What You Should Say When Bullies Try to Convince You to Commit Suicide

There have been many cases where bullies have tried to convince their targets to commit suicide, and many have succeeded. It’s a shame that bullies are this heartless and cruel but it’s heartbreaking when their targets are brainwashed by these monsters and finally surrender, under pressure, to do the bullies’ bidding.

I’m sure most of you remember hearing on the news, a year or two ago, about the case of Michelle Carter, the 23-year-old who was convicted of manslaughter in Massachusetts after convincing her boyfriend, Conrad Roy III to commit suicide by text.

Several days before this young man took his life by rigging his car with a hose to fill with carbon monoxide and sitting inside it until he was dead, Michelle Carter sent numerous texts to him, urging him to go through with it after he planned his suicide. In a few texts, she is reported to have told him, “Just do it, babe, “and “Put up or shut up.” She also reportedly told him to get back in the car and do it. These texts were the evidence that got her convicted.

Now, I don’t know the circumstances surrounding this or why she did what she did, however, I do believe that what she did was murder. But realize that bullies will the same thing to their targets, and they have done it. In my not-so-humble opinion, they too should be tried and convicted of murder. Not manslaughter, but murder!

If nothing else, I want you to understand this! Anytime you are a target of bullying and your bully or bullies either tell you to take your own life one time, or repeatedly try to urge and pressure you into suicide, they want you dead. They want to kill you but they’re too chicken to do it themselves because they know they’d land their butts in prison for the rest of their lives.

Again, they would love nothing more than to kill you but don’t have the stomach nor the balls to do it themselves because they know that, if they went to prison, they wouldn’t survive there.

I want you to see these people for what they are- cowards!

More importantly, I want you to realize that you have value and that your life matters just as much as the next person’s. I also want you to realize that you deserve to live on this green earth just as much as the next person does.

Remember that bullying is abuse, which means that your bullies are abusers! Never allow an abuser to convince you to take your own life! Never give an abuser that kind of power because it’s not theirs to have. Only God can determine whether you should live or die. A bully can never have that power- the power of life or death over you unless you allow them to have it.

So, when a bully or bullies tells you to “kill yourself,” here’s what you say to them:

“You first.”

I love this little two-liner comeback because it’s short, sweet, and to the point. It mat stun the bully into silence and also has the potential to make the bullies to do a little back-peddling.

Know your rights. Moreover, know your worth. Your life matters. You matter! You are loved and you are a great person. You have a right to life- to live. Never forget that.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

20 Effects of Long-Term Bullying on Targets

Bullying crushes the target’s spirit. It sucks the joy out of life and reprograms the mind.

After a while, the person begins to believe the lies bullies tell him about himself and see himself through his bullies’ eyes. Therefore, he believes that maybe the bullies have a justifiable reason to bully him but can’t figure what it is.

As a result, the target will make extra efforts to explain himself more clearly, but to no avail. He clings to the hope that the bullies will go away through the small reprieves they may give him.

On the occasions bullies act friendly to him, the target’s hopes go up, and he forgets about the past. Next, they blindside the target with another brutal attack.

Understand that the bullies are using the age-old push and pull technique to keep the target trying to make friends out of them and trapped inside the bully/victim dynamic. And they do this to keep him confused- this is how bullies can maintain power over their targets.

Realize that if your bullies can keep your hopes up, it’s likely that you’ll feel compelled to keep jumping through hoops to prove yourself worthy.

Here’s how it goes: Bullies stop bullying you for a while, and once you let your guard down and begin feeling safe and confident again, BAM! Once again, they attack! Realize abusers do this deliberately!

 Over time, bullying can cause these effects on the target:

1.Can no longer trust themselves to act on their own volition and spontaneity or make their own decisions

2. A state of being always on guard- hypervigilance

3. Uncertainty of how they come across to others

4. A loss of their zest for life

5. A false concern that something is wrong with them

6. Constantly replaying and reviewing bullying incidents to try and figure out what went wrong.

7. Increasing self-doubt

8. Loss of confidence

9. Having an internalized inner critic

10. Fear that they’re going crazy

11. A dreadful sense that time is passing and they’re missing out

bullied singled out surrounded

12. A growing sense that they aren’t happy but should be

13. Being extra careful not to be or sound too sensitive

14. Second, guessing themselves

15. An overwhelming desire to escape and get away from the bullying environment

16. A belief that they can’t do anything right

17. Living in the future- “things will be better when I graduate, turn eighteen, get another job, move away, get married, have children,” etc.

