8 Emotions That Targets of Bullying Feel

cry tears

Targets of bullying endure a hell that no one can comprehend unless they themselves have experienced bullying. It’s the same with the range of resulting emotions they feel. Unless you’ve been there, you can’t imagine the intense stress and the wide array of powerful emotions that come with it.

1.Grief- Once you become an object of bullying or mobbing, life as you know it changes. You mourn for the way your life used to be and long to get your former life back. You also grieve the loss of your respect, dignity, reputation, good standing, and your identity. You mourn the loss of your friends and in some cases, your spouse and family.

2, Bewilderment- You don’t understand why this is happening to you- why you’re being bullied and why people you love and thought loved you have turned against you. You’re also at a loss as to what you did to bring about such hatred. In your heart, you know that you’re a great person and that you never intentionally slighted nor hurt anyone. So, what gives?

3. Confusion- You’re at a loss as to which way to turn and who to turn to. And you don’t know what to do to remedy the situation because each time you try, only makes the bullying worse. You feel stuck!

4. Terror – Anytime you’re targeted, the fear can be paralyzing. You’re afraid to speak but afraid not to speak. You’re afraid of the people around you. You’re afraid to make any moves or decisions because you know that anything you do will be scrutinized and made to look bad, crazy, or evil. You’re afraid to come to school or work because you know they’re all out to get you and you know that if you show, they’ll only blindside you with another attack.

4. Sadness- You cry in your car to and from your school or workplace. You cry in your pillow at night when you go to bed. It seems that no one will give you a chance and you’re isolated and alone. When you try to make new friends, the bullies always seem to intervene and turn the new people against you too. The type of sadness a target feels is the kind that is deep, dark, and overwhelming.

6. Depression- This comes with being rendered powerless. It seems that there’s nothing you can do to change the situation. You have the feeling of being bound and gagged. You feel trapped like a rat and there’s nowhere to go where the bullies and participants won’t find you. And you feel that there’s no hope that things will ever get better.

7. Ohhhh, the rage! This is, by far, THE most powerful emotion targets can have. With each physical or psychological attack, the fury grows until you’d give anything just to have the power to rip their heads off and shoved them up their you-know-whats. Oh, yes! Rage does that to you and gives you such evil thoughts!

I remember the rage I felt in middle and high school when I was a target of bullying and it grew to a level until, at one point, I felt homicidal! I loathed them so intensely that I just wanted all of them to drop dead.

I used my brain. I didn’t allow myself to snap and take any lives. I thought about my future and how doing something horribly violent would ruin it, I then decided that none of my classmates were worth ruining my future and causing my family heartache over and eventually, a door opened for me and I was able to transfer to a new school where things got better.

8. 8Suicidal thoughts. It’s not that you want to die. You just want the torment to stop and when it gets to a certain level, death seems to be the only escape for it. These thoughts happen when you feel you’ve exhausted every possible option to make things better. But don’t give up. Because as long as you’re alive, there’s always a good chance that things will change for the better and you can come out victorious on the other side of it.

 I want you to know that if you’re a target of bullying, things may seem hopeless, but they aren’t. Things change for the better all the time and when you least expect them to.

4 Reasons Why Neediness is Not Only Bad for You, But Also Unattractive and Repelling

Closeup portrait unhappy woman giving loser sign on forehead, looking at you with anger and hatred on face isolated on gray background.

Neediness is not a good look on anyone. It’s unattractive and off-putting. To be blunt, it’s downright gross! It’s the equivalent of an overpowering stench one must hold their nose and run from to keep from getting sick.

When a target is bullied, they often become needy. Because they’re shunned and rejected for so long, they become ravenously hungry for any morsel of approval and will lap up anything that even looks like it. But they often see acceptance when it’s really only tolerance.

Anytime a target becomes needy, some people might include them in their groups, but not because they like them or want to be around them. They’ll only pretend to like the target because they feel sorry for him. And the last thing the target should want is someone’s pity. Yuck! Who in their right mind would want to settle for that?

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But wait! It gets worse!

After a while, the pity that his (the target’s) so-called friends have for him may wear thin.

