You Should Never Apologize for Being Different

I’ve never been one to follow blindly. Never been one to conform without knowing what motives any authority figure had behind telling me to do so. I’m one to question everything. Always have been. And I’ve always done critical thinking and plenty of reading and research. That’s just me.

Through the years, this has gotten me into a lot of trouble. I’ve taken a lot of heat and lost many friends (or people I thought who were friends) for it. And it’s probably why I was bullied all those years in school.

But that’s okay. In fact, I embrace all of it!

I’d rather stand for something than fall for anything people feed me. I’m true to my beliefs and convictions and I’m not afraid of losing a few people over it. And I’m proud of that.

I’m not a follower.

No one ever said being a free-thinking person was easy and I don’t expect it to be.
And when people get pissed and withdraw friendship over my choice to question a narrative, I only see it as a weeding out of fake friends and people who aren’t meant to be in my circle.

To know who your real friends are, you must be your true authentic self, question status quos, trends, and popular narratives, then call BS when you see or hear it.

And I’m willing to accept it and everything that comes with it.

10 Things that Happen if You Don’t Love Yourself

If you don’t love yourself, who will? And how can you love anyone else if you don’t first love yourself?

These are valid questions.

When someone doesn’t love themselves, we can tell. We can see it in their demeanor, their face, and their posture. We can hear it in their tone of voice and the way they talk. Why do you think these people attract users and abusers to them? Why do you think they end up with people who mistreat and control them?

Here’s what happens when you don’t love yourself:

1. You’re never able to properly love anyone else. You will be codependent- always searching to get love from another source- a source outside yourself, instead of letting love come from within. When you finally find someone who does love you, you won’t love them the way they need to be loved. Instead, you’ll only smother your partner to death because you’ll always have to be right there under the person’s nose.

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Also, you’ll be suspicious of others, wondering if your partner’s going to leave you or wondering if they’re cheating. You’ll wonder if your friends really like you or if they’re only pretending to. In essence, you’ll end up making a new partner or friend pay for something someone else did in the past and it’s not fair. Being in constant worry and suspicion is no way to live!

2. You rely too much on others to make you feel loved and wanted and be afraid of being alone. You will always believe that to be happy, you must always be one half of a couple. But understand that if you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship either.

3. You move too quickly into a relationship. Once you are in a relationship, you’ll love your partner more than they deserve and before they have time to earn that love. Also, you’re likely to scare the other person away. Realize that love needs time to grow.

4. You give away your power. When you give away your power, you automatically put yourself at the mercy of someone else. And believe me, they take full advantage. You put your own needs on the back burner and always put your partner before yourself, doing all the giving in the relationship in exchange for your partner’s love. You’ll even do things you really don’t want to do just to satisfy the other person.

You’ll stop making your own decisions and allow someone else to choose for you. You’ll also agree to every single thing he or she says. When you do this, you leave nothing for yourself. After a while, the feeling of unfairness will slowly build. Soon, you will become resentful after so long of not getting anything in return.

Never give another person that kind of power! You must have your own mind and be your own person.

5. Because you can never control how another person acts nor how they feel about you. What happens when your partner gets tired of you and decides he/she no longer wants to be with you? It will devastate you. It’s only natural that the end of any friendship or relationship is painful. But it should never be crushing. It should never feel like the end of the world.

6. You’ll be on an endless search for love and friendship. You’ll spend your whole life searching for love. That in itself is not only off-putting to others, but it’s also exhausting to you. You’ll waste your time, hopping from relationship to relationship.

When one partner gets bored with you and leaves for someone who challenges them, you’ll be on another search for someone else to take their place. And this cycle will only continue to repeat itself. Before long, you’ll have a string of broken relationships behind you. Not good!

7. You’ll settle for just anyone. And you’ll get even less than what you settled for. No one should settle. Ever! If the person isn’t the person you want or is less than what you thought they were, you’ll be much happier if you move on to something you really want. Always be selective of the friends and partners you choose and of the company you keep.

