Many targets of bullying suffer such vicious bullying and for so long that they’re willing to lap up anything that even looks or sounds like approval from others. They give undue value to anyone’s opinions, even those whose opinions should never be valued.
But when a person is desperate for friends and approval, they’ll latch onto anyone who shows their teeth to them. Worse, they’re willing to kiss butt and eat doody if it means they don’t have to be alone and friendless.
They’ll chase people who don’t give a crap about them and allow people to use them for what they can get from them. They’ll overlook it when their so-called friends stab them in the back.
They’ll even put up with overt abuse. Sadly, victims hold on to people who only tolerate them, which only invites more bullying. Anytime you have to crawl behind people who don’t care about you, you’re doing yourself a huge disservice!
I want you to understand this:
If you feel you must beg anyone to be your friend
If you think you must give them your delicious dessert at lunch
If you believe you have to do someone’s homework for them, give them money or do something that you don’t want to do to win their friendship
If you have to chase someone or go out of your way to get them to see the good in you
If you put up with being abused, disrespected, and humiliated by people who are supposed to be your friends
If you have friends who never have your back, who disappear and always throw you under the bus when trouble comes for you
If you have to force conversations with these so-called friends
In a nutshell, if at any time a friendship doesn’t feel right, these people do not deserve the time of day!
I understand the feeling of deprivation when you’re a target, it’s easy to want and nudge things a little. I completely get that deep ache- that longing to have a friend. And my heart goes out to you.
But you don’t need enemies with friends like that. Ditch these losers fast! They don’t deserve the privilege of being in your life.
When you’re that hard-up for friends, it shows. Anytime you’re willing to put up with crappy treatment to keep from being by yourself, it decreases your worth as a person. Other people see it and immediately think you’re pathetic. You come off to others as clingy and needy. Even worse, the desperate vibes you put out only attracts people who want to use and abuse you, which invites even more bullying and alienation.
Neediness just plain stinks. It is off-putting and repels even the people who would otherwise be good friends. There’s an old saying, “I can do bad by myself.”
It’s a saying I’ve heard for ions and it rings so true. Wouldn’t you much rather be alone than to put up with people who only pretend to be your friends and treat you like garbage? I sure as hell would.
I promise you that if you eighty-six people who treat you less than how you deserve to be treated, your value will go up and you will feel so much better about yourself. Also, either the people you ditch will realize what they lost and come back to apologize, or they won’t.
If they do, it’s your choice whether to allow them back in but understand that you do not have to take them back because some things you can never come back from. If they don’t, it’s no loss to you.
I say this because out of about four hundred classmates at Oakley High, I can count on one hand those I could ever trust again, and that’s without using all five fingers. Other than two or three, the rest of them I could care less if I ever saw again, even if they were the last four hundred people on the face of the earth.
I forgive my classmates, yes. But I will never trust them, and I’d be a fool to have anything to do with anyone I couldn’t trust.
The point is that you must value and love yourself enough to protect yourself and command better treatment from others. If that means being alone and friendless for a while, then so be it.
You deserve people who genuinely care for you, and if you have the courage to get rid of toxic people, life will eventually reward you and bring better people into your life- people who will love, respect you and feel so blessed to know you. It happened to me and it can happen for you too!
Don’t settle for fake friends who use, abuse, and only tolerate you to keep from being alone. Find people who celebrate you. Be friends with people who value you and see the good you bring to a friendship. You’re worth it. Believe it! Believe in yourself!