Category: bullies

Most Bullies are Fakers and Posers

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During high school, I can’t count the classmates who were posers and fakers. My guess was that these posers accounted for at least half of the class. It shouldn’t be surprising that in high school, everything is based on appearances. Therefore, those who fake it the best and most convincingly are the ones who are bullies and usually, most popular.

However, most high school kids don’t pay attention to detail. Thankfully, I was one of the few who did.

In the lunch line, I would notice that most of the guys in the clique would wear their flashy, designer clothes. Yet, most of them would pull out a cheap, fifteen-dollar wallet to pay for their lunches.

Cheap Wallets and Knock-off Handbags

Also, the girls in the clique would wear their high-fashion clothes. However, cheap, knock-off “Gucci” handbags would be hanging from their shoulders and arms. If you paid close attention and had an eye for detail, you could tell by the stitching patterns and thread counts, that these purses were fake.

All through the school, you would see the fake gold, Rolex watches. They also wore faux fur and suede, cheap costume jewelry, and fake leather and snakeskin. It was laughable at best!

Just to be clear, I have no qualms with anyone who has these items. Heck, they may like them. However, when you’re a bully and you buy these knock-offs to look like you’re rolling in money, you only look ridiculous. And you get no respect. Sorry.

In contrast, most targets of these bullies don’t feel like they need to have all that fake crap, yet they’re the ones bullied.

Targets, You’re Better Than That, and They Know It

You may still be wondering what the point to this story is. The point is that, if you’re a target, your bullies will most likely bully you over your virtues, not your faults. Also, they will project their fakery and insecurities onto you.

In short, people who are authentic and real- who are comfortable with being themselves, are those most likely to suffer bullying. It’s just a fact of this crazy world we live in.

So, I want you to know that when people bully you, it is not because you’re doing something wrong. It’s because you’re doing something right. And it’s not that there’s something wrong with you, it’s because there’s something right with you.

Most posers bully others because they’re angry that they must work so hard at being fake and they’re jealous of anyone who doesn’t. Therefore, your self-esteem should soar when you realize this fundamental truth. Posers hate and bully authentic people because they are complete opposite of them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

How Redundancy Backfires on Bullies

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Have you noticed how bullies tend to repeat the same personal attacks over and over again? It’s true that a lie repeated a thousand times become truth. However, it can also have the opposite effect- it can become boring.

Sometimes, the attacks go on for so long, they become boring to the point that they actually lose their effect on the target…and everyone else. Why?

Because, instead of tapering off a bit once the attacks do have their desired effect, the bullies only increase them, trying to make absolute sure the labels stick. They want to ensure that others don’t forget how disgusting and revolting the target is.

bored

But! What the bullies end up doing is repeating the same tired, worn-out lines and narratives that they end up losing support. In other words, it all backfires right in their faces.

Let Them Repeat, Repeat, Repeat!

This is good because the target now has leverage and can use it to their advantage.

If you are a target of bullying and your bullies are pulled this broken-record tactic, all you must do is to sit back and let your bullies do what they will do. You never know. They just might end up shooting themselves in the foot!

Then you get to smile as you watch them make complete fools of themselves. Also, you get to listen as people laugh at your bullies behind their backs. And, it you think they won’t dare laugh at the bullies, wrong. They may not do it to their faces, but trust me, they’ll go wild with the jokes and laughs behind the bullies’ backs. I guarantee it!

So, align yourself with those your bullies have bullied in the past. Enjoy listening to the ridicule as you laugh with your newfound friends and allies. Because that will be the fun part!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why Bullies Usually End Up Eating Their Own

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Bullies want to have a target or a victim. In fact, they need targets. To feel almighty and powerful, bullies must have people to dominate and subjugate. And having power over is extremely addictive to them. It’s like a drug. It’s why bullies repeatedly bully their targets over a a long period of time, years even. Because that “drug” wears off rather quickly and it won’t be long before your bullies come back for their next “fix.”

