reality that they are really the ones with the problem and not you.
It’s best to look up articles and books on bullying to get the answers to your questions. I promise that you’ll get much better answers from these sources than you ever will from your bullies.