Here are a few reasons why neediness is not only unattractive and humiliating but downright dangerous:

1. Any time you’re a target of bullying by everyone- the group of so-called friends who pretend to like you put themselves at risk of being made targets themselves. And they know it. In the minds of the bullies and others, they’re guilty by association. Instead of being an asset to the group, you become a liability!

2. The group is having to pretend to like having you around because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. But their real feelings about you will only seep out in ways that are not so obvious. It’ll be so subtle that you may not even know it’s happening. And you can bet that if you make the slightest mistake or they perceive the tiniest slight from you, the floodgates will open and their real feelings of dislike and hatred will come rushing out like a raging torrent. And they’ll look for any reason to make you go away even if they must treat you with blatant brutality.

3. Your so-called friends will never have your back. They’ll disappear at the first sign of trouble. When your bullies come calling, your fake friends will throw you under the bus, then get behind the wheel and run you over a few times. Understand that these people will not value you as a person.

disgust repulsion yuck

4. You’ll only draw people who are predators. Users and abusers are drawn to the needy like vultures to a carcass. They seek out people who are desperate to exploit their needs and weaknesses to get what they want from them. And once they’ve gotten all they want out of the person, they discard them like a dirty piece of toilet paper. You may not realize it, but you can do better than a bunch of scavengers!

Wouldn’t you rather be alone than to have friends like those? I wound hope you would.

Real courage and real self-worth sometimes require that you be alone for a while. But let me assure you that it won’t always be this way. Be patient and eventually, the right people will find you. It may not happen quickly, but it will happen. I guarantee it.

It happened for me and it will happen for you too!

The Day the Laughter Died (In Memory of Robin Williams)

Robin Williams Graffiti Tribute

Robin Williams was one of the best comedians of all time. My first memories of him were on the sitcom, Mork & Mindy before he went on to star in some of the best movies in the business. During interviews and appearances, he seemed to be happy and chipper, always having a good one-liner on hand to brighten any mood.

I remember exactly where I was, and I was doing when news of his death first broke. It shocked me to my core as it did millions of fans around the globe. Because of his happy and upbeat demeanor, he was the last celebrity I thought would ever commit suicide, and it only goes to show that this manner of death often comes with no prior warning signs.

Unfortunately, outward appearances can be deceiving, and just because someone may look happy, confident, and outgoing doesn’t mean that they aren’t privately battling the evil demon of depression.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), close to 800,000 people die by suicide every year, which equals to one person every 40 seconds. It is the second leading cause of death among people ages 15-29. However, the elderly have the highest suicide rates, more than 50% higher than young people (www.factretriever.com/suicide-facts)

(www.who.int/mental-health/prevention/suicide/suicideprevent/en/)

One reason for the high suicide rate is that people frown upon mental illness. Because those unlucky enough to battle it fear others might judge them negatively and unfairly, they don’t admit that there’s a problem and refuse to get treatment.
Robin Williams was no different.

I can tell you that despite his fame and fortune, he was afraid of being judged. Being a man, came with the fear that society would revoke his proverbial man-card, as men are conditioned from infancy to be the pillars of strength, which is why suicide rates are much higher with males. Being a comedian, he was afraid of being discredited and possibly losing his career.

Because there is so much stigma which surrounds depression and mental illness, these were very legitimate fears. I have found that people judge those with mental illness worse than they do thieves and murderers, and it’s a shame.

What’s even more mind-boggling is that many of these finger-pointers also have some mental illness themselves or in their families. They only live in denial and point fingers to distract others from their own issues.

Yesterday marked the seventh anniversary of Robin Williams’ death. If someone as talented, vibrant, wealthy, and famous as Robin Williams can be stricken with depression or any form of mental illness, then anyone can at any time.
People suffering do not need your criticism or your pity. They need your support!

It’s time to stop hiding, stop passing judgment, and remove the stigma!

In Memory of Robin Williams

(July 21, 1951 – August 11, 2014)

Don’t Worry About Who Does or Doesn’t Like You

Why? Because liking of any person or thing is always subjective, and no two people have the exact likes, dislikes, tastes, or opinions. Know that there will always be those who do not like you and be okay with it because it bears no reflection on you. We all move in different circles and directions.