8. You attract takers instead of givers. Predatory people have a keen eye for those who are desperate to be loved and accepted. And they’ll sniff you from a mile away. These people will be more than happy to befriend or date you just to get what they want from you. Once they’ve used you long enough and bleed you dry of resources and dignity, they’ll only drop you and move on to the next poor sucker. When you stop being afraid of aloneness, you magically begin to repel predators and attract better people.

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9. You’ll repel the people who either do or would otherwise love and accept you. If by chance you happen to find someone who truly loves you, you won’t be able to relax and enjoy it. You’ll be so scared of losing the person that you’ll be too clingy and likely run them off because of your incessant neediness.

Understand that when you do this, you automatically make them responsible for your happiness and it’s not fair. Being held responsible for another person’s happiness is a heavy load for anyone to carry! You’ll only zap the other person’s energy as you expect them to fill a void that can’t be filled by anyone but you and God. Realize that only you are responsible for your happiness. No one else.

10. You stay in toxic relationships and put up with shabby treatment just to keep from being alone. You’ll likely end of with an abuser who’ll physically or mentally abuse you. Love and friendship shouldn’t be painful.

You may also end up with someone too lazy to work and who expects you to keep their worthless ass up. No one has to work that hard to keep any relationship and if you do, it’s a sign that you need to show somebody out the door- and fast.

The last thing you want is to be tied down to some broke chump who treats you like crap or won’t get off their dead ass and work to help pay the bills. I’ve seen this happen to so many people I’ve known in the past.

Being alone is a part of loving yourself. It’s not the worse thing that can ever happen to you. It’s very healthy sometimes because you get to know yourself during times of solitude.

But when you’re afraid of being by yourself, you’re likely to give others control of your life and put yourself at their mercy! STOP THAT! Never cheat yourself by settling for anything less than what you deserve!

Never put your happiness in someone else’s hands! Ever!

You Can’t Be a People-Pleaser and Be Happy at The Same Time

The road to happiness starts with being yourself. That means being true to your feelings, beliefs, opinions, convictions, and tastes. It also means making your own decisions and living life on your own terms. Otherwise, you’ll never be happy.

Anytime you try to fit in and be liked, you suppress yourself and your own needs and desires. You bury your true nature and stuff down your true emotions and become a robot!

You’ll jump through hoops to win the approval of others- you’ll comform to impossible expectations, put up with shabby treatment, and run yourself ragged putting everyone else’s needs before your own. In essence, you consistently shape-shift until you bend yourself in a pretzel!

To put it bluntly, you kiss arse, eat sh*t, lick boots, and become everybody’s stooge. And for what? Just to be liked?

Businessman with wind up key on his back sitting on chair and using laptop computer on city background. Manipulation concept

Forget that!

Sadly,  today’s culture dictates that you be who others, especially those in power, want you to be rather than who you are. In today’s society, to be natural equals being anti-social. It means to risk being an outcast and that’s scary for many because most people have been programmed to suppress their true selves in order to fit in and be liked and it’s the same people who expect you to follow suit.

These people think that life and the world is one big popularity contest and it isn’t. This is why we have so many who are depressed because bullies and abusers have prevented them from expressing their true emotions, their true nature, and therefore, from being their true, authentic selves.

Understand that society has programmed the majority of us to adopt values and beliefs we don’t really hold, follow social rules we really don’t agree with, and basically hate who we really are. So, we hide behind a mask of fakery.

But! Sooner or later, that mask will slip off, as it is surely bound to do. Then what?

The reality is that no one can put on an act forever- eventually our true nature begins to seep through. Then what happens?

People then see us for the frauds we were and we get shunned and ridiculed anyway. The very thing we fear and have been running from finally catches up with us.

So, why not be yourself from the start? We may be ridiculed for it but, at least, we won’t be so because we were found to be fake and living a lie. If I’m going to be made fun of anyway, I’ll be so for being me and living my truth. And I’ll do it free of depression and excess stress.

Sadly, this is something most don’t think about, which is why so many people instead hide behind a fake facade.

For example, many seek approval by showing off, doing dangerous stunts to impress an audience and end up getting seriously hurt.

