When you walk into a room, you shouldn’t wonder if the people there will like you; you should wonder whether you’ll like them. Whenever you get nervous upon meeting new people, the root of the nervousness is that you’re afraid they won’t like you. Don’t do that! Understand that when you worry about how others will perceive you, you’re taking value away from yourself and giving them too much of it! Not good!
Stop giving people you don’t know the worth they haven’t earned!
That’s right! When you meet new people, they (and you) are starting with a clean slate, and as far as you’re concerned, it’s up to them whether they fill that slate with negatives or positives. They must prove to you whether they’re people that you want in your life, not the other way around.
When you worry needlessly whether other people will like you, you give them all your power and leave none for yourself. And you’ll likely go out of your way to prove to them that you’re worthy of their time. Bullies will sniff that out, and they’ll take advantage of it.
Stop! It’s too much work, and it’s beneath you!
When I was a young teenager, I did the same because I didn’t know any better. And it cost me! Today, I’m the opposite. When I meet a new person, I wonder if I’m going to like them. If a person wants my friendship, trust, and my time, they have to earn them.
Be picky about who you allow in your life because you don’t want to let just anyone in! And you don’t want to let them in right away. Observe them first. Note their demeanor and how they carry themselves because it will tell you a lot.
Realize that when you make friends and associates, it’s because you chose them out of a vast number of people you’ve met.
Selectiveness adds value to a person. So, always value yourself.
And I wish I had known my worth and realized my full potential.
In a nutshell, I wish I had been better at being me. But we all wish we’d done these things when we get older, don’t we? That we’d done something a little different- a bit better?
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown a very thick skin and learned to handle any confrontation with composure and aplomb. As we get older, we shed that shell we curled up and hid in when we were younger. We grow to love and accept ourselves as we are and become comfortable in our own skins and let me tell you! It’s immense freedom that you can’t describe!
I’ve learned that the reason people bully is not because of something the victim has said or done and that it is not the fault of the victim.
The reason bullies bully is because they have issues, whether it be a bad case of narcissism, low self-esteem, problems at home, jealousy of something the victims have that they don’t, or they have something to prove. I’ve learned that bullies, at their very core, are great big cowards and attention-seekers. That knowledge alone is freeing!
Just knowing why unsavory people do harm only serves as a huge buffer to any psycho/emotional blows.
Today, I no longer get bullied by anyone, but if anyone tries, I am easily able to swiftly put the person in their place, or laugh and blow the idiot off. Instead of getting hurt or angry, I get amused by them and am usually able to have fun with it.
Unfortunately, that takes time, learning, and most of all experience. I feel a sense of regret when I think of all the years I spent feeling insecure and sorry for myself. What a total waste of my time and energy!
You mustn’t take anything your bullies say as the truth. You must know that their actions or words have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them! Hey! I know it’s hard not to, and I know it hurts. I know it’s hard not to blame yourself when it seems that everyone, from every direction, is bombarding you with negativity.
However, I want you to love yourself and see the bullies for who they truly are- pathetic souls who are so desperately trying to look tough, smart, or cool. I want you to understand that bullies are trying their hardest to get attention. You must know your value. You also need to realize that some people are just wrong for you and do not belong in your life!
Most of all, rest assured that you will eventually find people who are right for you. And when you do, they will love you for being your loveable, beautiful, intelligent, and awesome self! There will come a day when you will be loved, appreciated, and celebrated for all that you are!
It happened to me, and if you don’t give up, it will happen to you too! You are worth fighting for! You are worth living for!
Before I start, I want everyone to know that in no way am I judging anyone who is sexually liberated. If it’s what makes you happy, then do your thing. Live how you want because we all have free will. So, I won’t attempt to do a job that’s only God’s to do.
But when bullies who are sexually liberated (and the vast majority of them are) mistreat and label classy women and good girls because they choose not to live the same lifestyle as they do and to save themselves for true love, that’s when I’m going to have something to say and I can tell you that some people won’t like it.
So, here goes.
