Physically Violent Bullies- Why They Use Force

These bullies use force because of an inner sense that they otherwise would have no influence over people. When people dare to disagree with, defy, thwart, or worse, ignore them, they automatically think:

“Nobody will listen to me.”

“I can’t get anywhere with anyone.”

“They don’t value me.”

“They don’t respect me.”

“I can’t get any cooperation out of anyone.”

“I can’t get any satisfaction.”

And the list goes on and on…

This causes them to feel weak and defeated. Therefore, they use force and violence to get their point across because it’s the only thing that works for them.

But that is weakness because no one wants to get beat up, so they submit, not because they want to, but to keep themselves safe from harm. Understand that these types of people see everything as zero-sum: They either have total control, or no control at all. There’s no in-between. If they can’t have complete influence, they feel ineffective and powerless.

Physically violent and forceful bullies often compare themselves with others, seeing themselves as less effective than others when it comes to persuasion and influence. They feel that they’re no good at getting others to cooperate and at being in command of circumstances and situations.

Therefore, in their intense anger and rage, and through use of force and violence, these bullies shift the blame from their own sense of powerlessness to the behavior of their targets. They then see their targets as their enemies or adversaries and feel that they must be punished and destroyed.

“(The target) is wrong for defying me.”

“(The target) never listens to me.”

“(The target) never pays attention to me.”

“(The target) is not giving me the respect he/she owes me.”

When bullies shift the blame onto their targets, they are able to blunt the pains of their frustrations and disappointments because anger and rage are less unpleasant than sadness and hopelessness.

Again, I want you to realize that this is weakness in and of itself- that although physically violent and forceful bullies may look strong and mighty as they’re whipping and beating up on some poor helpless human being, they’re really weak. In fact, they’re the weakest of all other types of bullies. And it’s simply because they can’t get power any other way than to use the fear of physical harm and yes, even murder.

These people are ineffective any other way. They have no charm or seductive powers- in other words, they cannot get people to do what they want them to do through the use of persuasion.

I’ll use rapists as an example: The reason why most rapists rape isn’t only about power over another, it’s because they couldn’t get sex any other way. Maybe they have no game- they have a hard time seducing a woman to go to bed with them. Maybe they don’t know how to flirt with or court a woman effectively. Maybe they’re creepy or unattractive and women find them disgusting. Either way, they’re a turn off to them, which means that they are ineffective and powerless.

So, the only way they can get sexual gratification is to use force and violence- rape!

Anytime anyone has to physically threaten you to make you do what they want, it only means that you have all the power, not them. Yes, they may beat the crap out of you, but chances are good that you don’t have to resort to that kind of behavior to get your needs met. And your scratches, bruises, and broken bones will heal. But your bullies’ stupidity and lack of social intelligence, powers of persuasion, and people skills are things they are stuck with- forever!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Physically Violent Bully

The weakest person always uses physical violence. But the strongest person always uses their brain. It’s also true that the weakest person talks the most and the loudest, but the strongest person gets his message across in few words.

Through experience, I’ve found that these bullies were taught at home that violence is the answer to all their problems. Most of my classmates had the same brutish mentality. If you didn’t give them what they wanted, they resorted to using their fists to teach you a lesson and force you to comply. They also used physical violence any time they felt they weren’t getting the “respect” they thought was due them.

Bullies like these may even use physical violence to take their frustrations out on their targets whenever they’ve had a bad day or when they’re in a bad mood. It’s pathetic really.

Their kneejerk reactions are triggered with a self-demeaning or self-defeating thought and feeling of indignation somewhere between the target’s statement or action and the bully’s blow-up.

“He thinks I’m a wuss.”

“She thinks I’m a loser.”

“He thinks I’m chicken.”

“She thinks I’m weak.”

“He thinks I’m stupid.”

“She thinks my opinions don’t matter.”

“I’m not getting through to this jerk.”

“He doesn’t respect me.”

“She won’t validate me.”

Which boils down to:

“If she doesn’t agree with me, then she doesn’t respect me.”

“If he doesn’t give me what I want, then he doesn’t take me seriously.”

Next, the bully has an afterthought that compels him/her to physically attack the target. The afterthought can be something like:

 

“I need to show this person that they can’t insult me and get away with it. And I need to do it so they’ll know that I’m not a pushover or softie.”

“I need to show this person she cannot ignore me and just walk away.”

This is all the result of the bully’s feeling hurt and they cover this hurt feeling behind the veneer of anger and toughness.

Physically violent bullies believe that being calm and cool, and maintaining one’s temper is a sign of weakness- or that walking away from confrontation and ignoring an aggressor is a sign of disrespect. Understand that these bullies place high value on their status and social image. They believe that they target slighted them and is responsible for their feelings of hurt, indignation, or rejection.

  • The target wronged them somehow.
  • The target should be punished and destroyed.

Realize that physically violent bullies impose rules of conduct and engagement on their targets that they, themselves, don’t follow and think they’re exempt from. These bullies truly believe that:

  • Their targets must respect them at all times.
  • Their targets should be fully aware of what they want and expect from them.
  • Their targets should do what they tell them to do.
  • Their targets should never say ‘no’ to them.

  • Their targets should only say what they (the bullies) want to hear.
  • Their targets should be available and at their beck and call any time they want.
  • Their targets should satisfy their every whim.
  • Their targets should put them first and sacrifice themselves for them.

Physically violent bullies constantly apply evil intentions to their targets and feel consistent urges to make them pay for supposedly being such a pain. Remember that bullies are under the delusion that their targets are persecuting them when, in fact, it’s the exact opposite. This victim-blaming helps to soothe the bully’s self-image.

Their thoughts are:

“You caused me distress!”

“You made me mad, so I must make you pay dearly for it!”

When a physically violent bully attacks and beats down their target, they get instant psychological rewards- their anger is relieved, they get a sense of great power, and they feel a sense of satisfaction and justice.

The bully gets to be up close to the target and look into their eyes to see their pain. They desire to hear the target cry out or scream in pain. They also get the satisfaction of getting the target good and bloody or getting themselves covered with the target’s blood. Understand that these bullies are sick individuals. They derive pleasure from inflicting cuts, bruises, and broken bones.

This is the mentality of the physically violent bully. It pays to know the inner workings of these types of people so that you can better protect yourself and defend against them.