However, what happens when you finally realize who your bullies really are behind the tough facades, they put up? What happens when the masks fall off, and your bullies’ cowardice and insecurity come to light? Oooo! This is beginning to sound delicious, isn’t it?

Here’s what happens. Once the target sees these revelations, his confidence will get a big boost. The target will realize that she isn’t and never was the one with the issues. In this, he will find that it was the bullies who had the issues all along. Then, the target will finally have the courage to give the bullies the old proverbial middle finger and tell them all to go eat a fat one.

Moreover, the power dynamic will take a sudden shift and the scales will automatically tip in the target’s favor. In other words, the person will be a target no more. Remember that the best way to disempower bullies is to empower targets.

Because, once the target ceases to be a target, bullies no longer have power over him. Therefore, the bullies must go search for another target.

The Sudden Power Shift

When these bullies spot several potential targets, they’ll test the waters by performing several tests on these “potentials.” They will test these potential targets by watching them closely and launching subtle attacks and insults just to see how they react. But! What will the bullies do next, when things don’t go quite the way they expect? What happens when the potentials also give them the double middle finger?

Uh-oh, now they can’t find someone they can target! Curses! Now, what’s a poor bully to do? Simple. They begin eating their own. In other words, they turn on a member of their in-group.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen! Once the bullying in-group runs out of targets on the outside, they have no choice but to turn their bullying inward and start bullying people within their group.

Remember that bullies need a target victim. They need someone to dominate and subjugate to have power because they can’t get power any other way. Without someone to ride roughshod over, to tell what to do, and to exert control over, bullies feel powerless. And you know what? They are!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies, Cowards, and Chumps

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independent 20s girl with threatening body language

Have you noticed that bullies love to talk smack? They trumpet to the world about how tough they are and that, in so many words, everyone else should bow down and tremble in their presence.

Bullies work hard at beating their chests and bluffing. It only goes to prove that they’re the least confident and most insecure schmucks on the face of the earth. In other words, anyone who must announce that they’re tough, smart, awesome, take your pick, can’t be.

In contrast, people who do have any of these qualities are usually the quiet ones. They don’t have to talk about it. How many times have you heard stories about the quiet kid beating the crap out of the loudmouth bully who pushed him too far?

Genuinely tough people never talk. You don’t see these people running around, spouting off about how tough they are because they don’t have to. They don’t need to tell you about it because they already know they’re tough and there’s no need to prove it to anyone. They’ve already proven it to themselves and that’s enough.

Bluffs, Blowhards, and Windbags

Therefore, if any bully messes with them, they will get hurt.

I’ve dealt with thousands of people of this caliber and one thing I noticed a long time ago is that they’re loudmouth losers. They puff out their chests and flap their lips, talking about how they’re going to kick this person’s butt, whip that person’s butt- they never stop. With these chumps, it’s one pissing contest after another.

As a result, having to constantly listen to their gas gets boring real fast. Why? Because, again, that’s all you hear out of them. Anyone who must spit such rubbish isn’t only trying to convince the rest of the world, they’re also trying to convince themselves.

These are characteristics of every single chump who has ever bullied me in my lifetime. It’s not only pathetic, but laughable that they must go through life this way.

Furthermore, these people are so incredibly insecure that you can trigger them and set them off by challenging their toughness, popularity, intelligence, or what have you. Their egos are just that fragile.

These bullies may even approach you and get in your face if they have their entourage of lackeys behind them.

If you’re a target of bullying, know this. Your bullies are total fakes. They’re phonies. Cowards. Chumps!

When you stop and think about it, it’s hard to hate anyone who is this pathetic. They only thing you can do is feel sorry for such pitiful souls.

Again, remember that those who are genuinely tough don’t have to talk about it. It’s just there.

Always remember this the next time a bully shoots his mouth off at you or gets in your face. Feel confident in knowing that you’re not like this person and you don’t have to resort to such buffoonery. This alone should be a real self-esteem booster.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies and Gotcha-Questions

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Not only are politicians notorious for asking gotcha-questions, but bullies are also infamous for asking them. What is a gotcha-question, you may ask?

