“If you aren’t afraid to be alone, you’ll more than likely have the courage to walk away from relationships that are bad for you.”
– Cherie White –
I won’t kid you. Being alone can sometimes make a person vulnerable. However, being surrounded by negative people makes you just as vulnerable if not more so. Therefore, being alone can be much better than keeping company with spiteful people who only bring you down.
As difficult as it may be, sometimes you must weed out all these ungrateful souls who don’t see your worth to make room for more positive, caring, and loving people to come in.
1. People will let you down at some point. Get rid of anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself and only keep company with those who love and respect you. Keep the people in your life who value your opinions, even when those opinions are strong.
2. Not everyone who smiles at you is in your corner.
3. It’s easier to get rid of people who are toxic.
4. It’s easier to say goodbye to relationships that only hinder growth.
If someone is not treating you like you deserve to be treated, never be afraid to let them go, even if it seems that they’re your only options at the moment.
Remember that we must do things that don’t feel comfortable and that are downright scary for any positive change to happen.
Self-respect- it sounds good- it’s so pleasing to the ears. But! It’s hard as heck to master and sometimes takes a lifetime to develop, especially if you’ve ever been a target of bullying and abuse.
When we’re bullied, abused, and gaslighted, it can often compel us to seek approval and do some pretty drastic things to get that approval.
Sadly, many people never attain that golden prize because they’re under the presumption that life’s all about having a truckload of friends, having huge wads of cash, getting all the girls, and having power. They think life’s all about being popular, or pretty, the king of the mountain, or the baddest mother on the block.
These are the bullies- the people who are constantly trying to prove themselves to others. That’s not self-respect. Not even close.
When you have self-respect, none of that stuff interests you and. You don’t feel the need to perform cartwheels and showboat just to prove to the rest of the world that you’re worthy because you could care less what anyone else thinks.
Self-respect means treating yourself like you want others to treat you. Your treatment of yourself is determined by how you allow others to behave toward you and by what you will and will not accept. And it means not settling for anything less than what you know you want and deserve.
Self-respect means taking care of yourself, mind, body, and spirit.
It means know who you are, what you want, what heights you’re capable of, and never doubting what you can achieve. It means refusing to allow bullies and abusers to convince you that you should hate yourself or that you should feel desperate to please, appease, and impress others. It means that the only person you seek approval from is God Himself.
Self-respect means knowing your worth and the value you bring to the lives of others regardless of what a few toxic people may think or have to say. It means holding true to your values, beliefs, and convictions, regardless of whether they’re popular.
It means accepting and embracing everything that is you- your age, sex, race, nationality, creed, body composition, weight, height, looks, quirks, and idiosyncrasies.
Self-respect also means understanding the following:
1.Respect is earned, not freely given. It is not an entitlement! No! Respect is something you must give to get. Understand that everyone has a space to fill, even you. Respect is either mutual or none at all- there’s no in-between. It’s a two-way street. Always!
2. Never show respect that’s not reciprocated. Never respect anyone who doesn’t respect you back because when you do, it’s not self-respect. What it is, is self-abuse.
Anytime you give unreturned respect, it only reeks of desperation and you allow yourself to be a slave, a prisoner, a whipping boy. To put it bluntly, you make yourself somebody’s bitch. You put your value in someone else’s hands and that’s no way to live.
3. Never take the respect you get for granted. Again, respect isn’t something you’re entitled to. It’s not automatic, and to think you’re owed such a commodity without earning it is arrogance. It means you’re a pompous, self-serving, narcissistic turd who’s full of yourself.
4. Just like love, respect is something money can’t buy. It doesn’t matter how much money, power, and prestige you have. If you’re a piece of scum, you’re a piece of scum. And your money is something you can never take with you when you go. Neither can you take your power nor your prestige. We all come into this world naked and naked will we leave it.
5. Know the purpose of respect. Respect has a purpose. It’s there to ensure that humans can live together in safety, peace, and harmony. It isn’t self-serving. It’s meant for the good of all living creatures.
6. Respect is not to be demanded nor afforded through bullying and instilling fear in others. Only gangs and mobsters demand respect- all while giving none in return. These people steal, kill, and destroy the lives of others, then have the chutzpah to demand respect from the very people they harm.