If you’ve ever watched the TV show, “World’s Dumbest Partiers,” you then know what I’m talking about.

Do you remember several years back, when people were filming themselves on YouTube, Facebook, and other apps, eating Tide Pods, or participating in The Knock-Out Game? These are other examples.

It’s pathetic the lengths people will go to get attention and win the admiration of others- even people they don’t know or even like!

Realize that you don’t have to go to these extremes to be well thought of. And the people who do are only insecure wusses who’s only life purpose is to get attention and be thought of as cool.

What isn’t so cool is the many injuries and trips to the emergency room- the broken bones, the paralysis, and the deaths that result from this stupidity.

Think about this: If you end up in a wheelchair for the rest of your life because you did something stupid while trying to prove something, do you really think these so-called friends and admirers will continue to stick around?

How cool and admired will you be if you end up permanently disabled to such an extent that you can’t even go to the bathroom on your own, or worse- wipe your own behind?

Its sad that people continue to engage in risky behaviors to get the psychological benefits of attention, approval, and admiration. And they do it because they feel empty inside and are trying to fill a void.

Trying to please or impress others gets you nowhere because to do so means that you must ignore yourself and put your own wants and needs on the back burner. In many cases, it means putting your health and even your life in peril. All because you’re living a lie.

Bullies often called me chicken when I’d refuse them any time they told me to do something that had the potential to cause me injury. But I’d rather be a chicken than a turkey. And my refusal only ensured my safety.

Understand that you don’t have to do any of these things to be liked or considered cool. And if others can’t accept you as you are, then perhaps you’re keeping the wrong company and need to find better people- people who celebrate you as the unique, awesome, incredible, and amazing person you truly are.

Be yourself. Moreover, just be.

Know that you’re enough. Better yet, you’re awesome just the way you are. Accept yourself. Believe in yourself. Love yourself and all your quirks and imperfections, for we all have them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Break the Rules When Necessary — From Behind the Pen

I want to introduce you to Kym Gordon Moore at “From Behind the Pen” (https://frombehindthepen.wordpress.com/). She is such an awesome writer and makes such great points in so few words. Now that’s talent!
In her post, she talks about having the courage to be yourself- to live, to laugh, to love, and do it often. Let’s face it, life’s too short to be anything other than authentic.
There will be people who won’t like you and who will not want you to relax and just be your awesome self. There’ll be people who will resent your happiness, and your loving ways. Why? Because they don’t have what you have.
Understand that you can’t please everyone, so, do you really want to live for them or do you want to live for yourself? I would hope that you would choose the latter because when you do, you’ll experience freedom you’ve never known.
Many times, people will put unnecessary and unspoken social rules on you, but know that those rules are made to be broken, so, “break the rules when necessary.” And be the beautiful person God meant for you to be!

Don’t shortchange yourself today. Embrace life through the breeze of discovery.

Break the Rules When Necessary — From Behind the Pen

You Can be Dangerous to Your Bullies If You Know How

Having a moral compass and a strong sense of self is a huge threat to bullies. Why? Because those are things they don’t have. Bullies know that anyone with these qualities will see right through them and, even worse, blow the lid off the dirty secrets they try to hide.

Such a person is also a threat to the bullies’ popularity and social status. Anyone who has a moral compass and a strong sense of self is also more likely to be trusted and well-liked by others. They outshine bullies and make them look (and feel) like the losers they are. And they do it without trying! They do it simply by being their natural selves.

Should it be any wonder that these people attract so much hatred from bullies? Is it at all surprising that they have so many insecure people who try to tear them down?

Know that if you’re a target of such vile behavior, it isn’t because there’s anything wrong with you. It’s because there’s something right with you!

So, hold on to that!

I’m Me, Just Me

I’m Me

Unapologetically

Originally

Unabashedly

Authentically

Undeniably

Beautifully

One hundred percent

Me!

Me is all I can be

All I want to be

Who I’ll always be

Me is who I’m proud to be!

Be you and be free!

10 Reasons Why You Absolutely Must Love Yourself

If you don’t love yourself, who will? And how can you love anyone else if you don’t first love yourself?