It’s just how life works and how we were made.

Continue to love and embrace yourself as the person God created you to be. Continue to enjoy the friends and loved ones you do have and never mind the people you don’t have. They aren’t important.

Embrace your differences because no two people are the same. Accept every flaw and quirk you have. Accept no one’s ignorant, cookie-cutter version of what you should be. You are enough!

Imagine how utterly and downright boring life would be if we were all the same. Imagine a world full of white people, black people, or Hispanics- a world full of people with blonde hair and blue eyes or dark hair and dark eyes- a world full of skinny people…or overweight people- or if everyone had the same tastes opinions or beliefs!

It would be like living in a town where all diners were pizza parlors and served pizza but nothing else. Yuck! I love pizza, but I wouldn’t want to eat that every day!

So love being different. Know that there are people who love you and are begging to spend time with you. And above all else, know that God loves you. You will be alright.

Being a Target of Bullying Will Either Make or Break You

make or break

Being the object of bullies is a hell that only few people can comprehend. If you aren’t careful, it can very easily turn you from a kind and caring human being to one of two things:

1. an angry, bitter. distrusting and mean-spirited person

2. a sad, sullen, and withdrawn individual.

Bullying can either make or break a person. Sadly, so many people end up broken. But I want you to know that it doesn’t have to be this way.

If you continue to practice self-care, chances are that, although as painful as it may be, the bullying you suffer will not have as much of an impact as it would if you give up on yourself. So don’t – I repeat – DON’T give up! EVER!

I’m living proof. I’m a very happy, healthy, and successful adult. But if you knew me during high school, you never would’ve thought that I would ever make it as far as I have.

The bullying didn’t break me. It made me! I consciously chose not to let it break me, and you, too, have that choice.

Being bullied is never good. But it not only made me a stronger, more resilient, and compassionate woman, it also motivated me.

It gave me the drive to pursue my goals and dreams. It gave me a purpose. That purpose is to spread awareness of the bullying epidemic, which seems to be sweeping the globe. It gave me the drive to become a published author and be a voice for those who are too afraid to speak out.

If you have a dream, there will be people along the way who will do their best to discourage you because if you flourish, it’ll be as if you’re holding a mirror up to them and showing them a reflection of their own pathetic lives.

No matter how others may treat you, you must continue to follow your dreams and do it because it makes you happy. Never dumb yourself down to make someone else feel better about themselves.

Instead, mute the voices of these toxic people and get them out of your life (if possible) as quickly as you can. Then, continue to go after and achieve your goals because life is too short, not to.

You only get one shot at life. Make it count! Do what fulfills you and live life to the fullest! You can do it!

What It Feels Like to Be a Target of Bullying- What I Did to Compensate

the sad girl has problems with mockery and bullying at school.

Being a target can be a lonely and terrifying existence. Because of the intense hatred people spew daily, you walk on eggshells because you don’t know what the bullies and their minions will do next. They could physically hurt you, or worse. You also feel desperate to correct what is wrong, but you have no clue what it is.

So many targets today can easily relate to my story. With that said, I want to tell you that if you are or have been a target of school bullies, you are not alone, and you will eventually overcome your tormentors just like I did.

I was one of those targets who rebelled against the bullies and fought back. To keep my self-esteem from completely tanking, I dressed my absolute best, but still, it was not good enough for me. I wanted to dress like a million bucks for school. Clothes from Walmart just were not good enough. I had to go to the mall, Cato, Tempo, Maurice’s, or Hollywood’s, before I was satisfied. I was not happy unless I was dressed to the nines at school.

I had to be very well dressed because I was still quite a bit insecure inside. I didn’t feel like I was worth anything unless I was dressed to impress. One of the thoughts which consumed me all during high school was how to dress like a fashionista.

It had a lot to do with how poorly I was being treated, and I continued to believe that the better I dressed, the better I would be treated although, the exact opposite would occur, arousing even further hatred and contempt.

Nevertheless, I absolutely had to be dressed in the hottest fashions, or I just did not feel adequate. The more they put me down, the more I would dress up. I felt that my attire was providing me a sense of not only style but control.