What they don’t realize is this: people may act like they respect them to their faces, but you can bet that once they’re away and out of earshot, people will gather and talk mad trash about them behind their backs. The truth will be known that they’re only self-satisfied pieces of crap who think they’re entitled. And people will call them exactly what they are and laugh at them in secret.
7. Sometimes, respect is something you must stand up and fight for. There are toxic people everywhere- users, abusers, bullies, and people who think they’re superior and that you’re their personal property. They will try to manipulate you, disrespect you, harass you, and violate your boundaries. They will especially do this if you’re young and aren’t experienced enough to know how the world operates. It’s imperative that you set firm boundaries and walk away from such people.
8. Respect isn’t something you should ever have to ask nor (gasp!) beg for. If you’ve earned it and already give respect, it should come back to you naturally, and if you must ask or beg for it, you’re with the wrong people. Ditch them without looking back. Respect yourself enough to walk away and find people who will value and respect you.
Remember that respect is a give and take. No one is entitled to it, it must be earned. In order to get respect, you must give it, and that includes giving it to yourself too.
With all due respect, you, just as much as anyone else, deserve your dignity. And sometimes, you must fight to keep it. Of course, I don’t mean fight, as in the literal sense, but simply refuse to allow people to disrespect you and get away with it.
If you’re giving others respect and getting none in return, it doesn’t mean you stand there and demand it. No. You take it back by walking away and having nothing more to do with those who disrespect you. You drop them like hot bricks and do it without warning, explanation, or apology. That’s how you reclaim your self-respect.
Understand that true respect is given regardless of who you are, how much money you make, how big your bank account is, the position you hold, or how great or small you are. If others don’t respect you like you respect yourself, then you have a problem on your hands.
Sadly, most people nowadays don’t understand the nature of respect and it’s why bullying, and disrespect are so rampant and true respect so rare.
Realize that no matter who rich we may become, we’re born with nothing, and we die with nothing. After all, we can’t take our money and material possessions with us when we go. Therefore, the only thing that matters is how we treat each other. Everyone deserves respect and dignity (except those who don’t give it).
Understand that when people disrespect you, they do it out of self-interest:
1.To feel superior
2. To look cool
3. To look tough
4. To look bigger and better
5. To boast their egos
6. To assuage feelings of insecurity and inferiority
7. To look and feel powerful
8. To feel better about themselves
It’s true that we should remain humble. But sadly, most people these days think that they’re entitled to respect simply because they exist, especially those in positions of power and privilege- even if they have only a little bit of the two.
Therefore, you must be selective of the people you give your respect to. Otherwise, you give away your self-respect in the process.
At the end of the day, no one is any better or more important than the next person. Having a degree of humility is a virtue because we all have weaknesses, imperfections, and shortcomings. Everyone, no matter how great, has limitations and must know what their limitations are.
Self-respect is not haughty, pompous, nor arrogant. True self-respect is respect for self while being aware of not only your gifts and strengths but also your weaknesses and shortcomings. It also means knowing and accepting your limitations.
So, in summary, respect the people who respect you, and respect yourself enough to walk away from those who disrespect you.
1.The person who makes you second choice. If you have a so-called friend who only wants to talk to or spend time with you when their first option isn’t available, it’s time to walk away. Don’t be second fiddle. Don’t be somebody’s option B, C, or D.
I’ve been on both sides of this fence. I played second fiddle many times when I was young, and I caused others to do it too because I wasn’t very mindful of other people’s feelings at times. I was wrong for it. Get rid of the people who make you second choice. At the same time, don’t take the people who value you for granted because it hurts, and they deserve better from you.
2. The person who only comes around when they want something. Realize that this person doesn’t really love you for you, but only sees you as a convenience. They only love you for what they can get from you. These are the kinds of people who only show up when they’re in a jam and they need money, advice, or help with something.
You’re not a bank, you’re not Dear Abby, and you’re not a go-to person when someone needs help with something. You’re much, much more than that. Sure. It’s great to want to help your family, friends, and your fellow man. Nothing wrong with that. But if they only take advantage of you, it’s time to cut them off and cut them loose!
Remember. You create your own value by how you allow others to treat you. Always value yourself and never settle for people who don’t see your worth but only see the convenience you provide. It’s not your job to make other people’s lives easier for them and it’s not your responsibility to make them feel better about themselves. Know your worth. Take back your self-respect and your power.