Toxic Conformity and It’s Relation to Bullying

Conformity can be good because we conform to sensible laws and rules in order to ensure a safe and well-run society. Conformity holds us together. However, toxic conformity isn’t good and can be dangerous.

Toxic conformity brings unawareness, silence to wrongdoings and injustices, and promotes abuse of power and totalitarian authoritarianism.

In toxic conformity, you’re demanded to agree with everything the bullies say and do. Right or wrong, you’re demanded to keep your mouth shut if you disagree and not to give off any nonverbal language of opposition. In other words, you’d better just go along if you expect to get along.

Because, if you don’t, you’re subject to ostracism, rejection, smear campaigns, even physical violence. And in extreme cases, mobs are sent to your door and you may endure physical torture and murder.

Total conformity, absolute loyalty, or- toxic conformity is required in schools and workplaces with a culture of bullying and in totalitarian authoritarian communities and societies. In these types of environments, there’s no margin for error.

You can’t deviate even the slightest bit without being punished in some way, shape, or form- even if the deviation was an honest mistake. In other words, you’re not allowed to be human. For instance, in schools and workplaces where toxic conformity is practiced, creativity isn’t allowed. In communities and societies of this nature, free thought and expression are prohibited.

Understand that bullies are threatened by someone who doesn’t conform to their rules and standards. And they will make that person pay dearly for daring to be different and having the audacity not to stay in lockstep with their morals (or lack thereof), rules, and standards.

As I mentioned, if you dare to be different- to show creativity and talents, to have your own thoughts, opinions, and ideas, you risk being ignored, disdained, or made an object of severe brutality.

If you’re a target of bullying, it’s imperative that you find a way out of that environment because it’s detrimental to your health and peace of mind. I realize that it won’t be easy. Nothing worthwhile is easy.

 Change, especially positive change, is never easy.

However, if persecuted people have uprooted and left their home countries for the US in order to attain freedom and to have a better life, how much easier would it be to leave a toxic school or workplace? Find an environment where you’re free to be yourself, express different ideas, create, grow, and flourish. Only then will you truly be free!

4 Surefire Signs Someone’s Having Their Strings Pulled

In most cases of bullying, many targets suffer at the request of a ringleader. They may have friends and allies at first but slowly, one by one, these supporters disappear until there aren’t any left. Do you know why? It’s because the bullies have gotten to these allies and either threatened them for having something to do with the target or offered generous incentives to turn against the target.

Anytime there’s bullying, people outside the bully/target relationship will be influenced and persuaded by the bullies. Many people will instantly conform to the bullies’ way and I discussed why in the post entitled, “10 Reasons Why People Make Excuses for Bullies,” just a couple of days ago. But how do we know when someone has been influenced by bullies? How do we know when our friends have been compromised? Believe it or not, it’s easy to tell when someone is being told what to say, what not to say, and what to and not to do.

Here’s how:

1. They will be wishy-washy and flip-flop back and forth. This person will say whatever they’re told to say and that often means they must flip-flop. They say one thing, then later, say the opposite. They say whatever they think will benefit them, or what they believe will keep them out of trouble.

2. They say anything they think people want to hear. You can easily pick these people out if you listen and observe them around different types of people. Understand that folks in this category are puppets!


3. They go with the prevailing belief or narrative. If the prevailing belief or narrative (started by the bullies) is that the target is evil, crazy, a criminal, a whore, take your pick, that’s what the puppets around them will believe. And they won’t dare ask questions. They won’t care if proof to the contrary is available. They’ll only go along with whatever the word of the day is.

And understand that narratives are very flexible. They change like the weather. If you’re a target of bullying, one day you may be deemed crazy or stupid, the next day, you might be a cunning and shady con artist, and a week from now they’ll deem you an ax-murderer. You get the point.

4. They’re social chameleons. They speak and act one way around this group of people, then the exact opposite around another group of people.

Understand that these are people who can’t think for themselves. They flex and bend to anything others tell them. They’re sheep who are easily lead and persuaded.

Such people have no real personality, no backbone, and no beliefs and convictions of their own. When it comes down to it, they’re really quite pathetic and those who are true, real, and authentic (like the target), have no respect for them.

If you’re a target of bullying and you have friends who seem to turn on and off, hot and cold, because of things they hear about you and they don’t even bother to get the facts, you might want to shit-can these wimps and find better friends. Ditch and switch, baby!

Don’t Lose Yourself in The Crowd

Following the crowd and conforming too tightly to what everyone else thinks and does is so unhealthy! When the desire to fit in takes up so much of your time and energy, it leaves you feeling exhausted.

Understand that to follow the crowd requires that you neglect your own wants and needs to appease and please others. After so long, you will build up resentment and the funny thing is that you won’t know why you feel so resentful.

But I can tell you why. It’s because you neglected and denied your own needs to satisfy other people. You didn’t practice self-care because you were so afraid of pissing someone off.

Being a crowd-follower leaves one feeling controlled and manipulated. It’s also tiring because it requires so much work and effort.

Can you imagine having to shift-shape yourself constantly, forever having to change and adjust yourself to the new and keep up with the Jones’s? I can, because I did that for a long time and don’t want to ever do it again. It was exhausting and frustrating!

Understand that you’re not a ball of play-doh and no one can mold you into what they want you to be unless you allow them to. When you break your back to follow the crowd, you become a stranger to yourself. You will no longer recognize yourself because you’ve lost any sense of who you are.

When you don’t know yourself anymore, you lose sight of your goals, dreams, and aspirations. In short, you forget all about what you want out of life. Even worse, you’re more likely to take abuse from others and do things you don’t want to do- just to fit in and be liked.

You constantly worry and fret about what others think of you and say about you.

Screw that noise!

That’s no way to live and life’s too short for it!

Once you’re lost yourself, getting reacquainted with yourself is a slow process and can be downright uncomfortable. But it’s a necessity if you ever want to get your life back and be happy and at peace.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Never Conform to a Bully’s Standards

Understand that a bully’s standards are unachievable. No matter what you do, who you are, where you’re from, or what you have; bullies will always- always move the goalposts, change the rules, and find something else to use against you. Bullies will even weaponize your best qualities.

That’s why you should always be yourself, no matter how difficult it may be. Don’t change for anyone. Realize that anytime you conform to someone else’s standards, you only lower your own.

The way you dress, your interests, etc. Bullies will often make fun of the way you dress- even if you dress fashionably. Understand that with bullies, it’s not about the way you dress. It’s not about your hair, makeup, your attire, hobbies, favorite music, your family, or anything they make fun of. No!

Its about power and control- it’s about having the power to make you feel bad about yourself and taking away your confidence, your pride, your happiness, your health, peace of mind, everything that matters.

Your personality. We all have quirks. Never change your personality. Continue to be yourself. Realize that anything you change to appease a bully today will be ridiculed tomorrow. Again, bullies have a desire to control you to get that ego boost they’re seeking. Understand that they get their kicks from making you jump through hoops to win their approval.

And you know what? You don’t need their approval.

Just continue to be yourself and calmly blow the bullies off. Eventually, they’ll get bored and find another target.

Only you know what you like and don’t like. Only you can know what feels right to you and what’s best for you, so, don’t sell yourself short by living up to someone else’s expectations.

With knowledge comes empowerment!