Have you noticed that it’s almost never the not-so-good women and butt-floss wearing females who get targeted for bullying? It seems that it’s mostly the girls who are discreet and have self-respect who are the worst treated. They’re excluded, ridiculed, and made to feel like they don’t matter. Moreover, it seems to be the former who go after the latter.
1.Pop culture and music. We get subliminal messages from the music, movies, TV, and other media outlets that push the narrative that it is okay to act like a, dare I say, “ho.” Girls listen to a lot of “thot-pop” and watch videos of overrated stars like Cardi B and Miley Cyrus, who bare it all and commit blatant sexual acts for all the world to view right from their livingrooms. Who remembers either watching or hearing of Cardi B’s raunchy performance with Megan whatshername live to her infamous “WAP” song?
Sadly, our girls are getting the message that it’s okay, and worse, completely normal to let it all hang out and to act inappropriate in public- that it’s completely fine to cheapen themselves and make themselves nothing more than a sex object- that it’s better to use your behind rather than your mind to get ahead in life. Society is embracing the wrong values and bullies are persecuting the classy ladies who don’t or won’t jump on board the illicit “sexualize yourself” bandwagon.
The running narrative is that anything goes, and that showing belly, boobs, and butt is what it takes to get a man, when, in reality, no guy who’s worth his salt would even consider a long-term relationship, much less marriage with such a woman.
2. Bullies and sadly, most of society, are under the false belief that classy women are old-fashioned and boring. It’s no secret that bullies prioritize the wrong things (attention, approval, admiration, and popularity). So, they’re all for engaging in indecent behavior and stripping down to nothing if it will get them lots of those social benefits. Because bullies are all about being idolized and worshiped while sneering at others who aren’t ratchet and slutty like they are.
But! Here’s the thing. Maybe, just maybe, it isn’t only that bullies consider classy women and good girls to be old-fashioned and boring. It just might be that bullies know that classy women and good girls would never bow down and worship them- these are the females who won’t give them the validation they’re seeking and worse, who might reject them! Gasp!
So, again. Why do people bully good girls and classy women?
Because a good, classy, down-to-earth lady respects herself too much to kneel before anyone. And the narcissistic she-bullies are more than likely to be the butt-cheek baring, all-eyes-on-me, girls. And the lady deems attentions-seekers to be of the lowest common denominator. Therefore, such females aren’t worth her time, and the she-bullies know that and are angered by it.
God forbid that anyone they deem inferior rejects them. I mean, think about it. Maybe that’s why these she-bullies are so hell bent on bringing the decent and classy women down is because, deep down, they know these women already look poorly on them. They have an I’m-gonna-get-you-before-you-get-me kind of attitude.
So, to all the good, decent, and self-respecting classy young ladies out there, this is my message to you.
Know that your worth is so much higher than the she-bullies and their tomcat male counterparts who bully you. Because you have standards, a strong sense of self and know that you’re not sex objects, you chose to expose your mind and not your behind. And one day, it will be highly valued by a real man who truly deserves you and wants to love you.
Know that your worth isn’t determined by the eye candy and cheap appearances you can offer men, nor is it determined by what you can do for them. Your worth is determined by what you can do for yourself and how well you treat yourself and others.
That’s why the best thing you can do is to be a lady because it is the ladies who end up being the winners. They don’t have to resort to cheapening themselves to get male attention or to fit in and they don’t accept attention from the cheap tomcats who crawl up behind the she-bullies.
The beautifully decorated, yet half-naked she-bullies are a dime a dozen. The she-bully only attracts the dogs- the beta-men who only pose as alphas- the cheap playboys who are only there to hit it then quit it.
But a lady is a keeper. She’s not a one-date wonder or a one-night stand because she knows she’s worth more than just her body. The lady doesn’t care what petty people think of her. She doesn’t give a hoot that the she-bullies and their tomcats look down their noses at her because they don’t matter.
It is the lady, the once-bullied classy chick and good girl who will score a high-value man because she is a high-value woman. And because of this, the lady will live a good life because she has good morals she chooses to live by. And the morals they have are, in fact, so strong that they’re unchanged by the decaying society in which we unfortunately live.