Gotcha-questions are questions that put you in a bad light no matter how you respond to them or if you respond to them at all. These are the types of questions bullies will usually ask you in public, in front of an audience. Gotcha-questions are forms of entrapment because bullies use them to trap you into looking bad to others.

Here are two examples:

“Hey, Jeff, do your friends know you got arrested the other day?”

This question says that Jeff did get arrested. It implies that he is a criminal and assumes that he was arrested whether his friends know it or not. If Jeff answers yes, it means that he’s a criminal and his friends know about it. If he answers no, it still means that Jeff is a criminal, only that none of his friends knows.

“Hey, Jennifer, how many people know that you spent time in a mental institution?”

Again, the question makes a statement- one that says that Jennifer was institutionalized. It implies that she was in a mental institution whether anyone knows it or not. If Jennifer answers yes, it means that she has mental issues, and others know about it. A no means that no one knows that she has a mental illness and that she’s hiding it from everyone. Even worse, the asker is, in a sense, telling Jennifer and everyone else within hearing distance that she’s “batshit crazy.”

These types of questions are “gotchas” because they are closed-ended questions that leave no room for the truth.

Here are a few more examples of gotcha-questions:

“Tabitha, did you ever get help for your alcoholism?”

By asking this question, the asker is calling Tabitha an alcoholic without calling her an alcoholic. It’s a slick way for the asker to attack her. A yes means that Tabitha was “a drunk” in the past. A no implies that Tabitha is still a “boozehound.” And that’s what people will think.

Furthermore, if she responds by saying, “I’ve never had a drinking problem,” it would sound like a cover-up. Why? Because others would wonder why anyone would ask such a question if they weren’t privy to such private information? It implies that the asker knows information that hasn’t been available to anyone else.

“Does Ella know that you slept with her boyfriend?”

Here, you have three options. You can answer yes, no, or you can choose not to respond to such a ridiculous question. Either way, the asker is still assuming that you slept with Ella’s boyfriend. Also, it’s a stealthy way for the questioner to call you a whore.

Therefore, if you are a target of bullying, you must learn very quickly how to spot gotcha-questions. Then, you must call them out as such. Be sure to respond in a way that makes you look the least guilty.

Here are a few healthy responses to such questions:

“You’re wasting your time with the gotcha-questions because they don’t work on me.”

“You need to quit with the gotcha-questions. I know what you’re trying to do. You’re fooling no one.”

The trick here is to call the person out by calling the questions what they are. And when you do, do it as intelligently as possible. It may or may not save your good name, but you’ll feel good knowing that you called it out without allowing the bully to throw you off balance. And sometimes, that’s enough.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Remarks Bullies Make Anytime The Target Succeeds at Something

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Isn’t it funny that when a target does something right- when they succeed, especially if they receive recognition and praise for a job well done, an award hard won, or a good deed well accomplished, the bullies protest the loudest? They work feverishly to trivialize and minimize any positive quality and maximize any negative. Bullies will also be quick to bring up any mistake or wrongdoing in the target’s past to overshadow the positive quality or accomplishment.

I’ve had firsthand experience with this because my classmates did the same to me, as did coworkers at a workplace years later. Understand that, if you’re a target of bullying, your bullies see you as the bad guy and they want everyone else to see you the same way. They can’t stand even the thought of you reaching success, much less getting recognized for it.

Therefore, anytime you score a win, expect your bullies to do everything in their power to downplay it by minimizing it. Or, they may remind you and others of a past mistake or sin you might have committed, even if it was done decades ago when you were a dumb kid.

They may also make all kinds of wild accusations concerning your win. Here are a few cruel remarks bullies will make:

1. You cheated. Your bullies will refuse to believe that you won that coveted award through hard work and they’ll move Heaven and Earth to convince you and everyone else of it too. But don’t fall for it! And don’t fret if others choose to foolishly believe the bullies. Instead, see it for what it is and what it’s meant to do.