Some mornings, I would dress up, look at myself in the mirror and think,

“So they think I am trash? They must be blind. Does this look like trash? I think not! I know I’m hot, and they are not going to convince me otherwise!”

Does this sound arrogant? Conceited? Maybe. Does this sound downright narcissistic? Perhaps. Was it the right attitude to have? Both yes and no. My defense was to act conceited like I didn’t need any of them.

This holier-than-thou attitude, however unattractive it might have been, helped me preserve what little self-esteem and dignity I had. It helped me to keep going when things were at their worst. It helped me to keep from being totally brainwashed and reprogrammed by my evil classmates, unlike a good majority of other bullied targets, who, sadly, wasn’t that fortunate!

I walked around with my nose in the air and refused to speak to any of them. I had a sassy and smart alicky attitude. I was extremely sarcastic and had a snotty disposition. I even laughed at and bullied others to grab back some power. My attitude stunk – period.

Sure. This same attitude could have also very easily gotten me hurt or worse had my bullies known for certain about it. Many of those girls carried knives, especially those from families of criminals and ex-cons, families who were dirt poor, or just plain loco. Sadly, that was over half of the student body.

I have no doubt that they would not have thought twice about whipping a blade out and slicing my face with it if they could have gotten me in the right place, and I would have had to wear it for life.

However, this arrogance I often displayed was the only way I knew to stay strong and maintain a little bit of poise. I was only a teenager and had not yet fully developed the concrete thinking skills or processing ability to handle my situation more objectively. Back then, I was a slave to my emotions, and I let them guide me in handling people and situations.

Also, I was under a tremendous amount of stress and had been for the last three years. And when anyone, even the most logical and rational person, is under a large amount of stress that lasts over a long period of time, memory, emotional regulation, and ability to maintain positive relationships are negatively affected. Therefore, neurologically, I had two strikes against me- a double-whammy.

From the sixth grade up until I left Oakley, I was constantly in survival mode due to being bullied and had to be to protect my personal well-being. To even make it to graduation, I had to be hyper-vigilant to be safe. You must understand that when you are a target of vicious bullies, it is as if you constantly have a target on your back. You are a marked person, and you learn very quickly to grow eyes in the back of your head.

And it’s no way to live. Please feel free to comment on your experiences and what you did to cope.

Suicide is Never a Solution (Part 4)

(Continued from Part 3…)

In the previous segments of this post, I discussed how you should never let it push you to take your own life despite how beat down by bullying you may feel. For this last segment, I’d like to give you advice on how to overcome those feelings.

First, be positive and take charge!

Make their bullying your motivator and become that much more determined to live—to live a happier, more peaceful, and more successful life. Spend as much time as possible doing the things you enjoy and being around the people who love you the most- positive people who lift you up and make you feel awesome. Caring people. Loving people. The happier you are, the less the ignorant actions and words of any bully will affect you.

Always look your best—for yourself, not for anyone else. Always do your best at any task—so you know, no matter how it turns out, that it represents all you can do—excel in your studies and pursue your interests and talents, whether art, music, sports or anything else that you do well. Do what makes you feel good about yourself, just as long as it causes no harm to another person.

It’s okay to feel emotion when someone hurts you, but don’t get wrapped up in self-pity, no matter how bad things get. Be angry. Be sad. Cry, beat a pillow—do whatever you need to let those emotions out because you certainly don’t want to hold them in. But never dwell on them. Get out of that hurtful place as soon as you can to protect your confidence and self-worth.

Be a positive person! Be kind (without being a pushover, of course). Meet new people. Interest yourself in others and what’s going on in their lives—folks love you if you are genuinely interested in them. Let them talk about themselves, their hobbies and interests and listen to them. While they are talking, listen with your eyes focused on them. People love someone excited about them.

Show genuine interest in what they tell you about and get excited about their dreams. Be happy for them when they achieve those dreams and wish them well. Smile and greet people, calling them by name. Doing this will eventually make you lots of friends and live down any bad reputation caused by bullies.

That’s how I did it. I no longer have the horrible reputation I once had. I have such an awesome little circle of friends today and I couldn’t be more grateful. I’ve also won over a few of my former bullies from school. That’s right. Some of the people who once bullied me in school are now some of my closest friends!