18. A distrust in relationships

19. Loss of faith in humanity (the belief that all people are inherently evil and enjoy seeing others suffer)

20. Feeling discombobulated and off-balance

If bullies have you feeling these ways, get out of their element if you can. When you’re so hurt and perplexed that you cannot tell which end is up, you’re living in hell, and it’s no way to live. You deserve peace, happiness, and confidence. Go where you can flourish, and your spirit can get the nourishment it desperately needs.

The Vicious Cycle of Bullying

Sometimes, and with many targets, the bullying they suffer is a vicious cycle. Now you might ask, “What do you mean? How can bullying become a cycle?”

It can become a cycle in many ways. However, there’s one cycle in particular I’d like to discuss.  I’ll describe it like this:

1.The target is bullied relentlessly, and she holds up for a year or two, trying to be strong and brave, trying to remain calm and cool, and seemingly doing quite well at it. However, the bullies are relentless, so, they escalate the attacks, and the abuse becomes more frequent and intense. It is as if they are trying to bring her down.

2. Finally, so many of her peers have bullied her so much for so long that they finally succeed in driving her to the breaking point. The target either attempts suicide or has a breakdown of some sort. Maybe she breaks down crying and her sobs are so deep and so uncontrollable that she can’t stop crying. It’s as if a dam has burst and the raging torrent of tears continues to pour forth. She’s crying so hard her entire body shakes, quakes, and writhes.

3. The target is admitted to a treatment center for severe depression. She stays in the hospital for a couple of months and while she’s there, she is making progress. She’s able to open up about the bullying she suffers, and people listen there. In the treatment center, she is safe.

She makes friends out of the other kids there and of the staff as well. They all support her, and she begins to feel good about herself again. It seems like she’s beginning to heal and get better.

A couple of months go by and for the first time in the two months she’s been in the hospital and away from the bullying environment at her school, she feels like herself again. She feels re-empowered.

4. She’s finally released from the hospital. But she has to go back to school and she has no choice but to go back to the very environment and to the people who made her sick in the first place.

Depression Concept with Word Cloud and a Humanbeing with broken Brain and Heavy Rain

5. As soon as the target goes back to school, although the others at school can’t prove where she’s been, they have it figured. Now there’s the mental health stigma hanging over her and the bullies instantly use it against her and only pick up where they left off. They begin mobbing her again and even a few teachers and the principal look down on her, just like before.

6. The principal warns her aloud, in the crowded hall, as she’s changing classes, “I’m going to be watching you closely.” He tells her. And he tells her this in front of the other students where they can overhear.

7. The target does well and is well-behaved. However, the principal, a few teachers, and the student body, view her with even more suspicion. Instead of acknowledging and encouraging her success, the principal and teachers continuing let her know that she’s on their radar.

8. Although the two months away in the treatment center was intended to help her get well and regain her confidence, self-esteem, and her life and returning to school was meant to be a chance to start over, the target is branded a troublemaker or a mental case by the school, some of the teachers and the principal, knowingly or unknowingly, are now in the process of undoing all the progress this girl has made.

What they should do is pull her aside and tell her in private that they are watching her, but that they admire her for getting help and trying to turn her life around.

However, their justification for their treatment of her is that it’s to protect the other students who fit in to what’s “normal” and who obey the rules. This justification is often used to defend the emotional abuse they inflict on the target and single her out for humiliation.

This is when the school is willingly participating in destroying a human being. The girl’s “loony bin trip” now follows her around like a stalking wildcat. School officials either don’t realize or don’t care about the impact their attitudes and prejudices have on young students.

Understand that this is the cycle. Bullies break the target down, the target goes somewhere and gets help, the target gets better and gets released, the target then must go back to the very place and to the same people that make them sick. They bully the target again… the cycle continues, again and again.

In cases like this, targets must be allowed to either transfer to a new school or home school, otherwise, the cycle only continues.