Instead of being half-naked to fit in, the lady will stand out by keeping her clothes on. This doesn’t mean she dresses like a nun, but she keeps it classy. And that’s why you’re already ahead of the game.
She-bullies are only good for a one-time roll in the sack.
Ladies, on the other hand, are wife for life material.
I can’t stress this enough. Don’t let the desire to fit in cause you to relax your values, your morals, your beliefs, and your convictions. Hold on to your standards. Things may be lonely for you now but the things about you that your bullies snub and ridicule will be the very qualities that real people, men and women, with strong beliefs, values, and confidence will cherish. You just wait!
It takes knowing bullying behavior when you see it and setting boundaries. We should respond (not react) to it right away and with conviction. And when you respond, you must respond with commands, not questions. What I mean by my last sentence is that instead of asking, “What did I ever do to you,” say, “Stop!” or “Knock it off!”
Because anytime we respond to bullies with questions, it only re-enforces their behavior.
Here are a few responses to different types of bullying:
The silent treatment
Return the silent treatment
Pull out a book and read it.
Put in earbuds and listen to music.
Verbal Abuse and Bullying
Firmly and authoritatively say,
“Cut it out!”
And put your hand out like a traffic cop.
Bullying disguised as jokes
“Knock it off!”
“Don’t be a moron!”
“Cut it out!”
A bully who judges you or criticizes
“Mind your own business!”
“Nobody asked you!”
Responses to Trivialization
“I’m not having this conversation with you.”
“I’ve heard all I want to hear from you.”
When bullies undermine you
“Knock it off!”
“I’m not having this discussion with you!”
Defending their rights concept. Silhouette of hands pointing, denouncing the hand that defends their rights
When bullies threaten you
“Stop threatening me!”
“Leave me alone!”
“I don’t want to hear it!”
“Get away from me!”
When bullies make demands or give you orders
“I don’t respond to demands.”
“I don’t take orders.”
These are just a few good responses to the different types of bullying. Remember that you have a right to be treated well and you don’t have to take abuse from anyone.
Some people get the two confused. Loving yourself doesn’t mean you’re self-centered. But you can bet that bullies will accuse their target of it when they realize she’s growing a backbone.
Understand that when you start loving yourself enough not to take your bullies’ opinions of you seriously, the bullies will take notice of it right away. They’ll realize that they no longer have power over you. To get that power back, they will try like the devil to guilt you by accusing you of either selfishness or self-centeredness.
Don’t fall for that con game! When bullies lose the benefits they’ve grown accustomed to getting at your expense, they always get irate. Right or wrong, whenever someone has had power over another person for a long time and has gotten used to having that power, then suddenly loses it, of course, they’re going to be upset- and intensely so.
But don’t concern yourself with how your bullies feel. After all, they never gave a thought to your feelings the entire time they jerked you around.
Ditch these people! The sooner, the better! You’re not being selfish by choosing to put yourself first. What you’re doing is having the courage to love yourself and treat yourself better.
Realize that the bullies are the self-centered ones, in expecting you to go on being their doormat. No one has the right to expect you to put up with something they wouldn’t tolerate if it were happening to them.
To expect any differently from another person than what they’d do shows a complete lack of respect for people other than themselves and is sheer arrogance, self-entitlement, and stupidity.
There’s a name for this- double-standard!
Remember that we teach others how to treat us. And how we teach them to treat us is by how well we treat ourselves- by the boundaries we set, our ability to say “no,” and whether we continue to allow them to be in our lives.
“If you aren’t afraid to be alone, you’ll more than likely have the courage to walk away from relationships that are bad for you.”
– Cherie White –
I won’t kid you. Being alone can sometimes make a person vulnerable. However, being surrounded by negative people makes you just as vulnerable if not more so. Therefore, being alone can be much better than keeping company with spiteful people who only bring you down.
As difficult as it may be, sometimes you must weed out all these ungrateful souls who don’t see your worth to make room for more positive, caring, and loving people to come in.