I did it by taking my focus off of myself and acquiring a genuine interest in others. I did it by replacing hate, contempt, and bitterness with love, acceptance, and forgiveness. I did it by loving myself and seeing my own worth as a person. I quit worrying about what others thought of me, and I made my goal to do the right thing always.

Did that make everybody like me? Of course not. But instead of concerning myself with what others think or do, I focus on how good I make others feel about themselves. Did I put a smile on someone’s face, someone who would otherwise be sad? Did I make a difference in the life of at least one person today? Did I restore someone’s hope? Was I the difference in someone deciding against taking his or her own life?

I hope so!

None of this will be easy by any stretch. But build yourself up by building up others. Meet new and interesting people and connect with them. You’ll be surprised how having those people in your life will push aside your experiences with the bad and turn things around for you. You have too much to experience and too much good to offer. So get out there, do your best, make a difference, and enjoy each and every day for the gift it is!

Suicide is Never a Solution (Part 3)

(Continued from Part 2…)

Rest assured. I understand what it’s like to be driven to such a dark and awful place. When I was young, bullied, and felt completely alone, I attempted to take my own life. It was one of the most terrible things I’d ever considered. So, I want you to know I really do understand your pain and your desperation to get out of the corner you feel your bullies have backed you into.

When I think about that time in my life, I get mad about it- damn mad- and not only at my bullies for driving me to such a place, but mad at myself for allowing them to do it. I can’t even pretend it’s all their fault.

In hindsight, I never should have made that attempt on my own life. All that would’ve happened was that the people (bullies) who called me names and thought I was stupid, weak, and beneath them would have concluded that they were right. Instead, I should have wanted to live, if for no other reason than to piss them all off.

I fought like hell to hold on to my pride, dignity, and self-respect. And most importantly, I lived through it, and eventually, things changed for the better. I lived to write and publish four books and begin a blog, which is only my way of turning what was once a very negative experience into a positive outcome, and help people who are suffering as I did.

If I had it to do over, the most important change would be that I would have worked on myself. I would have gotten busy practicing and honing my talents, and I would’ve been unafraid to display those talents. I would have entered talent shows and writing contests, winning all sorts of prizes! I would have begun striving toward self-improvement and a deeper understanding of both what was happening to me and of the world and people around me.

If you’re reading this and you’re in the same gawd-awful place I was then, let me tell you something: You are not a terrible person! You are a fighter, and if you remain tough long enough, you will emerge a winner! I can guarantee it! So don’t give up! Don’t quit! As long as you keep living, you keep fighting. And as long as you keep fighting, you’ve already won.

You just don’t know it yet.

Suicide is never the answer. Never! I didn’t realize then that I was playing right into my bullies’ hands. I was giving them exactly what they wanted— they were already out to destroy me, and I was making it easier for them.

Now that I know better, there will be a cold day in Hades before I’ll ever let another person drive me into that rabbit hole again. Instead, I will only be that much more determined to keep living, counting my blessings, and enjoying the good things in life.

There is beauty in life if you look for it.

(Continued in Part 4…)

5 Things You Can Do to Lift Your Spirits

We all have days when we feel down in the dumps. Fortunately, there are things you can do to remedy your situation and chase those doldrums away!

1. Listen to good music – There’s nothing that cures your ills like boogying down to some good dance music or rocking out to the sounds of your favorite rock bands. There something about music that makes us come alive and want to get up and move! So, put on some good tunes and shake your butt!

 2. Go for a walk – Going on a good nature walk on a beautiful Spring day lifts the spirits and feels so good. Walking is also one of the best exercises there is, so, there are physical health benefits to it as well.

 3. Indulge in your hobbies – working on and completing your hobbies brings out your creative side and gives you the feeling of success and accomplishment. It gives you pride in yourself and in your abilities. And who doesn’t love that?

 4. Surround yourself with your favorite people – Being around the people you love, who love you, and who lift you up feeds your soul like nothing else. When you get together with your loved ones, you know you belong, and you get that much needed sense of belonging and togetherness.