Know that this is designed to dull your shine and cast doubts in the minds of others. Your bullies mean to make other people assume that your success or accolade is illegitimate and that you didn’t come by it fairly. It’s also designed to discredit you and cause others to resent you.

2. It was just dumb luck. When you make a good grade at school, your school bullies and other classmates may verbally pass it off as your being lucky. Realize that when they say these things, they mean to discredit your abilities and cheapen your success in the eyes of those around you. The underlying message is that you couldn’t have made it if you tried and that your accomplishment was some freak accident.

3. You kiss arse. Ah, yes! Your bullies will say that you sucked up and won favor with the right people. They will accuse you of scoring “brownie points.” They will whine, saying that the person whose ass you kissed gave you a boost and that you got an unfair advantage. Again, this is designed to discredit you and undermine your abilities and intelligence. It’s also meant to instill intense anger and resentment of you in others.

4. You slept your way to success. If you’re a woman who’s a target of workplace bullying and you happen to get that coveted promotion that you and several competitors have been vying for, be prepared to get accused of “f***ing the boss man.” Bullies don’t censor their words and that’s exactly what they’ll say.

Also, if your workplace bullies are trying to get you fired and your boss happens to know better and goes to bat for you, they will also accuse you of giving sexual favors. And sadly, this is the most common accusation if you are female.

Just like all the rest, this remark is made to undermine your abilities and smarts, discredit you, cheapen your accomplishments in the eyes of others, and cause anger, hatred, and resentment toward you. It’s also meant to degrade you as a lady and instill in others the belief that you’re nothing but an opportunistic slut who will spread her legs to get ahead in life. This happened to me when I worked at a nursing home years ago, and, let me tell you. It wasn’t fun!

But don’t fret over any of this! I want you to see it for what it is- jealousy, poor sportsmanship, and trash-talk! You must see it for what it is and what it means. And what it is and what it means is that your bullies are a bunch of crybabies, whining and foaming at the mouth because they didn’t get that cookie and you did!

It means that they feel inferior and that they no longer have the attention they crave. It means that they feel cheated and indignant, and it shows that they’re the real losers!

But wait! Here’s something else that neither bullies or targets think about: If you’re a target or survivor of bullying, you’re going to loooove this little gem of truth!

Anytime your bullies make any of the above accusations, what it is, is a confession on their part. In other words, your bullies are projecting- they’re accusing you of the very things they either would do or are doing themselves!

Think about it. How many husbands have falsely accused their innocent wives of cheating, only to end up being caught cheating themselves?

It’s the same when bullies falsely accuse their targets of wrongdoing. Anytime bullies are so quick to point fingers at the target for an alleged transgression, it’s a good indicator that they’re committing the same sins themselves and are only trying to cover their behinds. Always remember that!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Negative Side to Reality Shows- How They Get Their High Ratings

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I feel compelled to discuss how these shows get their ratings to give parents who permit their children to watch them a better understanding of what subliminal messages their child may be receiving.

Sadly, reality shows that receive the highest ratings also have the highest peer abuse incidences, commonly called bullying. Peer abusers (bullies) love drama and are drawn to it like flies to feces! Bullying brings drama…always! The more altercations and confrontations a reality show displays for viewers, the more drama it brings.

More drama means the show is more interesting to viewers. The more interesting the show, the more views the show gets, and the higher the ratings the show receives.

Also, the more drama a certain reality star brings to a show (usually by bullying others on the show), the higher the show is rated, and in return, the higher the star is rated by producers of the show and network executives…all because he/she brings the most drama. For a reality star, this not only guarantees them a spot on the show’s next season but also much higher pay, with producers and execs offering the bullying star hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars!

This equals great rewards for bullies on the show…rewarding and encouraging despicable behavior! Think Teresa Guidice, “Real Housewives of New Jersey,” or Nene Leakes, “Real Housewives of Atlanta.”

In my opinion, both of these women, who are in their 40’s and 50’s, have shown some of the most queen bee, mean girl behavior of anyone on television.