5 Things That Happen to Survivors of Bullying Who Never Heal from Bullying and Abuse

I don’t want to imagine where I’d be if I never healed from the bullying I suffered in the past. It’s not something l like to think about and it isn’t something I enjoy bringing up. However, I feel I’d be doing you a huge disservice if I didn’t.

If you were bullied at some point and you did the inner work and healed from it, you are one of the lucky blessed and I extend my congratulations to you.

But sadly, many survivors of bullying never heal, and I can only feel terrible for them. Because these people go their entire lives, dragging so much pinned up anger, resentment, sadness, and depression with them. Those emotions tend to fester into powerlessness- they simply don’t know what to do to make their lives better and achieve happiness and prosperity. Others only let it make them unfeeling and uncaring- and this second set of survivors often find prosperity and success, but they don’t find happiness.

So, what do these unhealed survivors do end up doing and where do they end up?

1. They join gangs. Many times, when a person has been bullied and hasn’t healed, they often join to get the sense of friendship, unity, belonging, and empowerment they were for so long denied. In a gang, these survivors are ensured protection from further bullying. And they use fear to get that protection.

2. They join extremist groups. Because these survivors were bullied terribly and never healed from it, they often feel a sense of unfairness and injustice. So, they take up a cause. Don’t get me wrong. Taking up a cause can be a wonderful and constructive way to deal with pain and trauma. But extremist groups are never good because they have a tendency for violence.  In joining extremist groups, survivors also get the friendship, support, alliance, and power they couldn’t get before.

Interior of cell block in abandoned State Correctional Institution, or jail., common room with jail cel

3. They end up in jail. Remember a few posts back, when I mentioned that anyone who is consistently told they’re bad, crazy, or evil will begin to exhibit behavior which matches the labels? When people are made to feel that they’re horrible people, they may go out and commit crimes either to get attention or because they feel they’re owed for all the bullying they suffered.

4. They become workaholics. In the past, they were bullied and made to feel powerless. So, they work like dogs to make lots of money because they feel that having lots of money gives them enormous power.

5. They get into drug abuse. Many become drug addicts and alcoholics to quell the PTSD, trauma, sadness, and depression that is brought about by bullying. Instead of seeking the right kind of help, they self-medicate.

Understand that healing from bullying is a must if you want to go on to a happy and peaceful life and that sometimes, healing means seeking therapy. Healing and getting closure take a lot of work. But I promise that if you get the help and put in the inner work needed, it’ll be so worth it in the end!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

8 Emotions That Targets of Bullying Feel

cry tears

Targets of bullying endure a hell that no one can comprehend unless they themselves have experienced bullying. It’s the same with the range of resulting emotions they feel. Unless you’ve been there, you can’t imagine the intense stress and the wide array of powerful emotions that come with it.

1.Grief- Once you become an object of bullying or mobbing, life as you know it changes. You mourn for the way your life used to be and long to get your former life back. You also grieve the loss of your respect, dignity, reputation, good standing, and your identity. You mourn the loss of your friends and in some cases, your spouse and family.

2, Bewilderment- You don’t understand why this is happening to you- why you’re being bullied and why people you love and thought loved you have turned against you. You’re also at a loss as to what you did to bring about such hatred. In your heart, you know that you’re a great person and that you never intentionally slighted nor hurt anyone. So, what gives?

3. Confusion- You’re at a loss as to which way to turn and who to turn to. And you don’t know what to do to remedy the situation because each time you try, only makes the bullying worse. You feel stuck!

4. Terror – Anytime you’re targeted, the fear can be paralyzing. You’re afraid to speak but afraid not to speak. You’re afraid of the people around you. You’re afraid to make any moves or decisions because you know that anything you do will be scrutinized and made to look bad, crazy, or evil. You’re afraid to come to school or work because you know they’re all out to get you and you know that if you show, they’ll only blindside you with another attack.

4. Sadness- You cry in your car to and from your school or workplace. You cry in your pillow at night when you go to bed. It seems that no one will give you a chance and you’re isolated and alone. When you try to make new friends, the bullies always seem to intervene and turn the new people against you too. The type of sadness a target feels is the kind that is deep, dark, and overwhelming.

6. Depression- This comes with being rendered powerless. It seems that there’s nothing you can do to change the situation. You have the feeling of being bound and gagged. You feel trapped like a rat and there’s nowhere to go where the bullies and participants won’t find you. And you feel that there’s no hope that things will ever get better.