 5. Fix yourself up – As the old saying goes, when you look good, you feel good. When you take pride in your appearance, it shows. Looking your best has a way of building your confidence and your self-esteem. And it also has a way of spreading to others.

The good thing as that you have options. Do any one of these things and watch your mood skyrocket in just minutes. You’ll be glad you did. I promise!

The Survivor of Bullying

The survivor of bullying who escapes the abuse first comes out with shock, anger, and sadness. But once the healing is underway, they’re filled with renewed hope.

When school or workplace bullying experiences have exposed you to the darkest sides of human nature, you have a stronger sense of your own endurance and capability. This is all because of what you have endured and were able to overcome.

You never know your own strength until you’ve overcome bullying, especially severe and chronic bullying.

Another takeaway is that the survivor has a stronger sense of people. She can smell fakery and BS from a mile away and can spot bullies before even talking to them. The survivor pays closer attention to how people carry themselves, body language, and the vibes and energy others put out.

survivors x-ray eyes

He is better able to avoid people who might want to harm him because he’s learned, the hard way, the importance of listening to his gut instinct and heeding it anytime something is even the slightest bit “off” about a person. In short, the survivor of bullying has learned that it’s okay, even paramount, that he trusts himself, and in that, his feelings and judgement.

On the other side of bullying, a survivor learns and develops the determination never to conform to the standards and criteria of others, but to live life on her terms because she knows what it’s like to be a slave to the approval of others. She knows what it’s like to be a prisoner to outside influences. She knows the powerlessness of having one’s pleasure depend of the permission of others. She knows what it’s like to be forced to apologize for simply being who she is and she’s not having any of it!

Overcoming past abuse gives the survivor a restored and refined sense of his worth and knowledge of the immense value he brings to this world. He awakens to his goodness and realizes that yes! He is worthy of love, friendship, affection, and of all the best things in life. He also realizes that he is loved and always was no matter what all those vile people told him!

The survivor of bullying ends up with a much clearer vision of what she will not tolerate nor settle for. She is unmovable in her refusal to kiss arse or bow down to anyone no matter what the cost may be. She’s spent enough years living on her knees and if she’s going to be punished for her unwillingness to kowtow, she’ll suffer those consequences standing up.

The survivor of bullying is also a fierce warrior for other victims. If he sees another person being bullied, he’s will stand up for that person and go toe to toe with the bullies to protect the target.

The survivor who has overcome bullying isn’t afraid to say no, nor to walk away from any relationship that doesn’t fulfill and nourish him. He refuses to be stuck in any environment that doesn’t allow him to grow and flourish.

The survivor is more aware than ever of what she deserves and goes after it with resilience and tenacity. Life’s given her enough of what she doesn’t want and now it’s time for her to go get what she knows is due her.

The survivor realizes, probably more than anyone, that life is short, and you only get one shot in this world. And she works diligently to create the life she knows she deserves, and she does it without guilt. She knows that she’s not entitled nor privileged. She realizes that the big bad world owes her nothing. And that’s okay.

The survivor realizes that there’s no such thing as a free ride because, heck, no one ever gave him anything but hell. What he understands more than anything as that all you have is you and the only person you can depend on is you. So, he knows that reaching his goals and dreams is up to him and him alone. And he works toward what he wants with a fervor.

The survivor of bullying makes it a point never to take anyone for granted but lets her family and friends know that she loves and values them. Why? Because she knows what is like to be alone, unwanted, and abused and she would never want anyone- especially the people she cares about feel that way or endure it.

The survivor of bullying savors every wonderful moment, every positive encounter, and every happy event because he has seen enough negativity.

What the survivor enjoys more than anything else is wonderful relationships and happy moments, and most of all, she’s grateful for them. She also enjoys helping others who go through what she once endured. And she uses her experiences to encourage them and give them hope.

Sometimes, you must be torn down to be built up again. Sometimes you must first be dejected and left lonely before you can truly appreciate the family and friendships you have later. And sometimes, it takes being forced into the chains of others’ approval and validation before you can enjoy the freedom of self-love and the indifference to the opinions of those who don’t matter and, perhaps, never should have mattered.