Some people get the two confused. Loving yourself doesn’t mean you’re self-centered. But you can bet that bullies will accuse their target of it when they realize she’s growing a backbone.
Understand that when you start loving yourself enough not to take your bullies’ opinions of you seriously, the bullies will take notice of it right away. They’ll realize that they no longer have power over you. To get that power back, they will try like the devil to guilt you by accusing you of either selfishness or self-centeredness.
Don’t fall for that con game! When bullies lose the benefits they’ve grown accustomed to getting at your expense, they always get irate. Right or wrong, whenever someone has had power over another person for a long time and has gotten used to having that power, then suddenly loses it, of course, they’re going to be upset- and intensely so.
But don’t concern yourself with how your bullies feel. After all, they never gave a thought to your feelings the entire time they jerked you around.
Ditch these people! The sooner, the better! You’re not being selfish by choosing to put yourself first. What you’re doing is having the courage to love yourself and treat yourself better.
Realize that the bullies are the self-centered ones, in expecting you to go on being their doormat. No one has the right to expect you to put up with something they wouldn’t tolerate if it were happening to them.
To expect any differently from another person than what they’d do shows a complete lack of respect for people other than themselves and is sheer arrogance, self-entitlement, and stupidity.
There’s a name for this- double-standard!
Remember that we teach others how to treat us. And how we teach them to treat us is by how well we treat ourselves- by the boundaries we set, our ability to say “no,” and whether we continue to allow them to be in our lives.
Bullies are very egocentric and self-centered people. They bully because it gives them some sort of payoff- a psychological payoff. In fact, it gives them several payoffs.
Bullies will bully you for perceived slights. Maybe you reported them and caused them to get reprimanded. You spoke out and put their reputations and social status at risk of crashing. You put them in danger of losing face and with it, power.
Or maybe you ignored them and made them feel unimportant. Maybe you talked back to them and made them look like punks. Nevertheless, you took back your power and made your bullies look like losers in front of everyone. And now they want to punish you and tip the scales of power back in their favor.
Bullies attack people who are less powerful, yet they will always claim to be the victims for being disrespected, for being exposed, for being made to feel unimportant, or for being made to look weak.
Understand that your bullies are entrenched in their belief that their bullying is justifiable, rational, and right. That it is their rights being violated and not yours. They claim they are the victims, and you (the true victim) are the aggressor.
But realize that, if you’re a target of bullying, your bullies believe that their self-entitlements automatically override your rights. Bullies view opposition by you, their target, the person they deem inferior, as disrespect and an impediment to their wants and their agendas.
Bullies bully you because they see you as inferior and themselves as superior. They see you as bad and wrong and themselves as good and right.
They will automatically twist the events in their favor and grossly exaggerate your so-called wrongness and make you look like the bully anytime you report them to a teacher or supervisor, or you speak out about their abuse. It’s the dark side of human nature.
Bullies feel hurt and angry when the target stands up to them or speaks out about their abuse, and, because bullies think they’re right, they believe the target should just take their abuse because he’s wrong and “he deserves it.”
Arrogant young Caucasian man with three female admirers
In reality, the target is tired of being abused and decides not to take it anymore, but, from the bullies’ perspectives, the target thinks he’s better than them, or the target is catching an attitude with them and is “dissing” them.
The bullies’ explanation of the target’s behavior totally negates the fact that the target is sick of being mistreated and wants to be treated with dignity. So, the bullies judge the target in reference to themselves.
In their self-serving preference, bullies aim to control the target’s behavior, attitude, and intentions. The unwritten rule is that targets who are inferior shouldn’t do anything to make the bullies angry or cause them distress, no matter who’s right or who’s wrong.
Understand that when bullies target you, it’s not about your character, it’s about your bullies’ lack of character. It’s not that you’ve done anything wrong, nor that there’s anything wrong with you. It’s because there’s something wrong with the bullies. There must be something wrong with them, otherwise they wouldn’t behave the way they do.
Here’s what else it’s about:
It’s about the bullies’ cowardice. The bullies are great big cowards, and they bully you to try and cover up their fear, weaknesses, and shortcomings with a tough, holier than thou veneer. Remember that bullies also run around in packs. You will never see a bully alone.
They must always have their wing-men with them to look well-liked and to have backup when they go after their targets. Understand that these wing-men are there to show strength and power- strength and power bullies could never have without them.
It’s about the bullies’ mental health issues. Anyone who bullies someone else must be sick in the head, because if a person has good mental health, they don’t have to bully anyone. A person with good mental health has got too much going for them and is too busy pursuing their goals to spend the extra effort to cause anyone else pain.
It’s about the bullies’ anger, jealousy, and overall unhappiness. These people pick out a target to abuse in order to feel better about themselves. Having power over another person is the only way they can feel good about themselves. Many bullies pick people they’re jealous of to target for abuse.
They may feel that the target has something that they don’t have and don’t feel they can ever attain. So, they must drag that person down to punish them for the injustice they feel. Understand that unhappy bullies hate people who are happy and those are the targets they select.
It’s also about the bullies’ need for attention and admiration. Bullies crave attention and admiration, so they bully you in front of an audience to look cute or cool in front of them. Bullies need to show how tough and how smart they are, and they need droves of people worshiping at their feet to feel adequate.
Bullies bully because, there’s always something in it for them- a psychological payoff. Bullying is the only thing they enjoy. There’s where the “me, me, me” of it comes into play.
When you really stop and think about it, bullies are pathetic and they’re each compensating for something they feel insecure about. They are sad, pitiful souls who should be pitied. Bullies are the lowest of human scum.