Should they even qualify as stars? I don’t know about anyone else, but in my opinion, watching women in this age group display such girl’s room/locker room antics is sickening and an embarrassment to my generation of women.

This behavior is unbecoming of women of any age but looks downright ugly coming from middle-aged women, whom you think would be a better example to younger females.

Parents need to sit down with children and explain that just because reality shows make bullying look glamorous does not mean that bullying is okay. Bullying is anything but glamorous, especially to victims.

Sadly, high ratings for these shows speak volumes about the society we live in today- that the bulk of society apparently has an insatiable appetite for trash. It is glaring proof that in the eyes of a vast majority, crap is king. It shouldn’t be any wonder that bullying and peer abuse is so globally rampant today.

Parents and grandparents must either forbid kids to watch these types of reality shows. If they permit them to watch it, they must also explain to the children that just because certain behavior is shown on television does not mean it is acceptable in real life.

We must also stop prioritizing petty and poor values, one of which is the misguided belief that being the most popular, liked, or the toughest kid on the block is what life’s all about.

Bullies Who Think They Can Predict Your Downfall

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Bullies are notorious for playing fortuneteller to their targets. They laugh at your goals and dreams. They try to derail and sabotage your progress. And they do it because they’re so darned insecure in themselves. Why do you think bullies work so hard at bringing others down?

Realize that all this is very telling about the bullies’ own lives. In many cases, you’ll have the smart kid in your class who always makes straight A’s and makes high remarks and he’s targeted by bullies.

There’s also the girl who can sing like a professional, the boy who wins all the awards, the girl who writes the most beautiful poems and interesting stories, the guy who always gets the promotions at work, or the woman who always gets noticed by potential suitors.

One thing they all have in common is that they’re the ones bullies come for to make their lives as miserable as possible.

In school, I could sing, and the music teacher would pick me to sing solos in the school choir. I also write stories and poems back then and I cannot count the times my bullies told me:

“You’ll never make it in the music business.”

“You’ll never publish any books.”

“No book publisher will ever choose any of your lame stories.”

“You’ll never amount to anything.”

“You’ll never be anybody.”

“You’ll never get married.”

“You’ll never have children.”

“You’ll never be worth a damn.”

And the list goes on…

And each time I’d hear garbage like this from my bullies, I’d think of the sounds I’d hear every time I’d watch Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang and see them talking to an adult, whether it be their parents, or a teacher in class.

toxic brainwashing

I would think, “Wa-wa-w-wa-wa-waaaaaa.” That’s how little I valued their words when it came to things I enjoyed doing and my dreams and goals.

With bullies, it’s always the same old you’ll never this and you’ll never that. But, here’s the thing. People who haven’t accomplished much themselves will always try to drag you down when they think you’re striving for something. And because they haven’t tasted success, they don’t believe that anyone else will (or should) either.

Understand that when bullies predict your failures, they only reveal all their failures and disappointments. That’s right! They’re speaking from their own perspectives. Anytime they tell you that you’ll never succeed at anything, it’s because they’ve never succeeded at anything and likely never will.

What these bullies are also telling you is that they’re afraid that you will succeed and make them feel even more like the losers they are. Realize that your bullies are trying to wreck your optimism, kill your confidence, and crush your self-esteem. And they want to do it before you end up winning at something.

Bullies want you to fail and they want it so badly they can almost taste it. Because, if you do reach success, your win will only reflect back to them their own laziness, failure, and mediocrity. Therefore, they relentlessly try to drum their words of doom into your head to condition you to not even bother to try. Because they know that not trying only ensures failure. In trying to condition you to not try, they’re only trying to ensure your failure.

That’s why it’s imperative that you turn a deaf ear to your bullies’ bogus predictions of your future because they can’t possibly know what their own futures entail, much less yours. You must not allow them to discourage you and cause you to lose sight of your goals and dreams.

Let the trash they talk go in one ear and out the other. Tell them, “That’s your opinion” and laugh at them or maybe scoff and give your bullies a scornful eye-roll. Then turn your back to them and walk away snickering. Look on your bullies with scorn when they try to predict your outcomes because they only do it out of ignorance and stupidity.