7. Ohhhh, the rage! This is, by far, THE most powerful emotion targets can have. With each physical or psychological attack, the fury grows until you’d give anything just to have the power to rip their heads off and shoved them up their you-know-whats. Oh, yes! Rage does that to you and gives you such evil thoughts!

I remember the rage I felt in middle and high school when I was a target of bullying and it grew to a level until, at one point, I felt homicidal! I loathed them so intensely that I just wanted all of them to drop dead.

I used my brain. I didn’t allow myself to snap and take any lives. I thought about my future and how doing something horribly violent would ruin it, I then decided that none of my classmates were worth ruining my future and causing my family heartache over and eventually, a door opened for me and I was able to transfer to a new school where things got better.

8. 8Suicidal thoughts. It’s not that you want to die. You just want the torment to stop and when it gets to a certain level, death seems to be the only escape for it. These thoughts happen when you feel you’ve exhausted every possible option to make things better. But don’t give up. Because as long as you’re alive, there’s always a good chance that things will change for the better and you can come out victorious on the other side of it.

 I want you to know that if you’re a target of bullying, things may seem hopeless, but they aren’t. Things change for the better all the time and when you least expect them to.

4 Reasons Why Neediness is Not Only Bad for You, But Also Unattractive and Repelling

Closeup portrait unhappy woman giving loser sign on forehead, looking at you with anger and hatred on face isolated on gray background.

Neediness is not a good look on anyone. It’s unattractive and off-putting. To be blunt, it’s downright gross! It’s the equivalent of an overpowering stench one must hold their nose and run from to keep from getting sick.

When a target is bullied, they often become needy. Because they’re shunned and rejected for so long, they become ravenously hungry for any morsel of approval and will lap up anything that even looks like it. But they often see acceptance when it’s really only tolerance.

Anytime a target becomes needy, some people might include them in their groups, but not because they like them or want to be around them. They’ll only pretend to like the target because they feel sorry for him. And the last thing the target should want is someone’s pity. Yuck! Who in their right mind would want to settle for that?

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But wait! It gets worse!

After a while, the pity that his (the target’s) so-called friends have for him may wear thin.

Here are a few reasons why neediness is not only unattractive and humiliating but downright dangerous:

1. Any time you’re a target of bullying by everyone- the group of so-called friends who pretend to like you put themselves at risk of being made targets themselves. And they know it. In the minds of the bullies and others, they’re guilty by association. Instead of being an asset to the group, you become a liability!

2. The group is having to pretend to like having you around because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. But their real feelings about you will only seep out in ways that are not so obvious. It’ll be so subtle that you may not even know it’s happening. And you can bet that if you make the slightest mistake or they perceive the tiniest slight from you, the floodgates will open and their real feelings of dislike and hatred will come rushing out like a raging torrent. And they’ll look for any reason to make you go away even if they must treat you with blatant brutality.

3. Your so-called friends will never have your back. They’ll disappear at the first sign of trouble. When your bullies come calling, your fake friends will throw you under the bus, then get behind the wheel and run you over a few times. Understand that these people will not value you as a person.

disgust repulsion yuck

4. You’ll only draw people who are predators. Users and abusers are drawn to the needy like vultures to a carcass. They seek out people who are desperate to exploit their needs and weaknesses to get what they want from them. And once they’ve gotten all they want out of the person, they discard them like a dirty piece of toilet paper. You may not realize it, but you can do better than a bunch of scavengers!

Wouldn’t you rather be alone than to have friends like those? I wound hope you would.

Real courage and real self-worth sometimes require that you be alone for a while. But let me assure you that it won’t always be this way. Be patient and eventually, the right people will find you. It may not happen quickly, but it will happen. I guarantee it.

It happened for me and it will happen for you too!

The Day the Laughter Died (In Memory of Robin Williams)

Robin Williams Graffiti Tribute

Robin Williams was one of the best comedians of all time. My first memories of him were on the sitcom, Mork & Mindy before he went on to star in some of the best movies in the business. During interviews and appearances, he seemed to be happy and chipper, always having a good one-liner on hand to brighten any mood.

