Here Are Some Negative Ways I Coped with And Survived Bullying

Bullying throws a target into survival mode. If a situation is threatening and there’s no escaping it, the victim will often find ways of coping. And some of those coping mechanisms aren’t good ones. Anytime we’re stuck in a toxic environment, we become desperate and do things we usually wouldn’t do to either escape or for relief. Here are a few things I did wrong.

1. I bullied kids I thought were weaker than I was. Today, I look back on this with great remorse, and I have apologized to those I hurt.  It’s not something I’m proud of. Because I felt so powerless, I bullied others to feel more powerful. But a reason never equals an excuse.

2. I faked like I was sick so that I could stay home from school or go home from school early. Many of my classmates and a few teachers accused me of wanting attention or to skip class. Far from it! I faked an illness because I wanted an excuse to get the hell out of there away from the bullies. Back then, there was no internet, so if I left early, I could get a reprieve from the bullying I was suffering and not have to deal with my classmates nor see their faces.

Again, I just wanted to get out of that snake pit and go home—nothing more, nothing less. And I would do anything- anything to make that happen. Back then, the ends justified the means.

3. I resorted to deception, con games, and trickery. Oh, yes! I was a master manipulator! I made it look like I was pregnant in the seventh grade to trick my classmates into leaving me alone and not physically attacking me. I did this by going to school dressed in bigger clothes I’d found put away in a box at a family member’s house. I didn’t come out and tell them at first, only made the excuse that I’d gained a few pounds. They didn’t believe it, which was precisely what I was counting on.

I made my classmates wonder a while, letting their curiosity build and making them continue asking if I was pregnant until I very sarcastically told them I was and walked away snickering under my breath. Sure enough, just as I’d known they would, they took it literally and ran with it. Once word had gotten around, everyone left me alone. It worked for a while, and the joke was on them.

And I knew that if they found out I wasn’t pregnant, I could turn it back on them and say,

“Awwww, no! I didn’t lie about that! Are you so stupid that you don’t know sarcasm when you hear it? Boy, you’re a bunch of freaking morons!”

Needless to say, they were furious because they knew I’d tricked them, and the bullying escalated exponentially.

4. I instigated fights between others. And not only because I was jealous of other’s friendships, but because I knew that if I could stir the shit pot a little, sow a little discord, and keep some of them fighting among themselves, I could take the spotlight off me, fly under their radar and get a short break from the bullying. As long as they were at each other’s throats, they’d leave me alone, and that was the way I wanted it.

These were not my finest moments, but this goes to show that sometimes, targets resort to being sneaky and a bit underhanded to stay out of harm’s way. So, if you know a kid who seems to be a pathological liar, manipulator, and a sneak, you might want to do a little investigative work to figure out why. The young man or lady might be in survival mode. Using trickery and deception may be the only way they feel they can ensure their safety.

Lovingly explain to them that the way they’re handling it is not the right way and suggest better ways. Also, explain the importance of being yourself and being true to your beliefs and convictions. They may or may not listen, but your message won’t go unheard.

Using Music to Cope with Bullying

During the years I was bullied in school, I’d come Home in the afternoon, and take refuge in my bedroom. I would then turn on my stereo or play one of my cassette tapes (they were the thing back then) and get lost in the music.

I was a Prince fan and hairband girl. I’d put in one of my Prince,  Dokken, Motley Crue, Ratt, Judas Priest, or Skid Row tapes and rock out in the privacy of my bedroom. I would turn the music up full blast and have it blaring so loud the entire house shook.

Other days, I’d come home and boogie down to some Janet Jackson, Al B. Sure, Salt N Pepa, or Paula Abdul. I was into New Jack Swing hip-hop as well. And sometimes I listened to softer rock on the stereo, “Money for Nothing,” by Dire Straits, “Tell Me Lies” by Fleetwood Mac, or Springsteen’s “Tunnel of Love.”

For me, listening to music always helped me recover from a bad day and made me feel great. There was nothing like bebopping all over the floor in my bedroom to the beat of a great song. It seemed to make all my troubles and worries disappear. It was what made me feel alive!

Today, I still listen to those songs either through my music downloads, on YouTube, or I play one of my numerous Prince CDs.

The music of today just doesn’t have it- doesn’t have the heart and soul it used to. The music of today is all about “me me me- all eyes on me” and is doused with blatant, in-your-face sexual profanity, or it’s pity-party music, as I like to call it. Yuck! Who wants to hear that?

The music of my day was music that you could let your kids listen to without fear. Here are a few more reasons I prefer old rock over this new crap.

1.Rock music from my era was about having a good time. It made you want to jump up and shout! New rock is too emo- it’s about “my partner left, and now I want to die,” or “Mommy and Daddy didn’t love me enough, and now I’m one messed up individual.” No thanks.

2. Old rock didn’t have the blunt vulgarity that today’s rock has. What profanity we had in my day was more innuendo that went over the heads of most small children. Sadly, some of the lyrics in today’s songs are downright cringeworthy.

3. I like old stuff. Old songs take me back to a time when life was much simpler.

4. Surprisingly, I’ve noticed that many of today’s young people listen to music from my generation, which is refreshing! Because you know the music’s good if your kids like it too. My oldest son loves AC/DC and Ozzy Osborne, and just the other day, I had the pleasure of seeing a car full of teens riding around with Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me” blaring from their car stereo. Now that put a smile on my face!

‘You see? Back when I was young, if we were caught listening to music from our parents’ generation, we’d be ridiculed so hard by our friends and peers we’d never want to show our faces in public again. So, knowing that kids still dig music from our day is truly amazing!

Music is great medicine and has always picked me up. I can say without a doubt that I’ll be a devout music lover until the day I close my eyes!

Are there any music lovers out there among my community of blogger friends and readers? Feel free to comment.