These are valid questions.

When someone doesn’t love themselves, we can tell. We can see it in their demeanor, their face, and their posture. We can hear it in their tone of voice and the way they talk. Why do you think these people attract users and abusers to them? Why do you think they end up with people who mistreat and control them?

Here’s what happens when you don’t love yourself:

1. You’re never able to properly love anyone else. You will be codependent- always searching to get love from another source- a source outside yourself, instead of letting love come from within. When you finally find someone who does love you, you won’t love them the way they need to be loved. Instead, you’ll only smother your partner to death because you’ll always have to be right there under the person’s nose.

dreamstime_xs_116631302

Also, you’ll be suspicious of others, wondering if your partner’s going to leave you or wondering if they’re cheating. You’ll wonder if your friends really like you or if they’re only pretending to. In essence, you’ll end up making a new partner or friend pay for something someone else did in the past and it’s not fair. Being in constant worry and suspicion is no way to live!

2. You rely too much on others to make you feel loved and wanted and be afraid of being alone. You will always believe that to be happy, you must always be one half of a couple. But understand that if you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship either.

3. You move too quickly into a relationship. Once you are in a relationship, you’ll love your partner more than they deserve and before they have time to earn that love. Also, you’re likely to scare the other person away. Realize that love needs time to grow.

4. You give away your power. When you give away your power, you automatically put yourself at the mercy of someone else. And believe me, they take full advantage. You put your own needs on the back burner and always put your partner before yourself, doing all the giving in the relationship in exchange for your partner’s love. You’ll even do things you really don’t want to do just to satisfy the other person.

You’ll stop making your own decisions and allow someone else to choose for you. You’ll also agree to every single thing he or she says. When you do this, you leave nothing for yourself. After a while, the feeling of unfairness will slowly build. Soon, you will become resentful after so long of not getting anything in return.

Never give another person that kind of power! You must have your own mind and be your own person.

5. Because you can never control how another person acts nor how they feel about you. What happens when your partner gets tired of you and decides he/she no longer wants to be with you? It will devastate you. It’s only natural that the end of any friendship or relationship is painful. But it should never be crushing. It should never feel like the end of the world.

6. You’ll be on an endless search for love and friendship. You’ll spend your whole life searching for love. That in itself is not only off-putting to others, but it’s also exhausting to you. You’ll waste your time, hopping from relationship to relationship.

When one partner gets bored with you and leaves for someone who challenges them, you’ll be on another search for someone else to take their place. And this cycle will only continue to repeat itself. Before long, you’ll have a string of broken relationships behind you. Not good!

7. You’ll settle for just anyone. And you’ll get even less than what you settled for. No one should settle. Ever! If the person isn’t the person you want or is less than what you thought they were, you’ll be much happier if you move on to something you really want. Always be selective of the friends and partners you choose and of the company you keep.

8. You attract takers instead of givers. Predatory people have a keen eye for those who are desperate to be loved and accepted. And they’ll sniff you from a mile away. These people will be more than happy to befriend or date you just to get what they want from you. Once they’ve used you long enough and bleed you dry of resources and dignity, they’ll only drop you and move on to the next poor sucker. When you stop being afraid of aloneness, you magically begin to repel predators and attract better people.

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9. You’ll repel the people who either do or would otherwise love and accept you. If by chance you happen to find someone who truly loves you, you won’t be able to relax and enjoy it. You’ll be so scared of losing the person that you’ll be too clingy and likely run them off because of your incessant neediness.

Understand that when you do this, you automatically make them responsible for your happiness and it’s not fair. Being held responsible for another person’s happiness is a heavy load for anyone to carry! You’ll only zap the other person’s energy as you expect them to fill a void that can’t be filled by anyone but you and God. Realize that only you are responsible for your happiness. No one else.

10. You stay in toxic relationships and put up with shabby treatment just to keep from being alone. You’ll likely end of with an abuser who’ll physically or mentally abuse you. Love and friendship shouldn’t be painful.