I remember exactly where I was, and I was doing when news of his death first broke. It shocked me to my core as it did millions of fans around the globe. Because of his happy and upbeat demeanor, he was the last celebrity I thought would ever commit suicide, and it only goes to show that this manner of death often comes with no prior warning signs.

Unfortunately, outward appearances can be deceiving, and just because someone may look happy, confident, and outgoing doesn’t mean that they aren’t privately battling the evil demon of depression.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), close to 800,000 people die by suicide every year, which equals to one person every 40 seconds. It is the second leading cause of death among people ages 15-29. However, the elderly have the highest suicide rates, more than 50% higher than young people (www.factretriever.com/suicide-facts)

(www.who.int/mental-health/prevention/suicide/suicideprevent/en/)

One reason for the high suicide rate is that people frown upon mental illness. Because those unlucky enough to battle it fear others might judge them negatively and unfairly, they don’t admit that there’s a problem and refuse to get treatment.
Robin Williams was no different.

I can tell you that despite his fame and fortune, he was afraid of being judged. Being a man, came with the fear that society would revoke his proverbial man-card, as men are conditioned from infancy to be the pillars of strength, which is why suicide rates are much higher with males. Being a comedian, he was afraid of being discredited and possibly losing his career.

Because there is so much stigma which surrounds depression and mental illness, these were very legitimate fears. I have found that people judge those with mental illness worse than they do thieves and murderers, and it’s a shame.

What’s even more mind-boggling is that many of these finger-pointers also have some mental illness themselves or in their families. They only live in denial and point fingers to distract others from their own issues.

Yesterday marked the seventh anniversary of Robin Williams’ death. If someone as talented, vibrant, wealthy, and famous as Robin Williams can be stricken with depression or any form of mental illness, then anyone can at any time.
People suffering do not need your criticism or your pity. They need your support!

It’s time to stop hiding, stop passing judgment, and remove the stigma!

In Memory of Robin Williams

(July 21, 1951 – August 11, 2014)

Don’t Worry About Who Does or Doesn’t Like You

Why? Because liking of any person or thing is always subjective, and no two people have the exact likes, dislikes, tastes, or opinions. Know that there will always be those who do not like you and be okay with it because it bears no reflection on you. We all move in different circles and directions.

It’s just how life works and how we were made.

Continue to love and embrace yourself as the person God created you to be. Continue to enjoy the friends and loved ones you do have and never mind the people you don’t have. They aren’t important.

Embrace your differences because no two people are the same. Accept every flaw and quirk you have. Accept no one’s ignorant, cookie-cutter version of what you should be. You are enough!

Imagine how utterly and downright boring life would be if we were all the same. Imagine a world full of white people, black people, or Hispanics- a world full of people with blonde hair and blue eyes or dark hair and dark eyes- a world full of skinny people…or overweight people- or if everyone had the same tastes opinions or beliefs!

It would be like living in a town where all diners were pizza parlors and served pizza but nothing else. Yuck! I love pizza, but I wouldn’t want to eat that every day!

So love being different. Know that there are people who love you and are begging to spend time with you. And above all else, know that God loves you. You will be alright.

Being a Target of Bullying Will Either Make or Break You

make or break

Being the object of bullies is a hell that only few people can comprehend. If you aren’t careful, it can very easily turn you from a kind and caring human being to one of two things:

1. an angry, bitter. distrusting and mean-spirited person

2. a sad, sullen, and withdrawn individual.

Bullying can either make or break a person. Sadly, so many people end up broken. But I want you to know that it doesn’t have to be this way.

If you continue to practice self-care, chances are that, although as painful as it may be, the bullying you suffer will not have as much of an impact as it would if you give up on yourself. So don’t – I repeat – DON’T give up! EVER!

I’m living proof. I’m a very happy, healthy, and successful adult. But if you knew me during high school, you never would’ve thought that I would ever make it as far as I have.

The bullying didn’t break me. It made me! I consciously chose not to let it break me, and you, too, have that choice.

Being bullied is never good. But it not only made me a stronger, more resilient, and compassionate woman, it also motivated me.

It gave me the drive to pursue my goals and dreams. It gave me a purpose. That purpose is to spread awareness of the bullying epidemic, which seems to be sweeping the globe. It gave me the drive to become a published author and be a voice for those who are too afraid to speak out.

