When Bystanders and Authority Members Are Willfully Blind to Bullying

Bullies pour on the charm and have a natural talent at fooling the masses. They put on a façade with fake sincerity and false genuineness. Others think they know the bullies. “Oh, but they would never be so mean! They couldn’t hurt a fly!” You hear it all the time.

But understand that these people love the bullies not for who they are, but who they think they are. It’s only willful blindness at play.

Willful blindness protects people from seeing the ugly, awful truth and from heartbreak and disappointment- or, so we think. Bullies are willfully blind to their own evil selves. All people need to feel like they’re good and decent. But vicious people must fight twice as hard to feel that way.

Deep down inside, bullies know they do wrong, but they convince themselves that there’s justification for their evil behavior and that there are times when the rules don’t apply. Many are under the impression that their wrongdoing is just a means to an end.

Popular bullies think that they’ll get away with bullying their targets. And why not? They’ve had so much success with people, and all their past social endeavors have worked out for them. They think they have some magic formula that others don’t have. Therefore, they believe they are invincible and untouchable.

But understand that their “magic formula” is deception and manipulation. Bullies impress and charm all the right people, say all the right things at just the right times. Also, they purposely charm everyone but the target. The best way to turn others against someone is to put your best foot forward in front of others and show them your best side, all while showing your target your worst side.

But think about it. Domestic abusers do the same thing. There’ve been countless stories and testimonials from survivors of domestic violence. Stories of how everyone outside the family home- neighbors, coworkers, bosses, church leaders, congregation members- everyone thought the abuser was such an incredible person and that you couldn’t find anyone half as great as them. And they’d never in a million years believe that person was an abuser. People are often in shock and disbelief whenever the abuse finally comes to light.

If a person like this bullies you, hold on to hope because people of this nature always end up being exposed. Always. In the meantime, please write it down. Always document! Because without documentation, it didn’t happen.

Keep a written record! I can’t stress this enough!

The 1 Reason Why Former Bullies Always Deny the Abuse They Inflicted

It’s because they feel dirty. That’s right! Any time bullies and abusers must face the reality of any past abuse they may have inflicted on someone else, deep down inside, though they would never admit it to themselves much less you or anyone else, they feel like a piece of scum. And in order to not feel dirty, they must live in denial of what they did. It’s the only way they can bury their sins and still feel good about themselves.

My former classmates who bullied me, are no different. Denial is a useful psychological defense, and it does have benefits.

Many bullies deny their abuse because of their hatred for the victim, and they wish to reduce sympathy and support for the victim. They will claim that the violence a victim speaks of is either invented or exaggerated to either get attention or to make others feel sorry for him/her.

Sometimes, even bystanders and witnesses will side with the bullies and deny the abuse to keep from being bullied themselves or because they too have a secret hatred for the victim. Bystanders and witnesses may also want the bullying of the victim to continue for entertainment purposes. Believe it or not, many witnesses to the abuse enjoy seeing the victim get bullied because, to them, it is a source of entertainment and makes them feel superior to somebody.

Also, bystanders may feel dirty as well because they know they didn’t speak out for the victim when they should have, or the bullying may be something they would like to have done to the victim themselves but didn’t have the guts.

Understand that the psyches and egos of humans are very fragile, even those of bullies. So, any time your abuser denies any abuse they know they dished out to you in the past, you don’t have to feel angry or insulted. You don’t have to try and force them to fess up. Because just knowing why they deny it and the nastiness they feel inside when they see you should be enough satisfaction.

So, if you’re a survivor of bullying and anytime you’re out shopping, and see one of the people who bullied you in the past; and you immediately notice how they turn and walk away or avoid looking at you. Know why they do that and feel good about it.

I can tell you that most of my classmates can’t face me today. They cannot bear to look at me because they know what they did, and they feel so dirty. I am a reminder of what they never want to see in themselves, and I always provoke feelings of shame in them. Therefore, I can’t get angry at them, nor feel insulted. There’s no need for revenge, nor to hate them because, in the end, they are the ones who must live with what they did.

Always remember that!

Bullies Are Well-Known for Making Snap Judgements

If you’re a target of bullying, you often wonder why bullies and their followers make snap judgments about you before getting to know you or before seeing any evidence and getting the facts. You may also wonder why your classmates, coworkers, or neighbors automatically believe rumors and lies about you, especially rumors and lies that sound completely ridiculous.

I know how you feel. Some of the accusations my classmates accused me of were so absurd and ludicrous, that any sane person would’ve dismissed them outright. If you find yourself asking why your peers fall for such foolishness, here’s your answer.

Bullies don’t care what the facts are. Never are they concerned with the truth. Understand that these quick judgments are judgments that fit their agendas. The only agendas they have are to hurt you! Nothing else! And they will look for any justification and opportunity to do so.

People, especially bullies, don’t believe facts. They only think whatever feels good to them. It doesn’t matter if it’s a fact, opinion, or a complete falsehood.

Here’s an example: A wife has a husband she loves dearly. The wife’s best friend sees the husband out with another woman and kissing her one Saturday night. So, the best friend informs the wife that her husband is cheating, only for the wife to get angry at the best friend and throw her out.

Even though the husband is, in fact, guilty of cheating and the BFF did witness him kissing the mistress, the wife doesn’t believe it because she doesn’t want to believe it. Therefore, it feels much better to assume that the BFF is jealous of her happy marriage and is trying to break them apart.

Here’s another example: Lori hates Veronica. Lori is best friends with Cindy. Cindy befriends Veronica and finds out what a sweet and genuine person Veronica is. Later, she tells Lori that Veronica is not such a bad person, that she’s, in fact, a lovely and caring lady. Lori refuses to believe Cindy and only wants to believe the worst about Veronica.

Lori gets angry at Cindy for having anything to do with Veronica and accuses Cindy of betraying her (Lori). Lori now refuses to talk to Cindy.

But understand that Lori only stops talking to Cindy to manipulate her into cutting ties with Veronica. Because of Lori’s blind hatred for Veronica, she refuses to believe that Veronica may, in fact, be a great friend if Lori ever got to know her.

Lori has VDS- Veronica Derangement Syndrome.

Again, bullies don’t care about facts or evidence. They want to believe the lies, and even worse, they want the lies to be true! Self-deception and willful blindness always feel better to bullies.

Ignorance is bliss, and unfortunately, bullies are some of the most blissful people on earth.

If you are a target of such people, my advice would be NOT to try and convince them because you’d only be wasting your time and energy. Instead, continue to love and accept yourself regardless. Also realize that these people aren’t good for you and shouldn’t be in your life. You’re better off without them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!