1. People will let you down at some point. Get rid of anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself and only keep company with those who love and respect you. Keep the people in your life who value your opinions, even when those opinions are strong.
2. Not everyone who smiles at you is in your corner.
3. It’s easier to get rid of people who are toxic.
4. It’s easier to say goodbye to relationships that only hinder growth.
If someone is not treating you like you deserve to be treated, never be afraid to let them go, even if it seems that they’re your only options at the moment.
Remember that we must do things that don’t feel comfortable and that are downright scary for any positive change to happen.
Self-respect- it sounds good- it’s so pleasing to the ears. But! It’s hard as heck to master and sometimes takes a lifetime to develop, especially if you’ve ever been a target of bullying and abuse.
When we’re bullied, abused, and gaslighted, it can often compel us to seek approval and do some pretty drastic things to get that approval.
Sadly, many people never attain that golden prize because they’re under the presumption that life’s all about having a truckload of friends, having huge wads of cash, getting all the girls, and having power. They think life’s all about being popular, or pretty, the king of the mountain, or the baddest mother on the block.
These are the bullies- the people who are constantly trying to prove themselves to others. That’s not self-respect. Not even close.
When you have self-respect, none of that stuff interests you and. You don’t feel the need to perform cartwheels and showboat just to prove to the rest of the world that you’re worthy because you could care less what anyone else thinks.
Self-respect means treating yourself like you want others to treat you. Your treatment of yourself is determined by how you allow others to behave toward you and by what you will and will not accept. And it means not settling for anything less than what you know you want and deserve.
Self-respect means taking care of yourself, mind, body, and spirit.
It means know who you are, what you want, what heights you’re capable of, and never doubting what you can achieve. It means refusing to allow bullies and abusers to convince you that you should hate yourself or that you should feel desperate to please, appease, and impress others. It means that the only person you seek approval from is God Himself.
Self-respect means knowing your worth and the value you bring to the lives of others regardless of what a few toxic people may think or have to say. It means holding true to your values, beliefs, and convictions, regardless of whether they’re popular.
It means accepting and embracing everything that is you- your age, sex, race, nationality, creed, body composition, weight, height, looks, quirks, and idiosyncrasies.
Self-respect also means understanding the following:
1.Respect is earned, not freely given. It is not an entitlement! No! Respect is something you must give to get. Understand that everyone has a space to fill, even you. Respect is either mutual or none at all- there’s no in-between. It’s a two-way street. Always!
2. Never show respect that’s not reciprocated. Never respect anyone who doesn’t respect you back because when you do, it’s not self-respect. What it is, is self-abuse.
Anytime you give unreturned respect, it only reeks of desperation and you allow yourself to be a slave, a prisoner, a whipping boy. To put it bluntly, you make yourself somebody’s bitch. You put your value in someone else’s hands and that’s no way to live.
3. Never take the respect you get for granted. Again, respect isn’t something you’re entitled to. It’s not automatic, and to think you’re owed such a commodity without earning it is arrogance. It means you’re a pompous, self-serving, narcissistic turd who’s full of yourself.
4. Just like love, respect is something money can’t buy. It doesn’t matter how much money, power, and prestige you have. If you’re a piece of scum, you’re a piece of scum. And your money is something you can never take with you when you go. Neither can you take your power nor your prestige. We all come into this world naked and naked will we leave it.
5. Know the purpose of respect. Respect has a purpose. It’s there to ensure that humans can live together in safety, peace, and harmony. It isn’t self-serving. It’s meant for the good of all living creatures.
6. Respect is not to be demanded nor afforded through bullying and instilling fear in others. Only gangs and mobsters demand respect- all while giving none in return. These people steal, kill, and destroy the lives of others, then have the chutzpah to demand respect from the very people they harm.
What they don’t realize is this: people may act like they respect them to their faces, but you can bet that once they’re away and out of earshot, people will gather and talk mad trash about them behind their backs. The truth will be known that they’re only self-satisfied pieces of crap who think they’re entitled. And people will call them exactly what they are and laugh at them in secret.