You may also end up with someone too lazy to work and who expects you to keep their worthless ass up. No one has to work that hard to keep any relationship and if you do, it’s a sign that you need to show somebody out the door- and fast.

The last thing you want is to be tied down to some broke chump who treats you like crap or won’t get off their dead ass and work to help pay the bills. I’ve seen this happen to so many people I’ve known in the past.

Being alone is a part of loving yourself. It’s not the worse thing that can ever happen to you. It’s very healthy sometimes because you get to know yourself during times of solitude.

But when you’re afraid of being by yourself, you’re likely to give others control of your life and put yourself at their mercy! STOP THAT! Never cheat yourself by settling for anything less than what you deserve!

Never put your happiness in someone else’s hands! Ever!

Never Suppress Your Humanness

be yourself

Why should I put on a veil of perfection?

Why should I hide my flaws? Everyone has them whether they admit it or not.

Why should I bend over backward to conform to being the cookie-cutter version that everyone wants me to be? It takes strength and bravery to be oneself.

Why should I be forced to suppress my emotions when the situation calls for it, and I’m rightfully sad, afraid, or (gasp!) pissed off?

Why shouldn’t I allow myself to make mistakes? That’s how we learn.

Why shouldn’t I, on some days, let myself lounge around the house in my pajamas and no makeup?

Why shouldn’t I allow myself to splurge on a tub of Ben & Jerry’s every now and then?

Why shouldn’t I allow myself to have my own opinion?

Why shouldn’t I allow myself to speak my mind when need be?

I’d rather be myself exactly as I am, the good, bad and ugly. I won’t suppress any aspect of me. I allow myself to be completely human, no matter who doesn’t like it.

To deny humanness is to be fake. Being fake is too much work, and I’m too lazy.

Reasons Bullies Hate Those Who Prefer to Be Themselves

Bullies are fake. They have to be to instill fear in those around them. And they resent anyone content with themselves and comfortable in their own skin.

Here’s Why:

1. Most bullies are highly insecure– more insecure than others; people who are themselves are usually more charming, seductive, and graceful. An authentic person will captivate others without trying. Because of his openness and fluidity, he draws people to him like a magnet. And bullies are jealous of anyone who enjoys good relations with others.

Understand that not only are bullies insecure, but they’re also vain. Authentic people outshine them without even trying and just their presence alone makes the bullies appear less alluring and charismatic to others.

Avoid these vanity bullies like the plague because they will find a way to destroy you if you stay around them. These people will only force you to suppress your natural charm and goodness, so you won’t look like you’re better than them.

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2. People who are themselves don’t have to make any effort because they are their natural selves. On the other hand, being fake requires a lot of work. There are also a lot of worries that go with it- worries that you might slip up and get your lies twisted, that you may accidentally expose yourself through your actions, and that your true personality will somehow seep through.

Bullies resent the fact that authentic people don’t have to work and worry as they do.

But no matter what these bullies may throw at you, never be afraid to be yourself. Never hide anything about you. Because if you do, you’ll only lose a bit of yourself each time you put on an act until you lose yourself entirely.

To be fake, you have to work too hard. I’m too lazy for that. And so is anyone who prefers to be themselves.

Never Ever Apologize for Who You Are

sorry

Make no apologies for who you are or what you stand for. And make no apologies for any successes or victories you’ve had. Most importantly, make no apologies for loving yourself and going after what you want and what you deserve.

Bullies will get jealous of your successes and victories and try to undermine them. They give you backhanded compliments, accuse you of having “freak luck” or call you an imposter.

Also, if you’re a confident and happy person, bullies will be jealous of that too. They will accuse you of being “full of yourself”, “arrogant”, “conceited” and other such nonsense.

Turn a deaf ear to these haters!

Lots of times, targets of bullying, after having been bullied for so long, end up apologizing for or explaining away beautiful parts of their personality because they have been forced by others to believe that something really is wrong with them.

If this applies to you, I want you to stop doing that! You owe no one any apologies, nor explanations for being YOU.

I want you to think about this: Perceptions are often wrong and just because others “perceive” you to be less than does not mean that you are. Stop apologizing, stop explaining and begin loving yourself.