Do these things because it’s the only way you’ll keep your power and continue to feel confident. Your self-esteem will thank you for it later!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

6 Types of People You Should Avoid to Keep from Being Targeted

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One of the first steps in protecting yourself from bullying is to know what types of people you should avoid. And understand that trusting your feelings is also important as some people are experts at hiding their true intentions and some things just aren’t so obvious.

It’s a good thing that we all have a sixth sense and are able to sense the vibes and energy others put out. That can also work in our favor.

Here are the types of bad eggs to be aware of and avoid at all costs:

1. The gossip – this person is a walking tabloid. You’ll see and hear her talking trash about different people and you’ll notice she does it all the time. Many gossips will even talk about people they don’t know but have only heard about. They always seem to know everything about everyone- everything, short of their bathroom habits.

Know this! If they talk about others, they will talk about you too. Ditch these people…fast!

A closeup of a young beagle pup who is being nosey and doing some investigating. Shallow depth of field.

2. The big–nose – this person is virulently nosy and should be considered a twin sister to the gossip because most gossips tend to consistently have their face in everyone’s business. You will often find them asking others personal questions, eavesdropping on conversations, eyeing people intensely, butting in, and inserting their cheap two-cents where it doesn’t belong. Avoid these people at all costs!

 3. The two-face – An even closer sister of the gossip. These people pretend to be your friend but stab you in the back. The sad thing is that you’re usually the last to know. Again, if they’ll talk about somebody else…

Be careful what you share, not only with these people, but with anyone. Don’t share anything you wouldn’t want anyone to know.

Two words of advice. Steer clear!

4. The drama queen/king – This bad egg is a chronic complainer who always seems to have a problem for every solution. They are never happy and impossible to please. Moreover, this person also seems to have unending misfortune- bad break after bad break, back-to-back. Sure, we all have times when we must vent, and we all have bad luck at times. Perfectly normal. But when it’s constant, you have to wonder if the person is unknowingly bringing much of it on themselves somehow.

These people complain about everything and everybody. And they will complain about you too eventually. Bad moods have a way of spreading fast. So, if the person consistently dogs your mood, it’s best not to have anything to do with them. No one wants to be around a sad-sack nosebleed who whines constantly because, being around them can quickly become a drag.

Closeup portrait unhappy woman giving loser sign on forehead, looking at you with anger and hatred on face isolated on gray background.

More importantly, drama queens and kings also tend to be suspicious of people. They’re the type who think everyone is out to get them or everyone has ulterior motives. And if they think everyone is out to get them, they’ll think you’re out to get them too and they will get you before you get them.

Again, steer clear!

5. The passive-aggressive person – this person is sneaky and should be avoided as well because if they even think you’ve slighted them somehow, they’ll unless a rash of covert attacks- attacks you won’t even see coming until it’s too late. Also, if they have an agenda and you just happen to be standing in their way, look out! They will make your life a living hell. This person is to be avoided at all costs!

6. Anyone who puts out bad vibes. When we’re around some people we can sense that something is off about them, or we pick up on the vibes and energies they put out that doesn’t feel good or doesn’t feel quite right. Always listen to your gut feeling because vibrations don’t lie.

When it comes to bullying, many people, including me, have found out the hard way that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Save yourself years of trial and error and the heartache that goes with it. Get rid of these people…pronto!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

21 Excuses Bullies Make to Justify Their Bullying

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The excuses bullies make for their rotten behavior are endless. Here are the most common excuses bullies make.

“Just because.”

“Because he’s annoying.”

“She brings it on herself.”

“I was only joking.”

“Because he’s a nerd.”

“Because she’s a loser.”

“Because he’s so stupid.”

“Because you deserve it.”

“Because you have a crooked nose (or funny ears, etc.).”

“Because he’s a wimp (wuss, geek, etc.).”

“Because she’s crazy (mentally unstable, cuckoo, loony, etc.)”