7. Sometimes, respect is something you must stand up and fight for. There are toxic people everywhere- users, abusers, bullies, and people who think they’re superior and that you’re their personal property. They will try to manipulate you, disrespect you, harass you, and violate your boundaries. They will especially do this if you’re young and aren’t experienced enough to know how the world operates. It’s imperative that you set firm boundaries and walk away from such people.
8. Respect isn’t something you should ever have to ask nor (gasp!) beg for. If you’ve earned it and already give respect, it should come back to you naturally, and if you must ask or beg for it, you’re with the wrong people. Ditch them without looking back. Respect yourself enough to walk away and find people who will value and respect you.
Remember that respect is a give and take. No one is entitled to it, it must be earned. In order to get respect, you must give it, and that includes giving it to yourself too.
With all due respect, you, just as much as anyone else, deserve your dignity. And sometimes, you must fight to keep it. Of course, I don’t mean fight, as in the literal sense, but simply refuse to allow people to disrespect you and get away with it.
If you’re giving others respect and getting none in return, it doesn’t mean you stand there and demand it. No. You take it back by walking away and having nothing more to do with those who disrespect you. You drop them like hot bricks and do it without warning, explanation, or apology. That’s how you reclaim your self-respect.
Understand that true respect is given regardless of who you are, how much money you make, how big your bank account is, the position you hold, or how great or small you are. If others don’t respect you like you respect yourself, then you have a problem on your hands.
Sadly, most people nowadays don’t understand the nature of respect and it’s why bullying, and disrespect are so rampant and true respect so rare.
Realize that no matter who rich we may become, we’re born with nothing, and we die with nothing. After all, we can’t take our money and material possessions with us when we go. Therefore, the only thing that matters is how we treat each other. Everyone deserves respect and dignity (except those who don’t give it).
Understand that when people disrespect you, they do it out of self-interest:
1.To feel superior
2. To look cool
3. To look tough
4. To look bigger and better
5. To boast their egos
6. To assuage feelings of insecurity and inferiority
7. To look and feel powerful
8. To feel better about themselves
It’s true that we should remain humble. But sadly, most people these days think that they’re entitled to respect simply because they exist, especially those in positions of power and privilege- even if they have only a little bit of the two.
Therefore, you must be selective of the people you give your respect to. Otherwise, you give away your self-respect in the process.
At the end of the day, no one is any better or more important than the next person. Having a degree of humility is a virtue because we all have weaknesses, imperfections, and shortcomings. Everyone, no matter how great, has limitations and must know what their limitations are.
Self-respect is not haughty, pompous, nor arrogant. True self-respect is respect for self while being aware of not only your gifts and strengths but also your weaknesses and shortcomings. It also means knowing and accepting your limitations.
So, in summary, respect the people who respect you, and respect yourself enough to walk away from those who disrespect you.
1.The person who makes you second choice. If you have a so-called friend who only wants to talk to or spend time with you when their first option isn’t available, it’s time to walk away. Don’t be second fiddle. Don’t be somebody’s option B, C, or D.
I’ve been on both sides of this fence. I played second fiddle many times when I was young, and I caused others to do it too because I wasn’t very mindful of other people’s feelings at times. I was wrong for it. Get rid of the people who make you second choice. At the same time, don’t take the people who value you for granted because it hurts, and they deserve better from you.
2. The person who only comes around when they want something. Realize that this person doesn’t really love you for you, but only sees you as a convenience. They only love you for what they can get from you. These are the kinds of people who only show up when they’re in a jam and they need money, advice, or help with something.
You’re not a bank, you’re not Dear Abby, and you’re not a go-to person when someone needs help with something. You’re much, much more than that. Sure. It’s great to want to help your family, friends, and your fellow man. Nothing wrong with that. But if they only take advantage of you, it’s time to cut them off and cut them loose!
Remember. You create your own value by how you allow others to treat you. Always value yourself and never settle for people who don’t see your worth but only see the convenience you provide. It’s not your job to make other people’s lives easier for them and it’s not your responsibility to make them feel better about themselves. Know your worth. Take back your self-respect and your power.