If you have a dream, there will be people along the way who will do their best to discourage you because if you flourish, it’ll be as if you’re holding a mirror up to them and showing them a reflection of their own pathetic lives.

No matter how others may treat you, you must continue to follow your dreams and do it because it makes you happy. Never dumb yourself down to make someone else feel better about themselves.

Instead, mute the voices of these toxic people and get them out of your life (if possible) as quickly as you can. Then, continue to go after and achieve your goals because life is too short, not to.

You only get one shot at life. Make it count! Do what fulfills you and live life to the fullest! You can do it!

What It Feels Like to Be a Target of Bullying- What I Did to Compensate

the sad girl has problems with mockery and bullying at school.

Being a target can be a lonely and terrifying existence. Because of the intense hatred people spew daily, you walk on eggshells because you don’t know what the bullies and their minions will do next. They could physically hurt you, or worse. You also feel desperate to correct what is wrong, but you have no clue what it is.

So many targets today can easily relate to my story. With that said, I want to tell you that if you are or have been a target of school bullies, you are not alone, and you will eventually overcome your tormentors just like I did.

I was one of those targets who rebelled against the bullies and fought back. To keep my self-esteem from completely tanking, I dressed my absolute best, but still, it was not good enough for me. I wanted to dress like a million bucks for school. Clothes from Walmart just were not good enough. I had to go to the mall, Cato, Tempo, Maurice’s, or Hollywood’s, before I was satisfied. I was not happy unless I was dressed to the nines at school.

I had to be very well dressed because I was still quite a bit insecure inside. I didn’t feel like I was worth anything unless I was dressed to impress. One of the thoughts which consumed me all during high school was how to dress like a fashionista.

It had a lot to do with how poorly I was being treated, and I continued to believe that the better I dressed, the better I would be treated although, the exact opposite would occur, arousing even further hatred and contempt.

Nevertheless, I absolutely had to be dressed in the hottest fashions, or I just did not feel adequate. The more they put me down, the more I would dress up. I felt that my attire was providing me a sense of not only style but control.

Some mornings, I would dress up, look at myself in the mirror and think,

“So they think I am trash? They must be blind. Does this look like trash? I think not! I know I’m hot, and they are not going to convince me otherwise!”

Does this sound arrogant? Conceited? Maybe. Does this sound downright narcissistic? Perhaps. Was it the right attitude to have? Both yes and no. My defense was to act conceited like I didn’t need any of them.

This holier-than-thou attitude, however unattractive it might have been, helped me preserve what little self-esteem and dignity I had. It helped me to keep going when things were at their worst. It helped me to keep from being totally brainwashed and reprogrammed by my evil classmates, unlike a good majority of other bullied targets, who, sadly, wasn’t that fortunate!

I walked around with my nose in the air and refused to speak to any of them. I had a sassy and smart alicky attitude. I was extremely sarcastic and had a snotty disposition. I even laughed at and bullied others to grab back some power. My attitude stunk – period.

Sure. This same attitude could have also very easily gotten me hurt or worse had my bullies known for certain about it. Many of those girls carried knives, especially those from families of criminals and ex-cons, families who were dirt poor, or just plain loco. Sadly, that was over half of the student body.

I have no doubt that they would not have thought twice about whipping a blade out and slicing my face with it if they could have gotten me in the right place, and I would have had to wear it for life.

However, this arrogance I often displayed was the only way I knew to stay strong and maintain a little bit of poise. I was only a teenager and had not yet fully developed the concrete thinking skills or processing ability to handle my situation more objectively. Back then, I was a slave to my emotions, and I let them guide me in handling people and situations.

Also, I was under a tremendous amount of stress and had been for the last three years. And when anyone, even the most logical and rational person, is under a large amount of stress that lasts over a long period of time, memory, emotional regulation, and ability to maintain positive relationships are negatively affected. Therefore, neurologically, I had two strikes against me- a double-whammy.

From the sixth grade up until I left Oakley, I was constantly in survival mode due to being bullied and had to be to protect my personal well-being. To even make it to graduation, I had to be hyper-vigilant to be safe. You must understand that when you are a target of vicious bullies, it is as if you constantly have a target on your back. You are a marked person, and you learn very quickly to grow eyes in the back of your head.

And it’s no way to live. Please feel free to comment on your experiences and what you did to cope.