“Because he dresses weird.”

“Because he stinks (smells funny, etc.).”

“Because he needs to toughen up.”

“Because he’s black.”

“Because she’s white.”

“Because you have a big mouth.”

“Because he’s too skinny.”

“Because he has four-eyes (wears eye-glasses).

“Because she’s a metal-mouth (wears braces).

“You’re too different.”

I could go on and on! The excuses bullies make are endless. However, know that these so-called reasons have nothing to do with you if you’re a target of bullying. Understand that bullying is about power and the need to feel better than someone else. Your bullies are trying to meet their needs for validation or superiority in a hateful and hurtful manner.

When you’re being mistreated, it’s normal to want to figure out why. And the reason we want to know why it is so we can fix whatever’s wrong and make the bullying stop. But just because we correct whatever’s wrong doesn’t mean the bullying will go away, and most of the time, it doesn’t.

It only gets worse when you try to change yourself because people lose respect for you when you’re not yourself.

You may try to change yourself; you may hide, wear fancier clothes, even buy a new flashier car. But the truth is, there was never anything wrong with you in the first place. Understand that bullies target you not because there’s anything wrong with you or because you’ve done anything wrong. They’re only using you to meet their needs, and those needs are to feel better about themselves, feel powerful, superior, or better than you.

I even know adults- ADULTS, who should know better but are under the misguided impression that if people bully you, that you’re causing them to do so- that there’s something wrong with you, that there has to be something you’re not doing right, that you’re somehow annoying people and rubbing everyone the wrong way. No! This is a falsehood you should dismiss immediately!

Don’t accept it! Know in your heart that you did nothing wrong and that you’re great just the way you are! Here are things you can do to help your self-esteem and restore confidence.

Avoid these bullies like the plague.

Keep company with only those who uplift you and make you feel good about yourself.

Befriend other targets.

Do the things you enjoy and always show off your talents and gifts.

Do all of these, and your self-esteem will thank you for it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

When Bullies Give You “The Stink Eye”

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It’s the look bullies give you every time you’re in their line of sight- that stare, which makes the hairs stand on the back of your neck! You know the one- that creepy, bone-chilling look bullies give you that makes you stop whatever you are doing or clam up if you’re talking when they do it? Yeah. That one!

They look at you so intensely, making you feel as if you’re under a microscope! What’s even scarier is that the person doing the staring is eerily calm, so still, and doesn’t move a muscle, nor even blink! Those angry, icy-cold eyes relentlessly bore into you like a blow poke, looking as if they could jump out at you and attack you at any moment! It reminds you of a wolf standing ever so still and eyeing an antelope, anticipating it’s next meal! Weird, no?

It happened to me on many occasions in middle and high school. I didn’t know what it was, nor why, and I couldn’t find the words to describe nor explain it. I only knew how it made me feel and I felt as if I was being dissected. To say that it was unnerving would be an understatement! It was downright creepy!

It felt as if my school bullies were studying me, searching for something, scanning the very depths of my soul while staying ever so calm, ever so still, and not saying a word. Not the slightest micro-twitch whatsoever while they were doing it! Ewww! It made me want to run and get as far away from them as I possibly could.

I’m not saying that all staring is necessarily bad because if a person likes you and has feelings for you, they may also stare, with their pupils dilating and crinkles forming around the eyes every time they look at you.

However, the look bullies give you is much different. Their pupils only constrict, becoming tiny black holes in the irises of their eyes, and their stare is a cold, prolonged “I’m going to kill you” look which stops you cold! That is the best way I can describe it.

Now that I’m older and have done years of reading and study, I want to tell you that if ever you notice anyone looking at you this way, you must either return and mirror the glare to intimidate them into taking their eyes off you, or get clear of that person.

Understand that they are studying you, trying to ferret out any weaknesses they can exploit and ways they can attack you with maximum effect! They also display that look to intimidate and dominate you, and if they succeed in doing so, it gives them a sense of power! Realize that bullies are sociopaths and the weird and psychotic looks they give you are covert and serves to shield them from detection and accountability!

Also, know that covert/indirect bullies are cowards at heart, and most of the time, all it takes is you returning the stare to make these people go away.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Hypersensitivity- A Hallmark of a Bully

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Ha! And they call us hypersensitive. Oh yes! Bullies will accuse their targets of being what they themselves are, “too sensitive.”

But have you noticed how they explode in anger and indignation after the smallest of perceived slights? Or how bullies (particularly female bullies) will be the ones who dissolve into a puddle of tears if someone even looks at them cross-ways, or says something hurtful to them? Or worse, they get held accountable for their bad behavior? I saw this happen at school on several occasions and I’ve got to admit, it was hilarious!

In truth, bullies have the sensitivity of the princess in the classic, “The Princess and the Pea.” They bruise so easily.

The double-standard is clear. Bullies feel intense resentment when targets speak out about their abuse. All the while, bullies feel entitled to do things that are a thousand times worse, not to mention, unspeakable, to the target.

But we are not supposed to talk about that. Right?

Actions speak louder than words. And we must learn to rely less on words and more on other’s actions and behavior to get the answers to any questions we have about bullies, abusers, or anyone who does not have our best interests in mind.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

If They Can’t Manipulate You, They’ll Attack Your Mental Health

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Businessman with wind up key on his back sitting on chair and using laptop computer on city background. Manipulation concept

It’s the oldest and most used tactic in the book! My classmates were no different. Bullies will always come back at you with the “crazy” or “mentally imbalanced” label to discredit you and control how others see you when they can no longer control you and can’t find anything else to pin on you.

It only goes to show that they see you as a threat and they’re both desperate and afraid. When you refuse to be manipulated, it sends several messages to your bullies- messages that threaten their sense of superiority, positions, and their power.

  1. It tells them that you see through their smokescreens.
  2. It tells them that you’re not afraid to tell them to go kick rocks.
  3. It tells them the opposite of what they think of you- that you’re strong and intelligent, not weak and dumb.
  4. It puts them in their place.
  5. It tells them that they can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.
  6. It tells them that you don’t give a crap about what they say or think about you.
  7. It tells them you could care less about impressing them.
  8. It tells them they don’t matter to you and that you don’t value their insults or do you accept their definitions of you.

Understand that bullies have an over-inflated sense of their own importance and thus, feel entitled. They despise being told no and they loathe anyone who will not be controlled. And if they can’t manipulate you, they’ll manipulate your relationships, and the way others perceive you.

Always remember that.

When Bullies Use Confabulations

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Many times, bullies will blow up on their targets for absolutely no reason. When they’re later questioned about the blow-up, they can’t remember why they lost their temper. So, they drum up fake memories to fill in the blanks in order to sound plausible instead of ridiculous.

When bullies confabulate, they do it to feel sane when they wouldn’t otherwise. And the way they feel sane is to insert made-up stories to fill in the blanks. I’ve seen this happen many times and even had bullies justify themselves to me by the same method.

Sometimes, confabulations can be mistaken for real memories and the truth to the confabulator.

When bullies confabulate a justifiable reason for their appalling behavior, they believe themselves. So, is it any wonder that most abusers appear to others to be telling the truth when they justify and rationalize away their abusive actions?

When a person believes their own lies, others are more likely to believe them too. It’s a fact.

Confabulations have an incredible effect on witnesses. When people hear lies spoken as truths, it is as if you’ve entered the twilight zone.

No one wants to be under a bully’s influence, but people get sucked under it all the time. Many people have had their lives destroyed, even taken because they were persuaded by bullies. And those who saw through those abusers and spoke out were either silenced or paid a heavy price for daring to open their mouths. This has also happened to entire cultures and populations.

Understand that confabulations can be a powerful weapon because, again- the bullies who confabulate believe themselves so it’s a sure bet that others will believe them too. That’s why we must learn to either properly counter any confabs or let the bully drag them out until others get tired of hearing them squawking about it.

With knowledge comes empowerment!